In the Last Breath of the Sun
by: liljaneybelle
iYou've got to leave me now; you got
to go alone.
You got to
chase a dream; one that's all your own,
Before it
slips away.
When you're
flying high, take my heart along.
I'll be the
harmony to every lonely song
That you
learn to play./i
The old
porch swing still creaked. It would
always creak, the one flaw in the setting that made the scene more perfect some
how. Greens and golds stretched to the
horizon, a few trees and homes marring the perfect flatlands. The greens and golds of the fields kissed
the reds and oranges of the setting sun, fading with its last breath into the
blues and purples of the evening sky that would soon be speckled with her
stars. Nature was settling in for the
night, winding down into a dusky twilight.
And through the whole performance the porch swing creaked.
Two
women exchanged a glance. They had been
watching the scene before them, not the display Mother Nature provided them but
the lone figure observing it but not really seeing it. The long body laid in the porch swing,
embracing an invisible companion, a red dog lying curled up on the porch beside
him. He'd been lying there for hours
and would lie for hours more it would seem.
The younger of the two whispered softly, "Mom, should I go talk to
him?" The elder of the two shook
her wise head. "Leave him be. He just needs time."
Missing
in action left a small bit of lingering hope.
It was so easy to believe she was out there, chasing the anomalies that
had long fascinated her. He could
almost see her standing on her bridge, her small but dominating persona barking
orders with her hands on her hips, and the gleam of discovery in her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes he adored. He knew those eyes so well; if he didn't
lose himself in them he could see straight into her heart.
Did
anyone she was with know her as he did?
If she weren't careful she'd close herself off to everyone. She never meant to, she'd told him as much,
but her commitment to the role she must play didn't allow for the close
relationships she might like. And that
was what she loved about him. He gave
her everything she needed to do her job and be a person, a woman too. He accepted all of her. It wasn't hard for him. She was a vibrant, multi-faceted, if stubborn,
woman. And he loved her.
iWhen
you're soaring through the air
I'll be your
solid ground.
Take every chance you dare
I'll still be
there
When you come
back down
When you come
back down/i
It was
when the sunset turned to twilight that he missed her most of all. When she was home they chose this hour to go
walking and catch up on one another's lives.
The fields of Indiana, the grounds of Starfleet headquarters or some
unknown pathway in some new place, it didn't matter. They would head out just before sunset, hand in hand, with Molly
on her leash, and wander aimlessly, talking until her stars were bright in the
sky. They'd discuss everything - her
missions, his research, interplanetary politics, Molly, and of course their
plans for the future. It was their
treasured hour.
He'd
chosen this magical hour for his proposal.
They were vacationing on the Pacific, at a small little cottage tucked
away from everything. They'd gone
walking just before sunset and found a secluded rocky beach, covered with
grass, branches and logs. Just as the
sun was dipping into the ocean he asked her to marry him. Her look of surprise made him laugh out
loud. It was rare he could catch this
clever woman so completely off guard and he delighted in the moment. She'd agreed, eagerly so. He had swept her into his arms, swinging her
through the air. He set her solidly on
the ground and stared at her in wonder.
Her
rock, she'd called him.
iI'll
keep looking up, awaiting your return
My greatest
fear will be that you will crash and burn
And I won't feel your fire. /i
The old
porch swing still creaked; the red setter still lay idly, curled up beside
it. More than a year had passed and
winter has just arrived. The sun went
on rising and setting. The snow
provided the sun with a twinkling dance floor to set on as the colors of the
evening sky continued their timeless dance.
Nothing in the old Indiana home had changed. But something was still missing.
She'd
explained it all to him very carefully but he couldn't wrap his mind around
it. How does someone declare someone
else dead? That is of course without
the evidence to prove it. It made no sense
to him. He was a philosopher; surely he
could propose some sort of explanation, some theory of her death to make the
declaration logical. But as he sat in
the old porch swing, swaying gently, facing the setting sun, listening to the
perpetual creaking of the swing, nothing came to mind but a single truth.
He would
know.
Of
course he would. Something within him
would shrivel and die, a piece of him would simple cease to exist. She'd had his heart since they were
children. It had taken him years to win
hers. But he'd succeeded. The beautiful intelligent woman he'd loved
so long had declared her love for him.
And he was devoted to her.
Their
wedding was to have been six months ago.
iI'll
be the other hand that always holds the line
Connecting it
between your sweet heart and mine
I'm strung
out on that wire.
No, she
couldn't be dead. Surely he'd know. He
was a philosopher. He could theorize
for days about love, the heart, mind and soul.
And she was a part of him. He'd
waited for years for her; surely he could wait, would wait, forever.
Not
dead, just missing. And she was missed,
terribly so.
iAnd
I'll be on the other end to hear you when you call.
Angel, you
were born to fly. If you get to high
I'll catch
you when you fall
I'll catch
you when you fall/i
The
sunsets continued to slip by him, forming weeks, months and years. Still he waited, a faithful pup by his side.
He began
to wonder what he was waiting for exactly.
A sign of some sort? Some sort
of clue telling him to move on with his life?
Or some word that she would return to him? He wasn't really sure.
He'd
always known the life she'd chosen was a potentially dangerous one. He'd known many who'd died in the line of
duty, including her father. But he'd
never thought that life would claim her.
She was
born to the space faring life as fish are to swimming. It was a part of her spirit, of who she
was. It was her destiny to lead others
through the stars; to encounter all that the galaxy had to offer. She was a doer every bit as much as he was a
thinker. They made an interesting match
- he enjoyed imagining all that could be while she was eager to see it or make
it happen. Two brilliant minds and two
different views made for a collision of ideas and inspiring conversation.
But
there was so much more. There was a
level of easy comfort between them that had been long in creating. It was a certain closeness that is hard to
find. Warmth and safety - home. He missed the simple comfort of her soft
embrace and the bone-crushing hug when she needed comfort.
She
really was more fragile than she appeared.
iYour
memory's the sunshine every new day brings.
I know the
sky is calling.
Angel, let me
help you with your wings. /i
"Is
that a letter to you, Captain?" Harry asked with a smile.
She
cradled the data padd in her hands, the treasure that it was. "Yes," she replied breathlessly.
"Seven just downloaded it." She turned to Tom.
"I'll be in my ready room."
"Yes, ma'am," he responded quietly.
She knew
she chose her ready room for one reason and one reason only. No matter what this letter said she wouldn't
get too emotional over it. She sat on
her couch gingerly, holding the letter as if afraid it would fall to pieces in
her hands. She took in a deep breath
and clenched it tightly, steeling herself for what it would say. Then she began to read.
b
Kathryn Janeway
Mark Johnson
Hi Kath. I can
hardly believe I am writing a letter I know you will read. I'm wondering what time you'll get it, what
you're doing when it arrives, and even where you'll read it. I wonder what you're eating, if you're sleeping
well, how much coffee you're drinking, and if you let yourself have any fun.
But I know what you're wondering right now. It was a litter of five - three female, two
male. They all went to good homes. Trust me.
Molly is just fine and napping at my feet in fact.
The sun set, moments ago.
The horizon is a shade of vivid pink that spills into a rich
violet. I'm in Indiana and the fields
are golden brown and mottled green. The
rest of the sky is so pale it looks white.
And then of course the eastern sky is bringing the blues and indigoes of
night. It never ceases to amaze me that
such vibrant colors don't clash but fit together. How I wish you were here to watch it with me.
I knew you were still alive. No one could convince me otherwise. I held out hope as long as I could . . . and then some. There was almost someone else. We'd even set a date. But something stopped me and less than three
months later, your Doctor arrived.
Okay so you are still 60,000 light years away, but hey, I
was right. You're still alive,
conquering the mysteries of the galaxy, living a life you were born to
live. The way I figure it, if you keep
up your present rate of travel, you can be here in twenty-four years. You'll be sixty-six and I'll be
sixty-eight. We'll still be spring
chickens. It took me nearly thirty
years to convince you to marry me; I suppose waiting another twenty-four for
the actual event will be smooth sailing.
Keep soaring,
Kath. I'll be waiting.
Love,
Mark/b
Kathryn's heart flew into her throat.
He was still there, her rock.
iWhen
you're soaring through the air
I'll be your
solid ground
Take every
chance you dare/i
The
swing still creaked, the only constant left in his life. The sweet red setter had died years before
but he'd been there, waiting for her, though the trip took nineteen more years,
not the twenty-four he'd teased so long ago.
The longest away mission in history, isn't that what Kath's friend
called it at the reunion? And she
returned home to accolades and promotions, fireworks and hoopla. Ten years had passed since that joyous day
but the ten years of home did not make up for the twenty-three previous
ones. It had been a long road home for
her. They were hard years that cost her
so much. She needed to do this.
When she'd discovered there was an
alternative, and found a way to make it happen, there was nothing he could say
but do it. There was so much her idea
could offer if she succeeded. Do it, he
had told her – for her crew, for the lost, for herself, and for all that should
have been. He alone knew of all the
pieces of her plan and its consequences.
He told
her to do it anyway.
So he
sat quietly, embracing his invisible companion waiting for the moment of change
that would surely come. He watched the
colors of the fall evening weave into their intricate pattern, wondering what
the dawn would bring. Did she make it
back there? Could she convince herself
to do the right thing? Would he know
when she succeeded?
The night sky enveloped him slowly
that evening; the sun seemed to dip slower and slower as the crescent drew
closer to the horizon. It was odd, he
thought, that was usually when it seemed to go faster. The last sliver of sun hung still in the
sky, the breath of fire, forever frozen for him in that moment. He felt a curious sensation. Something within him extinguished and that
space filled with an empty, aching feeling.
He wouldn't see her stars come out this night. Somewhere across space and time itself, something was
happening. His heart stopped beating
and he breathed his last, the makings of a name on his lips, an invisible
companion in his arms.
iI'll
be your solid ground
Take every
chance you dare
I'll still be
there
When you come
back down
When you come
back down/i
The sun
went on rising and setting. The years
passed by once more but not near as many as expected. It was springtime; the fields and trees were lush and green, a
wide array of greens blending into a poetical mosaic with this, a truly golden
sunset at the center of which was a red sun - the sailor's delight. The evening sky had never looked so glorious
as this spring night sent its sun to bed with a vast amount of color,
encompassing all that the spectrum had to offer.
Two
grinning faces, sly with their secret knowledge, watched the scene before them,
not the wondrous performance of Mother Nature, but looking to see the magical
event unfolding before their eyes. The
slow creaking of the old porch swing stopped abruptly. A figure was coming seemingly from within
the sun itself. It was obvious this
slim figure was doing everything it could to treasure this long awaited moment and
not run headlong into it.
The long
body on the porch swing had other ideas.
He leapt from his place and hit the ground running, the red setter at
his feet following barking wildly. He
swept the small figure into his arms and swung her around in his delight. He caught her as she nearly slipped from his
grasp, set her solidly on the ground and took her face in his hands to stare
into her deep blue eyes. She took his
hands in hers guiding him back to the porch, petting the elated pup by her
side. They laid there together on the
old creaky swing, a happy dog curled up on the porch beside them dreaming happy
doggie dreams, his arms full of his love, no longer an invisible companion.
"I
can't believe you're still here," she whispered unable to reign in her
emotions any longer, enjoying having his strong arms around her once more. They both sighed as the last breath of the
sun made its escape to allow her stars to take its place watching over the
Earth. He smiled and kissed her head,
smelling the sweet scent of her hair.
Love, warmth, and comfort nearly overwhelmed him. He blinked away his joyful tears and told
her softly and tenderly, "I'll always be here when you come back
down."
