Author's note: Okay, wooo. This chapter makes NO sense at ALL. I'm writing this at 7:00 in the morning, and that is not good. I don't own IZ, and you should be glad that I don't. In fact, you should be celebrating in the streets. Dib/Zim warning. Crappy pop culture references. Total OOC-ness. You have been warned. Flames welcome.
"May I sit here?" a voice asked.
Zim looked up. It was that new girl. What was here name? Oh yeah, Zo-ee. Dib had been brainwashing her. Damn. Just his luck.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he muttered.
"Thanks."
Zo-ee sat down and pulled a book seemingly out of nowhere and began to read. Zim poked at his ketchup and rice. Honestly, he didn't see how humans could eat school food. A kid at the table next to him slumped over, dead.
…
Turns out humans CAN'T eat school food. Zim pushed his tray away, not wanting to take any chances. He made a mental note to hire the cafeteria ladies as his biochemical weapon engineers when he conquered the world, though.
Zo-ee was still reading. Dean Koontz. Zim had heard of him. He wrote books that had basically the same story line. Like Everclear having the same tune for every song. He gasped. Was the mighty Invader ZIM making EARTH pop-culture references? No! This cannot be! He would have to get Computer to do…something to rid him of these horrible…things!
Suddenly, to get the plot of this stupid story going, Zim wondered what Dib had told her.
"You! Human female stinkbeast! What did DIB tell you about me?" he asked, pointing wildly.
Zo-ee lowered the book and cocked an eyebrow.
"He told me that you're an alien planning to invade Earth or whatever," she replied.
"Gads! Why does he always say that I'm an alien?" Zim whined.
"Because you are," Zo-ee said simply.
Zim stared.
"I mean, come on. You're green, you have no ears or nose, and you called me a 'Human female stinkbeast.' It's pretty obvious."
Zim continued staring.
"I won't tell, though. Just do a good job when you invade Earth," she continued.
The bell rang and Zo-ee got up and headed to Ms. Bitters.
-*-
Back in class, Ms. Bitters was talking about a project that would be done in groups of three.
"You will do a poster on a planet that I assign you. It is due at the end of the week," she growled.
"First group is Dib, Zim and Zoe."
Dib grinned and Zim moaned, wondering if it was possible to kill oneself with a blunt pencil.
Zoe just started drawing.
-*-
When skool was over, Zim, Dib and Zoe got together to decide whose house they were going to work at.
Zim and Dib just glared at each other.
"Alright, my house. Gotcha," Zoe sighed.
This wasn't going to be easy.
All three decided to go ahead and go over to her house since none of them had anything better to do.
"What's the matter, ZIM? Do you have no parents to watch over you? Huh?" Dib taunted.
"Dude, that made NO sense whatsoever," Zoe remarked.
Zim smirked. Dib tripped and landed on his hands.
"You okay?" Zoe asked.
"Yeah. My wrists kind of hurt, though," he replied as he got up, dusting himself off.
For no apparent reason, Zim tackled Dib.
"We'll get through this together! Oh, Dib, I LOVE you!" Zim wailed and bent over to hug Dib.
Dib started crying tears of joy or whatever and hugged Zim back. Zim picked up Dib, whose left leg was all of a sudden mauled looking. Both were crying but smiling shakily.
As you can imagine, Zoe was wigging out.
"What the hell?! First you two HATE each other, and then BAM! Out of nowhere you LOVE each other?!" she shrieked.
The new couple nodded.
"And so you're not going to try to destr—what the fu…why are we seventeen?"
Sure enough, Dib, Zim and Zoe had somehow magically grown to be seventeen-ish: Dib was very handsome, but still had that scythe…thing…bang, Zim had grown drastically and was now about the height of Dib (who he was still holding) , and Zoe had formed into a beautiful young woman who still had those damnable long arms.
Now EVERYONE was freaking. Zim dropped Dib and dug around in the pockets baggy jeans that he was wearing for some reason or another. He pulled out a wallet and moaned.
"It says on my drivers license-"
"You have a drivers license?!" Dib yelled.
"Uh…yeah. Anyway, it says here that I'm not seventeen, but twenty-one and judging by the other things here, I'm going to some arts college."
Dib and Zoe had begun digging around in their pockets.
"I'm twenty-two, and also going to an arts college" Dib gasped as he flipped through his wallet.
"I'm twenty and same for the college thing." Zoe said, her eyes wide.
They all compared their wallet contents and discovered they were going to the same college.
"Maybe it's just me, but I seriously doubt we have to work on that project, now," Zim pointed out.
The other two gave him that "How slow ARE you?" look.
"Uh…I guess I'd better be heading home now," Zim blushed.
"Yeah, me too." Zoe muttered, still mystified.
Dib just wrapped an arm around Zim's waist and smiled evilly.
Zim laughed as they headed off to his house.
Author's Note:
Woot! Crap at it's best! o_O See people?! I CAN be "happy"!
(Several people are begging for mercy and some are rocking back and forth, muttering something about Spawn of Satan.)
BTW, I would put this into one long story, but I run out of ideas, so I just cut it off. ~_~ I think I might continue just to piss people off. :) I enjoy doing that.
:runs off, oblivious to the lives she's ruined by writing this story: