The Unicorn and the Wolf
by Jennifer Allen
"Sleep and Encounters"
She was smiling. Her daddy would be home in a few minutes. She didn't like it when he worked late. Mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
She was five again. Her hair was in pigtails and she was sitting on the steps next to the door, waiting for her father. She felt like she had been waiting forever when he arrived. When he opened the door, he looked directly at her and smiled.
Mom called everyone to the table for dinner. Food appeared before her eyes. And why wouldn't it? Mom was a witch and dad was a wizard. She could smell the aroma. Her mom conjured up steaming plates of potatoes, beans and beef.
Dad was a little upset during dinner. A little boy had been bitten by something and that the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures wanted to destroy the child.
"They didn't hurt the boy, did they daddy?"
Her dad stared at her. It could have been any child. The boy was the same age as his daughter. It could have been her up there.
"No, sweetie-pie. Aurors Potter and Black helped me defend the boy. He's safe."
Flash forward......
"Mommy! Mommy! Look! The bunnies like me!"
Artemis held onto two bunnies and smiled at her parents. For the first time since she could remember, they were on vacation. Granted they didn't go very far. They spent the entire day laughing and enjoying the day. Everyone was so happy. She pouted when it was time to leave. She couldn't take the bunnies with her.
When they arrived home, dad started looking worried. She didn't understand. He told her and mom to stay in the muggle vehicle and wait for him. The house did look a lot darker than normal, but nothing seemed unusual to her young eyes. But dad seemed edgy when he looked at the house.
"Daddy?"
He pulled out his wand and slowly walked towards the house. His eyes darted left and right and his ears twitched, listening. He disappeared in the house.
"Mommy, what's wrong?"
Her mom was staring at the house; her hand was shaking slightly. Why was mom so scared? Who or what was in the house that scared both her parents so much? Artemis remained quiet and stared.
A bang shook the silence, followed by another bang. A green light and blue light flashed inside the house. Mom stared in horror.
"What's going on, Mommy?"
A bright flash of green light lit the house and something crashed through the window. Blond hairs whipped around the falling figure before it slammed into the ground, motionless. Her mom screamed and opened the door to the vehicle. She raced over to the fallen figure.
"Alander! ALANDER! Alander, please! Open your eyes! ALANDER!"
A man with bright red eyes had left the house and was stalking towards her mom. "Such a pity. You could have made such a valuable member."
He raised his wand and a light began to form at the tip. She was out of the car and running towards them. He looked right at her and sneered. She struggled to move away from him, but all of a sudden he was right in front of her. His cold and slender hands reached out towards her. She wanted to run and get away from this awful man but it felt like she was rooted to the ground. There was nothing she could do. He raised his wand and there was a bright flash of light...
Artemis woke with a start. Sunlight streamed into the room, filling it with its soft, warm glow. She yawned and looked for her alarm clock but found it missing.
"Great. I forgot...it's broken."
She stretched and slid out of her bed, her feet finding the soft slippers on the floor. She grabbed some clean clothes and her robe from the closet and padded into the bathroom. She took her time getting ready. There were no classes today because it was a weekend. After her shower, she cast a drying spell and began brushing her hair.
She heard someone stumble out of the room across from hers. She opened her door a crack and peeked out. She stifled a small giggle. Remus, who looked like the walking dead, stumbled over to the bathroom and cursed when his foot hit the side of the door.
Now fully awake, Remus began hopping up and down on one foot. His face was twisted in a scowl of pain. He turned while hopping and stopped. He looked right at her then looked down at the full goblet on the floor. He smiled and hobbled into the bathroom.
Traveling to Hogsmeade was a favorite treat for third year students and older. Hogsmeade had everything a teenager wanted: candy, pranks, fun and most of all, No Snape! Harry and his friends always found something at Hogsmeade to amuse them. At the moment, a certain black dog 'lovingly' called Snuffles was leading them to a cave just outside the town. There they met with Professor Lupin who had removed his boot to inspect his toe.
"Morning."
The dog grunted and began to shift into its true form. His short black fur disappeared and changed into robes. The dog's dark brown eyes were replaced with sparkling blue ones. Sirius Black stood in the place of the dog. His hair was long and pulled into a tight ponytail and a slight scowl marred features. He was scratching his arms and his back leg was twitching, a reaction from his canine self.
"Hand me my wand. I think my other-self attracted fleas again."
Remus smirked and handed Sirius his wand. Sirius muttered a spell and was bathed in a white light.
"After all this years, Padfoot," Remus joked, "I would have thought you would have found a cure to your...predicament."
"Can it, Moony," grinned Sirius. "If my memory serves me correctly, we had a hell of a time removing ticks from you one year."
"I shudder at the memory."
"So, what news does my favorite godson have? Do you have a girlfriend? Have you broken any hearts yet? Have you played a wonderful prank on that git Snape?"
Remus sighed. It seemed like the old Sirius was finally returning. As much as he missed the happy-go-lucky Sirius, he hoped that he wouldn't fully return. If he did, then that meant that no one was safe from the prank king.
"Well...I do have a permission slip I need you to sign. Our new Care of Magical Creatures professor is going to show us a werewolf."
Harry handed the note to Sirius who looked at it and smirked at Remus.
"Professor Southerby? Why Remus, why didn't you tell me that you were working with Artemis?" He nudged Remus who promptly turned red and tried to glare at Sirius. "Gee, I wonder who will be the werewolf featured in the lesson?"
"So do I. I certainly know she hadn't asked me."
"So, is she still hot?"
"WHAT!?"
"Yeah," smiled Ron. "She's very pretty!"
"RON!"
"What?"
Hermione sighed along with Harry. Some people never change and from the way things were appearing, it seemed like it was only going to get more chaotic. Ron and Sirius were conversing about Professor Southerby and Remus was trying to ignore them and put his boot back on. Sirius laughed and handed Harry the signed slip.
"Don't get yourself hurt, okay?"
"Don't worry, I'm not about to."
"So, Moony, have you and Artemis gotten back together yet?"
Harry, Hermione and Ron stared in shock. "WHAT?"
"Aww, you and Arty haven't, have you? Geeze, what's taking so long?"
"You and Professor Southerby were an item?"
"Were is the key word," murmured Remus.
"Professor Lupin," questioned Hermione, "what happened between you two?"
"Oh it was puppy love," grinned Sirius as he placed an arm around Remus.
"Sirius..."
"What?" Sirius smirked. "I'm was just going to tell them that when you were their age that..."
"Sirius!"
"Fine. Fine. Are you sure you don't have a tick lodged in your..."
"SIRIUS!"
Sirius sighed. 'Moony just isn't going to let me say a word while he is around. But that doesn't mean...Padfoot you really are a BAD dog.'
Artemis walked down the dirt road at Hogsmeade. Her fingers toyed with the opal broach at the front of her robes. She had a bag on her arm containing something resembling a book.
It had been so long since she had walked down this road. Teenagers laughing and giggling could be heard all about. She smiled when she remembered walking with Lily Evans (then).
They stopped at every shop. At the candy store, they always bought sugar quills and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. She could still remember the sauerkraut bean she encountered. It was awful. When the passed the prank shop, they could hear the Marauders inside, laughing and pointing out every new joke with mischievous glee. Severus was almost always the target of whatever jokes the Marauders chose. She and Lily didn't care. They were too busy trying to decide if brown meant chocolate, dirt or worse.
Those were happier times. She stopped walking when she neared the Shrieking Shack. The villagers still claim that the house was haunted. She knew that to be a lie. Granted there were screams that echoed from the house on certain nights, but that was just a façade. She knew about the Shrieking Shack's hidden secret. It was a secret shared by a small few: Professor Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey, the Marauders, Severus and herself. She was certain no one else knew the secret. She knew about Remus' secret after having witnessed it for herself. She could have been killed, she knew. But somehow, Remus never attacked. Perhaps it had to do with the three other animals with him at the time. She didn't know.
She froze. Something didn't feel right. She spun around, trying to listen. Something was lurking around Hogsmeade. Her eyes darted towards all the dark corners. Where was it?
"Professor? Professor Southerby? Are you okay?"
She blinked and turned towards two of her students, Neville and Ginny.
"You don't look so well, Professor. Are you okay?"
She nodded. Her eyes darted towards the corners again. 'I know you're out there.'
"I'm fine. Just a little tired. Are you two enjoying your day?"
"Yes, ma'am. We've visited every store twice," chirped Ginny. "We got to see the new stuff my older brothers planned on selling."
Fred and George Weasley. Those two were just like James and Sirius. She could tell by the twinkle in their eyes during class that they wanted to pull a prank. She hoped it would just be a simple dung bomb or something, nothing like what the Marauders pulled.
"Really? I'd love to see what they've come up with. Can you show me?"
"Sure, Professor." Neville and Ginny led Artemis to the prank shop. Artemis took one last look back, making sure that what she felt was nothing.
George and Fred were sitting outside the store, staring at the bag of pranks, when Artemis, Ginny and Neville arrived. George and Fred brightened instantly.
"Professor Southerby! Nice to see you!" They both chirped at once.
Inwardly, she groaned. Something was up. She had heard that tone one too many times when Sirius and James tried using the 'nice act' before pulling a prank on Severus Snape.
"What do you need, boys?"
"Need? What do you mean, Professor?"
"Come on, you don't think I'll fall for the innocent routine, do you?"
She smiled inwardly. These two redheaded devils could charm almost anyone into falling into becoming the star of one of their pranks. She sighed.
"Professor, all we wanted was to see if you wanted one of our cream desserts."
Artemis looked over at Ginny and Neville who were furiously shaking their heads and making hand signals.
"Okay."
She noticed the looks the twins were giving each other before they handed her the cream. She opened her mouth and took a bite...POOF. A little yellow canary hovered where she stood for about 10 seconds before returning the recipient of the prank back to her normal form. George and Fred were sniggering as she plucked some tiny yellow feathers from her head. Some students had gathered to watch the prank take place. Both Ginny and Neville were horrified.
"Nice prank, boys. What do you call this treat?"
"Canary Creams."
To everyone's surprise, she laughed. "I have seen so many different pranks in my life, but none as innocent looking as these. You have a good product here, boys." She leaned in close to the twins and whispered, "I think they would be even better if the canaries were different colors."
George and Fred got that 'gleam' in their eyes as they processed the information. 'Colored canaries? Excellent.' They stared at her with respect. Ginny and Neville blinked in shock as Artemis knelt down and gathered the bag she dropped as a canary.
"I'm heading back to Hogwarts. I'll see you all in class."
Harry, Hermione and Ron arrived just a few minutes after Professor Southerby left. Ginny and Neville were still in mild shock.
"Gin, are you okay," asked Ron.
"Ron, you won't believe what George and Fred did."
Remus sat on a rock while Sirius leaned against the cave's wall. Both were staring down at Hogsmeade. Sirius brushed some dark hair out of his face.
"So, tell me why you and Artemis haven't gotten back together."
Remus sighed. "You really aren't going to let up, are you?"
"Who me?"
"Why are you so interested in my love-life anyway?"
"Moony?"
"She hadn't really spoken to me since she arrived at Hogwarts. It wasn't until yesterday that she even acknowledged my existence."
Sirius moved from the wall and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder.
"She still feels guilty, doesn't she?"
"We all do. Why does she think that she has to have the pains of guilt on just her shoulders?"
"Why don't you ask her?"
"I tried talking to her. I confronted her about her need of sleeping potion. Can you believe she had resorted to using a sleeping potion?"
"Hey," Sirius smirked, "confrontation! I never knew you had it in you."
"She dodged the subject," he mentioned, leaving out the part where she stopped using the potion last night.
"Don't give up! Never give up! Did James and I give up when we became Animagi?" He purposefully left Peter out of the equation.
"No."
"Did we give up when we decided to create the Cheerleading spell?"
"No, but I believe you were the one who did that."
"Are you going to give up on your first love?"
"..."
"Come on! Say it!"
"..."
Sirius smiled. "If you don't say it, I'll find some way to meddle."
"OKAY! Okay. Don't meddle, please don't meddle."
"Good. I wasn't looking forward to making a public appearance."
Remus smiled lightly. Friends like Sirius were rare.
"Padfoot?"
"Hmmm?"
"Send me an owl any time, okay? We need more time to catch up."
"Hey, don't give up on her. I know how you two were back then and I know you still have feelings for her. It can't hurt to try."
"Padfoot?"
"Yes, Moony?"
"You need to use more of that muggle flea powder."
"Funny. Very funny."
by Jennifer Allen
"Sleep and Encounters"
She was smiling. Her daddy would be home in a few minutes. She didn't like it when he worked late. Mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
She was five again. Her hair was in pigtails and she was sitting on the steps next to the door, waiting for her father. She felt like she had been waiting forever when he arrived. When he opened the door, he looked directly at her and smiled.
Mom called everyone to the table for dinner. Food appeared before her eyes. And why wouldn't it? Mom was a witch and dad was a wizard. She could smell the aroma. Her mom conjured up steaming plates of potatoes, beans and beef.
Dad was a little upset during dinner. A little boy had been bitten by something and that the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures wanted to destroy the child.
"They didn't hurt the boy, did they daddy?"
Her dad stared at her. It could have been any child. The boy was the same age as his daughter. It could have been her up there.
"No, sweetie-pie. Aurors Potter and Black helped me defend the boy. He's safe."
Flash forward......
"Mommy! Mommy! Look! The bunnies like me!"
Artemis held onto two bunnies and smiled at her parents. For the first time since she could remember, they were on vacation. Granted they didn't go very far. They spent the entire day laughing and enjoying the day. Everyone was so happy. She pouted when it was time to leave. She couldn't take the bunnies with her.
When they arrived home, dad started looking worried. She didn't understand. He told her and mom to stay in the muggle vehicle and wait for him. The house did look a lot darker than normal, but nothing seemed unusual to her young eyes. But dad seemed edgy when he looked at the house.
"Daddy?"
He pulled out his wand and slowly walked towards the house. His eyes darted left and right and his ears twitched, listening. He disappeared in the house.
"Mommy, what's wrong?"
Her mom was staring at the house; her hand was shaking slightly. Why was mom so scared? Who or what was in the house that scared both her parents so much? Artemis remained quiet and stared.
A bang shook the silence, followed by another bang. A green light and blue light flashed inside the house. Mom stared in horror.
"What's going on, Mommy?"
A bright flash of green light lit the house and something crashed through the window. Blond hairs whipped around the falling figure before it slammed into the ground, motionless. Her mom screamed and opened the door to the vehicle. She raced over to the fallen figure.
"Alander! ALANDER! Alander, please! Open your eyes! ALANDER!"
A man with bright red eyes had left the house and was stalking towards her mom. "Such a pity. You could have made such a valuable member."
He raised his wand and a light began to form at the tip. She was out of the car and running towards them. He looked right at her and sneered. She struggled to move away from him, but all of a sudden he was right in front of her. His cold and slender hands reached out towards her. She wanted to run and get away from this awful man but it felt like she was rooted to the ground. There was nothing she could do. He raised his wand and there was a bright flash of light...
Artemis woke with a start. Sunlight streamed into the room, filling it with its soft, warm glow. She yawned and looked for her alarm clock but found it missing.
"Great. I forgot...it's broken."
She stretched and slid out of her bed, her feet finding the soft slippers on the floor. She grabbed some clean clothes and her robe from the closet and padded into the bathroom. She took her time getting ready. There were no classes today because it was a weekend. After her shower, she cast a drying spell and began brushing her hair.
She heard someone stumble out of the room across from hers. She opened her door a crack and peeked out. She stifled a small giggle. Remus, who looked like the walking dead, stumbled over to the bathroom and cursed when his foot hit the side of the door.
Now fully awake, Remus began hopping up and down on one foot. His face was twisted in a scowl of pain. He turned while hopping and stopped. He looked right at her then looked down at the full goblet on the floor. He smiled and hobbled into the bathroom.
Traveling to Hogsmeade was a favorite treat for third year students and older. Hogsmeade had everything a teenager wanted: candy, pranks, fun and most of all, No Snape! Harry and his friends always found something at Hogsmeade to amuse them. At the moment, a certain black dog 'lovingly' called Snuffles was leading them to a cave just outside the town. There they met with Professor Lupin who had removed his boot to inspect his toe.
"Morning."
The dog grunted and began to shift into its true form. His short black fur disappeared and changed into robes. The dog's dark brown eyes were replaced with sparkling blue ones. Sirius Black stood in the place of the dog. His hair was long and pulled into a tight ponytail and a slight scowl marred features. He was scratching his arms and his back leg was twitching, a reaction from his canine self.
"Hand me my wand. I think my other-self attracted fleas again."
Remus smirked and handed Sirius his wand. Sirius muttered a spell and was bathed in a white light.
"After all this years, Padfoot," Remus joked, "I would have thought you would have found a cure to your...predicament."
"Can it, Moony," grinned Sirius. "If my memory serves me correctly, we had a hell of a time removing ticks from you one year."
"I shudder at the memory."
"So, what news does my favorite godson have? Do you have a girlfriend? Have you broken any hearts yet? Have you played a wonderful prank on that git Snape?"
Remus sighed. It seemed like the old Sirius was finally returning. As much as he missed the happy-go-lucky Sirius, he hoped that he wouldn't fully return. If he did, then that meant that no one was safe from the prank king.
"Well...I do have a permission slip I need you to sign. Our new Care of Magical Creatures professor is going to show us a werewolf."
Harry handed the note to Sirius who looked at it and smirked at Remus.
"Professor Southerby? Why Remus, why didn't you tell me that you were working with Artemis?" He nudged Remus who promptly turned red and tried to glare at Sirius. "Gee, I wonder who will be the werewolf featured in the lesson?"
"So do I. I certainly know she hadn't asked me."
"So, is she still hot?"
"WHAT!?"
"Yeah," smiled Ron. "She's very pretty!"
"RON!"
"What?"
Hermione sighed along with Harry. Some people never change and from the way things were appearing, it seemed like it was only going to get more chaotic. Ron and Sirius were conversing about Professor Southerby and Remus was trying to ignore them and put his boot back on. Sirius laughed and handed Harry the signed slip.
"Don't get yourself hurt, okay?"
"Don't worry, I'm not about to."
"So, Moony, have you and Artemis gotten back together yet?"
Harry, Hermione and Ron stared in shock. "WHAT?"
"Aww, you and Arty haven't, have you? Geeze, what's taking so long?"
"You and Professor Southerby were an item?"
"Were is the key word," murmured Remus.
"Professor Lupin," questioned Hermione, "what happened between you two?"
"Oh it was puppy love," grinned Sirius as he placed an arm around Remus.
"Sirius..."
"What?" Sirius smirked. "I'm was just going to tell them that when you were their age that..."
"Sirius!"
"Fine. Fine. Are you sure you don't have a tick lodged in your..."
"SIRIUS!"
Sirius sighed. 'Moony just isn't going to let me say a word while he is around. But that doesn't mean...Padfoot you really are a BAD dog.'
Artemis walked down the dirt road at Hogsmeade. Her fingers toyed with the opal broach at the front of her robes. She had a bag on her arm containing something resembling a book.
It had been so long since she had walked down this road. Teenagers laughing and giggling could be heard all about. She smiled when she remembered walking with Lily Evans (then).
They stopped at every shop. At the candy store, they always bought sugar quills and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. She could still remember the sauerkraut bean she encountered. It was awful. When the passed the prank shop, they could hear the Marauders inside, laughing and pointing out every new joke with mischievous glee. Severus was almost always the target of whatever jokes the Marauders chose. She and Lily didn't care. They were too busy trying to decide if brown meant chocolate, dirt or worse.
Those were happier times. She stopped walking when she neared the Shrieking Shack. The villagers still claim that the house was haunted. She knew that to be a lie. Granted there were screams that echoed from the house on certain nights, but that was just a façade. She knew about the Shrieking Shack's hidden secret. It was a secret shared by a small few: Professor Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey, the Marauders, Severus and herself. She was certain no one else knew the secret. She knew about Remus' secret after having witnessed it for herself. She could have been killed, she knew. But somehow, Remus never attacked. Perhaps it had to do with the three other animals with him at the time. She didn't know.
She froze. Something didn't feel right. She spun around, trying to listen. Something was lurking around Hogsmeade. Her eyes darted towards all the dark corners. Where was it?
"Professor? Professor Southerby? Are you okay?"
She blinked and turned towards two of her students, Neville and Ginny.
"You don't look so well, Professor. Are you okay?"
She nodded. Her eyes darted towards the corners again. 'I know you're out there.'
"I'm fine. Just a little tired. Are you two enjoying your day?"
"Yes, ma'am. We've visited every store twice," chirped Ginny. "We got to see the new stuff my older brothers planned on selling."
Fred and George Weasley. Those two were just like James and Sirius. She could tell by the twinkle in their eyes during class that they wanted to pull a prank. She hoped it would just be a simple dung bomb or something, nothing like what the Marauders pulled.
"Really? I'd love to see what they've come up with. Can you show me?"
"Sure, Professor." Neville and Ginny led Artemis to the prank shop. Artemis took one last look back, making sure that what she felt was nothing.
George and Fred were sitting outside the store, staring at the bag of pranks, when Artemis, Ginny and Neville arrived. George and Fred brightened instantly.
"Professor Southerby! Nice to see you!" They both chirped at once.
Inwardly, she groaned. Something was up. She had heard that tone one too many times when Sirius and James tried using the 'nice act' before pulling a prank on Severus Snape.
"What do you need, boys?"
"Need? What do you mean, Professor?"
"Come on, you don't think I'll fall for the innocent routine, do you?"
She smiled inwardly. These two redheaded devils could charm almost anyone into falling into becoming the star of one of their pranks. She sighed.
"Professor, all we wanted was to see if you wanted one of our cream desserts."
Artemis looked over at Ginny and Neville who were furiously shaking their heads and making hand signals.
"Okay."
She noticed the looks the twins were giving each other before they handed her the cream. She opened her mouth and took a bite...POOF. A little yellow canary hovered where she stood for about 10 seconds before returning the recipient of the prank back to her normal form. George and Fred were sniggering as she plucked some tiny yellow feathers from her head. Some students had gathered to watch the prank take place. Both Ginny and Neville were horrified.
"Nice prank, boys. What do you call this treat?"
"Canary Creams."
To everyone's surprise, she laughed. "I have seen so many different pranks in my life, but none as innocent looking as these. You have a good product here, boys." She leaned in close to the twins and whispered, "I think they would be even better if the canaries were different colors."
George and Fred got that 'gleam' in their eyes as they processed the information. 'Colored canaries? Excellent.' They stared at her with respect. Ginny and Neville blinked in shock as Artemis knelt down and gathered the bag she dropped as a canary.
"I'm heading back to Hogwarts. I'll see you all in class."
Harry, Hermione and Ron arrived just a few minutes after Professor Southerby left. Ginny and Neville were still in mild shock.
"Gin, are you okay," asked Ron.
"Ron, you won't believe what George and Fred did."
Remus sat on a rock while Sirius leaned against the cave's wall. Both were staring down at Hogsmeade. Sirius brushed some dark hair out of his face.
"So, tell me why you and Artemis haven't gotten back together."
Remus sighed. "You really aren't going to let up, are you?"
"Who me?"
"Why are you so interested in my love-life anyway?"
"Moony?"
"She hadn't really spoken to me since she arrived at Hogwarts. It wasn't until yesterday that she even acknowledged my existence."
Sirius moved from the wall and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder.
"She still feels guilty, doesn't she?"
"We all do. Why does she think that she has to have the pains of guilt on just her shoulders?"
"Why don't you ask her?"
"I tried talking to her. I confronted her about her need of sleeping potion. Can you believe she had resorted to using a sleeping potion?"
"Hey," Sirius smirked, "confrontation! I never knew you had it in you."
"She dodged the subject," he mentioned, leaving out the part where she stopped using the potion last night.
"Don't give up! Never give up! Did James and I give up when we became Animagi?" He purposefully left Peter out of the equation.
"No."
"Did we give up when we decided to create the Cheerleading spell?"
"No, but I believe you were the one who did that."
"Are you going to give up on your first love?"
"..."
"Come on! Say it!"
"..."
Sirius smiled. "If you don't say it, I'll find some way to meddle."
"OKAY! Okay. Don't meddle, please don't meddle."
"Good. I wasn't looking forward to making a public appearance."
Remus smiled lightly. Friends like Sirius were rare.
"Padfoot?"
"Hmmm?"
"Send me an owl any time, okay? We need more time to catch up."
"Hey, don't give up on her. I know how you two were back then and I know you still have feelings for her. It can't hurt to try."
"Padfoot?"
"Yes, Moony?"
"You need to use more of that muggle flea powder."
"Funny. Very funny."