Chapter 75
Media vita in morte sumus
"In the midst of life we are in death"

"One misstep was all it took,
and it all came crashing down.
And they were right there waiting for it—
eager and ready to bury me in the wreckage."
—Inception

She sat under her barrier, feeling the sunlight shifting across the clearing and the slow descent of the sun. It hadn't been too bad while it was up, but now that evening approached, she could feel the coolness of the air settling in, prickling against her skin just enough to raise goosebumps.

The quiet noises of the night were just beginning.

The soft chittering of the bugs and the soft rustling of the branches as the breezes lowered the temperature around them.

Inuyasha gave out a rattling breath, and she could hear it catch on the phlegm that was building in his lungs.

It was a slight reprieve, but what she really needed was water. Both for her and Inuyasha.

Her throat burned and each swallow ached, and she couldn't fathom entirely why.

Kikyo—for as much as she didn't want to admit it—was right. She wouldn't last long, and the fact that Inuyasha hadn't stirred or moved at all except to breathe was more than concerning.

She'd thought—hoped really—that Kikyo had been lying or at the very least over exaggerating the effects. Because if Kikyo really loved him like she said, how could she make him suffer and sit there like it was nothing? How could she do that to him?

The notion of it was completely unfathomable to Kagome. The idea that she would just let him suffer to prove a point—her brain couldn't even come up with a scenario in which that would even cross her mind.

She'd much rather poison herself than let this happen to him.

Maybe she was being selfish.

They were—they were just friends.

Inuyasha loved Kikyo.

There was a difference. He might love Kagome, but it wasn't the same as what he felt for Kikyo.

It wasn't.

And here she was letting him suffer too. He was suffering because of Kikyo's actions and her inaction.

Because she had feelings that he didn't return exactly the same.

Kagome tentatively reached out for him, wrapping her fingers around his and giving them a light squeeze.

They were cold.

Inuyasha was never cold to the touch. He was like a living breathing heating pad. Always on and always warm.

She glanced over at Kikyo, who remained sitting at the base of the tree, eyes focused on her, watching everything she did.

She was waiting.

But her gaze drifted back to Inuyasha. His face was lax, but he didn't look peaceful. Every so often she got to watch him sleep, but there was an underlying tenseness here.

The light was nearly gone, but the flying snakes glowed, bringing out enough light for her to make out basic features of things.

Bioluminescence, according to her biology textbook, and she bit back a laugh at how her brain offered up that little tidbit when it was literally the lease useful piece of information she could use.

She had nothing with her, and Sango and Miroku hadn't found a way in. Unless she somehow figured out how to take down Kikyo's barrier, she wasn't going to do Inuyasha much good.

She'd racked her brain of every conceivable idea of how to get them out, but she was feeling the weariness of the day too.

It had been hours since they'd left the inn. She was thirsty, and hungry, and tired, and worried about Inuyasha who definitely wasn't improving.

She had a bum ankle, an injured shoulder, and an arrow wound just beneath it that had soaked her shirt, which now clung to her skin in a crusty, sticky mess.

She'd tried so hard to find a way out of all this, but the only ones that she'd been able to figure out successfully involved someone dying.

The hard pulse of a jewel shard drew her attention again, and she stared hard at Kikyo.

"I'll come out on two conditions," Kagome said loudly and confidently, despite her voice cracking roughly. Her jaw popped in her ear as she spoke, like the hinge needed the lubrication of water to function properly. Kikyo's eyes focused in on her so diligently as though she were already mentally lighting her on fire.

"No." The answer was hard and fast.

"I want two things before I basically kill myself. I don't think that's a lot to ask for, all things considered."

There was a short huff of laughter from the clay woman.

"I do not have to concede to anything. Come out or don't. It will not matter in the end of it."

Kagome bristled at that. She was so cavalier with Inuyasha's wellbeing and his life, like he didn't matter at all to her. Like he was just some bargaining chip.

And then it clicked.

Kikyo was playing her feelings for Inuyasha against her.

"Fine, then I'll make my barrier so that it traps my soul here. Then neither of us get what we want."

"You do not have the knowledge—"

"Do I?" Kagome asked, sincerely hoping that Kikyo believed her bluff. "You don't know what I know. You don't know what I've learned, because clearly," she motioned vaguely to the barrier around them, "I've been practicing enough to keep you out." Kikyo's eyes narrowed. "So don't you dare tell me what I'm capable of, because you don't know anything about me."

Kikyo stayed silent for a moment, eyes narrowing as she watched Kagome, weighing her decision.

"Fine, tell me, and I will consider your requests."

Kagome hesitated, watching the serpents slide around in the air, watching and waiting for their moment to do what their master bid them.

"One," she held up her finger to signal her request. "You will give Inuyasha the antidote before I do anything else."

Kikyo stared at her for a good hard moment, but Kagome was relieved that she was at least pretending to consider them.

"And your second request?"

"Answer my questions, but you can't avoid them or refuse."

Kikyo raised her brow at that.

"You're going to steal my soul," she pointed out, "I think you can give me a little closure."

"It is hardly stealing when it was mine to begin with."

"Was, not is," Kagome reminded her and the hard line of Kikyo's mouth set in her face.

"I will give Inuyasha the remedy, once I have what I desire. You have my word." Kikyo laid a hand over her shirt, presumably where the antidote was to the poison that she'd doused Inuyasha in.

"What is it you want to know, little girl?"

Kagome tried not to be offended.

There were so many things really, but she knew that she—and Inuyasha—didn't have the time.

"You never answered my question about the shard," she said, meeting Kikyo's glare with one of her own. "You're using a shard." Kagome motioned to where it was located, right in the center of her chest. "Why?"

Kagome could feel the shard's contamination from within her barrier. Kikyo wasn't purifying it. Was there a reason? Kagome couldn't fathom a reason to have a tainted jewel shard on her person.

But Kikyo had to have a reason for it, right?

"Why do you ask such foolish questions?" Kikyo asked.

"It's not a foolish question. I don't understand why you need a shard now when you've never needed one before!"

Kikyo glared at her, before slowly rising to her feet.

"When you allowed the corruption in, there were consequences."

"What corruption?"

"You expect me to think that you're this ignorant?"

Kagome just stared.

Corruption? What corruption? She didn't feel corrupted, so what was Kikyo talking about?

And repercussions? How would Kikyo even be affected by it? Enough to use a jewel shard that was tainted.

Unless—

"Kikyo, you—you can't purify the shard, can you?"

There was a still silence between them.

"I am done with your prattling. Our deal is done."

"It is not done!" She shouted. "You owe me an answer!" She licked her lips noting the way her tongue dragged over the roughened flesh.

"I owe you nothing!" Kikyo snapped, marching to the center of the field. "But you owe everything because of me, because of what I did—what I suffered!"

"Why can't you purify the shard, Kikyo?" Kagome shouted, her chest having and tight, and for a reason that she couldn't fathom. Her mouth was dry, and she was infinitely glad that she'd gotten the question out without it cracking again.

Taking a deep—almost rattling at this point—breath, she licked her dry lips.

"Why can't you purify the shard?" She cleared her throat. "What happened to you?"

The silence stretched on in front of them, and it felt infinite. She couldn't force Kikyo to answer her. She couldn't force Kikyo to do anything really. Not without leaving her little dome, and then it would all be over.

"You have taken everything," Kikyo seethed, and Kagome figured if she'd been capable of breathing, she'd be heaving for air.

"I haven't taken—"

"Everything I've ever wanted, you've stolen from me and squandered it."

"I haven't taken anything from you," she repeated, glancing over her shoulder at Inuyasha. She hadn't taken anything that hadn't been freely given to her.

And she'd never have him. Not in the way that she had him.

"He loves you," Kagome continued, softly. "He's always loved you."

"And yet, you persist."

Kagome opened her mouth to speak, and then closed her mouth. Because she did, didn't she?

She kept dragging him away—kept pulling him from the one person he really loved. Because she couldn't let him go. Because she wanted what she couldn't have.

Inuyasha gave a rattling cough behind her.

God, she was so selfish.

She didn't have any right to do this to him.

Kikyo was right. She was the one making him suffer unnecessarily.

But Kagome didn't want to die. Kagome didn't want it all to just be over.

She didn't want to be Kikyo. She wanted to be Kagome.

Because all the fighting, all the surviving just felt pointless, like she'd struggled and fought tooth and nail to get back to this and then it was just over?

The tree root blurred in her vision as she fought back tears.

It wasn't fair that she—it wasn't fair that this choice was put on her.

"Little girl," Kikyo snapped out tersely, as if running out of patience.

"You know my name, Kikyo," Kagome spat back out.

"What is the point of naming a mere copy?"

"I'm a person too!"

"And one who does not and has never belonged here." Kagome winced at that statement, because, well, that hurt more than she thought it would. "You are not needed, and you were never necessary here."

Kagome visibly flinched at that.

"No one will miss you here."

That—that wasn't true, right?

She looked up at Inuyasha. Sweat ran down his face, and her sleeves were already wet to the touch from trying to wipe him down.

Sango would miss her.

Miroku would miss her.

Shippo would too.

Kaede.

They'd—they'd said that they wanted her here, and she was pretty sure they meant it.

There would be people that would miss her, she reminded herself.

Her eyes drifted to Inuyasha, who remained eerily still.

He would miss her too, right? They were—they were friends. And he would miss her if she stopped existing.

But would he be upset? Or would he be glad to have Kikyo back to herself again? Maybe that would help cut some of the hurt, the loss.

Kagome wasn't dumb or ignorant. She knew that part of the reason Kikyo was like this was because of her. She'd taken back her soul—or most of it at least—and left Kikyo with remnants.

But if she let her have the rest of it, Kikyo could finish the jewel and make her wish, and then Sango and Miroku could get married and start their family. And then Inuyasha could just tell her family that she'd—

He'd have to tell Mama that Kagome wasn't coming home anymore. Would he tell them what happened? Why she did it?

Because it was all to save him.

It was always to make sure that he was safe and knew that there were people who loved him for who he was and not just half of his nature.

She couldn't imagine only loving half of him when the whole was so much better.

She couldn't—she couldn't let Kikyo make him feel like he was less than, because he was a mix of two worlds.

It wasn't right.

It wasn't fair.

But she had to make a choice, and she couldn't bear the thought of him having to choose which side of himself to be for the rest of his life. She couldn't bear the thought that he'd choose to remain himself, and Kikyo leaving him behind.

Or worse, what if he changed, and she left him anyway?

He loved her so much. It would devastate him.

There were no guarantees with Kikyo.

She couldn't risk it—she couldn't risk him. Not with Kikyo.

She looked up at Inuyasha, resolve solidified deep down in her.

He would hate her. He would—there would be no way that he wouldn't. He'd hate her forever.

But it was the only way that she could see them getting out.

He'd hate her, but he'd be alive—and whole.

Kagome took a shuddering breath, the air drying out her mouth even more.

"Have you come to your senses?" Kikyo asked, and Kagome steadied her nerves.

"Yeah," she breathed with a slight nod. "Yeah," she repeated.

"Then come out. I promise, I will make it quick."

"Just let me—let me say goodbye, okay?"

Kikyo didn't say anything but remained standing in the middle of the clearing.

She turned towards Inuyasha, swiping her thumb over a trickle of sweat that was running towards his eye.

"I'm—I'm going to fix this. I swear." She glanced over her shoulder where Kikyo stood, surrounded by her glowing snakes. She licked her lips, reaching her hand out to smooth the fire rat a little. "I'm—I'm not going to—I won't hurt her." She hesitated, taking another deep breath.

He was going to hate her; he'd never forgive her—but the other option—the one where he might die—that wasn't acceptable in any fashion.

Her eyes watered, and her chest felt tighter than before, almost like it was burning.

She pushed some of his hair back from where it was plastered to his face.

Taking a shuddering breath, she wiped her face quickly with her hand.

"I'm going to try, okay?"

Shifting around, she faced Kikyo, who stood, waiting for her to finish.

Kagome supposed that she was getting what she wanted, so why antagonize her further?

She put her hands on the ground, and slowly shifting herself out of the barrier. The shinidamachu flew in quick harsh circles, almost like they were waiting for her to do something. She could hear the little swooping sounds as they moved through the air.

Kikyo's eyebrow raised as Kagome slid herself along the earth. Her fingers digging into the long grass as she pulled herself along.

But Kagome didn't care. She didn't have to explain her injuries to anyone, least of all her.

"Enough of this," Kikyo muttered, waving her hand and the shinidamachu launched towards her, wrapping themselves around her, carrying her towards the undead priestess.

They stopped once she was within arm's reach and holding Kagome up so that she was at eye level with Kikyo.

Kikyo's hand fluttered up to Kagome's chest, running her fingertips along her neck.

"Where are the shards?" She asked, flicking her shirt collar to the side, eyes coolly noting the bandages on her shoulder but not asking about any of them.

"Somewhere safe," she answered briskly, as she watched the priestess bring her hand back to the base of her own throat, like she was remembering the weight of the jewel around her own neck.

It would've been heavy to carry such a weight at her age. Kagome never faulted her for wanting to be free of it, but what she wanted to do with it—that was another thing entirely.

Kikyo tsked quietly, before placing her hand against Kagome's chest.

"I will do my best to make it quick," Kikyo offered.

Well, it was now or never.

It might still be never, but this was her one singular moment to at least try.

Kagome grabbed her incarnation's wrist, tugging her closer and off center so she could do two things.

Her hand slipped between her robes, feeling for the vial that held the antidote, while releasing a surge of reiki.

Because, maybe, if she purified the jewel shard, she could stop this mess.

Kikyo howled, head rearing back as her hands clawed at her wrist as she tried to wrench herself away from the purifying reiki.

Kagome could feel it just under her fingertips, it was right there. She could take it and free Kikyo from the tainted shard, giving her a reprieve from it. That might help her situation a bit too. Then she would have a better idea of how to help her recover.

Kikyo shrieked, writhing as Kagome reached into her clay body to retrieve the shard.

The serpents scattered with another flare of reiki, dropping Kagome unceremoniously onto the ground before fleeing into the trees.

There was a hard clink onto the ground as Kikyo ripped herself away, half supported by her shinidamachu as she shuddered, pressing a cold hand to her chest, right where Kagome had tried to purify the shard. Kagome dove for the vial as it snapped across the ground, the red liquid staining the earth and she only managed to get a small amount of it in the bottom that hadn't completely shattered.

She could only hope that it was enough to heal him.

"You!" Kikyo spat, staggering back, hands at her chest. "You whore!" Her serpents came from the trees to support her as her legs gave out as Kagome cradled the broken vial in her hand. "Inuyasha will kill you for this! He will hate you forever!"

Kagome watched the long bodies wrap around Kikyo, lifting her into the air, and for a moment, Kagome feared that she'd take her revenge, but instead they continued towards the edge of the barrier.

"I hope it hurts," Kikyo hissed down at her before phasing through the barrier and disappearing entirely. Kagome watched her go before looking down at the small broken vial in her hands. There wasn't much left in there, and Kagome looked around to see if there was anything else left behind.

All she found was broken glass and disappointment.

She'd seen the way that blood coated the ground, and she was sad to say that this wasn't too different.

Scooting her way, carefully and slowly, back towards Inuyasha, she made sure that she didn't spill a drop of the antidote on her way back to him.

It took much longer, but she didn't want to risk that he wouldn't make it because she'd been careless with him. She'd failed him, and she'd failed Kikyo.

She tried to help, but she wasn't enough.

Once she reached him, she struggled to her knees, shifting his head slightly to pour the dark red liquid into his mouth, urging him to swallow.

"Please, let it be enough," she prayed to whomever was listening.

The night felt distantly quiet. The soft noises of the bugs and the breezes chittering and rustling behind her.

Staring at his face, she watched in horror as blood dripped down his upper lip from his nose.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry." Her eyes watered, and she blinked through them as she dragged her sleeve under his nose, wiping away the blood. "I tried. I swear, I tried so hard. I thought I could do it."

A breeze blew through the trees, and the coolness of it made her shiver.

She wanted to curl up next to him, take solace in the fact that she'd screwed up so miserably bad, but she knew that he'd shove her away, call her names, and go after Kikyo if he were able.

And she couldn't blame him after everything.

So she curled up on the ground next to him, doing her best to stay within her barrier, but away from his body as much as she could.

"I just wanted to help. I'm sorry."

Kagome wept, tears streaming across the bridge of her nose and dripping onto the ground beneath her for the life she'd been unable to save and the lives it had cost her in the end.

A/N: Part 2 of 3!

I really hope that I've done Kikyo's and Kagome's characters justice. Because I really wanted to show their differences without it being a contest of good vs evil, you know?

I've been packing up slowly, and I've done like four boxes, and I'm already so done with all this. Like can't I just transport all my belongings into a pile at the new place and then just deal with it from there?

Anyway, I hope you'll let me know what you thought! I'm really curious to see what you think of their interaction!