Wanring - Do not read this fic if you are pregnant or nursing, have back or heart problems, or on medicine that causes drowsiness. None of the characters in this fic belong to me. They are all copy righted by and belong to Squaresoft, expcept DP, which is me.
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DP: It's been two years since the Meteor had nearly destroyed the planet. It's been one year since Aeris was resurrected (of course). Now it's time for the fun and games to begin again.
Cid: Where the hell can a man bye some damn cigs?
::Cid pats his jacket pockets::
DP: Cid Highwind, everyones favorite pilot and beloved sponser of Camal Cigarettes, is-
Cid: What? Why are there voices in my head!? Holy shit! I'm turning into Cloud!
DP: Shut up Cid and just keep walking.
Cid: Tell me who the hell you are first.
DP: Don't make me turn the town dry.
Cid: Okay! Fine! And we're walking!
::Cid starts walking back down the street, looking around franticlly, trying to find the voice.::
DP: Well, ahem. Cid Highwind is walking down the street trying to find a store so he can get some-
Cid: And we're walking!
DP: CID!
Cid: Okay, I'll just walk.
DP: Grrrr...... Uh. Oh. Cid's trying to find some cigs because he just ran out and he's a chain smoker. As he sees the store in the distance he hurries forward, like a child running to the candy store.
Cid: I am not a stinken kid!
DP: ......
Cid: Oops....
DP: -_-() Anyway. Cid's about to walk in the door to the store when ::drum roll:: Sephiroth walks out, his black trench and silver hair giving him away immediately.
Cid: Yo! Seph! Wazzup G Dog!
Sephiroth: Yo man! Wazzup!
Cid: WAZZUP!
Sephiroth: WAZZZZZZZ-
DP: SEPHIROTH!!!! CID!!!
Cid & Sephiroth: Uh?
DP: You're in the middle of a fanfic you morons! Stop it!
Sephiroth: We are?
Cid: Oh shit!
::Sephiroth straigthens coat and flicks hair. He takes a deep breath and his face go's cold. He gives Cid the once over and walks off.::
Cid: *sniff* What the hell.... *sniff* is Sephi *sniff* roth doing here.
DP: What the hell is wrong with you?
Cid: I CAN'T FIND ANY @#$% CIGS AND MY HOMIE'S IGNORING ME!!!!!!
DP: uh ::sweatdrop::
Cid: Dammit! Your suppose to be dead man!
::Sephiroth looks back at Cid and just keeps walking, disappearing around a corner.::
Cid: I gotta tell everyone that he's back. Hmmmm......
::Cid tries to think for a moment and a though bubble appears over his head. In the though bubble is a pack of cigs.::
Cid: Shit.
DP: If your so miserable, here.
::A pack of cigs falls out of the sky.::
Cid: Bought time!
::Cid sticks a cig in his mouth and lights up as a woman walks by with a baby carriga. She smacks him as the smoke wafts toward the baby.::
Cid: Shit woman!
::Smack::
Cid: What the He-
::smacksmacksmack::
Cid: Okay! Okay Geez! ::runs away:: Okay, who's the closest.... Vincent! That old vampire! I tell him that Sephiroth's here. Then the three of us can stay up all night drinking beer and watch po-
::A large anvil falls from the sky and narrowly misses Cid.::
Cid: Aaaahhhh! What the fu-
::A large anvil does fall on Cid.::
Cid: Mommy......
::Crawls out from under it and does the cartoon accordion effect.::
------------
::Cid finds himself in front of the ShinRa Mansion.::
Cid: Wow! That was fast! Why can't my baby go that fast?
DP: Only if you stop cussing.
Cid: That bull shit ain't happenin'.
DP: I know. ::evil grin::
::Cid walks into the Mansion and sitting at the top of the stairs, a book in his mouth is Nanaki::
Cid: Red? What are you doing here you dog?
Nanaki: My name is Nanaki. And I am not a dog.
Cid: Fine. What you doing here you cat?
Nanaki: I am not a cat.
Cid: Okay, weird cat type dog thing. What are you doing here?
Nanaki: I was going to read a book but I don't have any thumbs so it's hard to turn these old pages with out shredding them with my claws. So I came here to ask Valentine if he could turn the page for me.
Cid: Good idea. Gives that vampire something to do other than is in that damn coffin.
Nanaki: Why are you here Highwind?
Cid: I saw Sephiroth in Rocket Town so I came to invite Vince to come to a drinking party.
Nanaki: Can I come?
Cid: No way! The last time I gave you beer you were blowing ten foot flames.
Nanaki: It's not my fault my tail's on fire and that cheap stuff you buy gives me gas.
Cid: It's not cheap!
DP: -_- Will you two kindly get on with the story.
::Nanaki jumps ten feet in the air and his tail puffs::
Nanaki: What was that!
Cid: That's the voice in my head. ::Beams::
Nanaki: It's loud.
Cid: You're telling me.
DP: Grrrrrr......
::Cid and Nanaki walk down the spiral stairwell and into the basement. They come to Vincent's door and push it open. The coffin is closed::
Nanaki: I guess he's a sleep.
Cid: Good!
::Cid kicks the side of the coffin and then flips off the lid.::
Cid: Hey VINNY! Wakey Wakey vamp-
::Cid's jaw drops as Vincent sit's up in the coffin, a tooth brush in his mouth and red curlers in his hair. He was also wearing red PJ's with black bats on them. Vincent looks back between the two, confused.::
Vincent: What?
Cid: Uh... I saw... uh.... Heh.... Sephi-
Vincent: Sephiroth!?
Cid: Yeah, we're gonna have a drinking party- I mean we're gonna go hunt him down for the final time.
Vincent: Hold on. Let me change.
::Vincent is consumed in a dramatic puff of smoke. As it disappears he's in a pink tutu.::
Cid: *Face fault foot twitch*
Vincent: Oops. Wrong outfit.
::Another puff of smoke and he's in his red cape and black outfit.::
Vincent: Okay, lets go.
-----------
Cait Sith: Come on Lucky Seven! Come on! Daddy needs a new battery.
Reeve: Will you hurry up and roll.
Cait Sith: Can't hurry luck my friend.
Reeve: I am not your friend.
Cait Sith: Suit yourself.
::Cait Sith rolls the dice::
Cait Sith: Snake Eyes!
Reeve: Looks like I win.
::Reeve grabs the Gil in the middle of the table and the dice.::
DP: Uh? How does that work?
Reeve & Cait Sith: How does what work?
DP: How do you Gamble with yourself?
Reeve & Cait Sith: I am not.
DP: And the word schizophrenic has now been redefined.
------------
::Cid, Nanaki and Vincent walk out onto the streets of Rocket Town and search for Sephiroth. They come up empty handed after two hours of walking.::
Nanaki: We're never gonna find him. Now we can't have a party...
Cid: Oh well. Let's just have it without him.
::Nanaki gasp and gives Cid the puppy dog eyes.::
Nanaki: But... we can't have it without Sephy...
Sephiroth: Sephy?
DP: You're not here right now! Go away.
Sephiroth: If I'm not here how do I go away from here?
DP: Don't question me. I'm god.
Sephiroth: No I am.
DP: No I am!
Sephiroth: I am!
DP: I am!
Sephiroth: I am!
DP: I am!
::cid grabs the the side of his head.::
Cid: SHIT!!!! STOP! My head's going to explode!
Sephiroth: Fine. But I'm still God.
DP: You wish /Sephy/.
Sephiroth: Stop calling me that!
DP: Go away.
Sephiroth: Fine.
::Sephiroth flashes away.::
Vincent: We should've asked him where he was.
::A light bulb appears over Cid's head::
Cid: Dang! We should've asked Sephiroth where he was!
Vincent: But I just said-
Cid: Shut up you old bat.
Vincent: ....
Nanaki: That wasn't very nice Cid.
Cid: Go to hell cat dog thing.
Nanaki: Cid!
Cid: I said go to hell!
Nanaki: Fine!
::Nanaki turns to walk away and gasp, looking in the window of a shop.::
Nanaki: Cid?
Cid: Go away!
Nanaki: But Cid...I found-
Cid: Stupid Cat dog thing! Always knew they never had any brains.
Nanaki: Cid! I found-
Cid: Always think they're so smart those cat dog creatures.
Nanaki: CID!
Cid: Huh *blink*
Nanaki: I found Sephiroth!
Cid: Really?
::Cid looks threw the window. On the other side of the shop at a table is Sephiroth reading a book.::
Cid: It is Seph! Lets go get him! Then we can go to the store and get the beer and po-
::An anvil falls on Cid's head::
Cid: Ow! Fine. None of that. I'll just rent an innocent Disney movie.
DP: e.e You can't have a party anyway.
Cid: No?
DP: No. Your suppose to try and defeat Sephiroth, remember?
Cid: But he's my homie!
DP: That's what people expect you to do, is kill Sephiroth.
Cid: I won't do it.
DP: Fine, Nanaki-
Nanaki: No way, Big Scary Voice.
DP: Argh! Fine! Vincent! Go!
Vincent: I refuse.
DP: I'll cut your hair.
Vincent: Damn.... Fine.
::Vincent turns around and smashed the window with his claw arm, dramaticlly leaping threw over the other costumers heads, landing next to Sephiroth, cast in shadows by the dark lighting. He pulls his Sniper rifle from its holster and points it at Sephiroth. Sephiroth calmly looks up at the barrel of the gun, the other customers running around and screaming. Sephiroth then picks up a cup and holds it to Vincent. It's a cup of tea. Vincent shruggs and sits down at the table with Sephiroth, reading a discarded newspaper and sipping his tea.::
DP: *face fault foot twitch*
---------------------
DP: It's been two years since the Meteor had nearly destroyed the planet. It's been one year since Aeris was resurrected (of course). Now it's time for the fun and games to begin again.
Cid: Where the hell can a man bye some damn cigs?
::Cid pats his jacket pockets::
DP: Cid Highwind, everyones favorite pilot and beloved sponser of Camal Cigarettes, is-
Cid: What? Why are there voices in my head!? Holy shit! I'm turning into Cloud!
DP: Shut up Cid and just keep walking.
Cid: Tell me who the hell you are first.
DP: Don't make me turn the town dry.
Cid: Okay! Fine! And we're walking!
::Cid starts walking back down the street, looking around franticlly, trying to find the voice.::
DP: Well, ahem. Cid Highwind is walking down the street trying to find a store so he can get some-
Cid: And we're walking!
DP: CID!
Cid: Okay, I'll just walk.
DP: Grrrr...... Uh. Oh. Cid's trying to find some cigs because he just ran out and he's a chain smoker. As he sees the store in the distance he hurries forward, like a child running to the candy store.
Cid: I am not a stinken kid!
DP: ......
Cid: Oops....
DP: -_-() Anyway. Cid's about to walk in the door to the store when ::drum roll:: Sephiroth walks out, his black trench and silver hair giving him away immediately.
Cid: Yo! Seph! Wazzup G Dog!
Sephiroth: Yo man! Wazzup!
Cid: WAZZUP!
Sephiroth: WAZZZZZZZ-
DP: SEPHIROTH!!!! CID!!!
Cid & Sephiroth: Uh?
DP: You're in the middle of a fanfic you morons! Stop it!
Sephiroth: We are?
Cid: Oh shit!
::Sephiroth straigthens coat and flicks hair. He takes a deep breath and his face go's cold. He gives Cid the once over and walks off.::
Cid: *sniff* What the hell.... *sniff* is Sephi *sniff* roth doing here.
DP: What the hell is wrong with you?
Cid: I CAN'T FIND ANY @#$% CIGS AND MY HOMIE'S IGNORING ME!!!!!!
DP: uh ::sweatdrop::
Cid: Dammit! Your suppose to be dead man!
::Sephiroth looks back at Cid and just keeps walking, disappearing around a corner.::
Cid: I gotta tell everyone that he's back. Hmmmm......
::Cid tries to think for a moment and a though bubble appears over his head. In the though bubble is a pack of cigs.::
Cid: Shit.
DP: If your so miserable, here.
::A pack of cigs falls out of the sky.::
Cid: Bought time!
::Cid sticks a cig in his mouth and lights up as a woman walks by with a baby carriga. She smacks him as the smoke wafts toward the baby.::
Cid: Shit woman!
::Smack::
Cid: What the He-
::smacksmacksmack::
Cid: Okay! Okay Geez! ::runs away:: Okay, who's the closest.... Vincent! That old vampire! I tell him that Sephiroth's here. Then the three of us can stay up all night drinking beer and watch po-
::A large anvil falls from the sky and narrowly misses Cid.::
Cid: Aaaahhhh! What the fu-
::A large anvil does fall on Cid.::
Cid: Mommy......
::Crawls out from under it and does the cartoon accordion effect.::
------------
::Cid finds himself in front of the ShinRa Mansion.::
Cid: Wow! That was fast! Why can't my baby go that fast?
DP: Only if you stop cussing.
Cid: That bull shit ain't happenin'.
DP: I know. ::evil grin::
::Cid walks into the Mansion and sitting at the top of the stairs, a book in his mouth is Nanaki::
Cid: Red? What are you doing here you dog?
Nanaki: My name is Nanaki. And I am not a dog.
Cid: Fine. What you doing here you cat?
Nanaki: I am not a cat.
Cid: Okay, weird cat type dog thing. What are you doing here?
Nanaki: I was going to read a book but I don't have any thumbs so it's hard to turn these old pages with out shredding them with my claws. So I came here to ask Valentine if he could turn the page for me.
Cid: Good idea. Gives that vampire something to do other than is in that damn coffin.
Nanaki: Why are you here Highwind?
Cid: I saw Sephiroth in Rocket Town so I came to invite Vince to come to a drinking party.
Nanaki: Can I come?
Cid: No way! The last time I gave you beer you were blowing ten foot flames.
Nanaki: It's not my fault my tail's on fire and that cheap stuff you buy gives me gas.
Cid: It's not cheap!
DP: -_- Will you two kindly get on with the story.
::Nanaki jumps ten feet in the air and his tail puffs::
Nanaki: What was that!
Cid: That's the voice in my head. ::Beams::
Nanaki: It's loud.
Cid: You're telling me.
DP: Grrrrrr......
::Cid and Nanaki walk down the spiral stairwell and into the basement. They come to Vincent's door and push it open. The coffin is closed::
Nanaki: I guess he's a sleep.
Cid: Good!
::Cid kicks the side of the coffin and then flips off the lid.::
Cid: Hey VINNY! Wakey Wakey vamp-
::Cid's jaw drops as Vincent sit's up in the coffin, a tooth brush in his mouth and red curlers in his hair. He was also wearing red PJ's with black bats on them. Vincent looks back between the two, confused.::
Vincent: What?
Cid: Uh... I saw... uh.... Heh.... Sephi-
Vincent: Sephiroth!?
Cid: Yeah, we're gonna have a drinking party- I mean we're gonna go hunt him down for the final time.
Vincent: Hold on. Let me change.
::Vincent is consumed in a dramatic puff of smoke. As it disappears he's in a pink tutu.::
Cid: *Face fault foot twitch*
Vincent: Oops. Wrong outfit.
::Another puff of smoke and he's in his red cape and black outfit.::
Vincent: Okay, lets go.
-----------
Cait Sith: Come on Lucky Seven! Come on! Daddy needs a new battery.
Reeve: Will you hurry up and roll.
Cait Sith: Can't hurry luck my friend.
Reeve: I am not your friend.
Cait Sith: Suit yourself.
::Cait Sith rolls the dice::
Cait Sith: Snake Eyes!
Reeve: Looks like I win.
::Reeve grabs the Gil in the middle of the table and the dice.::
DP: Uh? How does that work?
Reeve & Cait Sith: How does what work?
DP: How do you Gamble with yourself?
Reeve & Cait Sith: I am not.
DP: And the word schizophrenic has now been redefined.
------------
::Cid, Nanaki and Vincent walk out onto the streets of Rocket Town and search for Sephiroth. They come up empty handed after two hours of walking.::
Nanaki: We're never gonna find him. Now we can't have a party...
Cid: Oh well. Let's just have it without him.
::Nanaki gasp and gives Cid the puppy dog eyes.::
Nanaki: But... we can't have it without Sephy...
Sephiroth: Sephy?
DP: You're not here right now! Go away.
Sephiroth: If I'm not here how do I go away from here?
DP: Don't question me. I'm god.
Sephiroth: No I am.
DP: No I am!
Sephiroth: I am!
DP: I am!
Sephiroth: I am!
DP: I am!
::cid grabs the the side of his head.::
Cid: SHIT!!!! STOP! My head's going to explode!
Sephiroth: Fine. But I'm still God.
DP: You wish /Sephy/.
Sephiroth: Stop calling me that!
DP: Go away.
Sephiroth: Fine.
::Sephiroth flashes away.::
Vincent: We should've asked him where he was.
::A light bulb appears over Cid's head::
Cid: Dang! We should've asked Sephiroth where he was!
Vincent: But I just said-
Cid: Shut up you old bat.
Vincent: ....
Nanaki: That wasn't very nice Cid.
Cid: Go to hell cat dog thing.
Nanaki: Cid!
Cid: I said go to hell!
Nanaki: Fine!
::Nanaki turns to walk away and gasp, looking in the window of a shop.::
Nanaki: Cid?
Cid: Go away!
Nanaki: But Cid...I found-
Cid: Stupid Cat dog thing! Always knew they never had any brains.
Nanaki: Cid! I found-
Cid: Always think they're so smart those cat dog creatures.
Nanaki: CID!
Cid: Huh *blink*
Nanaki: I found Sephiroth!
Cid: Really?
::Cid looks threw the window. On the other side of the shop at a table is Sephiroth reading a book.::
Cid: It is Seph! Lets go get him! Then we can go to the store and get the beer and po-
::An anvil falls on Cid's head::
Cid: Ow! Fine. None of that. I'll just rent an innocent Disney movie.
DP: e.e You can't have a party anyway.
Cid: No?
DP: No. Your suppose to try and defeat Sephiroth, remember?
Cid: But he's my homie!
DP: That's what people expect you to do, is kill Sephiroth.
Cid: I won't do it.
DP: Fine, Nanaki-
Nanaki: No way, Big Scary Voice.
DP: Argh! Fine! Vincent! Go!
Vincent: I refuse.
DP: I'll cut your hair.
Vincent: Damn.... Fine.
::Vincent turns around and smashed the window with his claw arm, dramaticlly leaping threw over the other costumers heads, landing next to Sephiroth, cast in shadows by the dark lighting. He pulls his Sniper rifle from its holster and points it at Sephiroth. Sephiroth calmly looks up at the barrel of the gun, the other customers running around and screaming. Sephiroth then picks up a cup and holds it to Vincent. It's a cup of tea. Vincent shruggs and sits down at the table with Sephiroth, reading a discarded newspaper and sipping his tea.::
DP: *face fault foot twitch*