areasontolive


Disclaimer: Evangelion belongs to Gainax. This story belongs to me. Don't sue, please.

Authors notes: I hope you all enjoy this, as it's my first Eva fan fic attempt. This is going to be a Shinji/Rei romance, but I'll try my best to make it original. Forgive me if the Shinji in this story is a little out of character. I tried to put a little of myself into him. [] Brackets are what the character is thinking.
This is set after Asuka's arrival, but before the attack of the Seventh Angel. Enjoy!



A Reason to Live
Chapter 1

by Johnny 05




Shinji jolted upright, still reliving the past moments of the nightmare. Sweat drenched his body. Looking warily around his small room, he realized that he was no longer in danger. It...it was just a dream, he said to himself. [It's not like I'll get any more sleep anyway] Shinji thought as he pulled himself from his bed, glancing at the glowing display of his alarm as he did so. 5:27. [Still an hour until Asuka and Misato get up, and another until I have to leave for school. I guess I have some time to myself...]
Shinji tip-toed into the living room, being careful not to disturb his two female roommates. It was these times that Shinji hated the most. Left to thinking, he was reminded of all that was wrong with his life.

Father. [I hate him] Shinji thought sadly. [But I don't want to.]
Mother. [Why? Why did you leave me? Why can't I even remember your face?]
Eva. [What are the Evangelions? Why do I feel so safe when I'm inside Unit 01? I'm a pilot, but I don't really know anything...]
Pain. [Why do I even have friends? Everyone I get close to only gets hurt.]
Sadness. [Why am I even alive?]
Loneliness. [No one could ever love someone like me.]
Sorrow. [I wish things weren't like this...But I could never change this.]
Loss. [Why does everyone leave me?]
Hate. [I hate myself. I hate how I treat others. Why do I even go on living?]

That's it, he said to himself, standing shakily. Where's my SDAT?
The small tape player always helped him escape.
The house was still dark, and he was stiff, so searching was slow going. He finally gave up after half an hour of stumbling about the apartment. [Maybe I'll take a walk.] He thought, getting over the frustration of his futile search. [Anything to get my mind off of things.]
Since the Second Impact, Japan had been thrown into a perpetual summer, so there was no need for a jacket. He left the apartment with no destination in mind.
As he wandered the streets of Tokyo-3, Shinji reflected on all that had happened since his arrival, several months ago. His unconscious battle with the 3rd angel. His flight from NERV. Rei, smiling up at him from the draining entry plug, after the battle with the 5th. [Rei...why do I think of you now? No one could ever like me. I'm a horrible person. ...So why did she smile?]

Shinji's wanderings had taken him to a run-down part of town. Construction was still clanging away loudly. [Wait, this seems familiar..] He continued walking, shunning the thought. As he walked further, the sense of deja vu grew.
About ten minutes later, he found himself staring at a run down looking building. Isn't this where Ayanami lives? He asked himself quietly. Why did I....come here? He stared at the building a few more minutes, unsure of what to do. Memories of his last visit to Rei's home flooded his mind, and he immediately blushed strongly. [Why did she even talk to me after that, let alone smile when I asked her to?]
This was too much. He didn't even know how to act around Rei, let alone how he felt about her. With a twinge of regret, he turned and walked away.
He failed to notice the crimson gaze that followed him from the fourth floor as he walked away. Rei said quietly to herself, moving from the window. I do not understand. For what purpose did you come to my residence? And why did you leave so quickly?

Shinji was standing at the stove, quietly making breakfast for himself and his two roommates, which were now very awake.
Will you hurry up!?! Asuka shouted at her fellow pilot. I'm starving, and we have to leave for school in twenty minutes!
Shinji said flatly.
AAGH! Why are you always sorry? It's your conditioned response to any uncomfortable confrontations, you know!

Mien gott! You're so pathetic!
That's enough, you two, Misato said sleepily. She'd been up late finishing paperwork, and was in no mood for these arguments.
But Misato... Asuka protested. She was interrupted as Shinji set a plate down in front of her. It's about time! She huffed.
As soon as he had finished serving his roommates Shinji sat down and began to eat.
Misato broke the uncomfortable silence. Are you alight, Shinji? she inquired worriedly. You seem even more depressed than usual.
I'm fine, Misato-san, he said glumly. I just have a lot on my mind.
Would you like to talk about it?
Uhm... that's okay. Maybe later.
Asuka said under her breath, but loud enough for him to hear.
All finished, the three stood and all made for the door.
On the way to school, Shinji barely heard Asuka's insults and barbs. His thoughts were focused on the mysterious blue haired girl who had quietly made her way into his heart.

Hope you liked it. If I get positive responses, I'll continue the story.
REVIEW!

Any questions, comments, and hate mail can be sent to johnny5@altavista.net

story © Johnny 05 2001