AC 198
by Aldesina
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Disclaimer; As you all well know I do not own gundam wing, and I am not making any money off of this, Also I do not own the song "I will always love you" It belongs to Arista records and Whitney Houston ( What a great song!!) ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
The year is After Colony 198
It's been two years since the defeat of White Fang and one year since the Mariemaeia Incident. The Earth Sphere Alliance has been keeping the peace with the help of the Preventers; a special agents group that thwarts off any potential wars, and calms rioting crowds when needed, as well as enforcing the peace and the law. All has been calm and well. Relena has now been the Vice Foreign Minister for three years and I believe they are thinking of promoting her. I'm very proud of her, A wisp of a girl like that getting ahead and gaining an unbelievable amount of influence over the colonies and earth is extraordinary. I can barely contain my heart's beating when I see her, or when I stop by her balcony late at night and peer into her window hoping to catch a glimpse of her, just enough to last me through the day.
If I should stay................ I would only be in your way.
I still remember the day Mariemaeia was defeated. I was reckless that day, although at the time I did not understand why. The only thing that was going through my head was how to get inside. For what reason you ask? The younger me would have simply replied to keep the peace and to destroy whatever obstacles that barred peace's and my way. However now that I have had a full two years to think about it I know better. I know that it was not to maintain the peace. If it was merely for that I would have first destroyed their defense systems from the inside first and then blasted my cannon. It would have caused Wing Zero a lot less damage and would have killed the lot of them inside it with one shot, preventers and all. But I couldn't I just couldn't fire away like that.
So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you
Every step of the way.
Relena was inside. Had I destroyed their defense systems by short circuiting them first or even by firing without making sure that it was on full power, she would have died in there with them. What would I have done if that happened. Once again the younger me would have said it was a worthy sacrifice for the peace and thought nothing more of it. In reality I would have just crawled into the miserable hole I blasted in the ground and cried pathetically while looking for the remains of her body, her clothing a scrap of her hair that didn't ignite and char to a crisp in the roaring heat of my cannon.
And I will always love you. ooh I, will always love you.
Sometimes I still lie awake wondering whether that would be better then the lame situation that I live in now is. I crawl around in the dark, in the shadows and stare at her. I follow her every move like that of a crazed stalker of some famous Hollywood movie star. I go out and buy the perfume that she buys, I buy the same kind of food that she likes to eat. I follow her to the park and then go sit in her spot after she has left just so I can feel her aurora, smell her lemon scented hair. Feel her presence in the seat's cushion or feel the warmth in the seat that she so recently vacated. I follow her like she was a narcotic drug.
You, my darling you.. hmmmm
My mind flashes back painfully again to that night. The night that I blew the shit off of Mariemaeia's 'door'. *snort* Well, what was I suppose to do? I warned them but they wouldn't let me in, If they had any sense in the first place they would have realized that anyone who even bothered to ask about he security system must have had a weapon powerful enough to blow it wide open. I guess they didn't anticipate it, foolish. Yes I blasted my way in, and as I blasted it open the shockwaves from the blast rolled over my body like it was trying to grind my bones to dust and roll my skin and flesh flat out like a pancake, A bleeding mess of blood guts and all.
Bittersweet, memories. That is all I'm taking with me.
After I blew the door open I landed in that hell hole and literally fell out of my gundam. I didn't know where my strength came from but I managed to roll over on my own two feet stand up and grab my gun. Hnn, I guess all that fucked up training that Dr. J put me through was of some use after all, at least it got me up, do anything to complete a mission, yeah and made me suicidal as a side effect.
So goodbye, please don't cry.
Somehow instinctively I knew where to go, yes I had researched the place and I knew where the 'power switch' of this thing was however beyond that I'm as clueless as the next person. For some reason something compelled me, forced me, pushed me in a certain direction, the right direction.
As I hurried along the corridor I heard a single gun shot and yelling, my heart stopped, I thought it was all over, they had killed her and I had failed. In my rage I ran into the room and pointed my gun at that redheaded little witch. I was oblivious to all that was around me, all that I said, the only thing I could remember saying was that
"It was all over and I... I didn't have to kill anymore" And I collapsed on the floor certain that her soldiers would avenge their little dead demon. Instead I heard an angel's voice, it must have been an angel's voice, and an angels arms, and body and lap, for they belonged to her. And she, she was dead,
"It's all over, It's finally all over" The angel murmured. It's her I thought It's her and she's not dead, it's her. It was my last conscience thought as a snuggled closer into her warm embrace as she whispered sweet nothings in my ear, stroked my hair and rubbed her face gently upon my head. I had drifted off into a peaceful oblivion where my angel and I were together sharing similar wings, real angel wings without the shadow of Wing Zero, ugly politicians, war, The Oz faction, Treize, Zechs, Mariemaeia, or the Barton foundation. It was just the two of us in our own little place in our on little world where we could finally be together. And even though I know it would not last long, all I know is that we were together
We both know I'm not what you, you need.
When I awoke I was in the hospital bed, I found IV's strapped to my arms and legs feeding me blood and fluids. I didn't want to live I wanted to rip them off and go back, go back to the sweet oblivion where my angel and I shared a life. But something stirred beside me I opened my eyes to find her tucking me in.
"Heero" she said, and smiled softly "Good morning, how do you feel?"
And I will always love you.
I will always love you
She was alive. Alive and unharmed, I wanted to tell her that I was great, that life was great. That everything would be perfect that rainbows were pouring out of her beautiful cerulean eyes and giving their sunshine to me. That I loved her and wanted to be with her. But my stubborn mind refused. Ah...once again another perfection of a curse brought upon me; apathy. Expressionlessly I said to her.
"I have to go way, you understand that, the wars are over here but there might be battles elsewhere and I am needed to maintain the peace." I did not deserve her, she was perfection, untarnished and pure. I looked up to see her eyes fill with sadness. I looked away, I can't stand to see her sad. I couldn't stand to see the sad since the first day I torn up her birthday invitation. I had to wipe her tears away. But I did not deserve her, she was too innocent, even the war hadn't changed that about her, And I would not be the one to disillusion her.
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have All you've dreamed of.
And I wish for you joy And happiness.
However. This time she shed no tears, as if the wars had drained her of them and her strength, I could tell it was weakening as well. Just for a second I saw the weariness in her face. But she put on her mask again, the one that she put on for the world, so that those selfish bastards would be able to have a mascot to look up to, to use, abuse and wear away till there was nothing left. And yet in my own heart I knew that she was the only thing that was keeping the peace intact. She smiled again.
"Yes Heero I understand, you need to be alone and search for yourself." No I cry out in my mind that's not it, I'm just too afraid, too shy...I, we can't be together
"I hope that you have a good life and find whatever it may be that you are searching for Heero, and I hope that you can finally be happy when you find it." I've found it I scream in my head, but I don't know how to tell you, I can't tell you. It would ruin your life, you have so much ahead of you, while my life was over before it even began. She turns away from me and walks to the window looking out at the blue sky, her back to me.
"However you might feel better traveling when you are fully healed. Please wait at least until the doctor believes you are ready to leave the hospital, then go." With that she picked up her jacket from the seat next tot he bed and left, left without saying goodbye, and never looked back. She thought I didn't love her.
And I wish for you joy And happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.
She didn't come back. Not after I told her I was going away, for the next three days after she did not come back to the hospital, not even to say goodbye. At first I was relieved. My younger stubborn self saying that it was about time that wench gave me some space, I mean, I've told her a million times to stop bothering me, it's about time she finally did. On the last day I was to stay in the hospital I began to look out the door expectantly, thinking that she would walk though that door, welcoming me with open arms and warm smiles in the reception area. She wasn't there, The other gundam pilots had come to give their good wishes, and news of what they were doing. Although they were careful not to mention anything that had to do with Relena. I was heartbroken, but at the time I convinced myself I had done the right thing, my obstacle was gone; dead to me
]
And I will always love you. I will always love you.
I, will always love you. I will always love you
I will always love you I. I will always love you,
On a whim I decided to go up to the balcony where I once almost shot and killed her, when she was making her speech as Queen of the World. To my surprise I found that they were holding a meeting there, once again with Relena giving a speech, and heading the committee. I stare down at her; beautiful and graceful, she truly did have the regal bearings of a Queen. I could not deserve her. My hands stained with blood, my past scarred and shadowy. That of a assassin, a killer, a ruthless destroyer of life. That's why I could only watch her give her speech, watch her from afar. When I could not bear being close to her anymore I left. And I have been out of her sight for two years. Watching over her for two years, loving her from in the distance. Tis all that I deserve, all that I have now. I think I might have drove her away, but it was still for her own good. For the world's good. For everyone's good, our love, my love could not be known, and our relationship; nil. I realize that I have reduced myself to a dreamlike state in the past month, always thinking of her, I miss you Relena, and it only makes it worse to watch you from afar. Relena I love you, I'll always love you, even though it can only be from afar.
You, darling I love you
I'll always, I'll always love you