She was the one preaching about destiny. But I'm the one who has to live it. She never understood, the true meaning of destiny. I was taught to
never give up, because if you fight for it enough, if you believe in it, it'll come true. Well whoever came up with that, has obviously led an easy life.
They don't know what its like to have secrets that you can't tell. Anyone. Ever.
I gave up too easily. I know. I couldn't help it. It was so much easier to close myself off, to leave, to not see them together. It helped me. It was my
therapy. Knowing that he was happy, even if it was with her. It helped me make it to where I am today. Alive, dying emotionally, but alive. I don't
know why I'm still alive, I'm not important to himanymore, or any of them for that matter. I changed, that's what they said. I was too different, couldn't
be trusted, they all left me. Even my best friend, she knew why I changed, but she just couldn't live without him. She pretended to forget, so she
wouldn't have to deal with me. She left me, and that just proved that I could be strong on my own. I didn't need any of them, but tonight...
Tonight...it feels just a little bit colder, I feel a little bit more lonely, I can't feel. That's the problem. I forgot what its like to feel. I go through my life
like a machine, smiling when necessary, and working when mandatory. I'm the same person the rest of the world knew me as, that just proved how
well I could act. How much suffering I would go through to make sure they were ok. No one knows the sacrifice I made. I hate sacrifices. I hate
destiny. I hate who I've become. I hate this, all of it.
I only did it, because he was so lost and scared. I just wanted to hold him, to tell him its ok, I'd be here until the end of time, to make sure he never
had to go through it again. He wouldn't let me, and so I never pushed. He told me I had to do something, anything, to make us not be us. To ruin
my only way of happiness, my only way of living. I only did it, because I loved him so much, that if he was safer, happier, I knew I would be ok too. It
was so hard. To see him like that, weak, not knowing how to control it. He was a just a boy. He couldn't understand, he would say he was sorry for
doing that to me, if he ever found out why. He would apologize, not knowing what he was thinking, he would say so many things to make it go away.
To make it better, I never would have listened. I knew why he did it. Because he knew I was strong. I could take it, I could do it, and watch it
become fulfilled. He made me do it, because I was stronger. He would have let his emotions get in the way, I was tough. I knew what to do and I
would make sure it happened. That's why he came to me, because I was the one he trusted. The one he could depend on. And that's why he did
it, and that's why I did it. To prove I wouldn't let him down. And to this day, I haven't and I never will.
They're all happy and that's what matters. But what about me? It's been almost 20 years. And everything's been ok, and I know its over now. I can't
explain it, I just know. I get these visions and dreams telling me it's my turn. My turn to be happy. I stop the tape that records my mistakes, feelings,
condolences, everything. It's the tape that gives them a real explanation for everything. I take it out of its holder, and put it into an envelope. The
envelope is already addressed and stamped. I just have to put it in the mailbox. But I know I won't because I promised him they would never know.
So I put it in my cabinet, with the other envelopes. Hidden behind dishes, pots and pans. Today won't be just another day.
Everyone knew I would never give up. Ever. Well put this day on record, I, Liz Parker, have given up. I breathe a sigh of relief, and pull the trigger.
never give up, because if you fight for it enough, if you believe in it, it'll come true. Well whoever came up with that, has obviously led an easy life.
They don't know what its like to have secrets that you can't tell. Anyone. Ever.
I gave up too easily. I know. I couldn't help it. It was so much easier to close myself off, to leave, to not see them together. It helped me. It was my
therapy. Knowing that he was happy, even if it was with her. It helped me make it to where I am today. Alive, dying emotionally, but alive. I don't
know why I'm still alive, I'm not important to himanymore, or any of them for that matter. I changed, that's what they said. I was too different, couldn't
be trusted, they all left me. Even my best friend, she knew why I changed, but she just couldn't live without him. She pretended to forget, so she
wouldn't have to deal with me. She left me, and that just proved that I could be strong on my own. I didn't need any of them, but tonight...
Tonight...it feels just a little bit colder, I feel a little bit more lonely, I can't feel. That's the problem. I forgot what its like to feel. I go through my life
like a machine, smiling when necessary, and working when mandatory. I'm the same person the rest of the world knew me as, that just proved how
well I could act. How much suffering I would go through to make sure they were ok. No one knows the sacrifice I made. I hate sacrifices. I hate
destiny. I hate who I've become. I hate this, all of it.
I only did it, because he was so lost and scared. I just wanted to hold him, to tell him its ok, I'd be here until the end of time, to make sure he never
had to go through it again. He wouldn't let me, and so I never pushed. He told me I had to do something, anything, to make us not be us. To ruin
my only way of happiness, my only way of living. I only did it, because I loved him so much, that if he was safer, happier, I knew I would be ok too. It
was so hard. To see him like that, weak, not knowing how to control it. He was a just a boy. He couldn't understand, he would say he was sorry for
doing that to me, if he ever found out why. He would apologize, not knowing what he was thinking, he would say so many things to make it go away.
To make it better, I never would have listened. I knew why he did it. Because he knew I was strong. I could take it, I could do it, and watch it
become fulfilled. He made me do it, because I was stronger. He would have let his emotions get in the way, I was tough. I knew what to do and I
would make sure it happened. That's why he came to me, because I was the one he trusted. The one he could depend on. And that's why he did
it, and that's why I did it. To prove I wouldn't let him down. And to this day, I haven't and I never will.
They're all happy and that's what matters. But what about me? It's been almost 20 years. And everything's been ok, and I know its over now. I can't
explain it, I just know. I get these visions and dreams telling me it's my turn. My turn to be happy. I stop the tape that records my mistakes, feelings,
condolences, everything. It's the tape that gives them a real explanation for everything. I take it out of its holder, and put it into an envelope. The
envelope is already addressed and stamped. I just have to put it in the mailbox. But I know I won't because I promised him they would never know.
So I put it in my cabinet, with the other envelopes. Hidden behind dishes, pots and pans. Today won't be just another day.
Everyone knew I would never give up. Ever. Well put this day on record, I, Liz Parker, have given up. I breathe a sigh of relief, and pull the trigger.