Obito is not an interior decorator. That, however, doesn't mean that he doesn't find the kamui dimension dreadfully boring.
There are cubes and squares and quadrangles as far as the eye can see, and if it weren't for the Sharingan, that wouldn't be very far. The place is dreary, not only because of its uniformity, but because it's incredibly dark. It doesn't affect Obito since he has incredibly costly night light eyes, but it's gloomy to see the shadows nonetheless.
So, Obito does the only logical thing and, after speedrunning through a couple dozen more missions, he goes on a shopping spree.
Let it be said that, while Obito is technically an adult, the label is just that.
In other words, he goes into the store looking for furniture, and while he does find some, he also comes out with the ugliest dog plush he's ever seen in his life . Its eyes are lopsided, its dark gray fur is unevenly cut, its tongue hangs out to the side, its head is too small for its body, and that's all he needs to fall in love.
He names him 'Doug' and decides that he's his new patron saint. And since he can't just leave Doug alone all day, he decides that he'll leave him with a dogsitter.
He's sure that Kakashi won't mind. Maybe their dogs can even have a playdate!
Pakkun walks into the room and double takes, because the ugliest stuffed animal he's ever seen is sitting pristinely on the couch.
The others, eyeing curiously.
"What," he asks, "Is that?"
"A dog plush," Guruko provides easily.
Pakkun's expression falls as flat as he can, and Uhei turns his head towards him. "You don't know where it came from?"
"I figured one of you would," Pakkun responds. Bull sniffs the thing once, then licks it. "You don't know where that's been," he scolds, and the large dog chuffs. "Nobody saw Boss put it here?"
"It doesn't smell like him," Bisuke observes.
Pakkun squints, then moves towards the front of the pack to give the stuffed animal a sniff. He's right. Other than the faint scent picked up from the couch, it smells nothing like Kakashi.
Which is concerning, he thinks, because he didn't smell anyone else on his way in, and the only people who have ever been in Kakashi's house have very distinctive scents.
"We'll ask Boss," Pakkun decides a little warily, catching the others' attention. "For now, stay away from it."
Kakashi stares. The dog plush stares back. He wonders if he's going insane.
He'd thrown it away three times now, after he learned that neither Tenzou or Gai had left it there. He even considered that his students were messing with him, but if that were the case, Naruto would be boasting about his 'amazing prank' by now. No, this was from another source.
The first time, he'd left the plush outside his front door. Then, he'd abandoned it in a training field. He'd even gone out of his way to throw it out of the village gates, yet here it was, sitting on his couch without so much as a speck of dirt in its fur.
He doesn't know how this is happening, especially because it keeps appearing back where it started before he returns home. He'd even re-checked the training grounds the second time, and sure enough, it wasn't there anymore. He might've been able to convince himself he'd imagined getting rid of it if he hadn't seen the small spot of shifted dirt where it had been sitting just minutes earlier.
He decides that the only thing he can do now is phone a friend.
"Kakashi-senpai? What—"
Kakashi interrupts Tenzou by shoving the dog plush into his hands. "I need you to get rid of this," he tells him, barely paying attention to the bewildered expression on his face before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.
The moment he's back in his apartment, he goes to stand sentry in front of his couch. He considers uncovering the Sharingan, but Pakkun sends him a look when he reaches for his hitai-ate that has him dropping his hand.
It happens between blinks.
One moment, the couch is empty. The next, he watches as a note flutters down from the air, falling gently in front of the dog plush. He stares at its lopsided gaze and wonders if it's mocking him.
Warily, he reaches out towards the note, hand on his weapons pouch. Thankfully, nothing happens when he opens the note.
"Haha, looks like you lost Doug again! Don't worry, he's good at finding his way home ;)
P.S. You're doing good with the outside time, but make sure he gets some socialization too. Don't want him to get lonely, you know?"
"Ah… Kakashi-senpai?"
Kakashi whips around, note in hand, and narrows his eyes at Tenzou. "I thought I told you to get rid of it."
The man blinks at him, bewildered. Kakashi steps aside, gesturing at the plush, and his eyes nearly pop out of his skull.
"I swear I did!" he claims. "I even buried it in the 44th Training Ground!" A moment later, he frowns. "What's that written on the back?"
Kakashi pauses, then flips the note over.
"P.S.P.S. I almost forgot his treats! Plus, a little gift for your trouble… don't look at it in front of Doug, though. He's young and impressionable!"
Kakashi turns slowly, and nearly does a double take when he sees the treat bag that sits next to the plush. Propped up against it is a brand new copy of the newest Icha Icha.
"Ah," he lets out mildly. "Tenzou, I think I've finally cracked."
"What?" Tenzou asks, alarmed.
Kakashi hums, turning the book over in his hand before glancing at 'Doug.'
He picks the plush up, walks over to his dogs, and places it on the floor. "Play nice," he tells them, walking away as he cracks open his new book.
Obito watches through kamui, letting out unrestrained cackles as Tenzou and Kakashi's ninken watch the silver-haired man's retreating back in disbelief.
This , he decides, Is the best thing I've ever done in my life.
A/N:
i don't know what i'm doing with my life
anyway
Thanks for reading!