Yuffie In
Wonderland
Chapter
4-Hojo the Dodo
Backstage…
Julia- (throws chair against props) I am so fucking
pissed at you Yuffie, Red XVIII, Heidegger, and Elena!!! In fact you two get
the fuck out of here now!
Elena-All right my God!
Heidegger-Sorry Julia we just tried to be
funny.
Julia- (points at the door) Get out!!!
Elena-Come on Heidegger.
Julia- (glares at Yuffie and Red XVIII) Hmph…Bugenhagen
you may leave if you please you have no more acting scenes thank you for acting
like a MATURE INDIVIDUAL!!!
Bugenhagen- (nervously) Ho ho ho it was no
problem…good luck with the rest of the play and see you next time. Take care of
yourself Nanaki. (leaves)
Julia-Hojo!
Hojo- (wakes up) Huh? Wha-what?
Julia-Do you know how to act?
Hojo-Well Miss Julia this is my first time and I'm very
nervous about it.
Vincent- (glares at Hojo) Yes a professional scientist that
makes a living killing of living creatures is nervous!
Hojo-I just hope it comes out good.
Julia-It better come out good cause the whole time you
were sleeping the play was a disaster!
Hojo-Really how so?
Julia-Certain characters didn't know their lines so they
thought it was funny if they made up their own also they made up their own acts
and disrespected our audience.
Hojo-My God that's horrible.
Vincent-Horrible are the actions you take upon.
Hojo-What do you have against me anyways?
Vincent-Hmph.
Julia-So Hojo are you ready for the challenge?
Hojo-I am willing to do what's best so I suppose so.
Julia-Vincent you're after Hojo so you should practice
your lines.
Vincent-Be patient I have it all in here (points at his
head) and if I do forget my lines-which I doubt-I'll improvise.
Julia-That's what I'm afraid of.
Vincent-You should know improvising is one of my strong
points although there is something I disagree upon.
Julia-What is that?
Vincent-Why must I wear this atrocious caterpillar suit?
Julia-Because you're the caterpillar and I can't change
your costume cause it's too late. Anyways Hojo what are you going to do if you
forget your lines?
Hojo-Why improvise of course!
Julia-Well when you improvise please say something that
has to do with the plot of the story and not about your personal life (glares
at Yuffie) I'm sure you're familiar with the Disneyfied story of 'Alice in Wonderland'
by now. the same thing goes for the rest of you. (stares at Yuffie and Red
XVIII) you clowns are up next so don't spoil it I'm not up for that shit got
it?
Yuffie and Red XVIII-Got it!
Julia- (peeks out of the curtains) Alright people take
your places everyone the full audience is back I gotta narrate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Julia-Welcome back ladies and gentlemen you don't have to
make any noise just enjoy the show.
*Audience wonders why she sounds so serious all of a
sudden everyone does a standing ovation and claps, cheers, and whistles*
Julia- (pessimistic tone) Uh gee thanks folks on with the
show.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yuffie
was happy that she got away from those crazy weirdos. While on her way across
the path she saw an amazing garden with beautiful flowers and fountains. Yuffie
was glad that she saw the house it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever
seen.
Yuffie-Wow it's as beautiful as Aeris' house!
*Audience stares in confusion*
Yuffie-Woops that wasn't in the script.
Julia- (threatens her with shurikens) Mess up again
Yuffie and meet your doom!
Yuffie- (sweatdrops) I wonder who lives in such a
wonderful place!
Suddenly Red
XVIII opened the shutters.
Yuffie-Hey Red XVIII it's you at last whazaaaaa!!!
*Audience laughs as they see the way Yuffie's tongue hangs
out as she says that*
Julia-Yuffie! (throws shurikens)
Yuffie-Ah whoah! (dodges them)
Julia-That wasn't in the line either!
Yuffie-Well what do you expect when you're hitting me with
those sharp things?
Julia- (scratches her head) Huh? Just shut up will ya?
Red XVIII
came down and went outside but he didn't greet her. Instead he began to scold
her.
Red XVIII-Mary Ann! What the heck are you
doing out here? Fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan this instant!
Yuffie- (confused) Julia Red XVIII forgot that my name is
Yuffie not Mary Ann!
Julia-And you obviously didn't rehearse your lines! He's
supposed to confuse you with his housemaid not you stupid!
Yuffie-Well I don't care! (To Red XVIII) Who do you think
you are giving me orders? My name is Yuffie not Mary Ann who is she anyways
your uh housemaid?
Julia- (throws shurikens) Yuffie stop it!
Yuffie- (dodges shurikens) Hey Julia did you know that you'll
hurt the main character this way? The play is already messed up as it is with you
participating in it as well so just give it a rest. The audience is starting to
wonder who's throwing those things and since you're also participating in the play
one way or another (stares at audience) ladies and gentlemen Julia is the one trying
to kill me!
*Audience gasps*
Yuffie- (goes backstage) Come on out Julia it's your time to
shine! (drags Julia to the main stage)
Julia-Yuffie what the fuck are you doing?
*Audience stares at Julia, Julia smiles and waves nervously at the audience and the audience cheers loudly*
Julia-People I gotta narrate the story through the mic
speaker now. (whispers) Yuffie I'm gonna kill you after the play ends.
*Audience cheers as they see Julia leave backstage*
Yuffie-That's Julia ladies and gentlemen!
*Audience cheers*
Red XVIII-Hey can we get back to the play
now?
Julia-Precisely what I was thinking.
The
inside of Red XVIII's house was just as luxurious as the outside. Yuffie looked
around the place the pictures are quaint and the furniture was old fashioned
but nonetheless very pretty. All of a sudden she heard Red XVIII calling her.
Red XVIII-Mary Ann where the hell are my
gloves? I'll be late for my appointment!
Yuffie- (mocks him) 'I'll be late for my
appointment' Geesh where does a mother fucker like him need to be going? Very
well! Where did he put those stinking gloves anyways? He wanted a pair of
gloves??? Why would a 4 legged thing like him need gloves for? I tell ya it
just don't make sense! He'll get the gloves dirty and look nasty anyways!
Julia-Yuffie stop babbling!!!
Yuffie
didn't find his gloves but she did find some a box with fortune cookies inside.
As she took them out she read her fortune and it read: 'You have to think
BIG.' They looked very delectable and she didn't hesitate to taste it.
Yuffie- (to Julia) I didn't hesitate to taste it? You have
no idea how wrong that souuuunds!!!!!
*Audience gets scared and opens their umbrellas*
Julia-Hey people put those umbrellas down she's not gonna
cry!
*Audience reluctantly closes their umbrellas*
She didn't finish eating the fortune cookies because as you can obviously tell she turned into a giant again inside of the house. Her head was already touching the ceiling of the house. Her arm stuck out of the windows and her feet stuck out of the doors.
Red XVIII-AAAAh it's the Hell House from
sector 5!!!!
Julia-Red XVIII first of all you know that's not true
second of all stay with your freaking lines!!!!
Red XVIII-And I thought I was monstrous
looking…uh I mean aaaaah a monster! Somebody help! There's a monster in my
house!
Yuffie-What's going on? Oh damn I'm a giant again!
*Audience opens their umbrellas again*
Yuffie-Chill people my young ass ain't gonna cry ok! Damn
this is serious I can't move at all help me Julia! (struggles)
Julia-Relax it's just part of the act.
Yuffie-Fuck! Yo no one can eat shit in here without
turning to a giant!
She peered through the window and saw a strange Dodo bird…or should I say Hojo dressed like a Sailor who was outside of the house with Red XVIII. They began to discuss what just happened.
Red XVIII- (off topic) Ha ha ha feeling a
little stage fright eh Hojo?
Hojo-Ahem what is your problem?
Red XVIII-My problem is you Hojo!
Hojo-No you nerd I meant how did that giant get int your
house? (whispers) get with the program or else.
Red XVIII- (whispers) or else what?…I don't
know and I don't care the only thing I care about is getting it the fuck out!
You gotta help me out.
Hojo- (stares at Yuffie) Indeed it is a rare yet
precious specimen I'll have to take it with me to the lab for some tests and
experiments.
Yuffie-Hey quit flirting with me you yellow-bellied
sucker!
Red XVIII-Aah it talks too!
Hojo- (stares strangely at Red XVIII) You can speak as
well you rare thing you!
Julia- (gets up) Hojo did you forget your lines? You're
getting completely out of character.
Hojo-Oh but you're wrong Miss Julia I'm getting into my
real life character so the audience will know how I really am.
Red XVIII-You're really a scum now shut up
and keep acting!
Julia-Hojo I told you to improvise with something that
has to do with the plot of the story. Now did you or did you not forget your
lines?
Hojo-No I haven't forgotten.
Julia-Then stop eating shit and act!
Hojo- (to Red XVIII) Where was I?
Red XVIII-I'll give you a hint…I'm not
helping you out ha ha ha!
Julia- (smacks her forehead) Red XVIII asked for your help on getting Yuffie…uh I mean the
giant out.
Hojo-Oh ok you really need to narrate our every move
Miss Julia. As for you Red XVIII I have a simple solution to your problem we'll
smoke him out! Grab a blunt Reddy ol' pal and spark it up with me!
Cid comes out from the stage unexpectedly.
Julia-What the fuck?
*Audience cringes at Cid's grotesque appearance*
Cid-All right sorry you had to see my ugly face folks
you can stop making gagging noises now! but I gotta deal with this first.
(punches Hojo) Gimme back my fucking lighter what's your problem stealing my
shit?
Hojo-Ow Miss Julia help please I promise that I won't
get out of character just get him the hell out.
Julia-You promise but will the rest of the cast do the
same? Very well I have to anyways. Cid get the fuck out of the stage you have a
bunch of lighters in your dressing room!
Cid-But Julia that one's my fucking favorite and
cherished lighter!
Julia-It's not even yours it's mine!!!
Cid- (stares at the lighter) Oh uh sorry about that.
(walks out of the stage)
*Audience boos and throws tomatoes at him*
Julia-That made him leave…on with the show!
Hojo the
Dodo prepared to set the house on fire right away and Yuffie was very
frightened. As the smoke began to rush toward her, she noticed the garden
outside the window and reached out to pull a tiny carrot in her hand. Red XVIII
saw what she was doing and tried to stop her, but she managed to eat the carrot
since she was used to growing and shrinking/ Just as she ate the carrot she
began to shrink small once again. She was her regular height and was able to
get out through the door and out the house.
Hojo-Damn it you stupid little girl you ruined my plan! (to
Red XVIII) No cooperation. No cooperation at all! Now let's burn this baby!
Red XVIII-Thank you for getting rid of the
monster I Uh….WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON'T BURN MY HOUSE YOU FOOL!!!!
Hojo-Aw come on it'll be fun let's burn everything!!!
Red XVIII-You crazy Dodo! Oh my goodness
my appointment I forgot all about it I have to go!!!!! (leaves)
All of a sudden Hojo gets a little crazy and gets gasoline
and puts flames on the stage. The flames spread across the theater.
*Audience gets scared and runs for their lives*
Julia-Hojo what the hell are you doing? this is the end
of the scene stop it you're burning the Gold Saucer theater!!!
Hojo-Muahahahahahaha now no one can stop me!!!!
Julia-Uh oh not another crisis! Hey get the fire
department!!! (to reader) You better get out too if you don't want to get
burned!
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A/N-This is the end of chapter 4. We have yet another crisis
and the fire fighters will get here in just a few minutes. Don't worry I'll
make the next chapter less dangerous. Vincent premieres in the next chapter so
there's nothing to worry about…or is there? Please leave a review.