Disclaimer: I own nothing! J.K. Rowling created the characters, I just borrow them to make a really crazy fic.
Author: Kal Kally
Summary: Draco and Harry both have the same sad childhoods. But the different roads they choose will lead to their different destinies.
Note: Words like this are in Draco's POV.
Words like this are in Harry's POV.
Thank Sakura a lot for helping me edit this story.
TWO LIVES, TWO ROADS, TWO DESTINIES.
Dad, Mum, you're supposed to be the ones I feel closest to, but to me, you are so far away.
You're always as cold as ice. All I want from you is a hug, a kiss, some simple sign of affection like all other parents give their children. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just a child. And a child needs love.
People always talk of love. They say it is the most powerful force in the world. But then.... Why can't I feel any?
Why are you always so untouchable?
I'll never understand why you all hate me so much. What did I do wrong?
I am indebted to you because you give me a shelter from the sun and rain, and three meals a day, enough to keep me alive. But that's not enough. I want your love.
After all, you're my uncle, my aunt, my cousin. I want you to smile for me, to love me, to consider me as one of the family just once.
But you never will...
Dad, why can't I be their friend? Because they're Mudbloods? But I like them. They're fun and I think they like me, too.
Dad, why do you want me to be someone else? However I try, whatever I do, I can't change myself. I am just me.
Oh Father, stop. Stop beating me, please. You're hurting me. I understand. Mudblood is Unacceptable. I won't play with them anymore. I promise.
Father, please don't be disappointed in me. I won't dishonor our family name. I don't cry, see? I'll try to be a real Malfoy. I'll be strong.
It's always the same thing. You're Harry Potter, so we can't be your friends.
In all my years at school with Dudley, I've never come to class without feeling fear, self-hatred, loneliness. Almost never. It hurts to be forever laughed at, or left alone, left behind.
It hurts, and it hurts even more to know that all your suffering starts with someone that comes from where you call home.
I'm trapped.
Trapped in my own body.
Trapped between the fame of my family and my father's obsessive demand for the best.
Trapped behind the mask of an arrogant Malfoy who isn't supposed to have a heart.
How I wish I could let my emotion control my being just once. How I want to listen to my own heart. To laugh.... To cry....
To feel free...
Happiness to me is like the sun, so bright, so beautiful, and so out of reach. I want so much to fly, high above the clouds, to search for that sun. But...
I have tried to fly and I have fallen.
A broken-winged dove.
How can I fly out of the forest of Loneliness and Despair?
It's Chaos.
Love does exist? Love doesn't....
Love is powerful? Love is not....
Love is truth? Love is a lie....
Chaos.
I'm lost. Oh Father. What do you want me to do?
I want to love and to be loved, but I can't. Love is powerful, maybe, but love doesn't exist in this life, or just doesn't exist for me. I understand now. A Malfoy does not love, is not loved.
They're my family. I love them, really, but it scares me that I hate them, too. I hate them so much that I hate myself.
I want to run away. I want to escape. If I do, maybe it will ease the feeling of pain and betrayal inside my heart.
I hate them because I want them to love me and they never do. I hate them because the love within my heart could be so strong....
And I hate myself for feeling this way.
Why? Why am I so lonely still?
I have a mother. I have a father. I have "high-society" friends. I have a house, an enormous one. I have every thing that can be called Fame and Success at my fingertips. But why am I still so cold?
This pain is getting more and more unbearable.
I'm so lonely now. How....? I thought I had everything.
Of course, like other boys my age, I do have dreams.
I dream of a happy family, and the love of a mother and father.
I dream of walking among friends, friends who love me for me.
I dream of whole other world, a world full of light.
Who has destroyed my dreams? Who has ruined my childhood?
The broken pieces of my belief, of my hope, of my dreams are too sharp. They cut my heart.
I'm dying from the inside out.
Everything is just endless night.
I have many friends, but no real friend. I have a house, but no home. I have a father and a mother, but no true, loving family.
Yesterday was full of sadness and pain. Today is of despair and emptiness. Tomorrow is too vague and out of hand.
No matter how hard I try, I can't get the thought of Death out of my head.
Death is the end of everything, isn't it?
There'll be no more pain. There'll be nothing, no one that demands me to be someone else. There'll be no more constant pressure to be worthy of my family. No more loneliness.
Being born into this life was a curse.
There's no way to turn back, but there's no way to reach tomorrow safely, either.
Death is the answer to everything.
Sometimes, I consider just giving up. I want to be able to lie down, close my eyes, and never have to open them again. But....
It hurts because no one would remember me. No one would leave flowers or tears on my grave, even the ones I call my Uncle and Aunt.
And it hurts most because I want to live more than anything. Because life is still glorious in its sheer beauty. Flowers are still blooming. Trees are still fresh and green. Birds are still singing, singing even through my pain.
Oh, God. I want to die so much and want to live and love so much.
I love this world so much and hate this world so much.
I'm torn....
Stop being a coward, Draco. Death may mean peace, but they have destroyed my heart. How can I give them the satisfaction of experiencing my death?
If this pain is my fate, why don't I look it straight in the face and accept it?
I am Draco Malfoy, and a Malfoy cannot be defeated by pain.
I don't forget anything and I don't forgive anyone. I'll let other people taste Hell, too.
Someday they'll look at me with fear and admiration.
Someday I'll face despair, and laugh.
Someday I'll be able to step all over the broken pieces of my heart and soul without tears..
I'll become the best of the best.
No, Harry Potter. Don't let yourself go that way. You must believe in yourself. Don't accept pain as your fate.
There'll come a day when you'll be able to fly high, toward that sun.
Maybe your wings aren't strong enough and will be broken.
Maybe Love is a sun so hot and burning that it burns you into ashes.
Or maybe loneliness is your destiny.
But at least you've broken out of your cage of despair, and started to fight for your own happiness.
I have to stand up.
There'll come a day when I love and am loved.
There'll come a day when they love me and accept me as one of their family.
There'll come a day when I reach that sun.
I'll fly.
_______________________
I've learned that there's a way to survive without needing anyone around. Loneliness becomes used to my soul. Hatred becomes a part of my heart.
I don't want my heart to feel hurt again, so I'll let it freeze over. I think I've matured. I don't cry. I don't make friends with Mudbloods. I know how to do anything to get what I want, even if someone else is hurt in the process
Now, instead of pain, I face only emptiness.
I've won over my fate.
I'll learn how to be powerful soon.
Unyielding hope will be rewarded with love. It's pleasant to know that somewhere in the world, there's someone that loves me, that needs me..
Oh, How funny. Such a short while ago, I was still a no one, just a burden of my so-called family. Now I'm a famous boy of the wizard world. It really isn't important to me, though.
What is important is that my wishes have come true. I finally found a home, not a house. It's Hogwarts. I've gained the priceless knowledge that my parents loved me deeply and even died to save my life. I now have two best friends, friends that love me.
But there are some students in this school whose very existence I can't bear. It's because in front of them, I always feel infuriatingly inferior, despite my wealth and fame. It's because they remind me of what I lost, long, long ago, through my decisions.
Love. That's all I want. That's all I need. I've reached the end of my quest for happiness, I've found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Now, It's time to start a new journey, one to meet the future.
Potter. Granger. Weasley. I hate them all. Whenever I see them, I feel bitterness rise in my throat. Their friendship is so pure, so beautiful, so strong. That's why I hate them so much. They have what I can't have.
I once held in my hand real friendship, too. But I didn't have the courage to protect it, to hold out for better days, and I let it slip out of my hand.
I thought the pain would lessen with time, but now I realize differently. Even if the wound in my heart has been healed, the pain still remains fresh and deep.
That hurts. A Malfoy shouldn't hurt. For making me feeling this way, they'll pay.
I know I'm strong now, because I have in myself the things I most love. Those are the memories of living with my friends. Hagrid, Dumbledore, Remus, Sirius, the Weasleys, Neville, Dean, Seamus ... and especially Ron and Hermione. I love them all so much, and love is a better feeling than I ever dreamed.
I had lived in darkness for so long, but they came and brought light into my life. I know losing any of them would hurt so much.... I can't even begin to imagine the pain....
Such a perfect friendship cannot exist in this harsh world, and should not exist in this harsh world.
My friends have become my family. They are my soul, they are my heart.
So I will do anything to destroy it.
And I can do anything to protect them.
End.
Kal.