Yuffie In
Wonderland
Chapter
5-The Perfect Part of the Play…or is it?
Julia-That's it we can't waste anymore time talking.
Vincent do you remember your lines?
Vincent-Yes
Julia-And you Yuffie?
Yuffie-Yes
Julia- (to the reader) This will probably be the most
serious part of the play because of good ol' Vincent.
Yuffie-He's so boring that I don't even bother pulling
one liners on him.
Julia-Everything has to work like clockwork now. (to the
reader) Oh and if you're wondering about the fire incident no one got hurt but
the Gold Saucer theater burnt down and is under heavy construction hence we are
forced to do the play in the main entrance of the battle arena we spoke to Dio
and he agreed to let us do the show there. (to the cast) Now move your asses
our audience awaits.
*Audience cheers loudly as Julia enters*
Julia- (indicates the audience to stop applauding with a
show of her hand) Thank you folks and sorry for the rearrangement and now on
with the show.
*Audience claps their hands*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yuffie
ran away from Red XVIII's house and got lost in the grass. She was so small
that the grass seemed like a gigantic forest to her. She was happy to have
escaped yet another close call but what was bothering her was that she was lost
and had no idea how to get home.
Yuffie-Looks like I'll have to find Red XVIII…but when he
notices he forgot his gloves, he'll be mad at Mary Ann and guess who he thinks
Mary Ann is?
Yuffie
kept walking ahead and as she did she also noticed that her surroundings were
not only gigantic but they were very strange as well. There were butterflies
with bread and butter replaced as their wings, delicate horseflies galloped
through the air. There were even talking flowers. Everything was so strange and
unusual. Yuffie gave up thinking about it, she knew she was truly in a
wonderland in which everything was different from the world in which she lived in.
She continued to the grass wondering if she'd ever get home. Pretty soon Yuffie
saw smoke rising out of the grass. It was coming out from a small clearing. She
stood on her tippy toes and peeked over the top of a large caterpillar…or
should I say Vincent, who was sitting on top of the mushroom with its arms
folded quietly smoking a long water pipe.
*Audience boos and throws tomatoes as they see Cid coming
out again*
Cid-Vincent what is your problem smoking from my
cherished long water pipe?
Vincent-First of all what is your problem ruining this
play? Second of all this is my water pipe from the Shinra Mansion I claim it
and have every right to utilize it.
Cid-No you're wrong this time! It even bears my
initials see! (points at the inscription C.H.)
Vincent-C.H. stands for Crowned Heights the company these
pipes now would you please leave the stage. Julia and the audience already feel
hostile with your rude, childish, and grotesque presence.
Cid-Fick no! I'm not leaving without my fucking pipe!
Vincent-I told you it's not yours it's mine I would gladly
give it to you after the show.
Cid-Give it to me? After the show? You gay bastard!
Vincent- (rolls eyes) You know that's not what I meant.
Cid please leave.
Cid-Not until I get my fucking pipe!
Vincent-I'll give you the pipe after my scene ends can't
you wait?
Cid-Nooo!
Vincent-Listen Cid it's hot enough as it is me wearing
this silly outfit with the bright lights shinning on my face and it's also hot
with the pipe lit on. The pipe is part of my scene and you're wasting my time.
If I have to stand here being hot as balls…excuse my French in this
caterpillar suit then I'll throw a huge fit. I'm asking you nicely please get
out!
Cid-I don't give a fuck if you're burning in that
rubber suit and I also don't give a damn if you ask me cruelly either I want my
pipe now!
Yuffie-Hey can someone get this ugly old dirty bastard
out of the stage?
Julia-Turks you know what to do get him with the pepper
spay and cover his dirty mouth with duct tape.
*Turks seize Cid and spray his eyes then kick him to the
ground and put duct tape in his mouth audience cheers and laugh at the Turks
dressed as playing cards.*
Julia-Ok let me continue.
The
caterpillar looked at Yuffie then took the pipe out of his mouth and said…
Vincent-Who are you? (Blows smoke rings into the air)
Yuffie-Hey Vincent…I think it's really sexy the way you
blow smoke rings into the air like that. You gotta teach me that backstage hee
hee.
Vincent- (grins) Thanks I guess now do you mind telling me
who you are?
Yuffie- (dazed) The girl of your dreams.
Vincent- (whispers) Yuffie I'm hot please hurry and keep
with your lines (shouts) for the third and last time WHO ARE YOU?
Yuffie- (shakes her head) I hardly know myself sir you
see I've change so many times since this morning.
Vincent- (impatiently) I do NOT see exactly what is your
problem? (whispers) Come on Yuffie I'm dying of heat here hurry up.
Yuffie-Maybe I should blow on you to give you air.
Vincent-Yuffie no! You're breath emits your body heat!
Yuffie- (passionately blows air on him) Better?
Vincent-No Yuffie…please get to your lines!
Yuffie-Now where was I? (asks audience) Hey people what
was the last thing Vincent said?
*Audience shrugs*
Vincent-I want to know what exactly is the problem you're
stating.
Yuffie-Oh why didn't you say so? I guess what I'm trying
to say is that I'd like to be a little larger.
Vincent-Hmm I see. I have something to tell you.
Yuffie-You love me? Could it be true? Is my psychic
correct on this one?
Vincent-No Yuffie the thing I have to tell you is…one side
will make you grow taller and the other side will make you shrink smaller. Phew
about damn time! (POOF!)
And with
that said Vincent the caterpillar turned into a butterfly and flew away. Yuffie
stared at the two mushrooms Vincent had left her.
Yuffie-Hmm I wonder which is which?
It was a
very difficult question indeed she decided to take a chance.
Yuffie-I'm tired of being three inches short. (bites a
bit of the mushroom)
As soon as
she did, she grew so quickly that her head pushed through the tops of the
trees. Yuffie found herself looking out over the top of the forest, frightening
the birds. Yuffie became a giant again.
*Audience takes out their umbrellas*
Julia-People put it down I told ya she's not going to
cry.
*Audience reluctantly closes their umbrellas*
Anyways…she
could hardly see her feet. While she was still rising through the trees, a
bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on top of her head.
*There's a sudden silence the audience is confused*
Yuffie-Am I supposed to say something yet? It's not my
turn yet what's going on?
Julia-I know it's not your turn yet Yuffie. Ahem I said:
A bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on the top of her head!
Yuffie-Uh oh someone forgot their lines!
*Audience waits patiently*
Julia-Someone get me a ladder. (goes to the main stage
where the ladder is at) Thanks (climbs up and searches)
Yuffie-Hi Julia! Your presence is ruining the play.
Julia-Not now Yuffie!
Yuffie-What are you looking for? What's taking so long?
The audience is waiting. Isn't this the part where the bird premiers?
Julia-(checks the script) The bird!!! How could I
forget?
Yuffie-Looks like you screwed up the play at this point
Julia!
Julia-Don't rub it in!
Yuffie-What are you gonna do? You can't kiss ass to Elena
for her to come back she's probably pissed at you and Elena's understudy is
long gone and so are some of your audience members.
Julia- (sees audience leave) WAIT!!! Don't go just yet
the show must go on…but you see we're kind of taking a short break here. If
you're going to leave please get yourselves some refreshments and come back!
Here it's on me! (throws gil to the audience)
*Audience rushes to pick up the gil and leave.
Julia- (to the reader) I'll be back folks I gotta get
Elena first! (to Turks) Follow me you guys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile…Elena and Heidegger are about to leave the Gold
Saucer.
Heidegger- (reading the script) Hey 'Lena
did you know that you were playing the wrong role. You weren't supposed to be
Tweedledumbass you were supposed to play an even shorter role and that was the
role of the bird.
Elena-Oh that's just great! Look at what Scarlet put me
through! Oh well what does it matter now when Julia kicked me out? For all I
care her play can end up a disaster I mean it already was since the beginning I
can't wait to see the stupid look on her face on the Shinra Enquirer when I
read that she's missing an insignificant character.
Heidegger-That's right but if the play
was a disaster than she'll probably skip your part. What's the point? She might
as well.
Elena- (heads back) She wouldn't dare!
Heidegger- (grabs her by the arm) Forget
about it Elena you don't wanna act some more do ya?
Elena-It's the principal of it all! First I play the
wrong character, then I was rudely kicked out of the theater, then I find out
that I'm supposed to be another character and she's gonna skip it cause the
play was a mess??? I don't think so not while Elena's around. I'm gonna act and
I'm gonna act good damn it!
Heidegger-Good choice you better tell her
that now cause here she comes! (points at Julia)
Elena- (yelps and hides behind Heidegger) Look at her
pathetic face! Now she wants me back in the play? I don't think so!
Heidegger-But I thought you wanted to be
in the play.
Elena-She'll have to beg and give me something in return
if she wants me to act!
Julia-Oh Elena thank goodness there you are!
Elena-Hmph
Julia-Ok I'm sorry I kicked ya out but right now I'm
kind of in a bind that involves…
Elena-Yes I know about your incident with the missing
character.
Julia-Well yes and I'm really sorry and I was kind of
wondering if…
Elena-What's in it for me?
Julia-What's in it for you? What the hell do you mean
what's in it for you? I don't have to give you anything!
Elena-Well I don't have to act in your stupid play also
so there! Now if you'll excuse me.
Julia-Wait up! That's not what I meant. What I meant is
that it just wouldn't be fair to the other characters. Why should you get paid
if they're doing it for free?
Elena-Well I can care less about the others. What they
don't know won't hurt them so this can be our little secret Julia!
Julia-…Ok how much do you want?
Elena-How much do you have?
Julia-Quite a lot but I can only give you 2500 gil.
Elena-3000 and it's a deal.
Julia-Are you crazy? Don't haggle with me I really need
the money.
Elena-And you also need an actress! 3000 come on cough
it up.
Julia-2700 I can't go higher than that.
Elena-You've got yourself a deal.
Julia-All right Turks she obliged now grab her!!!
Elena-Hey what the hell you tricked me you little shit!
Julia-No I didn't I'll give you the money after the show
so now you have to sit through the whoooole play just like the other
characters…after all it wouldn't be fair you have such a better advantage then
they do.
Elena-Why you little! You'll live to regret this day
Julia Naoko Mori!!!
Julia-Yeah whatever blondie.
Heidegger-Good luck 'Lena I'll read about
it on the Shinra Enquirer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Julia-Audience make some noise cause we're back!
*Audience cheers and stomps their feet*
Julia-I hope ya'll enjoyed the refreshments that were on
me while I was gone!
*Audience cheers and applauses*
Julia-Now ON WITH THE SHOW!!!!
And while she was rising through the trees, a bird's nest with eggs in it had ended up on top of her head.
Elena-Shoo! Shoo! Go away! (flaps wings) Come on git!
Don't just stand there!
Yuffie-Hey bitch I'm no serpent I'm a little girl!
Elena-Little my ass! Get out of here before I poop bird
shit on ya!
Yuffie-Eww no don't do that! Honest to Kame I'm not a
serpent do I look like one?
Elena-Yes and an ugly serpent let me add!
Yuffie
found it exhausting to keep changing her size all the time. She didn't want to
be either a giant or the size of an ant.
Yuffie-I just wanna be little ol' me. I'd never thought
I'd say this but…I wish I would go back to my real height!
Elena-MMmm yummy if you turn into something smaller than
a serpent you'll end up transforming in a worm and birds eat worms!
Yuffie-Eat? Oh my gawd I remember! (takes out mushroom)
Elena-Hmm what is that?
Yuffie
nibbled at the bit of the mushroom and shrank back to her normal height. She
kept a piece of it in case she might need it later on.
Yuffie-Who knows things are so very odd in this place!
*Audience applauses*
Elena-Is it over? Is this the end of the scene? (climbs
down)
Julia-Yes Elena it is.
Elena-YES!!!! No more acting I just gotta wait a couple
more scenes till you give me my 2700 gil right? A promise is a promise!
*FF7 cast gasp and glare at Julia*
Julia-Uh-oh.
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A/N-I'll end this chapter here for right now I'm kind of
in a dispute with the other FF7 cast regarding financial monetary issues they
might even go on a strike. Anyways what did you think? Please send me a review.