-Mending-
I wake up the next morning to see Seifer sleeping. Good He needs his rest. I decide not to wake him yet. I'll do that once I'm out of the shower. I go into my bag and take two of my migraine pills. I don't even know why I take them. Damned things don't work. I rub my temples, and pull out a small black t-shirt, and decide to wear the same pants as yesterday. I walk into the bathroom and take off my clothes and eyepatch, then turn the hot water on as high as it will go, and step into the shower. The water is really hot, so I step back... onto a small, glass bottle. Sleeping pills.
"Aiaahhh!" I scream as I fall backwards. I didn't mean to scream, but I did. I grab onto the soap dispenser for support.
"Fujin!?" I hear Seifer open the door and walk in. Great... Fucking great.
"I'm..." I clear my throat and stand up. "...I'm okay."
"What happened...?"
"I stepped on the bott-..." I look down to see a steady stream of blood flowing down with the water into the drain. "...Shit."
"What? ...What's wrong?"
"Fuck!" I mutter, looking at my foot, which is bleeding badly.
"What the hell happened, Fuu?" Seifer asks. I can tell he is getting impatient with me.
"I stepped on the fucking sleeping pill bottle."
"Oh, you okay?"
"Yeah, peachy." I say angrily. I hear Seifer leave, and I turn off the shower, and step out wrapping myself in one of the hotel's light pink towels. I hop over to the sink and look in the medical cabinet. Empty.
"No fucking first aid kit?! Greeaat."
"Fuu?" No, I said that aloud? No, Seifer doesn't have to know I'm hurt...
"WHAT?"
"You sure you're okay...?"
"YES." I place my foot down. Excruciating pain. "Ahh..ow..." The door opens. I turn as quickly as possible, in search of my eyepatch. No one has EVER seen me without my eyepatch.
"Fuu! Hyne! You're bleeding. Shit. Sit down." My eyepatch. Eyepatch... damn, damn, damn!
"NO. FINE. JUST A SCRATCH." I can feel his eyes on my back, scanning me. Dammit, Seifer. Go away.
"Yeah, right. Look at all of this blood. Now just sit down." I sit on the covered toilet, and I see him staring at my face. Fucking eyepatch. I have a huge scratch through my eye, and the eyeball is still there, I just can't see out of it. Fucking ocean. I hardly remember the day... fucking GF's. All I remember is falling off a huge cliff near the ocean, I banged my head hard on a rock on the way down. ...I was only 6. I look back up at him. You can stop staring now, Seifer, I'm fucking BLEEDING TO DEATH! I close my eyes, and raise my eyebrows.
"Oh, right." Seifer grabs a smaller towel and wraps it around my foot. He looks up at me, and water is dripping down my face. Does he even care- or is he just acting? Seifer, I can't tell. Can you tell me...?
"I'll go get a first aid kit from downstairs. Sit tight." He leaves and I sigh, looking around for my eyepatch. I find it, and hop over to te mirror looking at myself... I'm awful looking. I hardly look like a women... Short, silver hair, and a shapeless, small build. Hyne, Seifer, how could I ever think you could love me? I slip the eyepatch on, and get dressed, being thankful that the pants I chose were baggy, therefore, it wouldn't be such a hassle trying to get my foot in. Seifer returned just when I finished pulling the shirt over my head. He was carrying a white box.
"Uh, sit down." He commands. I do, and he unwraps the towel. He rewraps my foot in some white guaze. "You should stay here today."
"NEGATIVE." I say. You can't go alone. What if you get into trouble?
"...Hah, you can hardly walk."
"CAN!" I say. I walk into the next room normally. Hyne, it hurts. It hurts so badly. I want to scream. But I don't. I can't.
"Oh... Alright then. Let's go."
Fifteen minutes later, we are standing outside an old, abandoned building.
"So... this is it." He says, looking at me. Yes, it is. Well, are we going inside?
"You brought your shuirkin... right?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"Why do ya talk like that, Fujin?"
"...REASON-NONE." Actually, there is a huge song and dance about why I talk like that, I just don't feel like getting into it.
"...Yeah, whatever." He opens the door, and steps in first. I follow. I watch him as he clicks on his flash light and points it across the dark room.
"So, uh, they say they found his body on the fifth floor... This must be a huge-ass building."
"Mhm..." My attention is focused on something else. I walk over to find several guns laid out. Not touched- it seems. It also seems they have awful officers in Timber.
"SEIFER?"
"Er,what?"
"COME HERE."
"Why...?"
"SEIFER...!"
"Alright..." Seifer can be so difficult at times... Thats okay though. I honestly don't know his mood right now... He was so angry at me last night, but then he cared so much this morning... Seifer pointed the flash light at the floor in front of me.
"WHAT THINK?" I ask, awaiting some sort of response.
"Initiation..."
"WHAT?"
"I SAID Initiation."
"I know very well what you SAID, I want to know what you MEANT!" I ask, getting annoyed with him.
"He failed, so they killed him... You know, an initation... to the gang. They thought he would pass, so they told him everything. He failed, so they killed him. Heh." It all came together. So that's it. It fit...
"HOW KNOW?"
"These aren't real guns. They just shoot out bean bags. It was obviously an obstacle course. How many 'bullets' can you dodge. He probably got hit too many times."
"Oh..." How did you get so smart, Seifer?
We explored the rest of the building and found nothing special. On my way back down the stairs, I could feel my foot starting to bleed again. I guess I should've gotten stitches.
"Alright, here's the plan. We get one a day, and send em to the slammer, and kill the leader. We'll need to request extra time."
"...AFFIRMATIVE." I say, as we walk out of the building.
"Fujin, why do you talk like that...?"
"...REASON-NONE." Didn't you already ask me that, Seifer?
"Oh, come on, Fuu." I sigh.
"When I talk the way I do, I'm just answering... giving or taking orders... saying what fits... Not necessarily what I truly feel. But, when I talk normal, I say what I feel..." I realize what I'm saying is actually thought-provoking, so I end it with a "that's all."
"Oh... I see. Fujn, do me a favor...?"
"Hmm?"
"Talk normal, around me?" Why? Are you interested in how I feel? Or do you just want to look normal?
"Uh, sure..." I reply. I can feel my boot getting wet with my blood, and I ask Seifer if we can sit down. He says sure, and we sit on a bench.
"What's wrong?" He asks. Do you care, Seifer?
"N, nothing."
"So, we can get up?"
"Yeah." He stands, and offers me his hand. I take it, feeling the soft leather of his gloves. I put pressure on my left foot. Its hurts; unbearably. I collapse into Seifer's arms.
"Fujin?!" I swallow. So close. You're so close...
"I'm sorry..." I say, feeling my face flush. I don't let go. I don't think I can. So damn close.
"You.. okay? Is it your foot...?"
"I'm fine." I'm holding on to him, and he's holding me. Wrong circumstances again. Damn. I'm not going to come right out tell him I need to go into the hospital, so I let go, putting as little pressure as I can on my left foot. He notices.
"...Take off your boot."
"No..."
"Do it." He says, giving me a warning look. Are you my father, friend, or enemy...? I can never tell. Is it possible that you are my lover?
"No."
"FUJIN!" He bellows. Hyne, I hate it when he yells at me. I sigh, and sit back down. I pull off my boot. Blood drips out.
"Fuck, Fujin... Timber hospital."
"No, I'm fine."
"Shut up. I'm taking you in."
"...Seifer..." I pull back on my boot, and stand up.
"Don't put pressure on it, lean on me if you need to." Lean on me...? Hyne, Seifer, could it be possible that you may care...? Its dusk, and we walk through the streets of Timber, and we arrive at the hospital. I get seven stitches.
When we get to the hotel, Seifer goes right for the phone.
"Hello? Headmaster. I need 55 days here, and I'll have the whole gang cleared up. Yeah, its fine with me, sir. Is it okay with Fujin? I think so. Ask her? ...Hold on." Like I'm going to disagree with him. I remain sitting on my bed, watching the news, and pretending that I didn't hear anything.
"Fujin?"
"Yeah?" I ask, knowing what's coming.
"You up for fifty-five days...?" Am I? No. But I'll do it anyway.
"Sure, Seifer." I mutter, glancing at him. He picks back up the phone.
"Yeah, its fine with her, sir. Hahaha! I'll deal. Bye now." They laughed about something. I don't know what. Probably me. I sigh, totally aware of how screwed up I am, and lay back on my bed. I heard Seifer hang up the phone.
"Fuu, you had better get in a good mood with me, we'll be together for over a month." Good mood with you? I am in a good mood with you... I live for you, how could I not be in a good mood with you? Why don't you get in a good mood with me? Dammit. I really want to say these things, but I don't. Fucked up. The two words that describe me best. He sat on the foot of my bed and grabbed the controller for the TV. He seemed to be in a better mood. I'm glad, but I wonder why he is in a better mood.
"Anything good on?"
"Unless you like watching the depression of the world..." I motion to the news. "No." He leaves on the news and turns to face me. I don't sit up. I act like I don't care. Why? I do care... more than anyone else ever will. Why can't you understand me, Seifer?
"About last night..." My heart starts pounding. I don't know why. I sit up.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."
"Seifer, you didn't do anything."
"..." I think he realized then that he hadn't done anything. Because he hadn't. "Uh, still... Why do you have those sleeping pills?" I won't answer truthfully... Or I'd have to tell him... it was his fault. I didn't want to do that.
"I... have trouble sleeping."
"No, Fuu... I want the truth." He runs his bare hand down my face. Oh Hyne, his touch... Why, Seifer?! Why...? I swallow. I can't tell you, Seifer. Please understand... "Fuu... please tell me. I want to fix it." Seifer... you sound like you care. Oh, you care? You do? Seifer, I can't tell you. I don't want to. "Fujin! Talk to me..." Its then I realize I'm being silent. I say what comes to mind.
"They-are-there... just in case I need them..."
"For what?" Suicide. I don't like to call it that... I like to call it releiving myself of the pain in my heart.
"Relieving myself... of pain." I say.
"What sort of pain?" Stop it, Seifer. Stop asking so many questions! He clicks off the TV, filling the room with a deadly silence.
"Pain of the heart." ...I say slowly. Why did I say that? I can't tell him the very emotions I've locked up for years. No, not now. Not ever... then when? I wonder if Seifer got what I was saying to him. Whatever he thought provoked him to place his strong arms around my body. I couldn't breathe. His arms were around me... for the right reason.
Seifer, don't let go. Never let go. I put my arms around him also, waiting for him to say something.
"Fujin... pains of the heart... I can ease those pains... If you let me say three words..." I stopped breathing. Right there and then, for that moment, I couldn't get any air into me. I swallow, waiting. I have to say something... But what?
"Say them... if you mean them." I say, hoping it fits the situation... Fits... no, Fujin, say what you feel! I swallow. "Please say them." Is all I can manage.
"... I love you, Fuu." Everything inside me stopped. My heart, my mind... I just couldn't think. It all came back soon enough, just long enough for me to utter a few words myself.
"I, I love you... too, Seifer." He hugs me tighter, and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. They drop on his shoulder, and looks up at me. I bury my face in his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Fuu...?"
"Nothing... That's just it... Nothing is wrong." I look up at him, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back. So this is what I have been waiting for... Seifer... I think you understand.
End Chapter.
I wake up the next morning to see Seifer sleeping. Good He needs his rest. I decide not to wake him yet. I'll do that once I'm out of the shower. I go into my bag and take two of my migraine pills. I don't even know why I take them. Damned things don't work. I rub my temples, and pull out a small black t-shirt, and decide to wear the same pants as yesterday. I walk into the bathroom and take off my clothes and eyepatch, then turn the hot water on as high as it will go, and step into the shower. The water is really hot, so I step back... onto a small, glass bottle. Sleeping pills.
"Aiaahhh!" I scream as I fall backwards. I didn't mean to scream, but I did. I grab onto the soap dispenser for support.
"Fujin!?" I hear Seifer open the door and walk in. Great... Fucking great.
"I'm..." I clear my throat and stand up. "...I'm okay."
"What happened...?"
"I stepped on the bott-..." I look down to see a steady stream of blood flowing down with the water into the drain. "...Shit."
"What? ...What's wrong?"
"Fuck!" I mutter, looking at my foot, which is bleeding badly.
"What the hell happened, Fuu?" Seifer asks. I can tell he is getting impatient with me.
"I stepped on the fucking sleeping pill bottle."
"Oh, you okay?"
"Yeah, peachy." I say angrily. I hear Seifer leave, and I turn off the shower, and step out wrapping myself in one of the hotel's light pink towels. I hop over to the sink and look in the medical cabinet. Empty.
"No fucking first aid kit?! Greeaat."
"Fuu?" No, I said that aloud? No, Seifer doesn't have to know I'm hurt...
"WHAT?"
"You sure you're okay...?"
"YES." I place my foot down. Excruciating pain. "Ahh..ow..." The door opens. I turn as quickly as possible, in search of my eyepatch. No one has EVER seen me without my eyepatch.
"Fuu! Hyne! You're bleeding. Shit. Sit down." My eyepatch. Eyepatch... damn, damn, damn!
"NO. FINE. JUST A SCRATCH." I can feel his eyes on my back, scanning me. Dammit, Seifer. Go away.
"Yeah, right. Look at all of this blood. Now just sit down." I sit on the covered toilet, and I see him staring at my face. Fucking eyepatch. I have a huge scratch through my eye, and the eyeball is still there, I just can't see out of it. Fucking ocean. I hardly remember the day... fucking GF's. All I remember is falling off a huge cliff near the ocean, I banged my head hard on a rock on the way down. ...I was only 6. I look back up at him. You can stop staring now, Seifer, I'm fucking BLEEDING TO DEATH! I close my eyes, and raise my eyebrows.
"Oh, right." Seifer grabs a smaller towel and wraps it around my foot. He looks up at me, and water is dripping down my face. Does he even care- or is he just acting? Seifer, I can't tell. Can you tell me...?
"I'll go get a first aid kit from downstairs. Sit tight." He leaves and I sigh, looking around for my eyepatch. I find it, and hop over to te mirror looking at myself... I'm awful looking. I hardly look like a women... Short, silver hair, and a shapeless, small build. Hyne, Seifer, how could I ever think you could love me? I slip the eyepatch on, and get dressed, being thankful that the pants I chose were baggy, therefore, it wouldn't be such a hassle trying to get my foot in. Seifer returned just when I finished pulling the shirt over my head. He was carrying a white box.
"Uh, sit down." He commands. I do, and he unwraps the towel. He rewraps my foot in some white guaze. "You should stay here today."
"NEGATIVE." I say. You can't go alone. What if you get into trouble?
"...Hah, you can hardly walk."
"CAN!" I say. I walk into the next room normally. Hyne, it hurts. It hurts so badly. I want to scream. But I don't. I can't.
"Oh... Alright then. Let's go."
Fifteen minutes later, we are standing outside an old, abandoned building.
"So... this is it." He says, looking at me. Yes, it is. Well, are we going inside?
"You brought your shuirkin... right?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"Why do ya talk like that, Fujin?"
"...REASON-NONE." Actually, there is a huge song and dance about why I talk like that, I just don't feel like getting into it.
"...Yeah, whatever." He opens the door, and steps in first. I follow. I watch him as he clicks on his flash light and points it across the dark room.
"So, uh, they say they found his body on the fifth floor... This must be a huge-ass building."
"Mhm..." My attention is focused on something else. I walk over to find several guns laid out. Not touched- it seems. It also seems they have awful officers in Timber.
"SEIFER?"
"Er,what?"
"COME HERE."
"Why...?"
"SEIFER...!"
"Alright..." Seifer can be so difficult at times... Thats okay though. I honestly don't know his mood right now... He was so angry at me last night, but then he cared so much this morning... Seifer pointed the flash light at the floor in front of me.
"WHAT THINK?" I ask, awaiting some sort of response.
"Initiation..."
"WHAT?"
"I SAID Initiation."
"I know very well what you SAID, I want to know what you MEANT!" I ask, getting annoyed with him.
"He failed, so they killed him... You know, an initation... to the gang. They thought he would pass, so they told him everything. He failed, so they killed him. Heh." It all came together. So that's it. It fit...
"HOW KNOW?"
"These aren't real guns. They just shoot out bean bags. It was obviously an obstacle course. How many 'bullets' can you dodge. He probably got hit too many times."
"Oh..." How did you get so smart, Seifer?
We explored the rest of the building and found nothing special. On my way back down the stairs, I could feel my foot starting to bleed again. I guess I should've gotten stitches.
"Alright, here's the plan. We get one a day, and send em to the slammer, and kill the leader. We'll need to request extra time."
"...AFFIRMATIVE." I say, as we walk out of the building.
"Fujin, why do you talk like that...?"
"...REASON-NONE." Didn't you already ask me that, Seifer?
"Oh, come on, Fuu." I sigh.
"When I talk the way I do, I'm just answering... giving or taking orders... saying what fits... Not necessarily what I truly feel. But, when I talk normal, I say what I feel..." I realize what I'm saying is actually thought-provoking, so I end it with a "that's all."
"Oh... I see. Fujn, do me a favor...?"
"Hmm?"
"Talk normal, around me?" Why? Are you interested in how I feel? Or do you just want to look normal?
"Uh, sure..." I reply. I can feel my boot getting wet with my blood, and I ask Seifer if we can sit down. He says sure, and we sit on a bench.
"What's wrong?" He asks. Do you care, Seifer?
"N, nothing."
"So, we can get up?"
"Yeah." He stands, and offers me his hand. I take it, feeling the soft leather of his gloves. I put pressure on my left foot. Its hurts; unbearably. I collapse into Seifer's arms.
"Fujin?!" I swallow. So close. You're so close...
"I'm sorry..." I say, feeling my face flush. I don't let go. I don't think I can. So damn close.
"You.. okay? Is it your foot...?"
"I'm fine." I'm holding on to him, and he's holding me. Wrong circumstances again. Damn. I'm not going to come right out tell him I need to go into the hospital, so I let go, putting as little pressure as I can on my left foot. He notices.
"...Take off your boot."
"No..."
"Do it." He says, giving me a warning look. Are you my father, friend, or enemy...? I can never tell. Is it possible that you are my lover?
"No."
"FUJIN!" He bellows. Hyne, I hate it when he yells at me. I sigh, and sit back down. I pull off my boot. Blood drips out.
"Fuck, Fujin... Timber hospital."
"No, I'm fine."
"Shut up. I'm taking you in."
"...Seifer..." I pull back on my boot, and stand up.
"Don't put pressure on it, lean on me if you need to." Lean on me...? Hyne, Seifer, could it be possible that you may care...? Its dusk, and we walk through the streets of Timber, and we arrive at the hospital. I get seven stitches.
When we get to the hotel, Seifer goes right for the phone.
"Hello? Headmaster. I need 55 days here, and I'll have the whole gang cleared up. Yeah, its fine with me, sir. Is it okay with Fujin? I think so. Ask her? ...Hold on." Like I'm going to disagree with him. I remain sitting on my bed, watching the news, and pretending that I didn't hear anything.
"Fujin?"
"Yeah?" I ask, knowing what's coming.
"You up for fifty-five days...?" Am I? No. But I'll do it anyway.
"Sure, Seifer." I mutter, glancing at him. He picks back up the phone.
"Yeah, its fine with her, sir. Hahaha! I'll deal. Bye now." They laughed about something. I don't know what. Probably me. I sigh, totally aware of how screwed up I am, and lay back on my bed. I heard Seifer hang up the phone.
"Fuu, you had better get in a good mood with me, we'll be together for over a month." Good mood with you? I am in a good mood with you... I live for you, how could I not be in a good mood with you? Why don't you get in a good mood with me? Dammit. I really want to say these things, but I don't. Fucked up. The two words that describe me best. He sat on the foot of my bed and grabbed the controller for the TV. He seemed to be in a better mood. I'm glad, but I wonder why he is in a better mood.
"Anything good on?"
"Unless you like watching the depression of the world..." I motion to the news. "No." He leaves on the news and turns to face me. I don't sit up. I act like I don't care. Why? I do care... more than anyone else ever will. Why can't you understand me, Seifer?
"About last night..." My heart starts pounding. I don't know why. I sit up.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry."
"Seifer, you didn't do anything."
"..." I think he realized then that he hadn't done anything. Because he hadn't. "Uh, still... Why do you have those sleeping pills?" I won't answer truthfully... Or I'd have to tell him... it was his fault. I didn't want to do that.
"I... have trouble sleeping."
"No, Fuu... I want the truth." He runs his bare hand down my face. Oh Hyne, his touch... Why, Seifer?! Why...? I swallow. I can't tell you, Seifer. Please understand... "Fuu... please tell me. I want to fix it." Seifer... you sound like you care. Oh, you care? You do? Seifer, I can't tell you. I don't want to. "Fujin! Talk to me..." Its then I realize I'm being silent. I say what comes to mind.
"They-are-there... just in case I need them..."
"For what?" Suicide. I don't like to call it that... I like to call it releiving myself of the pain in my heart.
"Relieving myself... of pain." I say.
"What sort of pain?" Stop it, Seifer. Stop asking so many questions! He clicks off the TV, filling the room with a deadly silence.
"Pain of the heart." ...I say slowly. Why did I say that? I can't tell him the very emotions I've locked up for years. No, not now. Not ever... then when? I wonder if Seifer got what I was saying to him. Whatever he thought provoked him to place his strong arms around my body. I couldn't breathe. His arms were around me... for the right reason.
Seifer, don't let go. Never let go. I put my arms around him also, waiting for him to say something.
"Fujin... pains of the heart... I can ease those pains... If you let me say three words..." I stopped breathing. Right there and then, for that moment, I couldn't get any air into me. I swallow, waiting. I have to say something... But what?
"Say them... if you mean them." I say, hoping it fits the situation... Fits... no, Fujin, say what you feel! I swallow. "Please say them." Is all I can manage.
"... I love you, Fuu." Everything inside me stopped. My heart, my mind... I just couldn't think. It all came back soon enough, just long enough for me to utter a few words myself.
"I, I love you... too, Seifer." He hugs me tighter, and I can feel tears welling in my eyes. They drop on his shoulder, and looks up at me. I bury my face in his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Fuu...?"
"Nothing... That's just it... Nothing is wrong." I look up at him, and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss him back. So this is what I have been waiting for... Seifer... I think you understand.
End Chapter.