Loot Diablo!
by Dreadnaught
Usual copyright stuff goes here. Thanks to Flexor for the randomized ideas.
Chapter 3
Necromancer: ... he's coming back any seconds now...
Sorceress: How are we going to get back the the camp without his super-cool aura?
Necromancer: ...
Barbarian: ...
Amazon: ...
Necromancer: We can let the barbarian drive the bus again...
Amazon, Sorceress, Barbarian: NO!
Necromancer: Hey, at least I'm thinking of something.
Amazon: No way, I've already spent all the money I've collected from dead bodies to buy a new bus in return of the one he turned into a piece of scrap metal. Thank god the bus driver didn't sue us.
Sorceress: Maybe I can call Kashya and ask her to pick us up. Anyone have any change?
Necromancer, Barbarian. Amazon: Nope.
Sorceress: I'll have to make a collect call then, let's see, zero...
*Some guy appeared out of no were*
Some Guy: What do you think you're doing?
Sorceress: Making a collect call?
Some Guy: Don't dial zero! Use 1-800-OVERCHARGE! It will save Kashya at least a buck or two!
Sorceress: How do I remember?
Some Guy: It's a collect call! Just remember! One! Eighthundred! O-V-E-R-C-H-A-R-G-E!
*Barbarian knocks Some Guy out with this club*
Barbarian: *WHACK*
Sorceress: Hey! He was telling me how to save on collect calls...
Barbarian: Well, it's very annoying. Just make the call!
Sorceress: Ok, sheesh.
*Sorceress calls Kashya using 1-800-OVERCHARGE.*
Kashya: Yallo?
Sorceress: Hi, erm, we kinda need a ride to the camp, you think you can pick us up?
Kashya: No need, my rogue scouts reported that someone is f@#$ing around in the burial grounds, I need you five you check it out.
Sorceress: Four now, since the paladin left.
Kashya: Really, well, he'll be back, he's too addicted to Diablo 2 to leave now. I have to go milk the cows now, see ya.
*They both hanged up.*
Necromancer: So?
Sorceress: She wants us to check out the burial ground, appearantly someone is, quote, "f@#$ing around it".
Amazon: That b@#$%! I knew she's too scared to go there by herself, so she wants US to do it.
Sorceress: Well, we better do what we were paid for.
Amazon: We're NOT geting paid.
Sorceress: Oh yeah... well, let's just go there for fun then.
*The four walks to the burial grounds.*
Some Guy: Now entering burial grounds.
Barbarian: You again! What are you doing here?
Some Guy: Uh... erm... I'm a... *Runs away*
Sorceress: Let him go, let's just go see who's f@!#ing around the burial grounds.
*The four enters the burial grounds.*
Necromancer: I sense... death... within this place.
Amazon: No duh, professor obious!
Blood Raven: Join my army of the dead...
*Zombies and skeletons charged at the four heroes... very slowly...*
Necromancer: Pfft, that's nothing compared to MY army of the dead... hehehe.
*Necromancer raises a skeleton, named Bob.*
Amazon: THAT'S IT?
Necromancer: Well, I have to get more points into skeleton, and since Akara didn't give us the skill point yet, I can only raise one. Besides, I'm sure Bob can take them all.
*Bob got smashed to pieces in one shot*
Necromancer: NOOOOOO! Bob!
Barbarian: That's it, I'm gonna trash her.
*Barbarian whacks Blood Raven*
Barbarian: *WHACK*
*Blood Reven dies, following by a spectacular lightning that kills not only the undead, but the framerate of everyone else.*
Necromancer: Haha, Blood Raven... rest now... b@$#%!
Sorceress: We REALLY need to stop the swearing.
*PALADIN HAS JOINED OUR F@#$ING WORLD.*
Amazon: Yay, he's back! Now we can get back to the camp without calling Kashya.
Paladin: Did the Zero Wing talk stop?
Sorceress: How are you gentlemen...
Paladin: Don't start!
Sorceress: Ok, ok.
Barbarian: What did you do?
Paladin: Listened to Cain Rap, he's some old guy who lives in tristram.
Barbarian: Cool.
*And so, some how, the four got the paladin's aura and ran back to the rogue encampment.*
*To be continued...*
by Dreadnaught
Usual copyright stuff goes here. Thanks to Flexor for the randomized ideas.
Chapter 3
Necromancer: ... he's coming back any seconds now...
Sorceress: How are we going to get back the the camp without his super-cool aura?
Necromancer: ...
Barbarian: ...
Amazon: ...
Necromancer: We can let the barbarian drive the bus again...
Amazon, Sorceress, Barbarian: NO!
Necromancer: Hey, at least I'm thinking of something.
Amazon: No way, I've already spent all the money I've collected from dead bodies to buy a new bus in return of the one he turned into a piece of scrap metal. Thank god the bus driver didn't sue us.
Sorceress: Maybe I can call Kashya and ask her to pick us up. Anyone have any change?
Necromancer, Barbarian. Amazon: Nope.
Sorceress: I'll have to make a collect call then, let's see, zero...
*Some guy appeared out of no were*
Some Guy: What do you think you're doing?
Sorceress: Making a collect call?
Some Guy: Don't dial zero! Use 1-800-OVERCHARGE! It will save Kashya at least a buck or two!
Sorceress: How do I remember?
Some Guy: It's a collect call! Just remember! One! Eighthundred! O-V-E-R-C-H-A-R-G-E!
*Barbarian knocks Some Guy out with this club*
Barbarian: *WHACK*
Sorceress: Hey! He was telling me how to save on collect calls...
Barbarian: Well, it's very annoying. Just make the call!
Sorceress: Ok, sheesh.
*Sorceress calls Kashya using 1-800-OVERCHARGE.*
Kashya: Yallo?
Sorceress: Hi, erm, we kinda need a ride to the camp, you think you can pick us up?
Kashya: No need, my rogue scouts reported that someone is f@#$ing around in the burial grounds, I need you five you check it out.
Sorceress: Four now, since the paladin left.
Kashya: Really, well, he'll be back, he's too addicted to Diablo 2 to leave now. I have to go milk the cows now, see ya.
*They both hanged up.*
Necromancer: So?
Sorceress: She wants us to check out the burial ground, appearantly someone is, quote, "f@#$ing around it".
Amazon: That b@#$%! I knew she's too scared to go there by herself, so she wants US to do it.
Sorceress: Well, we better do what we were paid for.
Amazon: We're NOT geting paid.
Sorceress: Oh yeah... well, let's just go there for fun then.
*The four walks to the burial grounds.*
Some Guy: Now entering burial grounds.
Barbarian: You again! What are you doing here?
Some Guy: Uh... erm... I'm a... *Runs away*
Sorceress: Let him go, let's just go see who's f@!#ing around the burial grounds.
*The four enters the burial grounds.*
Necromancer: I sense... death... within this place.
Amazon: No duh, professor obious!
Blood Raven: Join my army of the dead...
*Zombies and skeletons charged at the four heroes... very slowly...*
Necromancer: Pfft, that's nothing compared to MY army of the dead... hehehe.
*Necromancer raises a skeleton, named Bob.*
Amazon: THAT'S IT?
Necromancer: Well, I have to get more points into skeleton, and since Akara didn't give us the skill point yet, I can only raise one. Besides, I'm sure Bob can take them all.
*Bob got smashed to pieces in one shot*
Necromancer: NOOOOOO! Bob!
Barbarian: That's it, I'm gonna trash her.
*Barbarian whacks Blood Raven*
Barbarian: *WHACK*
*Blood Reven dies, following by a spectacular lightning that kills not only the undead, but the framerate of everyone else.*
Necromancer: Haha, Blood Raven... rest now... b@$#%!
Sorceress: We REALLY need to stop the swearing.
*PALADIN HAS JOINED OUR F@#$ING WORLD.*
Amazon: Yay, he's back! Now we can get back to the camp without calling Kashya.
Paladin: Did the Zero Wing talk stop?
Sorceress: How are you gentlemen...
Paladin: Don't start!
Sorceress: Ok, ok.
Barbarian: What did you do?
Paladin: Listened to Cain Rap, he's some old guy who lives in tristram.
Barbarian: Cool.
*And so, some how, the four got the paladin's aura and ran back to the rogue encampment.*
*To be continued...*