A muffin? Gone...
Sardines!? Gone!
... Liver.... Gone....
All the food... In the cafeteria... Disappeared...
Who did it? Who took the food?
The sreach began that very morning...

*Zell knocking on Squall's dorm*
Zell: Squall, you alive?
*Squall wakes up... Feels like shit...*
Zell: SQUALLLLL!!!!!
*Squall becomes furious*
Squall: What?
*Squall notices his cheeks... Bounce?*
Zell: C'mon, you have to help me out.
Squall: How?
*Getting all jiggly*
Zell: All the food in the cafeteria was stolen!
*Squall finds that hard to believe*
Squall: OK...
*Squall tries to get up, then noticing he is a wide, round, oaf*
Squall: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zell: SQUALL!? SQUALL!?
*Zell bursts the door down and sees a gigantic Squall*
Zell: OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK!? SQUALL! YOU DID IT!
Squall: Whatever...
Zell: I'm sure you'll be able to get out of this somehow...
*And so, Squall said he was gonna be Santa... It worked*
Zell: Now, time for you to get back in shape, fat shit.
Squall: How? I'm chubbier then Master Norg was!
Zell: Don't fret, theres a simple solution!
*Begin catchy funky tune*
Zell (singing): Ladadeda, when your fat, your big and slow....
Squall (sining): Fuck you Zell, I can't help it!
Zell (sining): Squall, Squall, do you wanna get back in shaaaape?
Squall (singing): Yes, yes I doooooo.....
Zell (sining): Yes, yes he doooooeeeessss!
Squall (sining): Zell, Zell, my friend, show me the waaaay!
Zell: Right. OK, fat ass... It's simple.
Squall: TELL ME!!!!
Zell: Fight some monsters of course! FOR HOURS!
Squall: Whatever...
*Squall and Zell go around the Esthar Region*
Zell: Hmmm... There must be something here.... Right Squall?
Squall: Whatever...
Zell: Hey, look! A malboro!!!
Squall: !!!
Zell: Go Squall, kill it! KIIILLL IIITTT!!!!!!
*Zell pushes Squall towards it, by the ass... Making... Noises...*
Squall: I can't do this... Sorry, malboro.
Malboro: FUCK YOU!!! I WAS PAID 1'000'000 FUCKING ZENNY FOR THIS!
Squall: ... Zenny?
Malboro: Oh fuck fuck fuck... Thats Breath of Fire currency...
Squall: How much gil is 1'000'000 zenny?
Malboro: ... One...
Squall: !!!
Malboro: BUT THATS NOT THE FUCKING POINT!!!
*battle music plays, Squall and malboro get ready to fight*
Zell: Go Squall go!!!
*Malboro is wondering why Squall isn't attacking*
Zell: SQUALL! Why aren't you attacking?!
Squall: My ATB guage isn't full!
Zell: ATB guage?! The hell is that?
Squall: I-I dunno...
*Squall uses renzokuken and gets a perfect... On his fat blubbery chest*
Damage to Squall: 9999... 9999... 9999... Etc, etc, etc....
Zell: Uhhh... This looks hopeless... I need a hotdog...
*Zell leaves to get a hotdog*
*Squall's eyes bulge out of his head*
Squall: Malboro! Look out! A cow is coming at you 400mph!!!!!!!
Malboro: Gwahaha, I won't fall for tha-
*The malboro is broken in half by the cow*
Squall: Woohoo!
*Squall pulls out a stereo, hits play, and the FF8 fanfare music plays*
Squall: Zell? ZELL!? ZEEELLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Zell returns, mouth full*
Zell: Whats up you fucking perverted mother fucking fat piece of shit?
Squall: ... ?
Zell: Well?
Squall: Whatever...
*Squall and Zell return to Balamb, Zell touching Squall's ass the whole way*
Zell: Well Squall... There is only one solution! Come to my house!
*Squal goes to Zell's house and enters his room*
Squall: What is it?
Zell: Here...
*Zell tosses a dead woman at Squall*
Squall: WHAT THE!?
Zell: Fuck it.
Squall: WHAT!?
*Before Squall can do anything, he is shoved in the closet.. Zell touching his ass*
Zell: Now fuck it!
*Squall is forced to fuck the dead woman... For hours....*
Zell: How ya doin?
Squall: How... Long... Has.... It... Been... ?
Zell: Uhhh... Wow, four hours... You horny fat shit...
*Zell opens the door and his mouth drops*
Zell: YOUR NOT FAT ANYMORE!
Squall: Why are you amazed? It was your idea...
Zell: I just wanted to see you fuck a dead body.. Mwahaha...
Squall: Whatever...
Zell: I have a confession to make.
Squall: What?
Zell: I shoved all the food down your throat in your sleep...
Squall: But we don't have that much food in the garden...
Zell: I know, I shoved Rinoa down there too...
Squall: Eww....
Zell: Haha, yeah.
Squall: Hahaha, well Zell.. Lets go do it.
Zell: REALLY!? YYYEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!
Squall: Why are you so excited? Lets go do it... Do some chores at the garden.
Zell: ...
*The two leave, Zell about to touch Squall's ass... When he farts!"
Squall: Excuse me...
*Rinoa's head pops out of Squall's ass...*
Zell: Now thats what I call a sticky situation!
Zell & Squall: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

THE END