Chapter 42.

Dean went to the garage, leaving everyone else to hang out in the library, as usual. He wasn't avoiding them, there was no need to, because amazingly, every one of them, Cas included, had understood and accepted the situation.

Sam had cracked no jokes and asked no awkward questions, Cas had not freaked out and nobody had suggested that he get over himself and admit he was in love with her. They were giving him time, he knew that they were thinking it, but to be honest, so was he.

No, this was not an evasion. He had genuine reasons to be in the garage, sorting through a large and eclectic collection of tools. He was picking out a comprehensive kit for Anael, not as a romantic gesture, because there was nothing romantic at all about a pile of wrenches, but because she was the first celestial he had met who knew one end of a wrench from the other and he wanted to reward and encourage that.

He also hoped to be there when Charlie came home, so he could update her without interruptions or well-meaning interference. It surprised him how much her understanding and approval meant to him.

Charlie was important. If she thought he was being an idiot, he probably was. If she thought this was unfair to Anael, it definitely was. Charlie had a level of honesty and practicality that made her advice valuable and sometimes brutal, but it was always given with love and she would not hold back, as others might. It also mattered that she had become one of Anael's closest friends. She would not be happy if he were taking advantage of Anael's feelings for him without reciprocating them. He wanted, more than he ever had before, to hear her say that his choices and actions were good ones. He wasn't sure what he would do if she said they were not.

It was easier to focus on the practical and there was nothing more practical than gathering tools. He picked out a good-sized toolbox, a blue one, to match her car. It would fit easily into the trunk too.

His own tools had been collected over many years. A lot of them had been his father's, but he had added considerably to their number. She would not be rebuilding cars from the ground up, he hoped, so she didn't need anywhere near as many. She needed the basic kit for a hunter on the move and what he left out was as important as what he put in. She'd need to be able to reach in and get a hold of what she wanted without a bunch of unneeded extras getting in the way.

He took a pride in maintaining all the equipment in the garage. Tools were sharpened, lubricated, polished and orderly. He knew where to find all the ones he wanted for Anael's kit and he walked easily around his collection, picking them out and putting them into the toolbox.

When Charlie arrived, she parked her unassuming car in her usual space. Dean went over and opened the door for her, more out of nervousness than chivalry. He wanted to tell her what he needed to tell her and get her response, before speculating about it drove him crazy ... crazier.

"Urgent Harry Potter marathon, huh?" he said as she got out of the car.

"Always waiting for the call." she said, "Ready at any time, to leap into action."

"Geek." he said.

"To you, it's an insult. To me, it's a validation."

He chuckled. "You know that nothing I say to you could ever be an insult." he said. He hesitated, then forced himself to begin. "There's something I need to tell you."

Her reaction was instantaneous and he immediately wished he had made it sound less ominous. "Did something happen?" she said, "Is everyone okay?"

"Nothing like that." he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. It's just Anael and me."

Her eyes opened wide and a smile hovered on her lips.

"Don't get your hopes up. It's not big news." he said.

"Big enough that you waited here to tell me," she said, "But you go ahead and tell it your way and I'll try not to make any more assumptions."

His throat felt dry. His first attempt to tell her became a cough, then he said, "We're kinda, sorta, together. She stayed in my room last night, but nothing happened."

"Nothing?" she said and he knew as she said it that claiming that nothing had happened was ridiculous when the fact that they had spent the night together, however innocently, was, in itself, a happening.

"Okay," he said, "Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not. I won't."

"We just kinda lay there, together, just for company." She was watching his face and listening and he felt he had to say more. "It felt good. It felt great. It was her idea, not mine." That detail seemed important, to prove he wasn't using her, although he feared that it didn't entirely absolve him of that. She had, after all, suggested it because he wouldn't give her more.

"You know," she said, "That's pretty much how I spent my night last night, curled up with Lydia in her big bed, eating snacks and talking during the quiet parts of the movies. It's a good way to spend your time. I never really expected nights like that to be a big part of my life. Harry Potter and pizza for one, yes, but not that. But when you find someone you can just be with, just hold in the night and it feels good, that's special."

"It is." he agreed.

"You've both been very alone for so long."

"Hey, kiddo, pity is worse than laughing."

"No pity, I swear. I just know how much you both need that closeness. I know it's hard to talk about and I'm not asking you to admit anything, but you're human and it's okay to need someone. Now you have someone you can talk to and be with and share whatever your equivalent of Harry Potter may be."

"We don't have one." he said.

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that." she said. She looked at the toolbox.

"I'm just getting some tools together for Anael." he explained.

She smiled. "That's cute."

"No. I'd do the same for any of you."

"Yes, I know you would," she said, "Because you care. It's part of keeping everyone safe."

"So how is it cute?" he said.

"Because Anael is on the list." she said, "Whatever name you want to put on it, she matters to you."

"I can't put a name on it." he said, "We've kind of agreed not to. I know it seems ..."

"Your relationship, your timeline." she said, "If anyone has a problem with it, you point them at me. Lydia and I aren't officially anything yet, Doesn't mean we don't have something great."

"What Anael and I have seems great for me. I just worry that it's not so great for her."

"But last night, she was happy?"

"I think so. Sometimes, with angels, it's hard to tell, but I think we both needed last night."

"I'm sure you did." she said.

"I can be selfish," he said, "But I'm trying not to be. I know Anael wouldn't necessarily spot red flags, so I have to look for them for her.

"Looking for red flags in your own behaviour?" she said.

"You're getting close to laughing at me again." he said.

"No, I wouldn't do that." she said, "It's just such a Dean move and you don't know what selfish means."

"I don't know if I can make her ... or anyone ... happy." he said.

"You can." said Charlie, "Just make sure you let her make you happy too."