Part Eight
I see her standing at the door as I drop the kid of.
A frown that seems to shoot fire is in her eyes and I avoid it as best as I can. There's nothing to say between us. I'm to concerned about the sun that's about to come up behind the horizon and she's doing her best to ignore I'm even there. The cold hard woman that orders the Slayer inside is so at odds with the young girl I used to know that it might as well be someone else.
I act as if I don't even notice, but it hurts to know that she doesn't even consider me enough of a person to warn me to stay away from her charge. Clarice invites me in, but I beg of, there's no way that I can get out of the sunlight if I lose any more time. She offers me to stay. Willows frown grows, but the kid doesn't see it.
I beg of and head for the car. I know she's still looking at me. Her stare pierces me like a stake. Something's wrong. I try to move my feet, but they won't respond. I hear Willows voice muttering some kind of spell. I try to shake it of, but I can't. I'm not even sure that I want to. At least it means she's willing to confront me. Or does it?
She decks me but good. An attack I hadn't expected. I go against the ground. I try and move my neck, but I can't even do that, I won't even start about trying to get up. She pushes a cross in my face. The pain forces my eyes to go red for a second before they return to their natural golden.
"Why? Why do you do this?"
"I just want to help." I try, but she refuses to listen to a word I say.
"You're … I don't know what you are. Vampire, demon" her voice is shaking and more than anything I want to take her in my arms and comfort her. To tell her that it's alright, that I'm souled and that I'm still the same person I was when we were kids. But I can't do that. Not without telling…
"I remind you too much. I didn't mean to."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
It's more of a statement really. She lets go of me and I try and get up, touching the burn and feeling it fade under my fingertips. I can smell the sun rising, I can feel it coming closer and closer. I really need to find cover.
"Xander?" I tremble at the intensity of her gaze. Our eyes meet and something dawns in her face. As if she sees something that's there that she hadn't expected.
"How?"
"You know the deal Will. They suck your blood; then you suck theirs. There's a whole lot of sucking involved."
That's not what she wanted to know, but it's all she gets. She looks hurt. Once again I ache to tell her.
The Slayer is looking at us in abject shock. I know I have to get to my car, but I'm afraid it's to late even for that. I can't imagine how glad I am that I followed Nicks advice about transportation. No matter how good a car looks, first check for trunk capacity. The one I have, is just big enough for me. It's underneath the car, so there's little or no risk for rays of sun leaking in.
Suddenly I feel the first signs of light. It's like warmth on my face. I'm swinging in between terror and an urge to cry out for a few more seconds when I feel something pulling me inside. I look up and see Clarice holding my arm. It's too late to go back out and get into the car.
It's been too late a long time ago.
Willow stares at me from inside the kitchen. She's stirring her tea as she stares at me. I feel uncomfortable as I look up and watch her every move. My arm twitches and I stay still. I don't dare move an inch out of fear to call too much attention on myself. Willow offers me a cup, but I have to refuse.
She looks away and notices the mirror on the other side of the room. Clarice is sitting on the couch in it. But there's no sight of me. No reflection at all. Yet another reminder of what I am.
//"You must forget. I'm just a normal vampire."//
For a moment her eyes glaze over and I think it might work, but then she shakes her head and I loose any inch of control I ever had. For a moment it seems she won't even realize what I did, but then she throws me a furious glare.
"Would it help If I said sorry?"
"What did you do to me?"
Her determined glare is as forceful as ever.
"Damn it Xander. You can't go around, controlling people like that and still expect people to trust you.
It's just not done"
"Would you ever again?"
"Would I what?"
"Trust me?"
She doesn't even consider it worth an answer.
I finally lift my hands in surrender and lean back in the couch.
"You tried to hypnotize the Watcher? Wow.
Your master must really not like you blabbing, if you'd risk that."
"Master?" Willow seems incredulous. I ignore her for a second and turn to the kid, begging her to stay quiet.
"You have a master?" Willows voice goes one step up in shock. I still don't face her.
"You mister 'I laugh in the face of authority as soon as they turn their back'?"
"Please don't ask. It's dangerous. For all of us." Please let them leave this alone.
"He's worse than Snyder."
Willow actually smiles as she hears that. "Than Snyder?" she makes it utterly sarcastic, as if no one could possibly be worse than Snyder.
I just grin back
"Well okay, that might be a bit exaggerated. He comes close though."
We both chuckle for that moment of shared memory. For just a single moment it's like we're kids again. Smiling about the dangers we faced day in day out, trying to forget that we could die at any time. No matter how much Buffy tried to protect us.
I fear she might start asking questions again, but she nods in understanding and we agree to stay still on the subject. For now at least. I can't even tell her how important this is, I can't explain.
God, I hate this life.