duvet

Wow, this turned out a bit moodier than expected…I think it was the title I chose. In any case, this is a look at the episode "Subzero Ice Punch", from a bit of a different point of view than most fics you might see. Yes, it IS shounen-ai. Isn't it interesting what happens when I get annoyed? It's a stream of consciousness fic, but it should make sense in the end.

Duvet

And you don't seem to understand
A shame, you seemed an honest man
And all those fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear


He doesn't understand.

It's an endless refrain, growing louder and louder in my mind as I stare balefully at his face. That grin I know so well, and chocolate brown eyes. Innocent. And to think I was so happy to see him a few moments ago.

It's not fair of me to feel this way, but there's one thing that I've learned while in the Digiworld; I'm not a fair person. I try to be, but I have so many emotions that run rampant through me. They all crowd around my mouth at once, and all I can make is an inarticulate growl as I leap at him.

He doesn't understand.

And he never will. I know that now, just as surely as I knew last night. The knowledge just awoke from its slumber, an inkling turned into a flood of new emotions.

Two wildly different situations come to a crux that can only be resolved with a catharsis of sorts.

I found out last night. And I didn't even know it until this moment.

I want someone to understand me. I can't even say it, but I want them to know.

Some part of my mind watches detachedly as he swings wildly at me. Too busy defending himself to even ask. Or does he even care?

I think, in this moment, I actually hate him. Because I need something to hate, and he's right there. And because he doesn't even know it…what he's done without lifting a finger.

It's my fault.

I should have said something.

Anything but letting my silence speak as an affirmation. I was just so shocked.

"You like him, don't you?"

That's not what I meant. It's not like that. I hate him, remember?

Please, don't turn away again. Don't give up.

You can win if you just tried. If I knew you really cared.

Isn't it funny? I've lost, I know it now. He's straddling my legs and making me face him…and all I can think about is you.

That voice, like a sliver pinprick of light in an all-consuming darkness.

"Matt, are you still awake?"

I'm not the only one who can't sleep at night.

"I'm sorry…about what happened earlier." And I was. I shouldn't have done that to you.

"It's okay. I know you were just teasing."

You dismiss it so easily.

"What are you still doing up?"

"Just thinking."

"Me too."

Silence.

"You're scared, aren't you?"

"No."

Yes.

"You're worried just as much as I am."

"Maybe."

"Is it TK?"

"He's my responsibility. I have to take care of him."

"That's the way I feel…about all of you."

"You don't have to. I can take care of myself."

"But, I want to be able to take care of you—all of you."

Silence.

"You like him…don't you, Matt? What's not to like...he's dynamic...attractive..."

Silence.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I won't keep you awake any longer."

No.

Not like that.

Not like…

Chocolate brown meets my eyes. Forcing it out of me.

"It's TK…" I finally choke out.

He doesn't understand.

God, Joe, I wish you were here…

I wish you were here.



The End