"Buffy..."
"No. You're not here…" Buffy spoke to the blonde vampire before her, "You can't be here. I'm resting. Please go away,"
"Can't do that, pet. Come now. We have to find Red and your sis," Spike began to walk, then noticed Buffy wasn't following, "Buffy?"
"I'm resting," she repeated, her voice holding no emotion, "I'm not going back. It's over. Another will rise," Spike was confused for a moment, then realized what she was referring to.
"Another won't rise as long as Faith is still alive. But Miss Psycho-Slayer is in jail for killing humans instead of demons. You're the only one left. You need to come back," Spike paused and shook his head, "I can't believe a Vampire is begging for the return of a Slayer!" he muttered.
"Leave me ALONE, Spike! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" Buffy slumped to the ground, holding her head in her hands, "My mission is over. Let me be at peace," she looked at the mist before her, her eyes taking on a faraway look, "I can rest now. I saved them. This is my reward - to sleep. To forget the pain," she focused on Spike, "Please, if there's ever one thing you do for me, then let it be this. Let me rest in peace,"
"Can't do that. Promised nibblet we'd get you back. She needs you,"
"And what about what I need?!" Buffy snapped,
"Doesn't anybody care what I
need?! I need to rest!"
"You will rest… when you're old and gray with twenty
'bitty Buffy's running
around! You will fall asleep one night, and never wake up," Spike replied,
but Buffy wasn't listening.
"You were right," she said with a small laugh, "You said that every Slayer has a death wish. My wish came true. Don't take it away from me,"
"Right. Every slayer has a death wish... IF they don't have family and friends to hold them to the living world! I believe I said something like that too,"
"You can protect Dawn," Buffy replied. "She doesn't need me when she has you,"
"She needs a SISTER!" Spike snapped angrily, "The 'bit lost her mother a few months ago. Not exactly fair to lose her sister too, now is it?!"
"If you cared about me, you would leave me here,"
"Don't start that with me, Summers!" Spike hissed angrily.
"How could you understand what I'm going through!" Buffy shouted, "How could you POSSIBLY understand?!"
"I bloody well DO understand!" Spike started as he sat beside her, "I was dead once too, you know. I was at peace. I thought it was over. The pain was gone. Time to rest. But then after Dru killed me, she yanked me back. Back into a dead, souless body,"
"I'll be a monster if I go back," Buffy stared at him, and for the first time since he had known her, he saw fear in her eyes. Fear of becoming one of the creatures she had been fighting all these years, "Can't you understand that? I don't want to be a monster!"
I don't want to be like you is what Spike knew she meant.
"Lacking a soul is what makes me a monster, pet," Spike explained, "When I came back, my soul stayed dead. I let instinct take over. Spilled blood of the innocent and all. But you," he looked at Buffy, "You're lucky! You'll never be a monster because you'll still HAVE your soul. Not only that, but your sis, the scoobs, hell even the bloody watcher -- They'll help you. I had NO ONE to help ME! The only thing that even comes CLOSE to a soul for me is--" he quickly turned away from the girl beside him, "Well, never mind that," Spike finished, "I could really lose myself in you, Summers," he thought.
"BUFFY!" a voice cried out.
Spike looked up to see Dawn and Willow running towards where he and Buffy were sitting. The blonde seemed lost in her own little world. He quickly nudged her. Buffy was shaken out of her thoughts and looked up, following his glance. She smiled warmly when she saw her sister.
"Dawny..." Buffy whispered. She jumped to her feet and ran to the younger girl, "DAWNY!" she called out, and grabbed the brunette in a tight hug, "I'm sorry, Dawny," Buffy began, tears gently flowing down her cheeks, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you alone,"
"It's ok, Buffy," Dawn replied, unable to hide her own tears, "We found you. You can come back now!"
Buffy slowly let go of Dawn and went to hug Willow, grateful that they would go through so much to find her. To bring her back. In that moment, she wanted to live again!
Join with me...
The voice Buffy had been hearing had returned. It called to her. It scared her. Darkness was in that voice... but it was a darkness that Buffy had to accept. She knew when she went back into her own body, that voice would still be there. That presence would still be there. Not intrusive, but there nonetheless. It was what she was.
It was The Slayer.
***
Giles jumped as Buffy moaned from the couch she was lying on.
"Buffy..." he began, "Are you here?"
In the circle on the floor, the still bodies of Dawn, Spike, and Willow began to stir.
"Bloody hell," Spike began quietly as he buried his head in his hands, "I feel hung over,"
"Like this is a NEW feeling for you," Xander replied.
"I would kick your ass, bricklayer," Spike replied as he stood up, "But I'm wiped,"
"And your chipped, so you can stop with the idle threats," Xander answered.
Spike scowled at Xander, then returned to nursing his headache... and the pain in his chest that had returned with a vegence. He had forgotten how much stake wounds could hurt.
"I don't suppose anyone has an asprin," the vampire groaned.
"Would an asprin work on you?" Anya asked.
"Don't know if one would," Spike began, "But maybe the whole bloody bottle will,"
"And then maybe you'll overdose and die," Xander replied cheerfully.
"Overdoses can't kill what's already dead, mate," Spike said with a smirk. Xander looked disappointed.
"I'm so tired," Dawn said as she stood up. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, finding it very difficult to stay awake.
"It takes a lot out of you," Tara explained with a smile, "You'll probably all sleep really well tonight,"
"No kidding," Dawn replied, and leaned against Spike for support. He didn't allow her to see him wince at the contact.
"Where's Buffy?" Willow asked, then blinked, "Woah, dizzy..." Tara quickly put an arm around the unsteady red-head.
"Buffy is here..." Everyone turned to the voice. Buffy sat up on the couch, and offered a weak smile, "You know, beind dead kinda sucks," then she frowned as she put a hand to her head and squeezed her eyes shut, "Of course, having a migraine sucks even more,"
Numerous hugs and 'welcome backs' were exchanged
between Buffy, Dawn, and the rest of the gang as Spike watched alone from
the other side of the room.
"Hmpf... not even a bloody 'thank you
for helping us bring Buffy back from the dead'," Spike thought, but
then he had been hanging around the humans long enough not to expect anything
anyway.
Finally Buffy decided to head home, inviting the exhausted vampire to follow her as he gingerly carried a sleeping Dawn.
***
Buffy stood in the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice as she looked out the window into the night. Buffy could feel her. The Slayer was inside. She was a part of her. Always had been, and always WILL be. Even death couldn't seperate them.
But at least she had her soul.
She may not have been the exact same Buffy that had jumped into the portal to save her sister, but she was a stronger Buffy. A braver Buffy.
And for better or worse, a darker Buffy.
Buffy finished her juice and left the glass in the sink, vowing to wash it in the morning. She walked into the living room and saw the vampire sleeping on her couch. She stepped softly as she headed to the stairs.
"Up already, pet?" Spike spoke suddenly. Buffy stopped in her tracks, and turned back to him. He folded his shirt neatly behind him, and set about changing the gauze on his chest. The wound was healing quickly, though that was to be expected with vampires. Buffy wondered if it hurt.
"Had a few hours sleep so I feel better now. I was going to take another few hours," Buffy looked up at the stairs. She could just walk up and go to her room, no need to explain to Spike why. He was a guest in her house. She made the rules. If she didn't want to talk to him, she didn't have to.
But...
Buffy took a deep breath and headed to the couch. Spike sat up and curled his legs under him, giving her room to sit. She looked at him a moment, hesitant, then finally sat down. She didn't know what to say to him. Thanks for draging me back from limbo? Thanks for helping me realize that I had things to live for? He probably didn't think his talk had much to do with her decision to return. But it did. Seeing Willow and Dawn only confirmed what he had said. She was needed. And he was right. She would rest when she was old and grey, and had children and grandchildren.
Buffy studied him. He would never grow old and grey. He would never have children nor grandchildren. He had accepted that.
Still, Buffy couldn't help but wonder if a nice, normal life was something the human William would have wanted. Now, he would never have the chance. Spike would be alone for eternity... or until another slayer took advantage of the chip in his head and put a stake through his heart -- like the Slayer that was currently locked up in a high-security Los Angeles penitentiary.
"You're staring," Spike started, then smirked, "See something you like?"
"Spike..." Buffy warned. He was such an arrogant, egotistical son of a-- "You already know where I stand when it comes to you!"
"Right then," Spike answered solemnly,"So you're just staring because...?"
Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she moved towards him and took his face in her hands. She then brought her lips to his, and kissed him full on the mouth.
After a moment, she pulled back.
"Because I wanted to thank you," she said, then stood without another word and headed upstairs.
Spike stared after her and unconsciously put a hand to his lips.
It was a moment of gratitude. Nothing more. He knew that and accepted it...
For now.
THE END