"What's wrong, Pace? Did something happen back
there?"
"No, I
just unexpectedly feel sick. Do you mind if we cut sightseeing short?"
"No, no problem. I just hope you're
okay."
Silence ensued after Pacey's request,
but Joey felt it became deafening on the way to his apartment. Joey felt
anxious and she wasn't sure why. Pacey graciously helped Joey out of the car,
but his facial expression seemed to denote something other than pleasure. They
walked into the apartment and finished the rest of the night in silence as Joey
helped Pacey clean his room. It was early, but Pacey persisted in going to
sleep due to his sudden illness. As she changed into her pajamas, she could
hear Pacey and Tyler mumbling energetically in the bathroom. Pacey's voice
sounded strained and unnaturally loud. She could barely make out what they were
saying as she approached the bathroom.
"—yeah,
like the last girl? I'm serious, Burton, you do that again—
"Okay,
okay. You can settle yourself there, Witter. You're freakin' out over stupid
crap. I'm just tryin' to make friends and play nice, so--
"So, keep
your nasty a--
Joey cleared her throat loudly as she
entered the bathroom, in order to stop the argument abruptly. Pacey brushed
past her, avoiding eye contact, while Tyler finished brushing his teeth as she
began.
"Well, at
least there's not any tension in the room."
"Oh, don't
worry about that. Just a slight dispute among friends. So, Joey, what do you
think of California?
"So far,
it's good. How about you? Are you from here?"
"Born and
raised in San Diego, but all my buddies live out here, so I figured why not.
Then I met Witter, and what can I say? It was love at first sight…so, you going
to be staying with us for awhile?"
"As long
as you guys let me stay, I will. Honestly, though, I really don't want to
burden anyone with my presence, so as soon as you get sick of me, let me know."
"I don't
think it's possible to get sick of a girl like you. I think you're going to
love me, oh, oops, I meant, Huntington." Again, Tyler flashed his bright smile,
and while it simultaneously attracted her, she felt a teasing that came with
it. Was this his way of being charming?
"Oops,
slip of the tongue I guess. However, I assure it's quite possible to get sick
of me. Pacey's already proven that and I just got here. That takes some skill."
"Pacey
doesn't know much about girls and how to treat them, trust me. I've seen him
and it's pretty ugly. Me, on the other hand…"
She
laughed at his attempt to make her understand how Pacey treats girls. She
didn't mention anything about their past relationship in hopes that he would
explain himself. "What do you mean? Pacey seems nice enough to girls, at
least when I knew him."
"You haven't seen him lately. It's like
the guy's never had a girlfriend before, the way he acts…but what do I know? I
still love the guy."
"So, you and Pace have become pretty
good friends?"
"Witter's hilarious. We always have a
good time when he's around," Tyler looked at her questioningly, "Hey, did you
know about his girl, Anna?"
He certainly was intent on establishing
the fact that Pacey had a girlfriend. "Yeah, what do you think of her?"
"She's a cool girl. She's hot too, I'm not afraid to say it,
but she doesn't really seem like Pacey's type."
"Why not?"
"Because she's hot. In fact, neither do
you. You are much more my type."
Joey's eyebrows rose at the sign of his
enormous ego peeking through. "Hmm...Interesting. Is that because—oh, wait.
Never mind. Your modesty is answer enough for me."
"Because
I know how to treat girls…"
"Well
then…"
"You
think I'm a pretty arrogant, don't you?"
"One
might agree with that, but not me…no..."
Tyler
caught the sarcasm in her voice and sincerely replied with, "Sorry. I know I
come off like a jerk. I let my mouth run and it gets me into trouble with
pretty girls—it happens to the best of us."
Joey
smiled genuinely at him. She liked his boyish overconfidence, in a younger
brother sort of way. "I guess so. Um, isn't your girlfriend waiting for you?"
Joey purposefully brought up his date to bring him back to reality.
"Gina?
She's not my girlfriend."
"What is it
with denial and relationships with you people?" She caught Tyler off guard with
her sudden seriousness.
"No, I'm
being completely honest. She's a cool girl and everything, but it's not
serious."
Joey
blushed as she realized her sudden outburst might appear out of place. She
tried to make up for it by lightheartedly commenting, "Have fun tonight,
Tyler."
Tyler yelled goodnight to her as she left
the bathroom and walked into Pacey's bedroom. The room was dark, and she was
again grateful the room was clean so that she could move without fear. The
moonlight peeked through the curtains allowing her to see Pacey's shadow
huddled on the floor, next to the bed. Quietly she called to Pacey.
"Yeah?"
"Can you come up here, in the bed, I mean."
Pacey hesitated for a moment before he stood and found Joey's
shadow sitting comfortably on the bed.
"What's up, Jo?"
"You sleeping on the floor tonight?
"The couch is currently being occupied and
I'm not willing to sleep on it after Tyler and Gina get done."
"I don't blame you. You want to share the
bed? But, no 'accidental touching or feeling'."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. It's your bed, I think I can share
it."
"Sounds good. G'night."
"Wait. I was hoping you felt good enough to
have a little chat with me?"
"Yeah…sure."
"Do you
remember how much we used to fight, Pace? I think we fought more than we got
along, for as long as we've known each other…but, what I've always appreciated
about us, is that we weren't afraid to say exactly how we felt. Things came out
that maybe we might not have told other people, but we weren't afraid to tell
each other…I would really like that to remain the same with us—even now. Not
just in a relationship, or as Dawson's friends, but because we are friends."
"Your subtlety needs some work, but I get
it."
"Please tell me, Pace."
"I don't know. To be honest…I love having
you here. I do. But my roommates and you…not something I was prepared for.
Don't ask me why. The past and the present colliding in ways I never imagined…I
don't know what I expected to happen when you got here, but the thought of you
hooking up with one of these guys, especially when I see them everyday with
different girls… it's beyond anything I could've imagined." Pacey eyed Joey,
but could only make out the shadow of her face. He laughed slightly. "Now it's
my turn to look stupid."
Silence settled as Joey slowly rested
her head on the wall, taking in everything Pacey said. Pacey shifted
uncomfortably under the pressure of speaking.
"Pace, I should've never come here so unexpectedly. It was
selfish of me to drop in on your life and expect you to make room. I'm sorry.
I'm just want to take this one-day-at-a-time…" After another long pause, Joey's
heart sank in her chest as she put a horrible realization into words. "What am I doing here, Pace?" She
laughed, sickened by herself. "This is what I get for being irrational and
impulsive…a big mistake. I just got up
and left New York, without thought to anyone or anything. I've been trying to
avoid these feelings of total dread building up, but--" She looked at him
pleadingly, even though her face was too covered by darkness to see. "I've
screwed up my future, haven't I? With no one to place blame on but myself, I'm
completely screwed…" Joey's eyes filled with tears, but she held back.
Pacey reached his arm around Joey and pulled
her close to him. She rested her face on his shoulder, still holding back her tears,
not wanting to cry. "Jo…you…you haven't screwed up your future. You made an
important decision about your life, but you haven't forever altered the
universe. Just get whatever it is you need out of coming here, and then go from
there. If going to back to school is next, then go back and finish…" Pacey
turned to look in Joey's eyes, which he could barely make out, but he focused
on her intensely and spoke his next words carefully. "It's important for you to
understand that…I want you here. I love you here, er, I mean, I love having you
here. So, don't let that have an effect on any upcoming decisions.
Having you here is—just what I needed."
Joey wiped her eyes, and rested her head
again on Pacey's shoulder. She couldn't bring herself to speak; she was still
too close to an emotional breakdown.
"Don't worry, Jo. Please just stay…I don't want you to leave."
"What have I done?"
Pacey continued to sit in silence, trying to
hold her close and calm her down. He could feel her body slightly converse as
she cried silent tears. It broke his heart to see her so distraught. He tried
to think of something comforting, but all he could come up with was, "It'll be
okay, Jo. I promise." Joey's body stopped shaking, and she reached up and wiped
away her unseen tears.
"I missed you, Pace."
"Yeah? Me, too."
After
a beat, Joey asked, "Can you believe this?"
"What?"
"That we're here—together—in California, bonding, after years of
separation. This is the last place in the world I thought I'd find myself:
dropping out of college, living with Pacey Witter, the professional surfer."
She laughed in spite of her grief, "This is scary."
"After
everything that's happened, I think it's just where we should be. A place we
never expected, with people we never anticipated being with."
Joey
closed her drooping eyelids and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
She leaned more heavily on his shoulder, and Pacey could tell she was drifting
off to sleep. He realized today was an emotionally draining day for Joey, but
he decided to let her sleep on his shoulder for a while longer, enjoying her
closeness as long as he could. He was almost afraid to let her go.
Joey sat up, the haze of sleepiness leaving her slowly. With her
eyes barely open, she studied the room for the alarm clock, forgetting where it
was. 10:30 AM. Great. Gradually
pulling the sticky sheets off her body, Joey stood and walked to the kitchen,
stopping only once to stretch in the hallway. Upon entering the kitchen, she
found it empty. She glanced at the living room to see all three boys eating
cereal and watching TV.
"Have you guys ever considered investing in
an air conditioner or something that keeps you from sweating all night?"
Realizing that she just admitted how sweaty
she was, Joey was about to take back her last comment, when she heard all three
boys start laughing.
"You, sweat, Jo? I didn't know girls sweat…that's pretty sick. I
mean, I know they do sometimes, like when they're—
Justin cut in, "I don't wanna know, Tyler."
Joey walked casually through the kitchen and picked up a box of
Fruity Pebbles. "Funny. Laugh it up, boys. But, let me tell you now, if you
didn't know that about girls, you're lives will definitely be
enlightened with the things I've got for show-and-tell."
Tyler hastily rejoined. "No thanks, Jo. I know all I want to know
and more, so you can keep whatever's left of the feminine mystique to
yourself."
Joey chimed in, "First, you take the applicator out of its wrap---
Pacey interrupted before Joey could finish her instructions,
"You've become seriously sick in your old age."
Joey
laughed merrily, plopping down on the couch next to Pacey.
"I've
lived with three guys for weeks, what'd you expect? Um…what're we watching?"
"They're reattaching that guy's hand to his arm. It's really quite
interesting they're able to do it, considering it was ripped off when his car
flipped about three—
Joey reached over Pacey, stealing the remote from his hand.
"Stop! Uh, it's a little too early and a little too breakfast to be watching
reconstructive surgery."
As Joey flipped mindlessly through the
channels, Justin piped up, out of the blue, with "I'm moving out." Joey froze,
her hand in mid-air, eyes widened, and starred blankly at Justin.
Pacey was the first to comprehend what Justin
was saying. "What?"
Tyler
was in a little more denial than anyone else. "Yeah, right, dude. You're not
leaving."
Sarcastically, Justin replied, "As sad as everyone is. I'm moving out."
It was
Joey's turn, "But…why?"
"I just
thought I'd let you guys know before I moved out—tonight."
"I-I
don't understand."
"Tonight? What the hell! When did you decide
this?" Tyler's anger was mounting incredibly fast. He and Justin had known each
other the longest, and the hurt of not knowing sooner was escalating into
anger.
"My friend
Gardner is comin' over to help move stuff after I get home from work, so…" With
that, he got up and left the room, leaving the rest of them speechless. Joey
looked around apprehensively, trying to scope out if anyone else was totally
wigged, and her fear was confirmed with one look at Pacey. She held her tongue,
not wanting to be the first to react.
Tyler
jumped up, his brow furrowed; his face was beet red, and headed back to
Justin's room.
"Wow.
That's unexpected."
Pacey
glanced at Joey, completely baffled, before getting up and following Tyler out
of the room.
"Well, this
seems like a Taster's Choice moment between the male roommates, I guess, so
I'll just sit here and…talk to myself…um, not good."
"It's not a big deal, Ty. Just taste it."
"No thanks, Martha."
"I'm serious. It's good. See—Pacey's eating
it, and he likes it…right, Pace?"
"Uh,
yeah."
Tyler
tried to control his laughter. "Good thing that wasn't a forced answer,
Witter."
"Forget it."
Joey
rolled her eyes in resentment before walking away from Tyler to the other side
of the kitchen table, carrying the bowl of stir-fry with her, and sat willingly
next to Pacey. Tyler had just arrived home from work to find Joey in the
kitchen cooking and Pacey as the guinea pig. The late evening air was drifting
into the apartment, cooling it down. Justin's announcement this morning still
seemed to be hanging over their heads, but no one was willing to talk about it.
After a few minutes of silence, Joey cautiously brought up Justin,
"So, are you guys helping Justin move out tonight?'
Tyler's face turned to stone and he made no
response. Pacey continued eating and paused long enough to spit out, "I guess."
"Um…I know this isn't exactly a favorite
topic of ours, but shouldn't we talk about it—with Justin I mean. Are we just
going to let him walk out of here and that's it."
"Yeah, that's it," Tyler muttered.
Pausing for a moment, Joey watched Pacey silently. He turned to
her and asked, irritated, "What?"
She looked back towards Tyler and quietly
commented, "I just don't understand you two. You're both acting as if you don't
even care. Justin's your friend. Do you even know why he's moving out? Because
no one is willing to talk about it, so I don't even know. I mean, I know he's
made his final decision and everything, but you're not willing to try and fix
things before he goes?"
Tyler responded curtly, "Jo, you haven't been here long enough to
understand, so don't try."
Joey was ready to give it to Tyler, but
thought better of it. She never did get a chance to respond. Their conversation
was interrupted with a slam of the front door. Their heads turned in unison to
find Justin walking into the kitchen with a tall, bulky guy at his side. The negative energy that followed him into
the room was visible on everyone's faces.
Pacey's mood lightening enough to offer
whole-heartedly, "You need help, buddy?"
"Yeah."
Pacey followed Justin and his friend out of
the kitchen, leaving Tyler and Joey in the kitchen alone. Tyler hesitated only
a moment before he begrudgingly left his seat, and walked back to Justin's
room. Joey quickly followed suit pausing, food in hand, only for a second
before she headed back.
Stacks of
boxes and clothes and random things in piles all over the floor—this is what
Joey found in Justin's room. She was unsettled as she watched Justin's friends
pick up his things and carry them out of the room. It made the situation so
much more permanent and real. It wasn't
that her and Justin were so close—they really only spoke to each other when
Tyler and Pacey were around—but, she knew how much they cared about Justin as
their friend, and she was sad to see it come to an end.
Joey picked up a box and followed Tyler
outside the room, outside the apartment, to a truck full of boxes. Nothing was
said. Everyone just walked in and out of the apartment without speaking, no one
willing to give in to the moment.
Looking for
a few smaller boxes to carry in one run, Joey found herself alone in the
bedroom with Justin. She wanted to express something before he left—before she
never saw him again.
"Hey, Justin? I…I just want to say that…I
honestly have no idea what's going on or why you're leaving, but for what it's
worth, where ever you're going…I hope you find what you're looking for. I
really do."
Justin was caught off guard, but only for a
second. He let a small smile pass his lips before he said, "For what it's
worth, Jo, I hope you do, too." With that, he walked out the room and out of
the apartment.
