Yuffie In
Wonderland
Chapter 2-The
First F—k Up!
By
Night_Stalker_Yuffie
45
minutes later
Julia- (To the audience) Heh heh I'm sorry to keep you
waiting ladies and gentlemen but apparently we had some uh…technical
difficulties…yeah that's it we had technical difficulties with the backstage
props so I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
*Audience stays silent*
Julia- (Stares sideways) Come on people make some noise!
*Audience boos and throws tomatoes at her.*
Julia-Aah not that kind of noise! I said I was sorry for
the inconvenience ok now on with the show! Can you at least clap now?
*Audience stays silent and you can hear someone cough*
Julia-O…k now it's time for me to narrate.
It was a
scorching hot summer day in Wutai. It was so hot that not even a gust of wind
had blown around the leaves or grass surrounding Yuffie's hometown. Yuffie was
perched uncomfortably on the big oak tree brushing off her long blonde hair.
Yuffie-I am so freaking hot, especially with this gay ass
long blonde hair wig!
Aeris- (whispers) Psst Yuffie that wasn't in your
script. AHEM Yuffie please settle down you must learn your daily lessons on the
art of roping, now listen carefully.
Yuffie- (sighs and whispers to the kitten) If I had a
world of my own, everything would be different and just like I would want it.
More materia for me and not having to deal with a bimbo with big boobs, a dumb
sister that doesn't look anything like me, and some spiky haired jerk who's a
midget! And just great Julia has me talking to a cat!
Aeris- (Whispers) Yuffie that wasn't in your line
either.
Julia- (from backstage) I'm gonna kill you Yuffie!
All of a
sudden, a white rabbit…or should I say Red XVIII ran by close to Yuffie. Yuffie
had never seen anything quite like it. It resembled that of a ferocious
tiger-dog. This odd creature wore white bunny ears, a waistcoat, a red jacket,
spectacles, and had a pink bow tied around his tail of fire.
Red XVIII-Hey, who are you calling an odd
creature? I am a rare specimen thank you very much! I prefer that name better
if you are going to classify me as anything!
*Audience stares in awe and surprised that he could talk
so they start taking pictures*
Yuffie-Hey wait for me! (She jumps from the branch and
runs after him) Red XVIII your bows on fire let me fix it!
Red XVIII-Bloody hell are you serious!?
(Checks his tail)
Julia- (from backstage) [Damn it you two quit making
up lines] What in bloody hell did I do to deserve this?
Yuffie-Ha ha zike! You should know better than to trust a
ninja thief now your materia is mine!!!
Yuffie- Oh yeah…who's line is it next?
Red XVIII-I think it's my turn I'm
supposed to ignore you…I'm late for a very important date! (Tries to take out
his pocket watch but his paws slip it aside) Hey Yuffie can you help me out
with this?
Yuffie-Hey you're getting out of character you're
supposed to ignore me remember, but very well. Let me get you a water hose from
backstage because this time your bow is really on fire this time!
Red XVIII-Oh no aah!!!
Julia- [Oh no this play is one huge fiasco]
*Audience looks confused and checks their papers to see if
any of this is in the script*
Yuffie- [Oh shit I forgot my lines] (stares at
audience nervously)
Red XVIII- (whisper) Yuffie ask me where
I'm going.
Red XVIII simply ignored her and ran off but Yuffie kept following him. Suddenly Red XVIII disappeared in a large hole under the hedge. She decided to jump down herself. Her kimono puffed up like a balloon as she fell down.
Yuffie-This is what I get for not listening to Aeris'
lousy rope lessons!
As Yuffie fell down she decided to stare at her odd
surroundings. Finally she reached the bottom. She could see a long tunnel and
in the clearance she saw Red XVIII running ahead of her.
Yuffie-Red XVIII slow your fiery hairy ass down will ya?
But Red
XVIII wouldn't pay attention to her. When she turned around the corner, she
found herself trapped in a big hall, lighted by lamps with no windows or any
sign of Red XVIII. She studied the hall carefully and to her attention saw a
low curtain. Behind it was a little door painted blue.
Yuffie-What the hell? It almost looks alive…oh well. (she
knocks) Hey Red XVIII open the god damn door!
*Audience laughs as they see Yuffie looking through
Bugenhagen's mouth.*
She saw
Red XVIII running through a garden. She desperately wanted to follow him so she
twisted the door knob…or rather Bugenhagen's round nose.
Bugenhagen-Ho ho ho ouch that hurts! For
goodness sakes dear you're much too big. Why don't you try that item on the
table? Ho ho ho!
Yuffie-Dude you can talk! Oh well whatever man what have I
got to loose. (reads item) 'Try Me' (Tries the item) What the hell just
happened to me?
*Audience gets up and stares with their magnifying glass
at Yuffie*
Yuffie- (chipmunk voice) Hey Julia I'm too short I'm even
shorter than Cloud right now!
Julia- (smacks her head) Keep acting the show must go
on!
Yuffie- (stares at Bugehagen) I guess I'm the right size
to fit through.
Bugenhagen- Ho ho ho You screwed up again
Yuffie Goofie, you should've stayed tall so that you would've gotten that key
on the table ho ho ho.
Yuffie-What do you mean?
Bugenhagen-I'm locked sweetheart.
Yuffie-Damn it Bugen why didn't you tell me!
Bugenhagen-Ho ho ho must've slipped my
mind.
Yuffie-I guess I'll give it a go. (climbs up the table
but slips) Damn it I'm never gonna make it!
Bugenhagen-If at first you don't succeed
try try again ho ho.
Yuffie-Shut up you!
On Yuffie's
final attempt she slipped for the last time and gave up. She thought she would
never reach the key until all of a sudden she noticed a box under the table.
Inside the box was a cheesecake from Turtle's Paradise bearing the words 'Eat
Me'.
Yuffie-Ugh I can't stand cheesecake but I guess I have no
other choice. (eats the cheesecake) Oh gawd that's the most dee-licious and
bootylicious shit I've ever tasted! Oh my gawd what's happening to me?
*Audience stares in awe*
Bugenhagen-Yuffie you're a giant bitch.
Guess it's true what they say big things come in small packages and in
this case you hit it off BIG time ho ho ho.
Yuffie-That's not funny you dickhead! I'm taller than I ever
was in my short life. I always wanted to be tall…but not THIS tall! Now I'll
never get home this way!
Yuffie
starts to cry and because she was now a giant she was now crying giant tears.
*Audience takes out their umbrellas*
Bugenhagen-Hey bitch stop crying I'm
allergic to salt water!
*The stage starts overflowing with Yuffie's tears and
pretty soon it affects the people in the audience*
Yuffie
listened to Bugenhaged and stops crying. She looked around and managed to find
the bottle. There were a few drops left and she drank every last bit of it
hoping to be small again. When she shrank she noticed that her tears were like
a salt-water ocean.
Yuffie-Damn it why did I have to fucking cry so much.
Yuffie
was about to swim inside the little door or Bugenhagen's mouth. Even if the
waves tossed her about, she knew how to swim.
Yuffie-I'm gonna make it! Oh boy I'm gonna make it! (All
of a sudden Yuffie chokes and gurgles in the salt water and after two seconds
she drowns)
*Audience stares in surprise, this definitely wasn't in
the play but they try to escape the salt water that already broke through the
seats*
Julia-Oh my god Yuffie where are you!? Everyone get out
to safety. FF7 cast come out and help me look for her!
*Scene
fades out*
A/N-Sorry folks this is a good part for a little cliffhanger. We didn't expect Yuffie's tears to cause such an enormous flood. You see we're trying to clean up back here, Yuffie's still missing, and we're looking for her through this mess. I'm sorry that the actors didn't follow their script lines. Most of my audience fled to safety but they'll be back and so will you right? Right?? Right???? Well I guess you can help me out by telling me your opinion of the story thus far. Please leave a review for little ol' me won't you? More to come soon! The next chapter will be Yuffie meets Tweedledum and Tweedledee!