I stared in silence at the family hologram in my scoop. I
walked towards it, my gaze was held by Elfangor's eyes. I reached out and
touched him. My eyes traveled down
towards my eyes, but that was no longer me, was it?
And then, another hologram, Allistar and Degan with my parents. Could
they truly be my brother and sister?
I knew nothing about them. I didn't grow up with them. I wasn't part
of their life. I held no meaning to them.
I was an outsider.
Again.
I looked back to my parents. They hadn't changed. I looked back at the
younger me. Determine. Stubborn. Elfangor's follower. I had changed.
I wasn't part of this life. I wasn't part of this new family;
Allistar and Degan with my parents. I was not used them. They were not my
definition of family. My family had always been Elfangor my parents and me.
Why did that have to change? It was a good enough life.
I was no part of this family. But I was part of the Animorphs. I was part
of Jake, Rachel, Marco, Cassie, and Tobias's life just as much as they were
part of mine. We had grown up together in the war. Came to understand each
other. Been through a lot.
Allistar and Degan would never understand me, nor would my parents. The
Animorphs would understand me though. I settled back in the grass. Still deep in
thought.
I wondered aimlessly about my place. I knew it was no longer existed with
my birth people. In comparison to the humans, my people were dull predictable
and boring. There was some adventure in living with humans, no one human was
like another, each had different views of the world and different experiences to
share, they knew how to live. My people had nothing more to watch out for than a
life that offered easy grazing. Ironically, there was some danger in that, since
the war was escalating dramatically.
My home seemed so alien and strange. It had ceased feeling like home. I
had been absent form it for too long. It was just too long.
The trees no longer spoke about me, or about my time with Elfangor, they
uttered a world filled with two new Andalites.
My father was still outside with the others. But I did not feel like
talking to anyone in particular. I think I dozed off for a while, when I woke up
it was night.
At first I thought that the sun was still outside but no, this was not
Earth, on Earth night meant pitch-black surroundings and one lone pale moon. On
my world, nights are at times, just bright as day; we have four moons.
I stood up quietly. I walked outside of the scoop and towards the open
meadow, I watched my parents, Allistar, and Degan.
When I stepped out from behind the trees everyone stopped to look at me.
I came to an awkward stop no more than a few yards away.
My father broke the uncomfortable silence, Are you feeling
better?
I think so. I mumbled.
Another awkward silence.
Maybe we should go. Allistar said he cast a look at Degan, she
too looked ready to leave.
No. Don't. I said, I just came here to apologize for my
behavior this morning. I wasn't thinking. It's just that I was shocked. And
I'm sorry if I hurt anyone. I'll get out of your way now.
I turned to walk away, I did not look back at them, my father said,
wait, Aximili we are a family, you don't just walk away.
I turned and look at my father sadly. No, father, this is your
family, I am no part of it, I may have been a long time ago, but no more.
You're being ridiculous. My mother said.
What is more ridiculous? I asked her, staying in a home that
no longer feels like home? Or pretending it is home when it's not?
No one has to pretend anything. My father said evenly.
No. You don't. But I have.
I know this seems very strange to you. My mother said, but
this is your family, as different as it is.
I said nothing.
Look Aximili, my father said, we can't live in the past. We
have to move on. When news came to us that both our sons were lost to the war,
we had to move on. We grieved at our loss. But all life doesn't end because
some of it - a large part of it- was lost.
I still said nothing.
I know you are upset, my mother spoke, and as hard as it
seems, you must move on.
And I still said nothing.
You don't understand, I wanted to shout, this is Elfangor
you're talking about, my big brother! I can't move on! But I didn't
say that.
Because my parents were right, as hard as it was, I had to move on. I
hated them for being right.
Briefly, I wondered how Jake, my prince, was able to live with a brother
that was a controller, and at the end lose him fully to the Yeerks; it took
someone very strong to do that.
It also took someone who was able to make heavy decisions.
Okay. I said finally.
My father said, You will like your new home. I know it is hard for
you to think about it this way, but I have made a decision. He paused,
That is to leave our scoop for you for a coupe of days, it will give you
time to come round it.
Father! Degan objected. But he gave her a look that shut her up.
Allistar looked in amusement at Degan. She glared back at him and he
averted his eyes.
I think I'll go now. Degan muttered, Mother, I have work to
do…em…I'm suppose to make a good first impression tomorrow.
What? Allistar mocked, You?
Shut up. Allistar.
I didn't think you needed to make any first impressions.
Allistar smirked stupidly at his little sister, You do not need your brains.
All you need is your charm, your combat trainer is all for it, did you know
that? And while I'm at it, may I add that the bruise on your face is a
charming addition to your profile?
I shifted my weight uncomfortably.
Shut. Up.
What's all this about? Father asked.
Nothing. Degan gave Allistar a murderous look.
Oh sure, nothing. Whatever you say, it shall be it. Princess.
I'm not a Princess. Degan smiled slyly at her brother, But
if father says I'm one and you say so too, then what does that make you?
A Prince. Naturally.
No, you'd be known as the Princess's brother. You haven't got
what it takes to be a Prince.
Allistar looked at my smiling mother, then at my father who was also
smiling in amusement. Then he looked at me, I wasn't smiling. I'm
genuinely hurt.
Degan walked away from Allistar and headed straight towards me, I froze
completely, my muscled stiffened as she took me by my arm,. Come on Prince Aximili, I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of the evening
with the Princess's brother, you could die of boredom, and I don't
want that.
She led me away from the others, and stopped a few yards away from the
scoop. I had no idea what to say.
Allistar isn't boring really, he just gets on my nerves and I have
to find ways to annoy him back.. she commented easily. I could take my
father calling me Princess, that's what he calls me, but if it came from
Allistar it's just another one of his sarcastic remarks.
Ah yes, Marco and Rachel are like that. Only Marco refers to Rachel
as Xena, a Warrior Princess. She too finds the remark sarcastic at certain
times. Not to mention secretly charmed, I added silently.
Who?
Never mind. I muttered.
Allistar didn't join the military, Degan said, He's an
exhibition tail fighter, a very good one at that.
He is? I wondered.
At least, I thought he was, sure, he's got high scores. She
gave me a smile. But your encounter yesterday set the facts right.
I shifted my weight again.
I'm not angry. Degan said breezily, I'd have done the
same thing you did, but -if you don't mind me saying so- you really do know
how to tail fight.
There had been a lot of battles, I allowed.
I'm a cadet. She smiled again, I was about to tell my
parents that I just set the new high scores in the academy. But they had bigger
news.
You joined the military?
Yes.
I stared at her, But why?
Why did you?
Because Elfangor was- I stopped. Okay, I understand.
It's because I'm a female. She said, leering gently at me,
Isn't it?
I do not have any problems with female Arisths, I said
hesitantly, I had met one in the war.
You did?
An honorary female Aristh.
I see. Degan said, Are you hungry?
Not really.
Okay, but if you ever are, I'd tell you that the grass at the
southern part of the open meadow tastes fresher than the east. I'll have to go
now, I've got work to do, maybe we'll talk later.
I'm sure we will. I answered.
She left me then, I headed back to the scoop, settled down and went back
to sleep.
Degan and Allistar fitted in together, there relationship -at first
glance- seemed a bit
like Marco and Rachel. If that was so, were would I fall in line?
Who would I be? Would I be Ax? Or would I be another person? What
I knew was one thing though, Aximili-kala was dead. And he wasn't going to
come back, instead, taking his place was an Andalite Prince called Aximili.
Aximili of Earth. A living legend.
Only I didn't feel as if I was that worthy of the title. At heart I was
still a follower. And I would still heed to my former Prince.
But even that thought drove me uncomfortable, I had stayed with my
friends for a long time, I would stay loyal to them, but like my parents said, I
must move on, take a step further.
Words from my past came to hunt me, and I recalled what the honorary Aristh
had once told me, You'll be much happier with your own kind.
I'd be happier when my friends are back. And maybe, just maybe,
they'd be happier too.
I actually looked through all the animorphs books to find out about Ax's parents, I found it in the Andalite chronicles, Elfangor said a few sentences about them, based on what he said I predicted their reactions, wow, huh? They actually feel real, don't they? I actually worked hard on creating them.