With Love Comes Pain
Author: Laura Kenobi
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.
Archive: Please contact me first!
Comments/Reviews: You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!
Author's Notes: ((italics)) represents thoughts and "/ italics /" represents communication through the Force.
This story was first published in its original version on July 17, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.
Here's chapter 3! I hope you're enjoying the story so far – thank you for all the reviews! They get me smiling every time!
Summary: When a mission goes dreadfully wrong, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn must deal with the possibility of loosing his Padawan Learner...
Chapter Three
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Qui-Gon was overcome with grief. It stabbed into his soul like a vibro-ax. There were so many things he had left unsaid. He had taken Obi-Wan for granted, assumed that he could "tell Obi-Wan tomorrow". Now he might never be able to let his apprentice know everything he had ever wanted to tell him...
"Oh, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice was little more than a whisper, "I'm so sorry. There are so many things I need to tell you. I have been a fool. I took you for granted, and now I'll never have the chance to tell you..."
Soft tears fell from his clear blue eyes, he reached over and took one of his Obi-Wan's small hands is both of his large ones.
"I love you Obi-Wan. You are the closest thing I've ever had to a son. You mean so much more to me than you will ever know..."
His tears increased, and for a moment he could not speak. He fought to control his raging emotions.
"I should have told you, but because I failed to do so I have to say the words to a crushed body. I let my pride get the best of me Padawan. I know you sometimes doubt yourself because I do not praise very much. I don't let you feel the love and pride that swells within me whenever you are near. You have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself, my Obi-Wan. You are the best Padawan – the best son – I could ever ask for. I can't believe I even have to consider going on without you."
Lowering his head to rest on his Padawan's small hand, he continued.
"You are very confident, brave, and kind. Although your selfless nature often landed you in trouble, I would not trade it for anything. You are so wonderful, Obi-Wan… don't leave me... please...
He couldn't control his emotions. With a quiet sob, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn let himself cry, as he hadn't done since he was a Padawan himself.
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"… pride… Padawan…doubt …love… Obi-Wan… son… without you…don't leave me… Obi-Wan…"
Obi-Wan was straining to keep the sound of his Master's voice close. What was he talking about? The pain in the elder Jedi's words was clear and surprised the young Jedi.
Qui-Gon never spoke much. They would have light conversations from time to time, but the tall Jedi Master was equally as effective physically as he was orally, so he did not talk as much as Obi-Wan might like. Dispite his quietness, Obi-Wan had come to care more for Qui-Gon than he had ever imagined. In his mind Qui-Gon Jinn was the best Jedi who had ever lived.
Obi-Wan could only hear bits and pieces of his Master's soft dialogue. He strained to try and discern his Master's words.
Suddenly, Obi-Wan heard a sound he had never heard before. A sound that struck fear and pain into his very soul.
The sound of his Master's soft crying echoed through Obi-Wan like a tidal wave.
((Why is he crying? He needs me...))
The thought was like the crack of a whip. With all of his strength, Obi-Wan reached out to the presence that was Qui-Gon Jinn.
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"Please, Obi-Wan... come back..."
Qui-Gon, in his most un-Jedi-like manner, murmured incoherently to his Padawan until his sobs subsided. Straightening in his chair, the tall Master turned tear-swollen eyes to Obi-Wan's pale face.
Suddenly, the monitors changed slightly. Qui-Gon twisted around to glance at the digital chart on the wall behind him
When he turned his attention back to Obi-Wan's face his apprentice was gazing back at him.
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon could not tell if the young man was really seeing or if this was what Kitla had mentioned. His heart began to pound uncontrollably within his chest.
There was no answer. Obi-Wan had a tube down his throat that was forcing air into his lungs, so Qui-Gon realized he couldn't speak even if he had understood.
"Padawan, can you understand me?" An overwhelming hope was eating its way into Qui-Gon's mind, but he tried to restrain it, knowing that if it was false hope the pain would be unbearable, "Blink once for yes, twice for no."
Obi-Wan blinked once.
Delight filled Qui-Gon so quickly he thought he would surely drown in it.
"Oh, Obi-Wan... let me call Kitla..."
Reaching over, he pressed down the button that would bring Kitla into Obi-Wan's room as fast as possible. Turning back to Obi-Wan, he could see a slight panic in his Padawan's eyes.
"It's okay Padawan... she is your usual healer, remember? She's here to help you. I will not leave your side."
There was a confirmation with one blink.
There were tears in Qui-Gon's eyes again. He noticed the questions in his Padawan's eyes, and started to explain.
"I though I had lost you Padawan... I'm so happy..."
Kitla Mooral came rushing into the room and stopped dead when she saw Obi-Wan.
"Qui-Gon... what..."
"He is alert. He just woke up and could understand me." Questions whirled in both Masters' minds.
Obi-Wan suddenly tried to speak, as though to explain, and he began to gag convulsively on the tube in his throat. Qui-Gon saw the flame of panic in his eyes again.
Kitla was at his side in an instant.
"Just lie still, Kenobi. Lie still..."
Following her orders, Obi-Wan stopped struggling, and the gagging subsided. The panic in his eyes died away slowly and he turned his eyes to Qui-Gon's face.
"Don't try to speak, Padawan. You can explain later."
One blink.
Kitla ran many tests, but could not account for Obi-Wan's sudden improvement.
"It must have been somehow his doing. There is no medical explanation for this." Qui-Gon had never felt so relieved.
As if sensing his relief, Master Mooral continued. "Although he is now awake he is still in very serious condition. I think I can fix some of his brain damage if he will allow me in, but I need to have open access to his mind."
"You're a mind healer?"
She raised an eyebrow. "I can repair physical damage, but I do not heal souls."
"He needs to open up completely?" Qui-Gon felt a twinge of guilt. He had never allowed himself to open up completely to Obi-Wan, and realized he was not sure if Obi-Wan had ever truly opened up to him.
"How long will this procedure take? Will I be allowed to stay here?" Qui-Gon continued, his voice anxious.
"Yes, he will need to open up completely to me. I cannot say how long it will take. Many hours, possibly. You may stay if you wish, but I must warn you, this kind of thing is never pretty."
There was a strangling noise from the bed where Obi-Wan lay.
"What do you say, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice was soft and encouraging.
Obi-Wan's eyes squinted, and Qui-Gon smiled as he realized his Padawan was trying to tell him that he wasn't sure.
Suddenly, to his greatest joy, Obi-Wan spoke to him through the bond that they shared.
/ Master... I-I'm not sure. I've never... /
/ If it helps any, Padawan, I would trust Healer Mooral with my life. And with yours. /
There was a momentary flash of uncertainty from the young man, and then a resolution.
/ Then I trust her also. Okay. /
Qui-Gon was amazed at how suddenly his Padawan accepted his word. Did his apprentice trust him so much?
The answer came as Obi-Wan dropped all his mental shields, slowly, and Kitla removed some of the tubes to begin the procedure - searching for damaged cells in his brain.
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End Chapter 3.
Thanks for reading, and may the Force be with you! I love reviews! - Laura