Before we start the fic, a brief note to avoid confusion.
Thoughts/Dreams are written like this:
[Lina]
//LoN//
A row of asterisks, indicate the passage of time, like so:
*****
Look! It's later!
Thank you, and on with the show.
*****
Triptych
Part Three: In Dreams
[I lost control. The Giga Slave... Did I destroy the world? Is there an afterlife where I can be with Gourry again?] I fumble in the dark, trying to open my eyes. Then I realize that they are open, but they are not mine. My body belongs to the Lord of Nightmares.
//Hush, child. You asked for me and I came. Not all are so favored.//
[Yeah, well, thanks. Now fix it so Gourry's okay and that little creep can't hurt him more.]
//You give orders to me?//
[I don't see anyone else here.]
//Little human, you intrigue me//.
[I'm pretty intriguing. And I'm petite, not little. There's a difference.]
//To me all things are little.//
[It's the little things that make life good and interesting.]
//Little things are boring. Maybe I would be less bored if all the little things again became part of me.//
[What would that solve? You'd still be bored, just fatter.]
//Fat? I am the Lord of Chaos. I am NOT fat.//
[Just big boned, huh? Whatever you say.]
//I don't know whether to laugh or destroy you.//
[Destroy Phibrizzo. Save Gourry. I'll keep you entertained.]
//For how long?//
[I can keep it up as long as it takes.]
//Very well.//
*****
//Why does this human follow us?//
[He's my protector.]
//Surely he understands you're not in danger?//
[Maybe. You never know with Gourry what he does and doesn't understand.]
//He cannot mistake who I am. What makes him risk himself for you?//
[Well... I think he cares about me. At least a little. I wish he would stop, he's going to get hurt.]
//Why does it matter to you?//
[I love him.]
//What is love?//
[Love? Love is... Wanting to be with someone. Wanting them to be happy. But it's so much more. It's impossible to explain what love is. I didn't understand it until I felt it, and knew I felt it.]
//How do you feel it?//
[I feel it in my heart. I feel it when he tries to steal my food, and when he stands guard at night to make sure I'm safe. I feel it when I'm pissed off at him for not understanding, and I feel it when he takes care of me when I'm sick. I feel it when I sleep at night and wish he was there and I feel it during the day when I could say something to him but I'm so afraid of being hurt.]
//I don't understand.//
[Oh no, he lost the Sword of Light! He's going to be so unhappy.]
//He doesn't seem to care about the sword. //
[That sword means the world to him.]
//And yet he willingly left it behind to go after you.//
[I-- ]
//He calls for you. He says he needs you.//
[Gourry!]
//Wh-what was that?//
[Gourry......]
//Yes, he grabbed our arms. I want to know what happened inside us.//
[He's gone.]
//No, we're gone. What was it that happened just now? And before? They were different from each other, but very powerful.//
[Nothing happened.]
//It wasn't something physical. Both of them are still there, and they're coming from your mind and soul.//
[Are you picking up my emotions?]
//...... Yes, I think that's it. What was the first one, the one that felt like a bright sun?//
[That would be love.]
//That is love?//
[Yes.]
//What was the second one, the one that felt like the depths of space?//
[Despair.]
//Why?//
[Because Gourry was gone.]
//I like the love better. Bring it back.//
[It's still there. I just know I won't see him again, and I know he's unhappy, so the love is causing the despair.]
//I want to feel it again.//
[Take me back, then. Let me stay.]
//You'll let me feel love?//
[You're the Lord of Nightmares. You don't have to ask for anything.]
//But I cannot feel on my own, not as brightly as you do. And your fear is not very interesting, so I must ask permission or be bored.//
[Anything to be with Gourry.]
//Very well.//
*****
I don't remember any details of what happened after I miscast the Giga Slave, just a confused amalgam of sensations. There is one thing I do remember, despite my loud and vigorous public denials. I remember the moment that I came back and felt the purest joy and love in the world, all caused by seeing Gourry. We floated down and he held me and I thought my heart would burst with the sheer, unmitigated wonder of it all. And then we realized where we were, and that everyone was watching us, and Gourry asked what he was doing, like he was completely disgusted by touching me. So I let him have it.
It was two weeks after that, and almost everything had gone back to normal. The only problem was that I had been having nightmares every night of those two weeks, and I seemed to be having the worst luck in the world. My friends tried telling me someone was trying to kill me, but how could someone deliberately try to kill every day for two weeks and not come closer? If it hadn't been for the nightmares, I doubt I would have noticed the incidents, but the combination was unnerving.
Exhaustion finally drove me to sleep and I dreamed. For the first time, I could see the specter that had been hovering in my recent nightmares, and it was a woman like none I had ever seen. At one and the same time, she was a swirling circle of stars, a beautiful blonde and a golden version of me. There were other things, other images of her, but I could not grasp more than the outlines as I floated in my dream.
//You were supposed to show me love. I feel it, but I also feel other things. Why is this?//
[Humans feel a lot of emotions, not just love. I mean, sure, there's love. There's also rage and hate and pain and fear of self and all sorts of things.]
//Fascinating. Why would you fear your own self?//
[Well, I fear what would happen if I lost control. Gourry went after me and said he needed me, but he didn't say he loved me. What if he loves Sylphiel? Or he still sees me as just a kid? I'd be humiliated. I've got too much pride to take the chance. And...]
//Go on.//
[It would hurt. I don't know if I could stand it.]
[I don't believe I have felt hurt yet. What is it like?]
I woke up, a scream stifled in my throat. It felt like all the pain of all my life was being drawn through me, brought to the surface. I felt tears streaming down my face and I fumbled for the opening flap, thinking I could sneak out while everyone was sleeping and take a bath in the pond we were camped next to. Maybe it would keep me awake the rest of the night.
I hadn't even cleared the tent's entrance when I heard him calling me, softly so as not to wake the others. I tried to keep my voice normal and my face turned away. "Yeah, Gourry, what do you want?"
"I want to talk to you, Lina. Please?" I could no more resist that voice than I could live without air. I nodded and walked over to the fire, trying as casually as I could to eradicate the tracks of my tears before he could see them. I felt my heart jump when he reached over and tilted my chin up, gently forcing me to look at him directly. "Please don't hide from me. If you cry I want to comfort you, not try to pretend I don't notice."
I pushed his hand away, swiping the handkerchief from his other hand. "Who said I was crying? And people have been fireballed for touching me, you know." Okay, so it wasn't exactly logical to deny I'd been crying while wiping my tears. I hadn't had a lot of sleep.
"I know. It's even been me a couple of times." He grinned, rubbing his head in his best aw-shucks manner. The one that made me want to leap at him and either pummel or kiss him into submission. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. Well, it is, but it isn't. So don't fireball me yet, so I can say what I have to say and really deserve the burn."
He took my hand and I felt the blush starting to crawl up my neck, storming the ramparts and basically taking over my face. "Lina, you're killing me." I realized I had been holding my breath, and let it out on a sigh. "I never dreamed I'd meet someone like you. I didn't want to fall in love with you. You're so much younger, heck, you just turned eighteen. It makes me feel like some kind of pervert, like I'm taking advantage. But I can't stop, you know? And I need to know."
My mind latched on to one concept. "You love me?" I couldn't believe that little squeak came from me.
He made an impatient noise, kinda rudely, I thought. "Of course I love you, Lina. That's not the point."
Coulda fooled me. "It isn't?" I couldn't quite figure out what I was feeling. Happiness, love, yes, but predominantly disorientation and confusion.
"No! The point is, you need to tell me what you feel." Gourry stood up, crossing his arms across his chest and scowling fiercely at me. "If you need to fireball me, that's fine. I just need an answer."
I sat quietly for a minute, closing my eyes as I felt waves of love and fear and hope and pain crash through me. "Come here, Gourry. I'm not going to talk to you while you're looming over me." I patted the log next to where I was sitting.
"Well, I guess you're not going to fireball me if you want me to be at that close a range." He smiled, seeming nervous, but sat down, folding his hands in his lap as he stared at me intently.
The time had come. I took a deep breath and prepared to say the hardest words ever created. "I love you, Gourry. I have for a long time."
Never, ever have I seen any human being move as fast as Gourry did. Not even Zel's chimeric speed compared. In less than a second I was on Gourry's lap and he was kissing me for all he was worth, and he's worth the world. I could feel every nerve in my body tingle as I wrapped my arms around him, losing myself to the kiss.
I almost cried when the log gave way. Okay, partly because we hit the ground kinda hard, but mostly because he stopped kissing me and went to stand about three feet away. I started to follow and he backed up slightly, clearing his throat. "Lina... We can't do that sort of thing. You're not old enough."
I hopped up, my hands going automatically into the fireball position. "Is this another breast reference? Because I'm pretty tired of that kind of comment, you know. Not terribly loving of you to make me feel bad about my body, bucko."
Gourry held up his arms in a gesture of helpless surrender. "This has nothing to do with your breasts. Your body is perfect. It's just your age."
Perfect, eh? That's more what I want to hear. "What's wrong with my age? And tell me more about this perfect thing." Gourry kept stepping backwards as I stepped towards him.
"Well, you're underage. It'd be wrong to take advantage of you until you're of age." A sweat drop formed on his brow as I continued to stalk him.
"What if I want to be taken advantage of?" I could feel the grin on my face growing more and more feral. Just a few more steps...
"I don't think it works that wa-aaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaay!" Gourry had just fallen backwards into the pond. Once I saw his head above water, I very delicately removed my headband, followed by my gloves and boots. I could see just enough in the bright moonlight to note that his eyes were growing very, very wide.
"Lina? What are you doing?" My grin grew even wider at his squeaky tone. I dropped the yellow band from around my chest and slid my tunic open, stretching as I let it glide down my arms.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to take a bath, like I intended to." I shrugged, making my bare chest jiggle just as much as it could. He was staring so intently I got kinda shy, so I turned around while I bent over and slid my pants off. I heard a weird growling noise and I grabbed my tunic and whirled, checking to see if something was attacking Gourry.
I almost got hit by a flying sodden shirt. The now bare chested Gourry was stalking towards me, and the look in his eye was just a wee bit scary. I considered running for the hills but before I could do more than shift my weight in preparation, he scooped me up and headed for the water.
I kicked and flailed, hissing at him to put me down. He kept walking and I braced myself to be dropped into the cold water. He stopped just at the edge and toed off his boots, holding my wriggling body as if I was completely weightless. He stared across the water, looking as if he didn't remember the fact he was holding a beautiful petite sorcery genius whom he claimed to love that just happened to be completely naked. I was considering being miffed when he started walking again, and speaking in a low, conversational tone.
"You know, Lina, you have no sense of self preservation whatsoever. I've never met anyone who had more need of a protector. You're a magnet for trouble, and you have no idea when to sit back and not provoke danger. I've been trying very hard for a long time to protect you, and you fight me." He'd walked into the lake as he talked and at this last he stopped. He put me down and my tiptoes just barely touched the ground, making me grateful for the balance of his arms around me. He leaned down, his breath hot on my neck as he whispered, "You win, Lina. I'm not going to fight you or these feelings any more."
*****
When I finally fell asleep, I had no fear of nightmares. The woman appeared in my dream, looking less omnipotent, more shell shocked.
//I... I had no idea. Is human interaction always like that?//
[I don't know. It was the first time I've done anything like that I don't think I'll wait too long to do it again.]
//No, please don't. It was most... Stimulating.//
[So... Who are you and why are you in my mind?]
//I am the Lord of Nightmares. I am with you because it was the agreement you made in order to return.//
[Oh. Yeah, okay, I remember now. So, do you feel your end of the bargain is coming out okay?]
//Yes.//
[Want more?]
//More? There is more?//
[Yes. You are the Lord of Nightmares, right? So why not be the Lord of Dreams, too? I'm sure there's lots of people in the world that would be happy to have you come to them in dreams. Especially men.]
//Intriguing. But how would I enter their minds without destroying them? It is difficult to judge the amount of my consciousness and will I can exert, even on you.//
[Use as much as you're using now, no more. Try to project the same feeling as you are now.]
//Like this?//
[Maybe not quite so much of a sexual element... Unless you want to star in some distinctly erotic dreams.]
//While that would not be bad, I'm sure it would get boring eventually. Is this better?//
[Much. You'll have to try it out, although I'd suggest using bandits until you're sure you're not going to fry the brains of the person you're joining. And I think it'd be better if I remember all this while I sleep, but forget it when I wake up. I won't be the same if I know you're there.]
//Very well. I thank you, Lina Inverse.//
*****
I woke up and stretched, smiling. My smile faded as I looked at the other cots in the tent. I would have to do something about Sylphiel.
I had already warned Gourry that the slightest hint at a relationship between us in public was absolutely forbidden. He was hurt until I explained that I didn't mean we would end the intimacy we'd formed, or never go public, I just wanted time to adjust. Ultimately I'm not sure he fully understood all my reasons, but I kept talking long enough that he was willing to shrug and go along with whatever I said. I think that's one of the main reasons I love him; when it's important to me, I get my way and he doesn't hold grudges.
I didn't want to hurt Sylphiel, and I still don't. She's been through so much, and she's such a nice person. Heck, she saved my life when we fought Copy Rezo, and if she hadn't been there, that battle would have ended much differently. She's so delicate and feminine... Everything I'm not, but sometimes wish I could be. She's been a good friend, and I don't have many of those. I decided it wouldn't hurt to let things keep going as they were. I hoped she would work out her anger and go back to being the same sweet Sylphiel she'd been before.
The instant I saw her face as Gourry made to enter the ruins at Vija, I knew I had made what might be the worst mistake of my life. The only other time I had felt such panic and fear was when Phibrizzo made to destroy his crystal, and even then at least there was something I could do. I froze, my brain trying to form the words to a spell, any spell that would keep this catastrophe from happening. I finally stuttered a levitation spell and pulled him out to where I could reach him to cast a healing spell. Sylphiel collapsed behind me and I knew she had expended all her energy in keeping Gourry from being killed instantly. Amelia and Zel ran to help and I took a moment to sit back, frantically trying to think of a way to heal his weakening body. I saw Xellos and knew he would give me some answers.
He taught me the spells I needed without too much protest. The spell to seal off magic was fairly simple, but the spell Xellos taught me to heal Gourry had an interesting wrinkle. He insisted it was the only spell he knew that fit my request, and I didn't have time to argue. I walked towards where Amelia and Zelgadis were standing over Gourry.
"Miss Lina, we've got him stabilized for now, but he's going to need more help. He's got three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs. Any of these would be treatable, but all together the shock to his system has been too much." Amelia looked grim, lines of exhaustion pulling her mouth into an unfamiliar frown. Zelgadis was still working on Gourry but his face was showing the strain of the effort.
I nodded and started chanting, raising my hands in the prescribed manner. Zel and Amelia backed away as I bent down and touched Gourry's face, running my hands over every injury I could see. As I finished the spell, I saw one long lock of Gourry's hair turn a brilliant red just before I fell next to him. He would keep that lock of my hair until I stopped feeling his pain for him. I waved Zel and Amelia away, telling them to hurry up and heal Gourry. As they worked, I felt my pain, his pain, abate. They mended his lung and I breathed easier, managing to bring myself to my feet. I staggered over to Sylphiel and muttered the necessary words, sealing away her magic until I died or chose to let her have it back. I tried to pick her up and staggered, barely managing to put her down without collapsing.
Amelia saw what I was doing and hurried over. "We think it'd be best to move back to the inn now, Miss Lina. Can you walk?"
I saw that Zelgadis had picked up Gourry and was already walking back towards the city. I nodded and started stumbling after Zel as she followed, carrying Sylphiel. We heard gasps from townspeople, shocked that such a thing could happen at a site where they had played as children, where their children played now. My eyes burned with tears and I knew I had to confront Sylphiel.
*****
Night finally came, and I sent Zel and Amelia off to their beds before I crawled into the bed next to Gourry. I took comfort in his warmth and bulk as exhaustion overcame me and I sank into sleep.
//My child, why did you not call upon me for help?//
[I don't remember about you during the day. Besides, I can't cast the Giga Slave every time I break a fingernail, you know.]
//I suppose that's as it should be. Still, I can finish the healing now.//
[You just want to feel more-]
//Yes.//
[Thank you for healing him.]
//I have practiced entering the minds of many bandits. They are not as amusing as you are.//
[Well, you know, not everyone can be a petite sorcery genius.]
//I learned many names for you from them. Dragon Spooker, Chaos Incarnate, Enemy of All Who Live, Bandit Killer... More than one wet his pants when I appeared in your form.//
[Why does everyone call me those things? I'm a nice girl, really. I just don't like bandits.]
//They fear you.//
[Oh, well. Who cares what some smelly old bandits think, anyway.]
//You do.//
[Okay, sorta. But they're not really that important. It's more annoyance than anything else.]
//As you say.//
[Anyway. How're you doing on control?]
//I've mastered it. I am, in fact, also talking to your Gourry at the moment.//
[Really? Is he okay?]
//Ask him.//
I woke up and looked into the most beautiful blue eyes that ever existed. I fell into his arms and cried from the joy and relief I felt. He smiled and held me until I had finished, his hand running over my back the best sensation I could think of. Finally I propped myself up beside him, balancing on one elbow. "Can I ask a question?"
He smiled and reached out to stroke my cheek. "Sure, anything."
I had him in a headlock before he could blink, rubbing my knuckles into his skull as I berated him for being stupid enough to get himself hurt. I stopped cold when I heard him laugh and say, "Do you know, this is exactly why I make comments about your breasts?"
I dropped him and sat down heavily. "What? Why do you say that?"
He smiled like a cat who had eaten a whole pterodactyl and chased it with a gallon of cream. "Most of the time when I make a breast comment, you get me in a headlock and I get a very good and close view of the breasts in question. Handy, don't you think?"
"So you would make me feel bad just to get a cheap thrill? That's low, Gourry." I turned my back on him and sniffed.
"Come on, don't be like that. Considering the pain you inflict, I wouldn't call it a _cheap_ thrill, anyway." He reached out and pulled my shoulder towards him.
"Don't you give me that kind of line. And keep your hands to yourself, buster." I went to stand at the window, leaning out to look at the stars. To be honest, I wasn't that upset... But it looked like it might be fun to have him jump through a hoop or two.
"That's not what you said in the pond. Then it was 'Please, Gourry, please!'" He nuzzled my neck and I smiled, that damn blush creeping up again. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to sensation.
*****
We set out the next morning. Sylphiel played her part well, convincing everyone that it was her idea to stay. I still wasn't sure how I felt about it all. There was a nagging sensation that I'd failed her, let her down. I don't know if I would have gone over the edge if Gourry had loved her, but I know that losing Gourry on top of everything else was a big blow. Could I have waited to start a relationship, however discreet, with Gourry until after she was better? I don't know.
After we'd gone about a mile, I made a big fuss about leaving something back at the inn. I'm pretty sure Amelia knew something was up, but then I think she more than half suspects the real reason Sylphiel stayed behind. With her support, I managed to get away without the guys being too suspicious. I raywinged my way back and landed in the courtyard of the temple, just in front of the gardens. Sylphiel looked up and saw me, then stared at her hands.
"Sylphiel, I... I wanted to let you know you don't have to stay here. I'm not ready to trust you with your powers again, but I don't think you should be a prisoner." I'd thought about this a lot. I can't imagine a worse fate than being forced to remain in one place, and ultimately she didn't do any harm. She could have, but she didn't.
"Miss Lina. You don't know what I would give to start all over again, to clean up my mistakes." She bit her lip. "I can't, though. I can't go back and put it right."
I couldn't think of what to do. I put a hand on her shoulder and tried to say something, anything, but before I could she started talking again. "No, don't speak. I want to stay here. It's as nice a place as any, and it's peaceful. I need time to grieve for what I've lost, and to atone for what I've done. I can do both here."
I shrugged. "If you want to stay here, that's fine. Just remember that you're not a prisoner, and you don't have to spend every living moment in misery. Take a walk on the wild side every once in a while, have a drink or go out on a date. Try to laugh some more, Sylphiel. Please." She nodded, but avoided my eyes. I didn't know of anything else to try to say to make her feel better, so I said goodbye again and took off.
She waved goodbye as I soared into the air, enjoying the air on my face and the sun on my back. There were still problems, still pain and sadness in the world but at the moment none of it could touch me, Lina Inverse, Sorceress Extraordinaire.
-----------
Author's note:
Thanks again to QueSeraSera and Jheran for beta reading above and beyond the call of duty.
I'm starting on the sequels to this, and the first one, "Midnight Blue", is already up. Thanks to all of you who have left nice feedback and made me all happy that someone besides me likes this and wants more. :) Feel free to send me mail (mynuet@yahoo.com) or poke me with sticks over any of the messenger services to get me to write more. Feedback makes for a happy Sharlene.
There's still over 10 song references in this fic, including lyrics and song titles, but no one's guessed any of them, so I guess I hid them well. First person to email me a list with at least ten gets to have me write a fic just for them, with whatever pairing or plot zaniness their prize-winning mind can come up with. Bonus points if you spot the ones translated from songs in spanish, but you don't need those to make the 10.
Thoughts/Dreams are written like this:
[Lina]
//LoN//
A row of asterisks, indicate the passage of time, like so:
*****
Look! It's later!
Thank you, and on with the show.
*****
Triptych
Part Three: In Dreams
[I lost control. The Giga Slave... Did I destroy the world? Is there an afterlife where I can be with Gourry again?] I fumble in the dark, trying to open my eyes. Then I realize that they are open, but they are not mine. My body belongs to the Lord of Nightmares.
//Hush, child. You asked for me and I came. Not all are so favored.//
[Yeah, well, thanks. Now fix it so Gourry's okay and that little creep can't hurt him more.]
//You give orders to me?//
[I don't see anyone else here.]
//Little human, you intrigue me//.
[I'm pretty intriguing. And I'm petite, not little. There's a difference.]
//To me all things are little.//
[It's the little things that make life good and interesting.]
//Little things are boring. Maybe I would be less bored if all the little things again became part of me.//
[What would that solve? You'd still be bored, just fatter.]
//Fat? I am the Lord of Chaos. I am NOT fat.//
[Just big boned, huh? Whatever you say.]
//I don't know whether to laugh or destroy you.//
[Destroy Phibrizzo. Save Gourry. I'll keep you entertained.]
//For how long?//
[I can keep it up as long as it takes.]
//Very well.//
*****
//Why does this human follow us?//
[He's my protector.]
//Surely he understands you're not in danger?//
[Maybe. You never know with Gourry what he does and doesn't understand.]
//He cannot mistake who I am. What makes him risk himself for you?//
[Well... I think he cares about me. At least a little. I wish he would stop, he's going to get hurt.]
//Why does it matter to you?//
[I love him.]
//What is love?//
[Love? Love is... Wanting to be with someone. Wanting them to be happy. But it's so much more. It's impossible to explain what love is. I didn't understand it until I felt it, and knew I felt it.]
//How do you feel it?//
[I feel it in my heart. I feel it when he tries to steal my food, and when he stands guard at night to make sure I'm safe. I feel it when I'm pissed off at him for not understanding, and I feel it when he takes care of me when I'm sick. I feel it when I sleep at night and wish he was there and I feel it during the day when I could say something to him but I'm so afraid of being hurt.]
//I don't understand.//
[Oh no, he lost the Sword of Light! He's going to be so unhappy.]
//He doesn't seem to care about the sword. //
[That sword means the world to him.]
//And yet he willingly left it behind to go after you.//
[I-- ]
//He calls for you. He says he needs you.//
[Gourry!]
//Wh-what was that?//
[Gourry......]
//Yes, he grabbed our arms. I want to know what happened inside us.//
[He's gone.]
//No, we're gone. What was it that happened just now? And before? They were different from each other, but very powerful.//
[Nothing happened.]
//It wasn't something physical. Both of them are still there, and they're coming from your mind and soul.//
[Are you picking up my emotions?]
//...... Yes, I think that's it. What was the first one, the one that felt like a bright sun?//
[That would be love.]
//That is love?//
[Yes.]
//What was the second one, the one that felt like the depths of space?//
[Despair.]
//Why?//
[Because Gourry was gone.]
//I like the love better. Bring it back.//
[It's still there. I just know I won't see him again, and I know he's unhappy, so the love is causing the despair.]
//I want to feel it again.//
[Take me back, then. Let me stay.]
//You'll let me feel love?//
[You're the Lord of Nightmares. You don't have to ask for anything.]
//But I cannot feel on my own, not as brightly as you do. And your fear is not very interesting, so I must ask permission or be bored.//
[Anything to be with Gourry.]
//Very well.//
*****
I don't remember any details of what happened after I miscast the Giga Slave, just a confused amalgam of sensations. There is one thing I do remember, despite my loud and vigorous public denials. I remember the moment that I came back and felt the purest joy and love in the world, all caused by seeing Gourry. We floated down and he held me and I thought my heart would burst with the sheer, unmitigated wonder of it all. And then we realized where we were, and that everyone was watching us, and Gourry asked what he was doing, like he was completely disgusted by touching me. So I let him have it.
It was two weeks after that, and almost everything had gone back to normal. The only problem was that I had been having nightmares every night of those two weeks, and I seemed to be having the worst luck in the world. My friends tried telling me someone was trying to kill me, but how could someone deliberately try to kill every day for two weeks and not come closer? If it hadn't been for the nightmares, I doubt I would have noticed the incidents, but the combination was unnerving.
Exhaustion finally drove me to sleep and I dreamed. For the first time, I could see the specter that had been hovering in my recent nightmares, and it was a woman like none I had ever seen. At one and the same time, she was a swirling circle of stars, a beautiful blonde and a golden version of me. There were other things, other images of her, but I could not grasp more than the outlines as I floated in my dream.
//You were supposed to show me love. I feel it, but I also feel other things. Why is this?//
[Humans feel a lot of emotions, not just love. I mean, sure, there's love. There's also rage and hate and pain and fear of self and all sorts of things.]
//Fascinating. Why would you fear your own self?//
[Well, I fear what would happen if I lost control. Gourry went after me and said he needed me, but he didn't say he loved me. What if he loves Sylphiel? Or he still sees me as just a kid? I'd be humiliated. I've got too much pride to take the chance. And...]
//Go on.//
[It would hurt. I don't know if I could stand it.]
[I don't believe I have felt hurt yet. What is it like?]
I woke up, a scream stifled in my throat. It felt like all the pain of all my life was being drawn through me, brought to the surface. I felt tears streaming down my face and I fumbled for the opening flap, thinking I could sneak out while everyone was sleeping and take a bath in the pond we were camped next to. Maybe it would keep me awake the rest of the night.
I hadn't even cleared the tent's entrance when I heard him calling me, softly so as not to wake the others. I tried to keep my voice normal and my face turned away. "Yeah, Gourry, what do you want?"
"I want to talk to you, Lina. Please?" I could no more resist that voice than I could live without air. I nodded and walked over to the fire, trying as casually as I could to eradicate the tracks of my tears before he could see them. I felt my heart jump when he reached over and tilted my chin up, gently forcing me to look at him directly. "Please don't hide from me. If you cry I want to comfort you, not try to pretend I don't notice."
I pushed his hand away, swiping the handkerchief from his other hand. "Who said I was crying? And people have been fireballed for touching me, you know." Okay, so it wasn't exactly logical to deny I'd been crying while wiping my tears. I hadn't had a lot of sleep.
"I know. It's even been me a couple of times." He grinned, rubbing his head in his best aw-shucks manner. The one that made me want to leap at him and either pummel or kiss him into submission. "But that's not what I wanted to talk about. Well, it is, but it isn't. So don't fireball me yet, so I can say what I have to say and really deserve the burn."
He took my hand and I felt the blush starting to crawl up my neck, storming the ramparts and basically taking over my face. "Lina, you're killing me." I realized I had been holding my breath, and let it out on a sigh. "I never dreamed I'd meet someone like you. I didn't want to fall in love with you. You're so much younger, heck, you just turned eighteen. It makes me feel like some kind of pervert, like I'm taking advantage. But I can't stop, you know? And I need to know."
My mind latched on to one concept. "You love me?" I couldn't believe that little squeak came from me.
He made an impatient noise, kinda rudely, I thought. "Of course I love you, Lina. That's not the point."
Coulda fooled me. "It isn't?" I couldn't quite figure out what I was feeling. Happiness, love, yes, but predominantly disorientation and confusion.
"No! The point is, you need to tell me what you feel." Gourry stood up, crossing his arms across his chest and scowling fiercely at me. "If you need to fireball me, that's fine. I just need an answer."
I sat quietly for a minute, closing my eyes as I felt waves of love and fear and hope and pain crash through me. "Come here, Gourry. I'm not going to talk to you while you're looming over me." I patted the log next to where I was sitting.
"Well, I guess you're not going to fireball me if you want me to be at that close a range." He smiled, seeming nervous, but sat down, folding his hands in his lap as he stared at me intently.
The time had come. I took a deep breath and prepared to say the hardest words ever created. "I love you, Gourry. I have for a long time."
Never, ever have I seen any human being move as fast as Gourry did. Not even Zel's chimeric speed compared. In less than a second I was on Gourry's lap and he was kissing me for all he was worth, and he's worth the world. I could feel every nerve in my body tingle as I wrapped my arms around him, losing myself to the kiss.
I almost cried when the log gave way. Okay, partly because we hit the ground kinda hard, but mostly because he stopped kissing me and went to stand about three feet away. I started to follow and he backed up slightly, clearing his throat. "Lina... We can't do that sort of thing. You're not old enough."
I hopped up, my hands going automatically into the fireball position. "Is this another breast reference? Because I'm pretty tired of that kind of comment, you know. Not terribly loving of you to make me feel bad about my body, bucko."
Gourry held up his arms in a gesture of helpless surrender. "This has nothing to do with your breasts. Your body is perfect. It's just your age."
Perfect, eh? That's more what I want to hear. "What's wrong with my age? And tell me more about this perfect thing." Gourry kept stepping backwards as I stepped towards him.
"Well, you're underage. It'd be wrong to take advantage of you until you're of age." A sweat drop formed on his brow as I continued to stalk him.
"What if I want to be taken advantage of?" I could feel the grin on my face growing more and more feral. Just a few more steps...
"I don't think it works that wa-aaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaay!" Gourry had just fallen backwards into the pond. Once I saw his head above water, I very delicately removed my headband, followed by my gloves and boots. I could see just enough in the bright moonlight to note that his eyes were growing very, very wide.
"Lina? What are you doing?" My grin grew even wider at his squeaky tone. I dropped the yellow band from around my chest and slid my tunic open, stretching as I let it glide down my arms.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm going to take a bath, like I intended to." I shrugged, making my bare chest jiggle just as much as it could. He was staring so intently I got kinda shy, so I turned around while I bent over and slid my pants off. I heard a weird growling noise and I grabbed my tunic and whirled, checking to see if something was attacking Gourry.
I almost got hit by a flying sodden shirt. The now bare chested Gourry was stalking towards me, and the look in his eye was just a wee bit scary. I considered running for the hills but before I could do more than shift my weight in preparation, he scooped me up and headed for the water.
I kicked and flailed, hissing at him to put me down. He kept walking and I braced myself to be dropped into the cold water. He stopped just at the edge and toed off his boots, holding my wriggling body as if I was completely weightless. He stared across the water, looking as if he didn't remember the fact he was holding a beautiful petite sorcery genius whom he claimed to love that just happened to be completely naked. I was considering being miffed when he started walking again, and speaking in a low, conversational tone.
"You know, Lina, you have no sense of self preservation whatsoever. I've never met anyone who had more need of a protector. You're a magnet for trouble, and you have no idea when to sit back and not provoke danger. I've been trying very hard for a long time to protect you, and you fight me." He'd walked into the lake as he talked and at this last he stopped. He put me down and my tiptoes just barely touched the ground, making me grateful for the balance of his arms around me. He leaned down, his breath hot on my neck as he whispered, "You win, Lina. I'm not going to fight you or these feelings any more."
*****
When I finally fell asleep, I had no fear of nightmares. The woman appeared in my dream, looking less omnipotent, more shell shocked.
//I... I had no idea. Is human interaction always like that?//
[I don't know. It was the first time I've done anything like that I don't think I'll wait too long to do it again.]
//No, please don't. It was most... Stimulating.//
[So... Who are you and why are you in my mind?]
//I am the Lord of Nightmares. I am with you because it was the agreement you made in order to return.//
[Oh. Yeah, okay, I remember now. So, do you feel your end of the bargain is coming out okay?]
//Yes.//
[Want more?]
//More? There is more?//
[Yes. You are the Lord of Nightmares, right? So why not be the Lord of Dreams, too? I'm sure there's lots of people in the world that would be happy to have you come to them in dreams. Especially men.]
//Intriguing. But how would I enter their minds without destroying them? It is difficult to judge the amount of my consciousness and will I can exert, even on you.//
[Use as much as you're using now, no more. Try to project the same feeling as you are now.]
//Like this?//
[Maybe not quite so much of a sexual element... Unless you want to star in some distinctly erotic dreams.]
//While that would not be bad, I'm sure it would get boring eventually. Is this better?//
[Much. You'll have to try it out, although I'd suggest using bandits until you're sure you're not going to fry the brains of the person you're joining. And I think it'd be better if I remember all this while I sleep, but forget it when I wake up. I won't be the same if I know you're there.]
//Very well. I thank you, Lina Inverse.//
*****
I woke up and stretched, smiling. My smile faded as I looked at the other cots in the tent. I would have to do something about Sylphiel.
I had already warned Gourry that the slightest hint at a relationship between us in public was absolutely forbidden. He was hurt until I explained that I didn't mean we would end the intimacy we'd formed, or never go public, I just wanted time to adjust. Ultimately I'm not sure he fully understood all my reasons, but I kept talking long enough that he was willing to shrug and go along with whatever I said. I think that's one of the main reasons I love him; when it's important to me, I get my way and he doesn't hold grudges.
I didn't want to hurt Sylphiel, and I still don't. She's been through so much, and she's such a nice person. Heck, she saved my life when we fought Copy Rezo, and if she hadn't been there, that battle would have ended much differently. She's so delicate and feminine... Everything I'm not, but sometimes wish I could be. She's been a good friend, and I don't have many of those. I decided it wouldn't hurt to let things keep going as they were. I hoped she would work out her anger and go back to being the same sweet Sylphiel she'd been before.
The instant I saw her face as Gourry made to enter the ruins at Vija, I knew I had made what might be the worst mistake of my life. The only other time I had felt such panic and fear was when Phibrizzo made to destroy his crystal, and even then at least there was something I could do. I froze, my brain trying to form the words to a spell, any spell that would keep this catastrophe from happening. I finally stuttered a levitation spell and pulled him out to where I could reach him to cast a healing spell. Sylphiel collapsed behind me and I knew she had expended all her energy in keeping Gourry from being killed instantly. Amelia and Zel ran to help and I took a moment to sit back, frantically trying to think of a way to heal his weakening body. I saw Xellos and knew he would give me some answers.
He taught me the spells I needed without too much protest. The spell to seal off magic was fairly simple, but the spell Xellos taught me to heal Gourry had an interesting wrinkle. He insisted it was the only spell he knew that fit my request, and I didn't have time to argue. I walked towards where Amelia and Zelgadis were standing over Gourry.
"Miss Lina, we've got him stabilized for now, but he's going to need more help. He's got three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a concussion, a fractured collarbone and quite a few nasty burns on his legs. Any of these would be treatable, but all together the shock to his system has been too much." Amelia looked grim, lines of exhaustion pulling her mouth into an unfamiliar frown. Zelgadis was still working on Gourry but his face was showing the strain of the effort.
I nodded and started chanting, raising my hands in the prescribed manner. Zel and Amelia backed away as I bent down and touched Gourry's face, running my hands over every injury I could see. As I finished the spell, I saw one long lock of Gourry's hair turn a brilliant red just before I fell next to him. He would keep that lock of my hair until I stopped feeling his pain for him. I waved Zel and Amelia away, telling them to hurry up and heal Gourry. As they worked, I felt my pain, his pain, abate. They mended his lung and I breathed easier, managing to bring myself to my feet. I staggered over to Sylphiel and muttered the necessary words, sealing away her magic until I died or chose to let her have it back. I tried to pick her up and staggered, barely managing to put her down without collapsing.
Amelia saw what I was doing and hurried over. "We think it'd be best to move back to the inn now, Miss Lina. Can you walk?"
I saw that Zelgadis had picked up Gourry and was already walking back towards the city. I nodded and started stumbling after Zel as she followed, carrying Sylphiel. We heard gasps from townspeople, shocked that such a thing could happen at a site where they had played as children, where their children played now. My eyes burned with tears and I knew I had to confront Sylphiel.
*****
Night finally came, and I sent Zel and Amelia off to their beds before I crawled into the bed next to Gourry. I took comfort in his warmth and bulk as exhaustion overcame me and I sank into sleep.
//My child, why did you not call upon me for help?//
[I don't remember about you during the day. Besides, I can't cast the Giga Slave every time I break a fingernail, you know.]
//I suppose that's as it should be. Still, I can finish the healing now.//
[You just want to feel more-]
//Yes.//
[Thank you for healing him.]
//I have practiced entering the minds of many bandits. They are not as amusing as you are.//
[Well, you know, not everyone can be a petite sorcery genius.]
//I learned many names for you from them. Dragon Spooker, Chaos Incarnate, Enemy of All Who Live, Bandit Killer... More than one wet his pants when I appeared in your form.//
[Why does everyone call me those things? I'm a nice girl, really. I just don't like bandits.]
//They fear you.//
[Oh, well. Who cares what some smelly old bandits think, anyway.]
//You do.//
[Okay, sorta. But they're not really that important. It's more annoyance than anything else.]
//As you say.//
[Anyway. How're you doing on control?]
//I've mastered it. I am, in fact, also talking to your Gourry at the moment.//
[Really? Is he okay?]
//Ask him.//
I woke up and looked into the most beautiful blue eyes that ever existed. I fell into his arms and cried from the joy and relief I felt. He smiled and held me until I had finished, his hand running over my back the best sensation I could think of. Finally I propped myself up beside him, balancing on one elbow. "Can I ask a question?"
He smiled and reached out to stroke my cheek. "Sure, anything."
I had him in a headlock before he could blink, rubbing my knuckles into his skull as I berated him for being stupid enough to get himself hurt. I stopped cold when I heard him laugh and say, "Do you know, this is exactly why I make comments about your breasts?"
I dropped him and sat down heavily. "What? Why do you say that?"
He smiled like a cat who had eaten a whole pterodactyl and chased it with a gallon of cream. "Most of the time when I make a breast comment, you get me in a headlock and I get a very good and close view of the breasts in question. Handy, don't you think?"
"So you would make me feel bad just to get a cheap thrill? That's low, Gourry." I turned my back on him and sniffed.
"Come on, don't be like that. Considering the pain you inflict, I wouldn't call it a _cheap_ thrill, anyway." He reached out and pulled my shoulder towards him.
"Don't you give me that kind of line. And keep your hands to yourself, buster." I went to stand at the window, leaning out to look at the stars. To be honest, I wasn't that upset... But it looked like it might be fun to have him jump through a hoop or two.
"That's not what you said in the pond. Then it was 'Please, Gourry, please!'" He nuzzled my neck and I smiled, that damn blush creeping up again. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to sensation.
*****
We set out the next morning. Sylphiel played her part well, convincing everyone that it was her idea to stay. I still wasn't sure how I felt about it all. There was a nagging sensation that I'd failed her, let her down. I don't know if I would have gone over the edge if Gourry had loved her, but I know that losing Gourry on top of everything else was a big blow. Could I have waited to start a relationship, however discreet, with Gourry until after she was better? I don't know.
After we'd gone about a mile, I made a big fuss about leaving something back at the inn. I'm pretty sure Amelia knew something was up, but then I think she more than half suspects the real reason Sylphiel stayed behind. With her support, I managed to get away without the guys being too suspicious. I raywinged my way back and landed in the courtyard of the temple, just in front of the gardens. Sylphiel looked up and saw me, then stared at her hands.
"Sylphiel, I... I wanted to let you know you don't have to stay here. I'm not ready to trust you with your powers again, but I don't think you should be a prisoner." I'd thought about this a lot. I can't imagine a worse fate than being forced to remain in one place, and ultimately she didn't do any harm. She could have, but she didn't.
"Miss Lina. You don't know what I would give to start all over again, to clean up my mistakes." She bit her lip. "I can't, though. I can't go back and put it right."
I couldn't think of what to do. I put a hand on her shoulder and tried to say something, anything, but before I could she started talking again. "No, don't speak. I want to stay here. It's as nice a place as any, and it's peaceful. I need time to grieve for what I've lost, and to atone for what I've done. I can do both here."
I shrugged. "If you want to stay here, that's fine. Just remember that you're not a prisoner, and you don't have to spend every living moment in misery. Take a walk on the wild side every once in a while, have a drink or go out on a date. Try to laugh some more, Sylphiel. Please." She nodded, but avoided my eyes. I didn't know of anything else to try to say to make her feel better, so I said goodbye again and took off.
She waved goodbye as I soared into the air, enjoying the air on my face and the sun on my back. There were still problems, still pain and sadness in the world but at the moment none of it could touch me, Lina Inverse, Sorceress Extraordinaire.
-----------
Author's note:
Thanks again to QueSeraSera and Jheran for beta reading above and beyond the call of duty.
I'm starting on the sequels to this, and the first one, "Midnight Blue", is already up. Thanks to all of you who have left nice feedback and made me all happy that someone besides me likes this and wants more. :) Feel free to send me mail (mynuet@yahoo.com) or poke me with sticks over any of the messenger services to get me to write more. Feedback makes for a happy Sharlene.
There's still over 10 song references in this fic, including lyrics and song titles, but no one's guessed any of them, so I guess I hid them well. First person to email me a list with at least ten gets to have me write a fic just for them, with whatever pairing or plot zaniness their prize-winning mind can come up with. Bonus points if you spot the ones translated from songs in spanish, but you don't need those to make the 10.