Part Four
"Where could she be?" Tonami was losing patience. He had searched every classroom and corner of their wing and he still couldn't find her. This is the third time this week that I haven't seen her.
"Hey, there you are."
Tonami turned around and stared angrily at Tsubaki.
"I was looking everywhere for you." His jaw muscles clenched and unclenched as he struggled to keep his tone even and calm.
Tsubaki took her time walking towards him. "Now why would you do that?" She tilted her head and grinned. "Didn't I mention that I would be having lunch with Yukinon and the others?"
He hated feeling this way -- hated feeling insignificant and trivial. He stalked towards her and resisted the urge to grab her by her shirt and haul her up when he was close enough.
"When did you tell me? I haven't seen you in three days." He pulled back -- he hadn't meant to shout at her like that. He loved her, why would he want to frighten her with his anger?
Tsubaki shrugged her shoulders. "If I did tell you, I don't remember when. If I didn't, well, it isn't like I should tell you everything."
How he wanted to shake some sense into her. He swallowed large gulps of air in an effort to calm down. "I'm your boyfriend. I should at least know where you are." He placed an arm on her shoulder and tried to pull her close to him. "I wanted to spend time with you. I missed you during the day and this was my only chance to see you..."
"Whoa, I didn't think you'd get this emotional. Geez, Tonami, you have to learn how to lighten up a little."
He couldn't take it. He couldn't take her indifference. He turned around and ran -- away from her.
Tsubaki watched him flee. Was I wrong? For as long as she could remember, she had always been independent and not tied down to anything. I'll be damned if I change for him.
Yet --
Something in her ached as Tonami left her. She debated with herself whether or not she would go after him or leave him alone.
With a sigh, she turned around and walked the opposite direction. He'll adjust to me. He just has to get used to how I am, that's all.
Tonami ran -- not caring where to; he just wanted to get away from her.
Tsubaki Sakura, why do you make me feel this way? His legs gave out and he collapsed against a wall.
He was back where it all started -- where she first told him how she felt about him. He looked sadly at the tree and remembered what it was like to hear those words from her.
If you like me, then why do you hurt me?
He knew he had to get a grip on his emotions. Love was new to him. He didn't know how exactly to deal with it -- and with her.
He knew Tsubaki was a free spirit -- he had known that ever since they were little. Fool that I am, I thought she would change for me. He covered his face with both his hands and started to take deep breaths.
"Tonami? Is that you? What are you doing here by yourself?"
Tonami looked up to find Yukino Miyazawa approaching him -- with an irritated and watchful Souichiro Arima not far behind.
"Tsubaki was looking for you a while ago. Was she able to find you?"
"Tonami."
Arima said his name. It appeared to be a greeting, but it was laced with warning and animosity that Tonami shook his head in reply. Why can't Tsubaki be like that for me?
"You look upset. Is something wrong?"
The last thing he wanted to do was to involve Tsubaki's friends in their troubles. He smiled. "No. No. I was just thinking. That's all."
Yukino could sniff out secrets faster than anyone, but the look on her friend's face told her that this wasn't the time to pester him about it. "Hey, if you want to talk about it, Arima and I are here to listen."
Tonami glanced at Arima.
There was no change in Arima's expression -- his mouth was set in a grim line and his eyes blazed with anger. He only winced slightly when Yukino offered his help to Tonami.
Arima turned to his girlfriend. "Yukino, we have to go see our homeroom teacher before the lunch break is over."
"Oh, that's right." Yukino smiled at Arima -- the expression on her face revealed her deep devotion to him. "You are so good to remind me." She touched his arm lightly with her fingers.
Even Tonami could feel the electricity pass through the two of them. As he watched them, he felt envy rise up from the depths of his being and take hold of his heart. He tried to block thoughts of Tsubaki and the feeling of resentment that came with those thoughts.
Yukino faced Tonami. "We have to go now."
Tonami managed to nod in response.
* * *
"I don't understand him. Why is he being so possessive? He never struck me as the type. What does he think I am -- some trophy to display at all times? God, it's just like a man to think that."
Aya and Rika listened to their friend vent. With their eyes, they followed her as she paced in front of them.
"Doesn't he know that I'm an independent person and capable of deciding for myself? Does he think he has to make all my decisions for me? I'm not a weak and helpless female. My world should not revolve around him."
"If what you are saying is true, then why are you so upset over this?"
Tsubaki's mouth dropped open at Aya's question. She frowned and straightened up. She opened her mouth again as though to say something, but quickly shut it when she realized she didn't know what to say.
She crossed her arms across her chest. "Must you take his side in this? Aren't I your friend?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Rika waited for her friend to respond. She opened a bag of cookies and handed one to Aya.
"I should have found someone more sympathetic to talk to -- real friends who would support me." Tsubaki regretted saying the words the instant they came out of her mouth.
"We know you don't mean that." Aya took a bite out of the cookie that Rika had given to her.
"Now sit here, have a cookie and tell us what this is really about." Rika patted to the space beside her, motioning for Tsubaki to come over.
Tsubaki took two long strides and sat down beside Rika.
"Last week, he followed me around every chance he could. He was like a shadow that wouldn't go away. This week, he insists that I tell him where I go and whom I'm with." Tsubaki sighed. "I just don't know if this is what I want from him ... or for myself."
Aya and Rika looked at each other knowingly. Three weeks ago, they received the shock of their lives when they found out that Tsubaki and Tonami were a couple. They had never expected their fiercely independent and self-reliant friend to commit herself to a steady relationship.
But she had. And ever since then, their friend seemed to glow with newfound happiness and contentment.
Does she realize the effect he has on her, I wonder. Aya took another cookie from the bag. "What do you want to do about this?"
Tsubaki massaged her temples. "I don't know. I've never been in a situation like this before."
She placed her hand on Rika's knee and started to shake it. "You have to help me."
Rika gently pried her friend's hand from her knee. "Do you love him?"
Tsubaki was taken aback by her question. Love? Neither she nor Tonami had addressed that before. They knew they liked each other well enough, but love? "That isn't the point."
"Isn't it?"
"He makes me... happy... being with him is..." Tsubaki sighed. "... fun and gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over."
Rika repeated her question. "Do you love him?"
Love him?
She tried to compare her feelings for Tonami to her feelings for her friends. She liked her friends and was loyal and devoted to them, but to Tonami --
It's deeper than that; it's more than 'like'.
"Well, do you love him?"
Tsubaki looked Rika squarely in the eye. "Yes."
Aya smiled in relief. "Then, really, what is the problem?"
Tsubaki smiled sheepishly -- she felt that, with her admission, a load was lifted from her back. "I don't want to need him. I'm afraid that someday... he'll leave me and I'll die from the heartache."
Aya was astonished at her friend's eloquence but didn't show it.
Given another time, this was perfect fodder for a salvo of teasing and jokes, but Tsubaki was seriously confused about her feelings and, as her friend, Aya had to help.
"Why worry about that? Focus on the present. Now is what is important."
Rika nodded. "The more you worry about the future, the more you are ruining your chances of ever being happy in the present."
"I never realized..." Tsubaki stood up. "I have to go find him."
* * *
She found him sitting on the bench by the basketball court, and memories of their first encounter came to her mind.
I hated him so much then.
She smiled nervously as she walked towards him -- his face was an unreadable mask.
"Hi." She murmured and waved weakly.
When he didn't respond, let alone bother to look up, her heart sank. But she didn't want to give up. This is too important to me.
She sat down beside him, making sure she wasn't crowding him.
"Listen, I'm really sorry about how I've been behaving lately and --"
"Do my ears deceive me?" He sneered and stood up. "Is this the great Tsubaki Sakura apologizing? Admitting that she's wrong?"
He rested his weight on one foot with arms akimbo. "I think this is a first. I cannot wait to hear this."
Tonami Takefumi did not bother to hide his sarcasm -- he let his anger go full force, not caring how it would affect her.
He cut her off before she could say something. "Don't you think I deserved whatever explanation you are about to give me now a lot sooner?"
Tsubaki's face turned a bright red as she realized that a crowd was gathering around them.
"I don't think this is place to get hysterical." She muttered. "People are looking."
"Let them look. Let them see what a lousy girlfriend you really are." Why do my words hurt me?
His bitterness stunned her. The words tore through her heart -- she clutched her chest unconsciously, as though it would stop her heart from shattering into a thousand pieces.
"You... you don't mean that."
"Don't I?"
She hated being challenged. She hated being pushed and provoked in that way.
"Well, you... you aren't exactly the perfect boyfriend."
As soon as she spoke the words it was like opening the floodgates of emotions from somewhere deep inside her.
She stood and took a step closer. "You have no idea how much I hated you clinging to me and hanging around me like some sort of ... of dog."
"How do you think I felt? I had to scour the entire school every time I wanted to be with you. That's not how it's supposed to be. We're supposed to spend time together."
She jabbed at his chest with her finger. "For your information, I am not some simpering female who will fall into pieces for you. I am my own person and I decide what I want to do with my time, not anyone else and especially not you."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This is how Tsubaki feels about me? About us? He grabbed her hand and jerked her towards him until she was just inches away.
"If that is what you want."
Tsubaki looked straight into his eyes. His eyes narrowed with anger, but there was something else there, too. Hurt? Disbelief?
It made her pause and comprehend the things she had just said. She had said some mean and hurtful things -- most of which weren't true. It was too late to take them back now.
"I --"
He didn't give her a chance to speak. He pushed her away, causing her to stumble backwards. "You want your freedom, fine. Goodbye, Tsubaki Sakura."
Oh God, what have I done? She reached out to him, tried to take hold of his arm. He abruptly pulled away from the hand that sought to retain him.
"Please... don't..." She swallowed back the tears. She couldn't believe this was happening. "...don't go. Not like this."
He turned around and smiled coldly. "This is what you wanted, Tsubaki and, as your loving boyfriend, I am more than willing to abide by your wishes."
He was mocking her. Tsubaki closed her eyes to block out the sight and sound of impending disaster -- the tears streamed down her face. She didn't pay attention to the barely concealed whispers and mutterings of the people -- the strangers around her.
When she opened her eyes again -- the tears blurring her vision, he was gone.