Mulder's room
2:18pm
* * * * * *
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: but it would be a jolly
Sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like
Eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an
ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. --C. S. Lewis
* * * * * *
In the post-coital exhaustion that ensued, Scully dreamed.
She stood at the edge of a river, expansive under the dark thunderous
sky. In the distance, the far bank could be seen, but it was only a thin
sliver of land, just at the edge of the water. An ominous fog obscured
the rest of the land and Scully felt a chill pass through her. The water
passed between, dark, tumultuous, and full of fury.
"You have to cross."
Scully turned in the direction the words came from. She wasn't surprised
when she found her sister Melissa standing next to her. It seemed
perfectly natural that she be there.
"Why?"
"It's your responsibility."
"My responsibility? Why is it me who must cross? Who decided this?"
Scully flung her arm out toward the far bank. "I don't even want to go
to the other side."
"That's because you're afraid of what you'll find. That's why you don't
want to cross."
Scully laughed. "No, I just don't feel like getting all wet."
Melissa gave her head a slight shake. "You can't fool me Dana. That
isn't it. You've crossed rivers such as this before. You were afraid
then, but not like now. Before, you had confidence and a strength within
you to face it. This time you have doubts."
Something in Melissa's tone reminded Scully of the know-it-all
caterpillar in Alice and Wonderland and her next words came out sharper
than she intended. "Of course I have doubts. What the hell do you think
I've been through?"
"Doubts of whether you'll succeed, that is to be expected. But this time
is different. This time you doubt yourself."
"I can do this. I can cross if I want to." Scully said, her stubborn
streak initiated by her older sister's words.
Melissa nodded. "Yes, you have to want to. That will be the key to
everything. This would never work if you aren't willing."
"I would be willing if I knew what I was crossing for. I don't even know
if the outcome will be worth it. But I'm not afraid of the river."
Melissa agreed. "You're right. This time it isn't the river. This time
you welcome the river. You want to emerce yourself within it. You want
to surround yourself in it and just forget, to just focus on the river.
You don't want to think about what will happen when you get to the other
side."
"What will happen then?"
"Once you cross the river, once you overcome it, and finally step onto
the land on the other side, all you will be left with is yourself."
The river shrunk then. It was only a finger's breadth now, a mere
trickle; the other side was only an arm's length away.
"You can step over Dana, and you'll be there. Just forget the river for
now."
Scully hesitated. She stared over to the other side, now so close that
if she reached her hand out it would disappear into the haze. She didn't
move her arm.
"What's over there? What's on the other side? You know that I don't like
to stumble blindly into the unknown."
Melissa stared with solemn eyes. "You have to cross to find out."
Scully continued to look across to the other side. The chill she had
felt when she first looked on the dense fog returned, and she wrapped
her arms tighter around herself. Finally, she turned to face Melissa.
"Can you come with me?" she asked, her voice different now, smaller,
less certain. She did not want to do this alone.
Melissa shook her head. "No, this part must be on your own. For the
crossing you will have help, in fact, that's the only way you will
succeed. But this part, this part is for you alone. Crossing is the easy
part." Melissa paused, and almost as an after thought, added "You know
Dana, change isn't always a bad thing."
Melissa began to fade before Scully, and her words seemed to be carried
on the wind. "...change isn't always a bad thing..." Gathering the last
reserves of courage she had left, Scully tentatively reached out her
hand over the small trickle flowing at her feet. Her hand disappeared
within the white cloud. Hesitating only a moment more, she steeled
herself, and stepped over.
She could see nothing, only a vague whiteness that encompassed her whole
world. Carefully, Scully moved forward, advancing carefully, making sure
of her footing before placing her full weight on her next step.
Unexpectedly, the air cleared, and she could see her surroundings. She
was in a lightly wooded forest. The pine trees towered over her, but the
growth on the ground was sparse and she could move freely between the
large plants.
Minutes or hours later, she couldn't tell, she came to a small clearing.
It was almost a perfect circle of rich, thick grass, and surrounding it
were the trees. The sun shown brightly above and cast a warm glow on
everything it touched. Lying in the very center of the circle was
herself. Curious, but not really surprised nor alarmed, she walked
closer to the identical form. Scully just instinctively knew that it was
her, and did not question it.
Her alter image lay on her back, hands folded neatly on her abdomen,
seemingly asleep. But she wasn't asleep, --or maybe she was-- but that
wasn't the reason the body remained motionless. Her alter ego was
frozen, sealed tightly within a layer of ice.
But the ice was melting. The brilliant sun above lent its radiance to
those below and the ice was melting. Tiny rivulets of water coalesced
like liquid light, and formed miniature streams that lead to the ground
below. Fractures in the ice began to appear, and they spread like water
droplet falling on a windshield, shattering the ice into thousands of
pieces.
Scully could see ice crystals scattered evenly across the body like a
translucent lattice. Scully crouched over the form. She shifted on the
balls of her feet and reached out her hand to the woman on the ground.
She meant to brush off some of the ice fragments, but her hand passed
right through. The body was gone. It had disappeared; changed form.
Instead of a human body, thousands of butterflies had replaced it.
Scully gasped in surprise and stood abruptly. The sudden movement
started a chain reaction and the butterflies began to rise up as well.
Scully stood as the mass of insects circled her, some landing on her,
others just giving light feather kisses against her skin. They circled
and spiraled around her, faster and faster until they created their own
wind which caught at her hair and clothing and tugged them upward.
Scully lifted her hands and tilted her head back. She felt lightheaded,
as if she were the smallest drop of water, melting into the crystal
weave, cracking it. As if some possession were being returned to her
that she'd long forgotten she owned.
She felt exhilarated.
* * * * * *
Usually, when Scully had dreams, she would awaken and sense the images
flittering away to the far reaches of her subconscious. She never
remembered them. This time she did. Some of the exchanges were already
blurring to her, but the general thrust was still very vivid and potent.
She shifted against Mulder, and the movement woke him. The shoulder
under Scully's head was suddenly stiff, transmitting returning
consciousness like electricity, but then just as quickly relaxed, as he
became conscious of who was sharing his bed. He turned his head to
nuzzle his nose in her hair, "Scully," he murmured, and kissed her on
the top of her head.
Scully lay across his torso with her cheek resting on his breastbone. He
wrapped his arms around her protectively and propped his chin on the
crown of her head. She moved her hands across his chest and combed her
fingers through his chest hair. "We both fell asleep."
"That we did." Mulder counted the seconds, like locating the distance
between himself and lightening, before she spoke again. He had a feeling
that what she was going to say was important to her, and by extension,
important to him.
"I read an article a few weeks ago that made me think of you. I was
going to tell you about it, but things got kind of busy."
"You could say that. Do you want to tell me about it now?"
"There was research done, years ago, by a Czechoslovakian psychiatrist.
For years his treatment included prescribing LSD to his patients. What
he discovered through these treatments was that some of his patients
began to regress in their own consciousness. He found that some of these
patients re-experienced birth. And each of these patients recalled the
same experience."
"And what was this experience?"
"They were afraid." She said simply.
"Really? Afraid of what exactly?"
"Afraid of being born I guess. Of leaving that familiar world behind."
She paused as she struggled to come up with the correct phrase. "The
psychiatrist described it very well, their experience." Her voice
shifted and it was clear that she was reciting from her memory. "'With
the rhythm of the uterus came the first emotion, that of terror. Then
comes the horrific stage of getting born, the difficult passage through
the birth canal.'"
He looked at her, puzzled for a second, but then his expression grew
thoughtful. "So your saying that fear is the first experience of the
fetus in the womb?"
"That is what this article was suggesting."
"And this reminded you of me? How?"
"LSD, Mulder?" All she had to do was glance up at him to send her
message; she didn't even have to raise and eyebrow.
Mulder smiled, acknowledging the truth behind those two simple words.
"Ok, I can see that." Pause. "What made you think of it now?"
"I was just thinking about change."
"Change?"
"Yes. Although the methodology of how the psychiatrist got this
information is... unorthodox, when I think about it, it seems somehow
true. His conclusions seem right."
"Like there' a memory of your own somewhere in you?" He prompted.
"No. It's not that. It rings true for me on an intellectual level. If
you think about it, it... it just makes sense."
Mulder absorbed the words for a moment. "That fear is the first
experience of the fetus in the womb?"
"That fear is the first emotion that every human being experiences.
That's something that we share with everyone. We all fear change and the
mystery that surrounds it. We all struggle against it."
"Even when the outcome may be to our benefit." He finished for her.
"We can't stay in the womb forever." She tilted her head back to look at
him, searching his eyes intently. After nearly a minute of silent
regard she dropped her head back to his chest. When she spoke her voice
was so low he almost didn't catch the words. "Mulder, have we let our
fear stop us from what we need to do?"
"You tell me." He said carefully as his hands stroked slowly up and down
along her spine.
"I think we have. I think we have to help them."
"Are you sure about this? We still know very little."
"I know that they're telling the truth. I know that they're doing what
they believe is best. And I also believe them when they say time is
running out."
"We should probably get up then, right?" Mulder offered reluctantly, but
he did not make a move to get up.
She pulled him closer. "In a minute."
They stayed like that for several minutes, just listening to the other
breathe, when Mulder spoke. "Scully, even though we know that fear of
change is irrational at times, and one of the more baser instincts, I'm
still afraid."
"I know. So am I, but I think that is what makes us human. I would only
be concerned if we felt nothing."
* * * * * *
Tunguska, Russia
2 years ago
The dark cover of night hid the muscular figure's approach. With only a
mild grunt of exertion he disposed of the guard stationed on the
perimeter of the facility. Looking down at the fallen form before him,
the figure studied the man's face and changed into the guard's shape.
Once completed he began to switch clothing.
Moments passed and he reemerged, now playing the role of the guard.
Another guard yelled. "Hey Olesky! Where the hell do you think you are
going? You know that you can't leave your post."
"I have to take a crap. Cover for me."
The other man grumbled a reluctant agreement. "Ok, but you'd better be
back in ten minutes. I'm not getting stuck like last time."
"Stop worrying. I won't be long." The figure replied and made his way
into the building.
* * * * * *
He entered the secured room without difficulty. The quiet hum from the
machines and the softy gurgling from the large tanks lining the room
were the only things that could be heard in the still night. The only
light that illuminated the room originated from the tanks and cast the
room with a greenish hue. Working by this light, he ignored the tanks
and other equipment, and instead went directly to the refrigerator in
the center of the room. Opening it, he discovered it filled with vials
containing a dark green substance.
Pulling out the sack that he had kept hidden in his jacket, he carefully
placed vial after vial into it. He quickly emptied the refrigerator.
Closing the bag securely and tucking it away, he exited the room.
He left the building a few moments later and found the man who had
relieved him. "See, less than ten minutes."
The man looked surprised. "Now that's a first." They switched positions.
"Have a nice night." He said as he headed back to the facility. His back
was turned so he did not the figure disappear into the night.
* * * * * *
He sat on the cold hard ground, just staring at the vial he held in his
hand. He knew what it was, and what its purpose was. He also knew what
would happen if he took it.
He didn't have much time, and he knew that this would be his only
opportunity. Carefully he drew up the liquid into the syringe that he
had also taken from the room. After only a moment's hesitation, he
injected himself.
Almost immediately the fog that had covered his consciousness and
awareness was lifted, and the man who would be called Allen smiled for
the first time in 800 hundred years.
And the fight for humanity began.
* * * * * *