Not good enough
By Henra
HenraM@tuxedomask.com
G rated
Okay…this is a little bit different from what I usually write
ABOUT…
And don't ask me why I wrote it. I was watching some episodes in
the Stars season…and suddenly had an inspiration. And I wrote this.
It's a little retelling of the end of episode 194.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sailor Moon, stop threatening me. Heh.
**************
Raindrops fell, slapping against the rooftop, making delicate
little noises.
Two people were in the rain, standing on the rooftop, facing
each other. Raindrops blanketed them, but neither cared. The uniforms
they wore were wet, but the two both had one person on their minds, and
never even noticed how their clothes were beginning to stick…
By the door to the rooftop, stood four girls. Their eyes were all
focused on the two people in the rain before them, and each of them
had a different, yet similar thought in their minds.
Seiya looked at the crying Usagi before him. At first he was a
little stunned, by the words that had been spoken, and by the way she had
spoken them. Then, he frowned slightly, and began kneeling down as he
put two hands on Usagi's shoulders, causing her to stop crying and look
up to him. He looked into her blue eyes…just plain looked. He was silent.
He didn't know what to say.
Just hearing her words…her cries of loneliness, her cries of longing
of that boyfriend who was far away…made him feel numb inside. Then, when
his thoughts led to Mamoru--the boyfriend who was far away, he tensed
unknowingly, and spoke.
"Am I not good enough?"
The words hung heavily in the air, and Usagi could only stare at
the person who just asked them. She gasped a little, almost inaudibly.
She felt the tears that were spilling over before die down in her eyes,
and a faint blush creep up to her cheeks.
Seiya stared at the girl he was clutching tightly by the shoulders.
His eyes masked determination, and yet there were also small traces of
regret and sadness.
Usagi's knees felt cold and numb against the wet roof, but she
didn't care about that…right now, she only could gaze up at the young
man in front of her, feeling tons of emotions running through inside.
Her hands were pressed down on the wet ground beneath her, and the rain
was slapping down on them, but she didn't bother to notice, or care.
"Seiya…"
His expression didn't change…still he looked down at her, not
blinking once.
Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Rei, Ami, Minako,
and Makoto looking at them both. She tried to look away to glance at her
friends, but it was as if her eyes had a mind of their own--they wouldn't
leave Seiya's. Usagi felt exasperated at herself…a minute ago she was
crying about Mamoru, and now…and now…
Rei held open the door leading to the rooftop. "Usagi…" she could
only whisper. She scolded herself for not knowing how lonely her best
friend was feeling all these times.
Behind her, Ami was clasping both of her hands in front of her
chest, staring sadly at the two people in the rain. She knew that Usagi
wasn't feeling that great…Usagi seemed so hurt today when Makoto said
that they should probably get together after school as well…to protect
Usagi, Minako had meant. But Usagi had taken it the wrong way. And then
Minako had to mention that they didn't want anything to happen to her
while Mamoru was away. Ami stifled a sad sigh as she remembered how
Usagi's eyes had filled with tears right then.
Minako felt like her heart was breaking as she replayed Usagi's
words in her mind. She never even noticed that her friend was feeling
sad… I guess having us isn't the same as having Mamoru… Unconsciously,
she made a fist with her right hand, and held it in front of her, feeling
a tear roll down her cheek.
Makoto stood behind her three friends, watching the scene before
them. She didn't try to understand why Usagi was feeling like that; she
could almost feel her pain. Makoto's hands were hanging down by her
uniform skirt at her sides, and they felt so cold.
All four girls were concerned for Usagi. Rain was coming down hard,
and the sound was so loud that they didn't even hear the last words that
Seiya just spoke to Usagi. But from his lips, they could barely make out
some words, and they sounded like…
"Am I not good enough?"
The words hung still in the cold, mist air. Usagi felt as if they
were replaying over and over again in her mind, trying to say something
to her, trying to make her realize something that she never thought of…
Seiya was still clutching her by the shoulders, and even though
she was feeling cold, she felt the warmth of his hands flowing through
her, somehow giving her comfort. And his eyes…his eyes were holding her
gaze, and Usagi suddenly realized with amazement that he hadn't even
blinked once since he spoke. Then, she realized…she hadn't blinked,
either.
Almost involuntarily, she blinked, breaking away their locked gaze
just for a second.
Seiya's eyes had changed to a grayish color, matching the building
behind him in the rain. Usagi felt like she should say something. Say
something, anything--to break this silence between them.
…Yet, she liked the silence.
She somehow knew that Seiya understood. They didn't need to talk--
she knew he understood what she had said. But then, he had muttered one
sentence…and that was enough to make her feel confused and dizzy.
Not good enough…
Seiya wondered what Usagi was thinking.
He could see Rei, Ami, Makoto, and Minako off to their right, and
he wondered why one of the girls didn't come up and tell Usagi to get
out of the rain. They usually were protective of her like that…
Perhaps he shouldn't have had thrown the rose.
Perhaps then, he wouldn't have had listened to Usagi's heart-
breaking cries for Mamoru, and wouldn't feel like crying himself.
Personally, though, at the moment, he felt like grabbing Mamoru, and
giving him a good lecture on how bad a boyfriend he was being…if he
was even here.
But he wasn't.
And because of that, Usagi had been feeling so sad, and so…lonely.
Seiya narrowed his eyes, looking into the innocence and sorrow her sky
blue eyes held.
He let out a small sigh, feeling pain all over again.
Why couldn't he and Usagi met sooner?
Then, maybe…maybe…
Maybe what?
Maybe he and Usagi would be together? Maybe Usagi and Mamoru
wouldn't be in love? Maybe… Usagi wouldn't be crying like she had just
a few minutes ago.
It was all a big maybe.
Still, he would've done anything to keep her from feeling…what she
had just told him she was feeling.
What was to happen now?
Why hadn't Usagi said something yet?
Why hadn't he said anything yet?
He was waiting for her to say something…was she waiting for him to
say something, too?
Seiya didn't know what to do.
She was having flashes.
Literally, Usagi was having flashes of almost everything that had
happened between her and Seiya in front of her…
And she realized that even though it had been short, Seiya did keep
her mind off Mamoru after he was gone. And she had been living her life
almost perfectly…
Until she gradually realized that Mamoru already played a big part
in her life, and she couldn't get rid of that empty part since he left.
But Seiya…
Usagi looked into his eyes. His, now grayish eyes. She couldn't
read into them. What was held behind them?
Suddenly, the words he spoke popped up again.
"Am I not good enough?"
Usagi murmured those words in her heart again. What did they mean?
What DID they mean? Perhaps if she were Minako, she would know from the
"love" angel what they meant. Perhaps if she were Amy, she would know
what they meant from the "literal" angle. But she was herself. And Seiya
had said those words to her. And to her only.
She blinked away a raindrop.
Oh…how she wished that Mamoru were here.
And…how she was glad that Mamoru wasn't here…under the
circumstances.
Then…she thought of something.
Would those things between her and Seiya have happened…if Mamoru
had been here?
No, she realized. No…even if she and Seiya still would've met…she
wouldn't have grown close to him. Because then…if Mamoru really were
here, she would be seeing Mamoru everyday…and wouldn't even think of
spending any time with another guy…
And if she had done that…what would she have missed?
Suddenly, Usagi smiled…sadly? Happily? She didn't know.
But she smiled.
Rei was a bit surprised. Was that a smile on her friend's face?
Usagi and Seiya hadn't even spoken one sentence to each other ever since
Seiya had said those last words--which, Rei wasn't sure of what she had
got from lip-reading. So why was Usagi smiling?
Minako's eyes widened. What was Usagi thinking? Because, clearly,
it was what she had been thinking that made her smile so suddenly. Minako
racked her brain for whatever…but didn't come up with anything.
Makoto scrunched her eyebrows together. WHAT was happening? Usagi
was smiling. And her smiling could only mean one thing. She was thinking
of Seiya. Or she was thinking of Mamoru…one or the other. Makoto
narrowed her eyes. Uh-oh.
Ami slowly dropped her hands. She concentrated on the two people
before her. Why didn't Usagi or Seiya do anything yet? Well--Usagi did
smile…but that wasn't really big of a deal, was it? Now what about Seiya?
What was he doing? It looked like he was staring at Usagi as if there
was no tomorrow.
What did it mean?
That was the question Seiya was asking himself now…over and over
again. Instead of…the major maybes.
He couldn't tell if that smile meant good, or meant bad. It could
be a sad smile…but it could also be a happy one. The rain…the rain was
becoming more and more noticeable to him. His suit was definitely all
soaked. He blinked, when a raindrop reached his eyelash.
And then he wondered about Usagi. God…she was soaked all over.
Usually, if the circumstances were different, she would've jumped
and raced for the nearest cover from the rain. But now…she didn't seem
to care that her hair was damp, her uniform was wet…
What were they doing? It seemed like centuries passed since that
monster was destroyed.
They couldn't be in the rain any longer.
Usagi might catch a cold. And he definitely did not want her to
become sick…and he was sure that he, himself did not feel like staying
in bed all day, either.
"Odango…"
That name…
Usagi's eyes focused on Seiya, widening.
Odango. She felt sad again. Oh, how it reminded her of Mamoru. He
had always called her that. But now, it had changed. Now, Odango was the
name Seiya had for her…and Mamoru called her Usako. So many memories each
name held.
Anyway…Seiya had spoken. Usagi looked at him, gazing into eyes, a
question in her own eyes. "Seiya-kun?"
"The rain is coming down hard."
"Yeah…" Big blue eyes blinked.
"We should get inside."
"But…"
"But?"
"There are things to be talked about."
Grayish blue eyes twinkled. "We can talk about them inside, too."
"But…"
"Odango…let's go inside. We don't want to get sick."
A nod. "Yeah…you're right. I don't want you to get sick."
A smile. "Me, neither."
Makoto shifted from one foot to the other.
Ami looked closer, watching every move Seiya and Usagi made.
Minako secretly smiled, although she had no idea why.
Rei…
Rei opened the door wider.
Seiya stood up, and glanced down at Usagi.
Usagi got off the ground, and for the first time, looked at her
friends. "Hey guys…"
She walked toward them, a small smile on her face.
"You're all soaked!" Makoto told her.
Usagi shrugged.
"We have got to get you home before you catch a cold or something,"
Minako said, grabbing Usagi's arm.
Rei glanced at Seiya. He was still standing there, in the rain.
"Seiya-kun?"
"Yes?" He snapped to attention.
"What are you still standing for?"
"Nothing…I…you guys go first. I feel like being alone for a while."
"In the rain?"
"Yes."
"Okay. But come back soon." Dark eyes looked worried.
"I will." He smiled.
"Where's Seiya?" Usagi asked after they were inside.
"Oh…he said he felt like being alone," Rei answered, looking at
her friend.
"But--what, he's still in the rain?"
"Yeah."
Usagi looked down at the floor, thinking. "I just realized
something. I have to talk to him." She started going up toward the roof
again.
Makoto called after her. "Whatever it is you have to say to him,
Usagi-chan, keep in mind that--"
But Usagi was already out of sight.
Makoto sighed. Minako turned toward her, and asked with a small
frown on her face, "What was it you were about to tell her to keep in
mind?"
"That Seiya loves her…"
Rei stared at Makoto. "You know?"
Makoto smiled tiredly. "Don't you all know?"
The four friends looked at one another, and nodded, sad expressions
pasting on their faces.
"Seiya-kun!"
Seiya turned around.
Usagi stood there, looking at him, her face innocent.
"I just wanted to say something…"
She walked closer, her eyes never moving from his face.
"Yes?" He asked.
"Seiya…you ARE good enough."
He looked at her, taken back.
Usagi didn't blink. She stood there, watching him. Waiting…
He smiled. It lit up his whole face.
She smiled back.
The rain gradually stopped falling.
Two people still stood on the rooftop, still looked at each other,
still had one person on each of their minds…
Except this time, there was no rain, no one around…and nothing
between them.
**************
I really, really don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. For
real.
Emails are definitely welcome. :)
Well...there are two stories that include Seiya in my collection now.
http://www6.ewebcity.com/moonieround
http://www.crosswinds.net/~penpap
^___^=Henra.
By Henra
HenraM@tuxedomask.com
G rated
Okay…this is a little bit different from what I usually write
ABOUT…
And don't ask me why I wrote it. I was watching some episodes in
the Stars season…and suddenly had an inspiration. And I wrote this.
It's a little retelling of the end of episode 194.
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sailor Moon, stop threatening me. Heh.
**************
Raindrops fell, slapping against the rooftop, making delicate
little noises.
Two people were in the rain, standing on the rooftop, facing
each other. Raindrops blanketed them, but neither cared. The uniforms
they wore were wet, but the two both had one person on their minds, and
never even noticed how their clothes were beginning to stick…
By the door to the rooftop, stood four girls. Their eyes were all
focused on the two people in the rain before them, and each of them
had a different, yet similar thought in their minds.
Seiya looked at the crying Usagi before him. At first he was a
little stunned, by the words that had been spoken, and by the way she had
spoken them. Then, he frowned slightly, and began kneeling down as he
put two hands on Usagi's shoulders, causing her to stop crying and look
up to him. He looked into her blue eyes…just plain looked. He was silent.
He didn't know what to say.
Just hearing her words…her cries of loneliness, her cries of longing
of that boyfriend who was far away…made him feel numb inside. Then, when
his thoughts led to Mamoru--the boyfriend who was far away, he tensed
unknowingly, and spoke.
"Am I not good enough?"
The words hung heavily in the air, and Usagi could only stare at
the person who just asked them. She gasped a little, almost inaudibly.
She felt the tears that were spilling over before die down in her eyes,
and a faint blush creep up to her cheeks.
Seiya stared at the girl he was clutching tightly by the shoulders.
His eyes masked determination, and yet there were also small traces of
regret and sadness.
Usagi's knees felt cold and numb against the wet roof, but she
didn't care about that…right now, she only could gaze up at the young
man in front of her, feeling tons of emotions running through inside.
Her hands were pressed down on the wet ground beneath her, and the rain
was slapping down on them, but she didn't bother to notice, or care.
"Seiya…"
His expression didn't change…still he looked down at her, not
blinking once.
Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see Rei, Ami, Minako,
and Makoto looking at them both. She tried to look away to glance at her
friends, but it was as if her eyes had a mind of their own--they wouldn't
leave Seiya's. Usagi felt exasperated at herself…a minute ago she was
crying about Mamoru, and now…and now…
Rei held open the door leading to the rooftop. "Usagi…" she could
only whisper. She scolded herself for not knowing how lonely her best
friend was feeling all these times.
Behind her, Ami was clasping both of her hands in front of her
chest, staring sadly at the two people in the rain. She knew that Usagi
wasn't feeling that great…Usagi seemed so hurt today when Makoto said
that they should probably get together after school as well…to protect
Usagi, Minako had meant. But Usagi had taken it the wrong way. And then
Minako had to mention that they didn't want anything to happen to her
while Mamoru was away. Ami stifled a sad sigh as she remembered how
Usagi's eyes had filled with tears right then.
Minako felt like her heart was breaking as she replayed Usagi's
words in her mind. She never even noticed that her friend was feeling
sad… I guess having us isn't the same as having Mamoru… Unconsciously,
she made a fist with her right hand, and held it in front of her, feeling
a tear roll down her cheek.
Makoto stood behind her three friends, watching the scene before
them. She didn't try to understand why Usagi was feeling like that; she
could almost feel her pain. Makoto's hands were hanging down by her
uniform skirt at her sides, and they felt so cold.
All four girls were concerned for Usagi. Rain was coming down hard,
and the sound was so loud that they didn't even hear the last words that
Seiya just spoke to Usagi. But from his lips, they could barely make out
some words, and they sounded like…
"Am I not good enough?"
The words hung still in the cold, mist air. Usagi felt as if they
were replaying over and over again in her mind, trying to say something
to her, trying to make her realize something that she never thought of…
Seiya was still clutching her by the shoulders, and even though
she was feeling cold, she felt the warmth of his hands flowing through
her, somehow giving her comfort. And his eyes…his eyes were holding her
gaze, and Usagi suddenly realized with amazement that he hadn't even
blinked once since he spoke. Then, she realized…she hadn't blinked,
either.
Almost involuntarily, she blinked, breaking away their locked gaze
just for a second.
Seiya's eyes had changed to a grayish color, matching the building
behind him in the rain. Usagi felt like she should say something. Say
something, anything--to break this silence between them.
…Yet, she liked the silence.
She somehow knew that Seiya understood. They didn't need to talk--
she knew he understood what she had said. But then, he had muttered one
sentence…and that was enough to make her feel confused and dizzy.
Not good enough…
Seiya wondered what Usagi was thinking.
He could see Rei, Ami, Makoto, and Minako off to their right, and
he wondered why one of the girls didn't come up and tell Usagi to get
out of the rain. They usually were protective of her like that…
Perhaps he shouldn't have had thrown the rose.
Perhaps then, he wouldn't have had listened to Usagi's heart-
breaking cries for Mamoru, and wouldn't feel like crying himself.
Personally, though, at the moment, he felt like grabbing Mamoru, and
giving him a good lecture on how bad a boyfriend he was being…if he
was even here.
But he wasn't.
And because of that, Usagi had been feeling so sad, and so…lonely.
Seiya narrowed his eyes, looking into the innocence and sorrow her sky
blue eyes held.
He let out a small sigh, feeling pain all over again.
Why couldn't he and Usagi met sooner?
Then, maybe…maybe…
Maybe what?
Maybe he and Usagi would be together? Maybe Usagi and Mamoru
wouldn't be in love? Maybe… Usagi wouldn't be crying like she had just
a few minutes ago.
It was all a big maybe.
Still, he would've done anything to keep her from feeling…what she
had just told him she was feeling.
What was to happen now?
Why hadn't Usagi said something yet?
Why hadn't he said anything yet?
He was waiting for her to say something…was she waiting for him to
say something, too?
Seiya didn't know what to do.
She was having flashes.
Literally, Usagi was having flashes of almost everything that had
happened between her and Seiya in front of her…
And she realized that even though it had been short, Seiya did keep
her mind off Mamoru after he was gone. And she had been living her life
almost perfectly…
Until she gradually realized that Mamoru already played a big part
in her life, and she couldn't get rid of that empty part since he left.
But Seiya…
Usagi looked into his eyes. His, now grayish eyes. She couldn't
read into them. What was held behind them?
Suddenly, the words he spoke popped up again.
"Am I not good enough?"
Usagi murmured those words in her heart again. What did they mean?
What DID they mean? Perhaps if she were Minako, she would know from the
"love" angel what they meant. Perhaps if she were Amy, she would know
what they meant from the "literal" angle. But she was herself. And Seiya
had said those words to her. And to her only.
She blinked away a raindrop.
Oh…how she wished that Mamoru were here.
And…how she was glad that Mamoru wasn't here…under the
circumstances.
Then…she thought of something.
Would those things between her and Seiya have happened…if Mamoru
had been here?
No, she realized. No…even if she and Seiya still would've met…she
wouldn't have grown close to him. Because then…if Mamoru really were
here, she would be seeing Mamoru everyday…and wouldn't even think of
spending any time with another guy…
And if she had done that…what would she have missed?
Suddenly, Usagi smiled…sadly? Happily? She didn't know.
But she smiled.
Rei was a bit surprised. Was that a smile on her friend's face?
Usagi and Seiya hadn't even spoken one sentence to each other ever since
Seiya had said those last words--which, Rei wasn't sure of what she had
got from lip-reading. So why was Usagi smiling?
Minako's eyes widened. What was Usagi thinking? Because, clearly,
it was what she had been thinking that made her smile so suddenly. Minako
racked her brain for whatever…but didn't come up with anything.
Makoto scrunched her eyebrows together. WHAT was happening? Usagi
was smiling. And her smiling could only mean one thing. She was thinking
of Seiya. Or she was thinking of Mamoru…one or the other. Makoto
narrowed her eyes. Uh-oh.
Ami slowly dropped her hands. She concentrated on the two people
before her. Why didn't Usagi or Seiya do anything yet? Well--Usagi did
smile…but that wasn't really big of a deal, was it? Now what about Seiya?
What was he doing? It looked like he was staring at Usagi as if there
was no tomorrow.
What did it mean?
That was the question Seiya was asking himself now…over and over
again. Instead of…the major maybes.
He couldn't tell if that smile meant good, or meant bad. It could
be a sad smile…but it could also be a happy one. The rain…the rain was
becoming more and more noticeable to him. His suit was definitely all
soaked. He blinked, when a raindrop reached his eyelash.
And then he wondered about Usagi. God…she was soaked all over.
Usually, if the circumstances were different, she would've jumped
and raced for the nearest cover from the rain. But now…she didn't seem
to care that her hair was damp, her uniform was wet…
What were they doing? It seemed like centuries passed since that
monster was destroyed.
They couldn't be in the rain any longer.
Usagi might catch a cold. And he definitely did not want her to
become sick…and he was sure that he, himself did not feel like staying
in bed all day, either.
"Odango…"
That name…
Usagi's eyes focused on Seiya, widening.
Odango. She felt sad again. Oh, how it reminded her of Mamoru. He
had always called her that. But now, it had changed. Now, Odango was the
name Seiya had for her…and Mamoru called her Usako. So many memories each
name held.
Anyway…Seiya had spoken. Usagi looked at him, gazing into eyes, a
question in her own eyes. "Seiya-kun?"
"The rain is coming down hard."
"Yeah…" Big blue eyes blinked.
"We should get inside."
"But…"
"But?"
"There are things to be talked about."
Grayish blue eyes twinkled. "We can talk about them inside, too."
"But…"
"Odango…let's go inside. We don't want to get sick."
A nod. "Yeah…you're right. I don't want you to get sick."
A smile. "Me, neither."
Makoto shifted from one foot to the other.
Ami looked closer, watching every move Seiya and Usagi made.
Minako secretly smiled, although she had no idea why.
Rei…
Rei opened the door wider.
Seiya stood up, and glanced down at Usagi.
Usagi got off the ground, and for the first time, looked at her
friends. "Hey guys…"
She walked toward them, a small smile on her face.
"You're all soaked!" Makoto told her.
Usagi shrugged.
"We have got to get you home before you catch a cold or something,"
Minako said, grabbing Usagi's arm.
Rei glanced at Seiya. He was still standing there, in the rain.
"Seiya-kun?"
"Yes?" He snapped to attention.
"What are you still standing for?"
"Nothing…I…you guys go first. I feel like being alone for a while."
"In the rain?"
"Yes."
"Okay. But come back soon." Dark eyes looked worried.
"I will." He smiled.
"Where's Seiya?" Usagi asked after they were inside.
"Oh…he said he felt like being alone," Rei answered, looking at
her friend.
"But--what, he's still in the rain?"
"Yeah."
Usagi looked down at the floor, thinking. "I just realized
something. I have to talk to him." She started going up toward the roof
again.
Makoto called after her. "Whatever it is you have to say to him,
Usagi-chan, keep in mind that--"
But Usagi was already out of sight.
Makoto sighed. Minako turned toward her, and asked with a small
frown on her face, "What was it you were about to tell her to keep in
mind?"
"That Seiya loves her…"
Rei stared at Makoto. "You know?"
Makoto smiled tiredly. "Don't you all know?"
The four friends looked at one another, and nodded, sad expressions
pasting on their faces.
"Seiya-kun!"
Seiya turned around.
Usagi stood there, looking at him, her face innocent.
"I just wanted to say something…"
She walked closer, her eyes never moving from his face.
"Yes?" He asked.
"Seiya…you ARE good enough."
He looked at her, taken back.
Usagi didn't blink. She stood there, watching him. Waiting…
He smiled. It lit up his whole face.
She smiled back.
The rain gradually stopped falling.
Two people still stood on the rooftop, still looked at each other,
still had one person on each of their minds…
Except this time, there was no rain, no one around…and nothing
between them.
**************
I really, really don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this. For
real.
Emails are definitely welcome. :)
Well...there are two stories that include Seiya in my collection now.
http://www6.ewebcity.com/moonieround
http://www.crosswinds.net/~penpap
^___^=Henra.