Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and characters belong to Paramount. The fantasy I've created borrowing these characters is my own.
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LONGING
Captain Janeway sat staring out the window of her ready room aboard the Starship Voyager, staring at the familiar stars of the alpha quadrant. Starfleet had kept the ship in service, needing every available ship out in the stars after the heavy losses suffered during the war. Voyager was now primarily a research vessel. It wouldn't do to lose the great Voyager to some anomaly again, the captain thought bitterly. She always had enjoyed exploring scientific curiosities, but chasing neutrino readings around the alpha quadrant wasn't exactly thrilling.
Many of the original crew had happily remained aboard Voyager, at first. Now many were just as bored as she after seven years of fighting Borg and any other species that took a dislike to the ship, the everyday tasks didn't seem to be enough.
When Voyager finally returned home, there were huge celebrations with the crew and their family members. Janeway had spent months going through the debriefing process, going over and explaining her command decisions. The Marquis were pardoned and allowed to keep their rank in Starfleet if they wished, which many did. The crew all received commendations for excellent service under extreme conditions. The entire crew was given a year of shore leave to makeup for the missed time while on their "mission".
The crew was overjoyed to hear Voyager was going to be launched when the crew was to return to duty. Janeway had spent her shore leave with her family and she was ready to get back out into the quiet of space. Mark had paid her a visit with his wife. They had tried to return Molly to her but the dog didn't seem to want to stay with her so she told Mark to keep her and to take care of her. Molly had always spent much more time with Mark anyways, what would she do with her when she left for duty again? It was for the best, but it still hurt.
That was almost the worst part of her shore leave, almost. She spent the majority of her shore leave going to formal gatherings. She hated all those bureaucratic windbags. That was a big factor when she rejected the promotion to admiral. No one knew about the offer and that was the way it was going to stay. She was happy on board Voyager even if she was bored from the tedious routine.
She had mixed feelings when she discovered that Chakotay had a relationship with Seven. On the one hand her best friend and first officer had found someone special and was happy. On the other, she secretly wished that that someone was her. But that was no longer an issue they were both on board but separated as a couple. When they had set out on their two-year mission to study the near neighbouring star systems, perfectly safe and boring tasks, Janeway had made a deal with herself to let go of those feelings she had for Chakotay. Even when Chakotay and Seven had broken up, she was unable to tell him her feelings because she was still his commanding officer. In theory she should just forget about love and move on in life, in theory. In reality, it was much more difficult, seeing him everyday and knowing she couldn't have him or could she? Why couldn't she tell him how she felt?
He had been offered a command of his own; she still wasn't sure why he hadn't taken it, but he had remained by her side. So close and yet so far away the captain mused. Maybe someday, soon preferably, she'd tell him how she felt and maybe they could work something out. They were home and she didn't have to remain in command of a starship they could both take a desk job and live together. But she knew that was out of the question, she was too much a part of this ship and her crew. This was where she belonged. The captain sighed. "What to do" the captain whispered to her self.
In a few days it would be the two-year anniversary of their return to the alpha quadrant. She had heard rumours that Lt. Paris and Lt. Kim were planning a big party in the mess hall. Some things had changed but most had stayed the same. Tom and Harry had both taken up the responsibilities of moral officer that was left vacant by Neelix. She had just spoken to him a few days ago using the Midas Array. He had been thrilled to hear they finally had made it home. He and his wife Dexa were expecting a child. Neelix had told her that Brax was very excited to be a big brother.
Janeway sighed heavily. That was something that had been in the back of her mind for sometime now. Perhaps she was being foolish in pushing him away because of her ideals of command structure. If she stuck to those ideals she would always be the captain standing alone. The captain shook herself pushing those thoughts aside. This was getting her nowhere. She had to pull herself together. Maybe all she needed was a trip to the holodeck.
"Computer, is there anyone in holodeck 2?" Janeway asked
"Negative." The computer crisply responded.
Well my duty shift is officially over and I need some relaxation, even if it isn't the relaxation I really want. The captain thought as she walked out of her ready room to the turbolift.
"Mr. Kim you have the bridge." She commanded as she left the bridge.
* * *
Harry took his place in the captain's chair. He worried about the captain, as did every other person aboard Voyager. It was no secret that she had had and still had strong feelings for the commander, for as long as he could remember, even if she tried to hide it. They had all hoped she would find a way to find happiness. Of course no one ever spoke about such things, at least not when the captain may be in earshot. Harry had thought the captain and commander would have finally made it together when Seven had broken up with Chakotay, but the tension between them remained.
Harry had hoped Libby would have waited for him, but she had thought he was dead and when she found out he was alive on the other side of the galaxy it was almost as good as dead. She had moved on with her life, finding someone else. He didn't blame her; he had let go of her during that long voyage. He was still young and moving up in rank, finally, he knew he'd find someone special someday.
I wonder when we'll get pulled off this boring assignment. Starfleet wouldn't just leave us out here counting stardust would they? Harry mused. What if they were confined to this boring mission for the rest of their carriers? That certainly put a damper on Harry's plans of becoming a captain. He held out hope that when the attention given Voyager's heroic crew died down they'd be allowed a more challenging task.
Harry was looking forward to the party that he and Tom were planning. They still weren't sure if they were going to have the party in the mess hall or the holodeck. This time it was Harry who was taking charge of most of the party plans since Tom was busy with his little soon to be two-year old. The party was also a birthday party for Miral since she was born just as they entered the alpha quadrant. A party was what was needed to break the boredom.
As if some cosmic force was reading his mind a console began to beep.
"Report Ensign." Harry loved saying that now he was a Lieutenant.
"There was a fluctuation in the neutrino patterns and an energy build up," the ensign paused checking the controls, "It's gone now sir."
"Any idea of what it was?" Maybe he'd finally have something to report to the captain.
"No, sir."
Just then Tom entered the bridge and called out to Harry. "Hey Harr, so you stuck in command again?"
"Yup. What are you doing here, hiding from B'Elanna and Miral?" Harry joked.
"Naw, just wanted to see you and go over the plans for the party." Tom replied settling himself in the first officers chair.
"Oh sure."
"Yah I just figured I'd break the boredom for you."
"Well you're a little late."
"Really?" Tom feigned surprise.
"Yah there was a surge in neutrinos and a slight power fluctuation."
"Wow that's so interesting." Tom replied sarcastically.
"Yah, yah, I know boring. So about the party," Harry was a little disappointed his friend wasn't interested, but it didn't surprise him.
"What do you say we have it at Neelix's beach resort program."
"I thought B'Elanna didn't want you looking at those girls anymore." Harry gave his best friend a fiendish grin.
"Oh, I can look just no touching." Tom quipped returning Harry's smile.
"Ok then Neelix's program it is."
Tom sat quietly beside him staring out the view screen and beyond. Harry suspected that Tom wasn't here to just talk about the party. There must be something else on his mind; probably B'Elanna and he had had another quarrel over some thing. Klingons and their tempers, Tom was a brave man for marrying one.
"Hey, Tom, hello?" Harry waved his hand in front of Tom's eyes. "Is something wrong?"
No response. Hmmmmm this must be bad. Harry reached over and shook his friend the shoulder "Hey! Tom!"
"What? Oh, Harry." Tom replied still seeming a little far away.
"Are you okay?" concern filling Harry's eyes
"Oh yah, fine why?"
"Well you were just staring out into space."
"Oh sorry, I was just thinking…. I think." Tom had a confused look on his face.
"What do you mean you think?" Harry asked still worried.
"Oh it's nothing, I just don't remember what exactly I was thinking. My mind must have really been wandering."
"Are you sure? You and B'Elanna aren't having another argument are you?" Harry asked still a little worried about his friend. Did he really not remember or did he just not want to tell him about it.
"No, she's the one who insisted I come see you to work on the party. She's really excited about it." Tom replied finally coming back to himself.
"Ok then, but if you need to talk you can always find me." Harry was still a little suspicious of his friend
"I know Harr. I'm not sure what came over me." Tom replied with a sheepish smile, and shrugged.
"Ok well was there anything else we need to do for the party?"
"Well there is something you need to do." Tom said with a gleam in his eye.
"Oh? And what is that?" Harry replied knowing full well what he was going to say.
"You, my friend," Tom said putting an arm over his shoulder, "need to find a date."
"I knew this was coming."
"Come on Harry, you can't use that excuse that some dame is waiting for you back home."
"Tom…"
"Harry you need to get out there. Miral needs a play mate."
"Ha-ha. Ok you've made your point." Harry scowled.
"Sorry Harry, I just want my best friend to be happy."
"I know Tom."
"Hey isn't your duty shift over?" Tom exclaimed noticing the night shift coming on.
"Guess your right. Want to get something to eat?"
"Sure."
The two of them walked off the bridge and headed down to the mess hall.
* * *
In the mess hall Tom and Harry met up with B'Elanna and the energetic Miral. B'Elanna looked tired and in need of a break. Miral was a bundle of energy and was always managing to get into trouble. She had already been caught toddling round the ship having escaped from her mother when she had fallen asleep after her duty shift. After that Tom had deactivated the motion sensors to keep the door from opening when Miral toddled to the exit.
However that didn't keep her from making an escape one day when she figured out all she had to do was touch the pad by the door to get it to open. While her mother and father lay asleep one night she had pulled a chair over to the door and touching the pad to release the doors. Miral scooted out the door and straight into the captain, who was out for one of her late evening strolls.
To Tom and B'Elanna's embarrassment the next morning a message waited for them from the captain. She had taken Miral to her quarters to play since it was obvious her parents needed the sleep. When B'Elanna and Tom went to the captain's quarters to recover their escaped daughter, they found Janeway and Miral picking up building blocks in the middle of the captain's living quarters.
Tom and B'Elanna had tried to apologise but were waved off by the captain, who told them she was happy to have her. What she didn't tell them was that she had fallen asleep on the floor and had woken to discover a city built around her of all the replicated building blocks with the many pads she had been working on and objects from her quarters mixed in. Little Miral was cuddled close to her sound asleep. The time was around 0300 so she decided to get what sleep she could lying on the floor since she didn't want to disturb the sleeping child next to her.
She had felt so content lying there in Miral's little magic city with a warm little body curled up close to her. She looked at all the little buildings built around her trying not to move afraid of waking the child. She managed a few more hours sleep before Miral woke up and started rearranging the blocks waking Janeway up. They had played with the blocks till a frantic call from B'Elanna came over the comm. That had happened three nights ago. Since then B'Elanna and Tom had kept the door locked and a large supply of blocks at hand for Miral.
"Hi Harry, so have you guys finished planning the party yet?" B'Elanna welcomed them giving Tom a peck on the cheek.
"Yup." Tom replied retuning B'Elanna's kiss.
"You look beat. Would you guys like me to take her for awhile?" Harry politely offered.
"That would be nice Harry, but only for a few hours." B'Elanna replied.
"After we grab a bite to eat." Tom quickly put in.
"Well it's not Neelix's fine cooking, but it at least it's edible." B'Elanna joked.
The three of them sat chatting about the party and the day's work. Miral, uncharacteristically, sat quietly listening and watching the adults. This however did not last long. Miral soon got bored of the grown up talk and started to look around for something else to entertain her. She spotted Seven sitting alone in the corner of the mess hall. She took a quick glance at the adults to make sure they weren't looking before she slid out of her chair and crept over to Seven. Miral patted her leg to get her attention.
Seven looked down at the small figure touching her leg looking up at her with her hazel eyes. Seven smiled down at the small part Klingon. And asked her "shouldn't you be with your parents?"
Miral just shrugged and stated "mommy and daddy over there."
Seven looked over at the table where the three adults sat and then back at Miral.
"Very well, do you wish to sit?"
"Okay." Miral climbed up on the chair and sat proudly in front of the former Borg, even though her head was barely above the edge of the table.
"So what is the intention of your visit?" the Borg asked as cool as ever.
Miral just looked confused.
Seven repeated her question using a more limited vocabulary. "Why did you come to see me?"
Again Miral just shrugged and responded, "I want to talk."
Seven accepted this. Miral had occasionally spoken with Seven, even though the conversation only lasted a few moments before she got bored and left to find something more entertaining. So Seven merely nodded her head as an acceptance of the child's response.
As predicted, Miral only sat long enough to tell Seven about her building blocks and something about a special city. She then deemed the conversation over and toddled back to her mother's side. B'Elanna spared a smile and a nod of her head to Seven and returned her attention back to her daughter. Seven noted that the child's language skills had continued to improve and then turned her attention back to her pad she was studying before the brief interview. As she finished reading she glanced out the window and stared off into space.
"Seven?" A man spoke her voice and touched her shoulder.
Seven confused shook her head and glanced around her. Chakotay was standing next to her looking worried. "Commander?"
"You were pretty far off in thought there. Are you all right?" Worry colouring his voice.
"Yes I'm fine. I was distracted for a moment." Seven stated glancing across the room she noticed Miral and the others were gone. How long have I been staring out the window? And just what had she been thinking? Seven asked her self. Then shrugged the feeling off, returning her gaze back to Chakotay.
"You're sure."
"Yes. Was there something you required?" She asked returning to her Borg professionalism.
"I just finished my reports and I came down for a late dinner. I saw you alone and I was just going to ask if you wanted some company."
"Very well you may join me if you wish."
"Seven." Chakotay caught her arm looking flustered.
"Yes." Seven replied keeping her cool.
"I know it was for the best that we separated and I accept that but I thought we could still be friends."
"We are."
"It doesn't seem like that. For months you seem to be avoiding me and brushing me off." Chakotay looked more intently at Seven now.
"I'm sorry commander… Chakotay, I didn't know I was being that obvious." Seven honestly replied. "I just thought you would prefer to have space between us."
"It's alright Seven. I understand." He gave her a warming smile. "But from now on you and I are friends, alright?"
"Very well." Seven accepted his recommendation. While she and Chakotay were together, she had always felt that he wasn't entirely happy. She also didn't feel completely satisfied with the relationship so she chose to terminate it. It was for the best. She still had feelings for him but they leaned more towards that of a close friend rather than lover. As her knowledge of humanity grew she realized how many complicated emotions she had. Often she became overwhelmed with them at time, but she had gotten better at incorporating them into her daily life.
"So how's Icheb doing?" Chakotay asked changing the subject.
"He is excelling at stellar cartography and his other studies. He still finds it difficult to associate with new people, but he has made a few friends."
"That's good to hear. So how's the food?"
"It is adequate."
"Not one of your culinary delights, eh?"
"No."
Seven and Chakotay continued their idle chitchat for the duration of Chakotay's meal and then a half hour more. By the end of the conversation they had put their indifference behind them and come out friends again.
Chakotay had excused himself and returned to his quarters to get some sleep. On his way he passed the captain's quarters and was strongly tempted to call on her to tell her that he still wanted to be with her and that maybe they could do something to work out the problems of the chain of command. But he restrained himself; he passed by her door and went into his own and sighed sadly to himself. I wonder if she is still even interested in me?
She had to push him away back in the Delta quadrant, but now they had options open to them. If she really were interested in him she would have made a move when she discovered he was single again. He wasn't even sure now what he saw in Seven maybe it was just a heat of the moment kind of thing. Well it was over what ever it was and he really didn't feel that broken up about that but he still felt a little lost in that aspect of his life.
He opened a drawer that contained his medicine bundle and sat down in the middle of the floor spreading the contents out. He began to chant following his usual rituals to begin the vision quest.
He was walking though a dark forest with a vast network of paths spread before him. The paths winded and curved around the trees and bushes hiding their destination. Chakotay felt very lost and alone as well as confused. Which was the right path to take? They all started from a single point but then all went wildly off in all directions. Perhaps this was a reflection of his true state of mind.
He had been wondering what to do with his life now back in the alpha quadrant even though he had chosen to continue to serve the woman he would follow to the ends of the universe, he was unsure if he should give up and move on. Maybe return home to what was left of his people? The paths began to meld together into two separate paths. This must be what his vision was trying to tell him. He had to make a choice. Left or right? Where was his animal guide when he needed her?
He decided to look down each path before making a choice. The right appeared to wind in and out of sight and the road was rough leading through a dense forest. Now the left appeared to be the easier path a direct route down a gently sloping hill. He was just about to take the left when a hand caught him by the shoulder.
"Where do you think your going Chakotay?"
Chakotay spun around to face the man who had stopped him. He turned to gaze into the eyes of his father. "What do you mean?"
"So my son was going to take the easy path, after all you've been through? Now you choose the easy path?" His father stared straight into Chakotay's soul as he spoke. He took his arm and motioned him to step onto the large rock that stood at a point between the two roads. Chakotay obeyed. "See what the easy road gives you Chakotay?"
Chakotay saw the gently sloping road continue down a never-ending hollow. He could see nothing at the end of the road only the darkness of the pit. His father then pointed down the hard road, where Chakotay saw at the end of the winding road a beautiful garden. Chakotay knew what the spirits were trying to tell him. The road ahead would be rough but the end was worth the difficulty of the journey. Chakotay looked over at his father who was smiling at him confirming Chakotay's conclusion.
The world around him suddenly blurred and changed drastically. He no longer stood with his father on a rock in the middle of a strange city. He was standing in the middle of a large square, which appeared to serve the purpose of a market place. As he watched time began to pass more quickly with each passing second time sped up until everything became a blur then everything stopped and around him the city lay in ruins. Then he heard it a scream, so full of loss and despair. The eerie scream changed to one of pain and that of a woman's, oh god…
"KATHRYN!"
* * *
Janeway was walking through the pleasant scenery of the holodeck, simply enjoying the view and trying to sort out her stray thoughts. Life wasn't that bad on Voyager she enjoyed the feeling of always being with family while on duty. Even if they were the misfits from the Delta Quadrant, they had survived together alone for so long that it was hard for them to readjust to the rest of the world. Perhaps this was why Starfleet had thought it wise to keep them out here for a while so they could adjust to a regular duty schedule.
Life was basically perfect not a flaw in the ship or in the crew's behaviour, at least not yet. The crew's moral was beginning to wane and if the annual party didn't turn things around she would have to put in a request to Starfleet command for shore leave for the crew. Not something she wanted to do since it could make her appear unfit as a commander being unable to keep her crew happy and also it would reflect badly on the crew making them appear unable to adjust to life in the alpha quadrant as a group.
She had worked very hard to keep the majority of the crew together. She wasn't going to let this crew fall apart from something as simple as boredom. She'd gotten them through much worse and she'd get them through this. Perhaps all they needed was a good rumour to chew on. That made the captain smile. She knew a rumour she'd love to start that wasn't a rumour.
That was a good excuse. "I did it for my crew!" Somehow she didn't think she could use an excuse like that to become involved with a member of her crew. She didn't really want an excuse for it she just wanted it. This feeling of longing was going to be her undoing if she didn't confront it and do something about it.
The captain was so deep in thought she didn't realise the holographic world around her had changed and she was walking into a vast city, until a voice called out to her. "Hello there." A man's voice called
The captain looked up startled from her revelry to come face to face with a dark haired man with eyes that were as dark and cold as the vacuum of space. He smiled kindly and quirked an eyebrow as he waited for a reply. She didn't remember any characters in this program. She then noticed the city around her. Someone had tampered with her program, oh dear the first signs of boredom.
She wasn't in the mood to play along, even if it helped the crew's moral to see the captain made a fool of in her holodeck program. It most likely was the workings of Tom Paris. Well she wasn't about to let him get the better of her. "Computer freeze program." The program did not freeze instead the character moved closer to her. "Computer end program." All that happened was the character moved closer to her with a wider smirk.
The captain had begun to back up away from this strange character, sensing danger, trying to giver herself some space. She tapped her com badge and tried to hail the bridge with no success. She had no choice but to face this holodeck character or what ever had control of the holodeck computer.
"Who are you?" the captain questioned uneasily.
"Vorden, my lady." He responded with a deep bow. "A lonely traveller such as your self."
"Myself?"
"Oh yes my dear Kathryn." He paused here and noted with satisfaction the captain's reaction to her given name. "I've been travelling the cosmos looking for another soul to be mine."
"Excuse me? I'm my own." The captain postured into her tough captain's stance as she said this.
"My apologies Kathryn, I only meant that I was searching for a partner. Another who would understand me who would be one to …" He stopped as he realised Janeway was moving backwards away form him glancing around for a way to escape him.
Vorden began to chuckle. "Oh leaving so soon? I don't think so."
The man's voice became cold and he moved closer to Janeway, who was trying to back away looking for a way to escape him or to shut the program off. "No my dear you're going to stay here and keep me company. I've been alone so long." This last sentence was almost a whisper, but the captain caught it. "I know you'll understand. That's why I chose you over the other minds I touched aboard this lovely vessel."
"What have you done to my crew?" The captain replied heatedly.
"Oh no my lovely, don't think that way, I haven't harmed your dear crew. I merely felt their thoughts a few I explored more closely, but you. You are the one I have searched for. I was so thrilled to have you glide into my existence." Vorden grabbed the captain's shoulders, as she was just about to move away again. "I've waited for you for so long. I felt your emotions and have touched your mind. I know you long the same way I do. Now we will long no more."
Damn, this alien is crazy! I thought I left this kind of thing back in the delta quadrant. The captain felt Vorden press his hands into her shoulders more tightly as she thought.
"I don't see the need for profanity."
Damn, he can hear my thoughts …damn. She hated anyone prying into her mind without her consent.
"Now, now no need to be that way. Soon you'll hear me too, and we will always be part of each other forever."
"How about you stop reading my thoughts and let me go." She hated being vulnerable like this.
"Come now that's no way to behave. Why are you acting like this?" The question was combined with a pressure slowly building in the captain's head. She began to feel him invade her mind. She tried to fight it but he just kept pressing harder breaking down her mental barriers invading her deepest thoughts.
Her head began to pound and she felt herself starting to lose control slipping into the darkness. She tried desperately to hang onto the thought that she was her own no one would take that away, but even that was starting to slip away. She was ready to scream to beg him to release his hold on her.
Just at that moment the holodeck doors opened distracting Vorden, stopping the mental assault. Kathryn quickly gathered the strength she had and seized the opportunity to escape. Turning towards the door preparing to run, Janeway broke free of Vorden's grip on her shoulders. But Vorden grabbed her wrist in a vicelike grip and yanked her to his side as if she were a mere doll.
"Kathryn!" Another man's voice entreated.
"Chakotay! He…" the rest of her words were cut off by Vorden's other hand over her mouth. She was pulled close to his side and the other hand holding her wrist moved to squeeze around her rib cage. She tried to struggle free with her last reserves, but it was useless; it was if he hadn't even felt her motions. He simply began to squeeze tighter on her chest making it more difficult to breath. She looked entreatingly over at Chakotay who was still in the doorway.
"Come in or get out!" Vorden commanded.
Oh god, please leave at least I'll know you'll be safe.
Chakotay couldn't leave her alone with this crazy character whoever he was. He stepped in; the doors slid closed behind him and disappeared.
"Ah, I see why you are attracted to this one yet you wanted him to leave? For his protection? How sweet." Vorden chuckled.
Chakotay took in Vorden's words for only an instant and quickly jumped into action. "Listen why don't you just let her go and we can talk about this."
"What's there to talk about? I'm perfectly happy right here with her, we don't need you." Vorden frowned. "But I agree this is no way to hold my sweet." He released Janeway and she took in a deep shuddering breath and stumbled forward as the pressure against her suddenly released. "I'm sorry Kathryn, I didn't realise my own strength." He swiftly placed his arm around her to steady her as she fought to breath normally. She would have pushed away if she had the strength to stand on her own two feet.
Chakotay slowly moved closer to the scene. He was boiling with anger at this man for hurting Kathryn. But he forced himself to remain calm and objective, he had to keep a cool head if he was going to get her out of here safely.
"Here my dear, sit." An antique high backed chair appeared behind her. She would have normally refused to do anything he commanded of her, but her knees weren't going to cooperate. So, reluctantly, she relaxed into the chair, casting a quick glance at Chakotay. "Now this is a nice little get together."
Vorden cast his dark penetrating gaze towards the commander and gave one of his evil smirks. "This is perfect for you honey you can say good bye to him and hand over your ship take care of all that business for your leaving." He looked distracted for a moment and then returned his gaze to Janeway.
"I have a few things to take care of. Don't worry my pet I won't be far." With that the image of Vorden vanished leaving them alone in the vast city that seemed somehow familiar.
Janeway took advantage of his absence to try the com again. "Janeway to bridge." Still nothing. Chakotay called out to reveal the exit but again nothing. "Damn!" Janeway swore.
"Kathryn, are you all right?" Chakotay turned to her with pleading eyes.
"Yes, fine." She paused. "Does this city seem familiar to you?"
"Yes, I saw it in my vision quest and," he stopped and continued when the captain gave him a questioning look. "I heard you scream. That's why I came to find you."
"Well I'm glad you did even if it only trapped you as well."
"Where did you see the city before?"
"Miral she built a replica in my quarters when I was watching her. Vorden said he had been looking into the minds of the crew. I guess the image of the city had been seen by Miral and she made a replica." The captain and first officer sat in silence for a moment.
Chakotay was first to speak. "Kathryn why was he referring to you as if you and him were…"
Kathryn held up her hand to stave the rest of his question. "For some reason he singled me out from the rest of the crew. Vorden -"
"Vorden?" Chakotay interrupted.
"That's what he calls himself." Janeway said with a hint of anger in her voice. "He said that he and I were the same."
"How so?"
"He said we both were lonely travellers."
"Are you?"
The captain shrugged. "I suppose there are times I feel alone but I have my crew and…" She paused and looked away from Chakotay. "My ship."
"But there's something else you long for." It wasn't meant as a question and Janeway knew it.
"Look we can play councillor after we get out of this mess." The captain commanded having regained her composure from the assault.
"Right."
The captain got unsteadily to her feet with the help of Chakotay. They decided their best chance was to look for the access panel or Jeffries tube entrance. They spread out feeling along the walls of the buildings. They met up again as they rounded a corner finding nothing which wasn't surprising if the holodeck controls were frozen there was no way the access panel would be revealed, but it was worth a shot.
"Damn. Nothing" The captain cursed.
A chilling laughter echoed off the buildings. Janeway and Chakotay froze and looked up to see Vorden looking down at them from his perch on the roof. "My, my what a scene. You know this existence is very limiting my dear. You will be so much more when you come with me."
"I like my existence just fine thank you." The captain barked.
Vorden leapt of the roof and landed gracefully in front of the captain with the same evil smirk on his face. "Don't try to lie to me Kathryn." The captain cringed; she hated him calling her that. "Yes I know you hate that. But you have to admit my dear no matter what you say your mind always tells me the truth and I feel that part that is left empty. Just as I have an emptiness inside me." He looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Since you already know the cause of my longing why don't you tell me yours?" Janeway asked a plan forming very quietly in her mind. If she could get him talking and distract him with his own problems he just might lose control over some of the systems maybe allowing her to contact security to notify them of the intruder.
"Of course how silly of me, let me show you." As he spoke the scene around them changed. Time seemed to pass around them where an alien species moved rapidly around them speeding up till all became a blur.
Then a bright flash momentarily blinded them, when their vision returned the once pristine city was a collection of rubble. A cry was heard shattering the silence a man's cry of despair. The scene changed again to show Vorden in the form of one of the species holding a woman in his arms. The scene melted away into darkness as the holodeck walls appeared.
Three figures were left standing in the middle of the room. Janeway was shocked at the scene that had just occurred; she felt a small twinge of petty for this man's loss. All were quiet until Vorden spoke again. "That day I lost all hope and banished myself from taking a corporeal form again."
"So you weren't one of them?" Chakotay questioned quietly.
"No, I had only known the existence of energy till her." Vorden replied sadly.
"What made you decide to become one of them?" Janeway carefully questioned him. She had a feeling she could talk them out of this.
"It was mere chance that I had passed by her and felt her mind touch, so strong and so lovely. I had no idea of emotions and other corporeal experiences. I wanted to know her the way they knew each other. So I took the form of a male and bumped into her. I didn't know that what I had done would have such dire consequences."
"What do you mean?" Kathryn interrogated.
"In order to take the form of a mortal my energy had to go somewhere else. So I dumped it into their power plant. It worked for the first few months but the longer I stayed in that form the more energy I had to dump. Until…"
"The plant exploded." Janeway finished.
Vorden merely nodded.
"What about now? Where is your energy going?"
"Oh don't worry about that. I still am energy being a hologram as it were." He commented as he looked at his holographic body.
"So you lost the woman you loved because of a mistake." Chakotay summarized. "And you think you can ease your pain of loss by replacing her?"
"No. Well not exactly. I tried to continue as I had been before but those emotions remained. And now that I've found one who also feels a longing for another as I do," He reached over and grabbed Janeway so quickly that she was trapped in his arms before she knew what had happened. "I'm not letting her go."
"What do you expect to gain from taking me to replace the other you lost? I'm not her and I could never replace those feelings you had." Janeway said.
"I know that, but we both have the same longing we could fill the hole with each other."
"That's not the way it works." Chakotay chimed in, "you were only mortal for a brief period of time. That wouldn't be long enough to fully understand the complexity of these emotions."
"It doesn't matter when I join with you my dear I'll understand all you do."
The captain looked worriedly at Chakotay who reflected the same worry back at her. "You can't do that I don't want to be with you! I can't be with you." Janeway exclaimed.
"Yes, you can and you will." And with that Vorden began to press into the captain's mind.
The captain began to cry out in pain as Vorden pressed his mind against hers.
"STOP THIS VORDEN!" Chakotay screamed, "You're hurting her."
"Don't worry it'll soon be over."
"No… please….stop" the captain choked out.
"Listen to me! You can't do this!" Chakotay cried.
"Why not when she's part of me I'll be complete again; I will understand what I feel."
"No you won't. Even we don't really understand what we feel and why. We're learning every day and there's no way to simply assimilate the information it's different for everyone for every different situation. You can here her thoughts and mine can't you?" Vorden nodded. "Then you know that what I say is true and that this action won't solve your problem."
Vorden looked straight into the commander and then into the captain who was barely holding onto consciousness fighting with every ounce of strength she had left. He saw in her and him that it was true but what else could he do? He wanted the pain the longing to stop.
He looked deeply into Kathryn's mind pulling at her most private thoughts and feelings still trying to find an answer. As he pushed his mind into hers, some of his thoughts filtered into her own mind the barriers between them falling. Then he felt it, all her experiences her losses and victories rolled together to create what she was now. He knew this was wrong. And he knew what he needed to do, he had to move beyond this existence, perhaps seek out others like himself. He would heal on his own with time if he let himself heal. He gleamed that last bit from the commander's mind. He reluctantly withdrew from Janeway's mind and released her.
Janeway sank to her knees. Chakotay was clutching her to his chest before she had the chance to fall fully to the floor. Chakotay held her close rocking her back and forth with tears streaming down his face. Janeway moved her hand up his chest and around his neck pulling him closer shedding her own tears of relief.
Vorden felt the emotions between them and felt something deep inside him, something he had felt long ago. He was happy. He felt happy at seeing the happiness of these two other beings. It was wonderful, he had to repay these creatures for the damage he caused. He knew a way; he'd relieve the longing that had attracted him to her in the first place. He allowed his mind to act as a bridge between the two and dissolved his solid form.
Janeway felt a wave of relief wash over her. At first she thought it was her own emotions, her relief at being released from the clutches of Vorden, but then she sensed another presence lightly touching her mind. She pulled away from Chakotay to look into his eyes, which held the same relief and then confusion she was experiencing her self. She felt a second brief touch that reassured her and told her this was a temporary gift. After her ordeal her mind was in no shape to hold back any emotions she didn't want the commander feeling. But perhaps this was best.
The pair of them sat in the middle of the floor sharing all they were and all that they had wished to express to each other for so long. Chakotay was startled at first to discover her feelings were equally strong for him as his were for her. He felt her fears and doubts and gently washed them away with waves of reassurance. The experience seemed to last for only a brief moment and when the effect began to fade they both tried to hold on to it wanting to keep this moment always. The silent third of the merge expressed his regret at having to leave but enforced that he must. And then with a parting touch of gratitude he was gone. Chakotay could still vaguely sense the captain but it was fading quickly.
The Captain slowly opened her eyes to stare into the face of the EMH who was running a tricorder over her body. She turned her head to find Chakotay lying on a biobed next to hers. She immediately tried to sit up but the doctor held her down.
"Just a moment Captain I haven't finished my scans yet. Stay." The EMH commanded with a smug grin on his face as he moved over to scan the commander.
"What happened?" Janeway asked still a little fuzzy from the experience.
"As far as I know, you and the commander have been trapped in the holodeck for the past eight hours." The doctor stated as he concluded his scans. "The controls just released a few moments ago and we were able to beam you to sickbay."
Just then Tuvok entered sickbay with a concerned look on his face. "Are you all right?"
"She's fine." The Doctor answered for her. "Both her and the commander's neural peptide levels were highly elevated when they arrived but they're quickly returning to normal."
"Captain can you explain what occurred on the holodeck?" Tuvok proceeded with his usual logical manner.
By now the commander had also regained consciousness and was sitting on the edge of the biobed. "We had a…" Chakotay paused looking at Janeway for the appropriate word.
"An unexpected visitor." The Captain finished as she slid off the biobed.
"And what did this 'visitor' want?" Tuvok questioned in his emotionless voice.
"What we all want." The Captain replied cryptically looking at Chakotay who had moved to her side.
"Captain?" Tuvok raised a brow perplexed by yet another human flaw to fully explain the situation.
"Not tonight Tuvok." The Captain waved her hand at him.
"Actually it is 0900 hours."
"Well then, join me for breakfast Chakotay?" she asked turning to her first officer and newly discovered companion.
"Be glad to." He held out his arm for Janeway who took it gladly with a wide smile and proceeded to walk out the door.
"Doctor?" Janeway raised an eyebrow to the hologram asking for leave from sickbay.
"Your free to go but I recommend you and the commander both take the day off. Of course it's probably a waste of my proverbial breath." The last phrase was muttered but still loud enough for all to hear.
"Good idea doctor. Tuvok you have the bridge." The captain told the Vulcan who gazed at the pair with a perplexed expression on his face. Chakotay then extended his arm to Janeway who graciously took it and walked out of sickbay. Just as they were leaving Janeway commented over her shoulder. "See you at the party gentlemen." And with that they exited both beaming and suppressing the urge to burst out laughing.
What is the crew going to say when they discover their newly developed relationship? Janeway wondered. She felt Chakotay smiling at her and a gentle wave of reassurance washed over her. She chuckled to herself. This link could have a certain potential, maybe she should put it to good use. She again felt Chakotay, a stronger feeling of approval coming over her. Well they might as well take advantage of this fading opportunity. She could feel her excitement and joy as they approached her quarters and began a journey to be travelled together.
THE END
Please Review.
LONGING
Captain Janeway sat staring out the window of her ready room aboard the Starship Voyager, staring at the familiar stars of the alpha quadrant. Starfleet had kept the ship in service, needing every available ship out in the stars after the heavy losses suffered during the war. Voyager was now primarily a research vessel. It wouldn't do to lose the great Voyager to some anomaly again, the captain thought bitterly. She always had enjoyed exploring scientific curiosities, but chasing neutrino readings around the alpha quadrant wasn't exactly thrilling.
Many of the original crew had happily remained aboard Voyager, at first. Now many were just as bored as she after seven years of fighting Borg and any other species that took a dislike to the ship, the everyday tasks didn't seem to be enough.
When Voyager finally returned home, there were huge celebrations with the crew and their family members. Janeway had spent months going through the debriefing process, going over and explaining her command decisions. The Marquis were pardoned and allowed to keep their rank in Starfleet if they wished, which many did. The crew all received commendations for excellent service under extreme conditions. The entire crew was given a year of shore leave to makeup for the missed time while on their "mission".
The crew was overjoyed to hear Voyager was going to be launched when the crew was to return to duty. Janeway had spent her shore leave with her family and she was ready to get back out into the quiet of space. Mark had paid her a visit with his wife. They had tried to return Molly to her but the dog didn't seem to want to stay with her so she told Mark to keep her and to take care of her. Molly had always spent much more time with Mark anyways, what would she do with her when she left for duty again? It was for the best, but it still hurt.
That was almost the worst part of her shore leave, almost. She spent the majority of her shore leave going to formal gatherings. She hated all those bureaucratic windbags. That was a big factor when she rejected the promotion to admiral. No one knew about the offer and that was the way it was going to stay. She was happy on board Voyager even if she was bored from the tedious routine.
She had mixed feelings when she discovered that Chakotay had a relationship with Seven. On the one hand her best friend and first officer had found someone special and was happy. On the other, she secretly wished that that someone was her. But that was no longer an issue they were both on board but separated as a couple. When they had set out on their two-year mission to study the near neighbouring star systems, perfectly safe and boring tasks, Janeway had made a deal with herself to let go of those feelings she had for Chakotay. Even when Chakotay and Seven had broken up, she was unable to tell him her feelings because she was still his commanding officer. In theory she should just forget about love and move on in life, in theory. In reality, it was much more difficult, seeing him everyday and knowing she couldn't have him or could she? Why couldn't she tell him how she felt?
He had been offered a command of his own; she still wasn't sure why he hadn't taken it, but he had remained by her side. So close and yet so far away the captain mused. Maybe someday, soon preferably, she'd tell him how she felt and maybe they could work something out. They were home and she didn't have to remain in command of a starship they could both take a desk job and live together. But she knew that was out of the question, she was too much a part of this ship and her crew. This was where she belonged. The captain sighed. "What to do" the captain whispered to her self.
In a few days it would be the two-year anniversary of their return to the alpha quadrant. She had heard rumours that Lt. Paris and Lt. Kim were planning a big party in the mess hall. Some things had changed but most had stayed the same. Tom and Harry had both taken up the responsibilities of moral officer that was left vacant by Neelix. She had just spoken to him a few days ago using the Midas Array. He had been thrilled to hear they finally had made it home. He and his wife Dexa were expecting a child. Neelix had told her that Brax was very excited to be a big brother.
Janeway sighed heavily. That was something that had been in the back of her mind for sometime now. Perhaps she was being foolish in pushing him away because of her ideals of command structure. If she stuck to those ideals she would always be the captain standing alone. The captain shook herself pushing those thoughts aside. This was getting her nowhere. She had to pull herself together. Maybe all she needed was a trip to the holodeck.
"Computer, is there anyone in holodeck 2?" Janeway asked
"Negative." The computer crisply responded.
Well my duty shift is officially over and I need some relaxation, even if it isn't the relaxation I really want. The captain thought as she walked out of her ready room to the turbolift.
"Mr. Kim you have the bridge." She commanded as she left the bridge.
* * *
Harry took his place in the captain's chair. He worried about the captain, as did every other person aboard Voyager. It was no secret that she had had and still had strong feelings for the commander, for as long as he could remember, even if she tried to hide it. They had all hoped she would find a way to find happiness. Of course no one ever spoke about such things, at least not when the captain may be in earshot. Harry had thought the captain and commander would have finally made it together when Seven had broken up with Chakotay, but the tension between them remained.
Harry had hoped Libby would have waited for him, but she had thought he was dead and when she found out he was alive on the other side of the galaxy it was almost as good as dead. She had moved on with her life, finding someone else. He didn't blame her; he had let go of her during that long voyage. He was still young and moving up in rank, finally, he knew he'd find someone special someday.
I wonder when we'll get pulled off this boring assignment. Starfleet wouldn't just leave us out here counting stardust would they? Harry mused. What if they were confined to this boring mission for the rest of their carriers? That certainly put a damper on Harry's plans of becoming a captain. He held out hope that when the attention given Voyager's heroic crew died down they'd be allowed a more challenging task.
Harry was looking forward to the party that he and Tom were planning. They still weren't sure if they were going to have the party in the mess hall or the holodeck. This time it was Harry who was taking charge of most of the party plans since Tom was busy with his little soon to be two-year old. The party was also a birthday party for Miral since she was born just as they entered the alpha quadrant. A party was what was needed to break the boredom.
As if some cosmic force was reading his mind a console began to beep.
"Report Ensign." Harry loved saying that now he was a Lieutenant.
"There was a fluctuation in the neutrino patterns and an energy build up," the ensign paused checking the controls, "It's gone now sir."
"Any idea of what it was?" Maybe he'd finally have something to report to the captain.
"No, sir."
Just then Tom entered the bridge and called out to Harry. "Hey Harr, so you stuck in command again?"
"Yup. What are you doing here, hiding from B'Elanna and Miral?" Harry joked.
"Naw, just wanted to see you and go over the plans for the party." Tom replied settling himself in the first officers chair.
"Oh sure."
"Yah I just figured I'd break the boredom for you."
"Well you're a little late."
"Really?" Tom feigned surprise.
"Yah there was a surge in neutrinos and a slight power fluctuation."
"Wow that's so interesting." Tom replied sarcastically.
"Yah, yah, I know boring. So about the party," Harry was a little disappointed his friend wasn't interested, but it didn't surprise him.
"What do you say we have it at Neelix's beach resort program."
"I thought B'Elanna didn't want you looking at those girls anymore." Harry gave his best friend a fiendish grin.
"Oh, I can look just no touching." Tom quipped returning Harry's smile.
"Ok then Neelix's program it is."
Tom sat quietly beside him staring out the view screen and beyond. Harry suspected that Tom wasn't here to just talk about the party. There must be something else on his mind; probably B'Elanna and he had had another quarrel over some thing. Klingons and their tempers, Tom was a brave man for marrying one.
"Hey, Tom, hello?" Harry waved his hand in front of Tom's eyes. "Is something wrong?"
No response. Hmmmmm this must be bad. Harry reached over and shook his friend the shoulder "Hey! Tom!"
"What? Oh, Harry." Tom replied still seeming a little far away.
"Are you okay?" concern filling Harry's eyes
"Oh yah, fine why?"
"Well you were just staring out into space."
"Oh sorry, I was just thinking…. I think." Tom had a confused look on his face.
"What do you mean you think?" Harry asked still worried.
"Oh it's nothing, I just don't remember what exactly I was thinking. My mind must have really been wandering."
"Are you sure? You and B'Elanna aren't having another argument are you?" Harry asked still a little worried about his friend. Did he really not remember or did he just not want to tell him about it.
"No, she's the one who insisted I come see you to work on the party. She's really excited about it." Tom replied finally coming back to himself.
"Ok then, but if you need to talk you can always find me." Harry was still a little suspicious of his friend
"I know Harr. I'm not sure what came over me." Tom replied with a sheepish smile, and shrugged.
"Ok well was there anything else we need to do for the party?"
"Well there is something you need to do." Tom said with a gleam in his eye.
"Oh? And what is that?" Harry replied knowing full well what he was going to say.
"You, my friend," Tom said putting an arm over his shoulder, "need to find a date."
"I knew this was coming."
"Come on Harry, you can't use that excuse that some dame is waiting for you back home."
"Tom…"
"Harry you need to get out there. Miral needs a play mate."
"Ha-ha. Ok you've made your point." Harry scowled.
"Sorry Harry, I just want my best friend to be happy."
"I know Tom."
"Hey isn't your duty shift over?" Tom exclaimed noticing the night shift coming on.
"Guess your right. Want to get something to eat?"
"Sure."
The two of them walked off the bridge and headed down to the mess hall.
* * *
In the mess hall Tom and Harry met up with B'Elanna and the energetic Miral. B'Elanna looked tired and in need of a break. Miral was a bundle of energy and was always managing to get into trouble. She had already been caught toddling round the ship having escaped from her mother when she had fallen asleep after her duty shift. After that Tom had deactivated the motion sensors to keep the door from opening when Miral toddled to the exit.
However that didn't keep her from making an escape one day when she figured out all she had to do was touch the pad by the door to get it to open. While her mother and father lay asleep one night she had pulled a chair over to the door and touching the pad to release the doors. Miral scooted out the door and straight into the captain, who was out for one of her late evening strolls.
To Tom and B'Elanna's embarrassment the next morning a message waited for them from the captain. She had taken Miral to her quarters to play since it was obvious her parents needed the sleep. When B'Elanna and Tom went to the captain's quarters to recover their escaped daughter, they found Janeway and Miral picking up building blocks in the middle of the captain's living quarters.
Tom and B'Elanna had tried to apologise but were waved off by the captain, who told them she was happy to have her. What she didn't tell them was that she had fallen asleep on the floor and had woken to discover a city built around her of all the replicated building blocks with the many pads she had been working on and objects from her quarters mixed in. Little Miral was cuddled close to her sound asleep. The time was around 0300 so she decided to get what sleep she could lying on the floor since she didn't want to disturb the sleeping child next to her.
She had felt so content lying there in Miral's little magic city with a warm little body curled up close to her. She looked at all the little buildings built around her trying not to move afraid of waking the child. She managed a few more hours sleep before Miral woke up and started rearranging the blocks waking Janeway up. They had played with the blocks till a frantic call from B'Elanna came over the comm. That had happened three nights ago. Since then B'Elanna and Tom had kept the door locked and a large supply of blocks at hand for Miral.
"Hi Harry, so have you guys finished planning the party yet?" B'Elanna welcomed them giving Tom a peck on the cheek.
"Yup." Tom replied retuning B'Elanna's kiss.
"You look beat. Would you guys like me to take her for awhile?" Harry politely offered.
"That would be nice Harry, but only for a few hours." B'Elanna replied.
"After we grab a bite to eat." Tom quickly put in.
"Well it's not Neelix's fine cooking, but it at least it's edible." B'Elanna joked.
The three of them sat chatting about the party and the day's work. Miral, uncharacteristically, sat quietly listening and watching the adults. This however did not last long. Miral soon got bored of the grown up talk and started to look around for something else to entertain her. She spotted Seven sitting alone in the corner of the mess hall. She took a quick glance at the adults to make sure they weren't looking before she slid out of her chair and crept over to Seven. Miral patted her leg to get her attention.
Seven looked down at the small figure touching her leg looking up at her with her hazel eyes. Seven smiled down at the small part Klingon. And asked her "shouldn't you be with your parents?"
Miral just shrugged and stated "mommy and daddy over there."
Seven looked over at the table where the three adults sat and then back at Miral.
"Very well, do you wish to sit?"
"Okay." Miral climbed up on the chair and sat proudly in front of the former Borg, even though her head was barely above the edge of the table.
"So what is the intention of your visit?" the Borg asked as cool as ever.
Miral just looked confused.
Seven repeated her question using a more limited vocabulary. "Why did you come to see me?"
Again Miral just shrugged and responded, "I want to talk."
Seven accepted this. Miral had occasionally spoken with Seven, even though the conversation only lasted a few moments before she got bored and left to find something more entertaining. So Seven merely nodded her head as an acceptance of the child's response.
As predicted, Miral only sat long enough to tell Seven about her building blocks and something about a special city. She then deemed the conversation over and toddled back to her mother's side. B'Elanna spared a smile and a nod of her head to Seven and returned her attention back to her daughter. Seven noted that the child's language skills had continued to improve and then turned her attention back to her pad she was studying before the brief interview. As she finished reading she glanced out the window and stared off into space.
"Seven?" A man spoke her voice and touched her shoulder.
Seven confused shook her head and glanced around her. Chakotay was standing next to her looking worried. "Commander?"
"You were pretty far off in thought there. Are you all right?" Worry colouring his voice.
"Yes I'm fine. I was distracted for a moment." Seven stated glancing across the room she noticed Miral and the others were gone. How long have I been staring out the window? And just what had she been thinking? Seven asked her self. Then shrugged the feeling off, returning her gaze back to Chakotay.
"You're sure."
"Yes. Was there something you required?" She asked returning to her Borg professionalism.
"I just finished my reports and I came down for a late dinner. I saw you alone and I was just going to ask if you wanted some company."
"Very well you may join me if you wish."
"Seven." Chakotay caught her arm looking flustered.
"Yes." Seven replied keeping her cool.
"I know it was for the best that we separated and I accept that but I thought we could still be friends."
"We are."
"It doesn't seem like that. For months you seem to be avoiding me and brushing me off." Chakotay looked more intently at Seven now.
"I'm sorry commander… Chakotay, I didn't know I was being that obvious." Seven honestly replied. "I just thought you would prefer to have space between us."
"It's alright Seven. I understand." He gave her a warming smile. "But from now on you and I are friends, alright?"
"Very well." Seven accepted his recommendation. While she and Chakotay were together, she had always felt that he wasn't entirely happy. She also didn't feel completely satisfied with the relationship so she chose to terminate it. It was for the best. She still had feelings for him but they leaned more towards that of a close friend rather than lover. As her knowledge of humanity grew she realized how many complicated emotions she had. Often she became overwhelmed with them at time, but she had gotten better at incorporating them into her daily life.
"So how's Icheb doing?" Chakotay asked changing the subject.
"He is excelling at stellar cartography and his other studies. He still finds it difficult to associate with new people, but he has made a few friends."
"That's good to hear. So how's the food?"
"It is adequate."
"Not one of your culinary delights, eh?"
"No."
Seven and Chakotay continued their idle chitchat for the duration of Chakotay's meal and then a half hour more. By the end of the conversation they had put their indifference behind them and come out friends again.
Chakotay had excused himself and returned to his quarters to get some sleep. On his way he passed the captain's quarters and was strongly tempted to call on her to tell her that he still wanted to be with her and that maybe they could do something to work out the problems of the chain of command. But he restrained himself; he passed by her door and went into his own and sighed sadly to himself. I wonder if she is still even interested in me?
She had to push him away back in the Delta quadrant, but now they had options open to them. If she really were interested in him she would have made a move when she discovered he was single again. He wasn't even sure now what he saw in Seven maybe it was just a heat of the moment kind of thing. Well it was over what ever it was and he really didn't feel that broken up about that but he still felt a little lost in that aspect of his life.
He opened a drawer that contained his medicine bundle and sat down in the middle of the floor spreading the contents out. He began to chant following his usual rituals to begin the vision quest.
He was walking though a dark forest with a vast network of paths spread before him. The paths winded and curved around the trees and bushes hiding their destination. Chakotay felt very lost and alone as well as confused. Which was the right path to take? They all started from a single point but then all went wildly off in all directions. Perhaps this was a reflection of his true state of mind.
He had been wondering what to do with his life now back in the alpha quadrant even though he had chosen to continue to serve the woman he would follow to the ends of the universe, he was unsure if he should give up and move on. Maybe return home to what was left of his people? The paths began to meld together into two separate paths. This must be what his vision was trying to tell him. He had to make a choice. Left or right? Where was his animal guide when he needed her?
He decided to look down each path before making a choice. The right appeared to wind in and out of sight and the road was rough leading through a dense forest. Now the left appeared to be the easier path a direct route down a gently sloping hill. He was just about to take the left when a hand caught him by the shoulder.
"Where do you think your going Chakotay?"
Chakotay spun around to face the man who had stopped him. He turned to gaze into the eyes of his father. "What do you mean?"
"So my son was going to take the easy path, after all you've been through? Now you choose the easy path?" His father stared straight into Chakotay's soul as he spoke. He took his arm and motioned him to step onto the large rock that stood at a point between the two roads. Chakotay obeyed. "See what the easy road gives you Chakotay?"
Chakotay saw the gently sloping road continue down a never-ending hollow. He could see nothing at the end of the road only the darkness of the pit. His father then pointed down the hard road, where Chakotay saw at the end of the winding road a beautiful garden. Chakotay knew what the spirits were trying to tell him. The road ahead would be rough but the end was worth the difficulty of the journey. Chakotay looked over at his father who was smiling at him confirming Chakotay's conclusion.
The world around him suddenly blurred and changed drastically. He no longer stood with his father on a rock in the middle of a strange city. He was standing in the middle of a large square, which appeared to serve the purpose of a market place. As he watched time began to pass more quickly with each passing second time sped up until everything became a blur then everything stopped and around him the city lay in ruins. Then he heard it a scream, so full of loss and despair. The eerie scream changed to one of pain and that of a woman's, oh god…
"KATHRYN!"
* * *
Janeway was walking through the pleasant scenery of the holodeck, simply enjoying the view and trying to sort out her stray thoughts. Life wasn't that bad on Voyager she enjoyed the feeling of always being with family while on duty. Even if they were the misfits from the Delta Quadrant, they had survived together alone for so long that it was hard for them to readjust to the rest of the world. Perhaps this was why Starfleet had thought it wise to keep them out here for a while so they could adjust to a regular duty schedule.
Life was basically perfect not a flaw in the ship or in the crew's behaviour, at least not yet. The crew's moral was beginning to wane and if the annual party didn't turn things around she would have to put in a request to Starfleet command for shore leave for the crew. Not something she wanted to do since it could make her appear unfit as a commander being unable to keep her crew happy and also it would reflect badly on the crew making them appear unable to adjust to life in the alpha quadrant as a group.
She had worked very hard to keep the majority of the crew together. She wasn't going to let this crew fall apart from something as simple as boredom. She'd gotten them through much worse and she'd get them through this. Perhaps all they needed was a good rumour to chew on. That made the captain smile. She knew a rumour she'd love to start that wasn't a rumour.
That was a good excuse. "I did it for my crew!" Somehow she didn't think she could use an excuse like that to become involved with a member of her crew. She didn't really want an excuse for it she just wanted it. This feeling of longing was going to be her undoing if she didn't confront it and do something about it.
The captain was so deep in thought she didn't realise the holographic world around her had changed and she was walking into a vast city, until a voice called out to her. "Hello there." A man's voice called
The captain looked up startled from her revelry to come face to face with a dark haired man with eyes that were as dark and cold as the vacuum of space. He smiled kindly and quirked an eyebrow as he waited for a reply. She didn't remember any characters in this program. She then noticed the city around her. Someone had tampered with her program, oh dear the first signs of boredom.
She wasn't in the mood to play along, even if it helped the crew's moral to see the captain made a fool of in her holodeck program. It most likely was the workings of Tom Paris. Well she wasn't about to let him get the better of her. "Computer freeze program." The program did not freeze instead the character moved closer to her. "Computer end program." All that happened was the character moved closer to her with a wider smirk.
The captain had begun to back up away from this strange character, sensing danger, trying to giver herself some space. She tapped her com badge and tried to hail the bridge with no success. She had no choice but to face this holodeck character or what ever had control of the holodeck computer.
"Who are you?" the captain questioned uneasily.
"Vorden, my lady." He responded with a deep bow. "A lonely traveller such as your self."
"Myself?"
"Oh yes my dear Kathryn." He paused here and noted with satisfaction the captain's reaction to her given name. "I've been travelling the cosmos looking for another soul to be mine."
"Excuse me? I'm my own." The captain postured into her tough captain's stance as she said this.
"My apologies Kathryn, I only meant that I was searching for a partner. Another who would understand me who would be one to …" He stopped as he realised Janeway was moving backwards away form him glancing around for a way to escape him.
Vorden began to chuckle. "Oh leaving so soon? I don't think so."
The man's voice became cold and he moved closer to Janeway, who was trying to back away looking for a way to escape him or to shut the program off. "No my dear you're going to stay here and keep me company. I've been alone so long." This last sentence was almost a whisper, but the captain caught it. "I know you'll understand. That's why I chose you over the other minds I touched aboard this lovely vessel."
"What have you done to my crew?" The captain replied heatedly.
"Oh no my lovely, don't think that way, I haven't harmed your dear crew. I merely felt their thoughts a few I explored more closely, but you. You are the one I have searched for. I was so thrilled to have you glide into my existence." Vorden grabbed the captain's shoulders, as she was just about to move away again. "I've waited for you for so long. I felt your emotions and have touched your mind. I know you long the same way I do. Now we will long no more."
Damn, this alien is crazy! I thought I left this kind of thing back in the delta quadrant. The captain felt Vorden press his hands into her shoulders more tightly as she thought.
"I don't see the need for profanity."
Damn, he can hear my thoughts …damn. She hated anyone prying into her mind without her consent.
"Now, now no need to be that way. Soon you'll hear me too, and we will always be part of each other forever."
"How about you stop reading my thoughts and let me go." She hated being vulnerable like this.
"Come now that's no way to behave. Why are you acting like this?" The question was combined with a pressure slowly building in the captain's head. She began to feel him invade her mind. She tried to fight it but he just kept pressing harder breaking down her mental barriers invading her deepest thoughts.
Her head began to pound and she felt herself starting to lose control slipping into the darkness. She tried desperately to hang onto the thought that she was her own no one would take that away, but even that was starting to slip away. She was ready to scream to beg him to release his hold on her.
Just at that moment the holodeck doors opened distracting Vorden, stopping the mental assault. Kathryn quickly gathered the strength she had and seized the opportunity to escape. Turning towards the door preparing to run, Janeway broke free of Vorden's grip on her shoulders. But Vorden grabbed her wrist in a vicelike grip and yanked her to his side as if she were a mere doll.
"Kathryn!" Another man's voice entreated.
"Chakotay! He…" the rest of her words were cut off by Vorden's other hand over her mouth. She was pulled close to his side and the other hand holding her wrist moved to squeeze around her rib cage. She tried to struggle free with her last reserves, but it was useless; it was if he hadn't even felt her motions. He simply began to squeeze tighter on her chest making it more difficult to breath. She looked entreatingly over at Chakotay who was still in the doorway.
"Come in or get out!" Vorden commanded.
Oh god, please leave at least I'll know you'll be safe.
Chakotay couldn't leave her alone with this crazy character whoever he was. He stepped in; the doors slid closed behind him and disappeared.
"Ah, I see why you are attracted to this one yet you wanted him to leave? For his protection? How sweet." Vorden chuckled.
Chakotay took in Vorden's words for only an instant and quickly jumped into action. "Listen why don't you just let her go and we can talk about this."
"What's there to talk about? I'm perfectly happy right here with her, we don't need you." Vorden frowned. "But I agree this is no way to hold my sweet." He released Janeway and she took in a deep shuddering breath and stumbled forward as the pressure against her suddenly released. "I'm sorry Kathryn, I didn't realise my own strength." He swiftly placed his arm around her to steady her as she fought to breath normally. She would have pushed away if she had the strength to stand on her own two feet.
Chakotay slowly moved closer to the scene. He was boiling with anger at this man for hurting Kathryn. But he forced himself to remain calm and objective, he had to keep a cool head if he was going to get her out of here safely.
"Here my dear, sit." An antique high backed chair appeared behind her. She would have normally refused to do anything he commanded of her, but her knees weren't going to cooperate. So, reluctantly, she relaxed into the chair, casting a quick glance at Chakotay. "Now this is a nice little get together."
Vorden cast his dark penetrating gaze towards the commander and gave one of his evil smirks. "This is perfect for you honey you can say good bye to him and hand over your ship take care of all that business for your leaving." He looked distracted for a moment and then returned his gaze to Janeway.
"I have a few things to take care of. Don't worry my pet I won't be far." With that the image of Vorden vanished leaving them alone in the vast city that seemed somehow familiar.
Janeway took advantage of his absence to try the com again. "Janeway to bridge." Still nothing. Chakotay called out to reveal the exit but again nothing. "Damn!" Janeway swore.
"Kathryn, are you all right?" Chakotay turned to her with pleading eyes.
"Yes, fine." She paused. "Does this city seem familiar to you?"
"Yes, I saw it in my vision quest and," he stopped and continued when the captain gave him a questioning look. "I heard you scream. That's why I came to find you."
"Well I'm glad you did even if it only trapped you as well."
"Where did you see the city before?"
"Miral she built a replica in my quarters when I was watching her. Vorden said he had been looking into the minds of the crew. I guess the image of the city had been seen by Miral and she made a replica." The captain and first officer sat in silence for a moment.
Chakotay was first to speak. "Kathryn why was he referring to you as if you and him were…"
Kathryn held up her hand to stave the rest of his question. "For some reason he singled me out from the rest of the crew. Vorden -"
"Vorden?" Chakotay interrupted.
"That's what he calls himself." Janeway said with a hint of anger in her voice. "He said that he and I were the same."
"How so?"
"He said we both were lonely travellers."
"Are you?"
The captain shrugged. "I suppose there are times I feel alone but I have my crew and…" She paused and looked away from Chakotay. "My ship."
"But there's something else you long for." It wasn't meant as a question and Janeway knew it.
"Look we can play councillor after we get out of this mess." The captain commanded having regained her composure from the assault.
"Right."
The captain got unsteadily to her feet with the help of Chakotay. They decided their best chance was to look for the access panel or Jeffries tube entrance. They spread out feeling along the walls of the buildings. They met up again as they rounded a corner finding nothing which wasn't surprising if the holodeck controls were frozen there was no way the access panel would be revealed, but it was worth a shot.
"Damn. Nothing" The captain cursed.
A chilling laughter echoed off the buildings. Janeway and Chakotay froze and looked up to see Vorden looking down at them from his perch on the roof. "My, my what a scene. You know this existence is very limiting my dear. You will be so much more when you come with me."
"I like my existence just fine thank you." The captain barked.
Vorden leapt of the roof and landed gracefully in front of the captain with the same evil smirk on his face. "Don't try to lie to me Kathryn." The captain cringed; she hated him calling her that. "Yes I know you hate that. But you have to admit my dear no matter what you say your mind always tells me the truth and I feel that part that is left empty. Just as I have an emptiness inside me." He looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Since you already know the cause of my longing why don't you tell me yours?" Janeway asked a plan forming very quietly in her mind. If she could get him talking and distract him with his own problems he just might lose control over some of the systems maybe allowing her to contact security to notify them of the intruder.
"Of course how silly of me, let me show you." As he spoke the scene around them changed. Time seemed to pass around them where an alien species moved rapidly around them speeding up till all became a blur.
Then a bright flash momentarily blinded them, when their vision returned the once pristine city was a collection of rubble. A cry was heard shattering the silence a man's cry of despair. The scene changed again to show Vorden in the form of one of the species holding a woman in his arms. The scene melted away into darkness as the holodeck walls appeared.
Three figures were left standing in the middle of the room. Janeway was shocked at the scene that had just occurred; she felt a small twinge of petty for this man's loss. All were quiet until Vorden spoke again. "That day I lost all hope and banished myself from taking a corporeal form again."
"So you weren't one of them?" Chakotay questioned quietly.
"No, I had only known the existence of energy till her." Vorden replied sadly.
"What made you decide to become one of them?" Janeway carefully questioned him. She had a feeling she could talk them out of this.
"It was mere chance that I had passed by her and felt her mind touch, so strong and so lovely. I had no idea of emotions and other corporeal experiences. I wanted to know her the way they knew each other. So I took the form of a male and bumped into her. I didn't know that what I had done would have such dire consequences."
"What do you mean?" Kathryn interrogated.
"In order to take the form of a mortal my energy had to go somewhere else. So I dumped it into their power plant. It worked for the first few months but the longer I stayed in that form the more energy I had to dump. Until…"
"The plant exploded." Janeway finished.
Vorden merely nodded.
"What about now? Where is your energy going?"
"Oh don't worry about that. I still am energy being a hologram as it were." He commented as he looked at his holographic body.
"So you lost the woman you loved because of a mistake." Chakotay summarized. "And you think you can ease your pain of loss by replacing her?"
"No. Well not exactly. I tried to continue as I had been before but those emotions remained. And now that I've found one who also feels a longing for another as I do," He reached over and grabbed Janeway so quickly that she was trapped in his arms before she knew what had happened. "I'm not letting her go."
"What do you expect to gain from taking me to replace the other you lost? I'm not her and I could never replace those feelings you had." Janeway said.
"I know that, but we both have the same longing we could fill the hole with each other."
"That's not the way it works." Chakotay chimed in, "you were only mortal for a brief period of time. That wouldn't be long enough to fully understand the complexity of these emotions."
"It doesn't matter when I join with you my dear I'll understand all you do."
The captain looked worriedly at Chakotay who reflected the same worry back at her. "You can't do that I don't want to be with you! I can't be with you." Janeway exclaimed.
"Yes, you can and you will." And with that Vorden began to press into the captain's mind.
The captain began to cry out in pain as Vorden pressed his mind against hers.
"STOP THIS VORDEN!" Chakotay screamed, "You're hurting her."
"Don't worry it'll soon be over."
"No… please….stop" the captain choked out.
"Listen to me! You can't do this!" Chakotay cried.
"Why not when she's part of me I'll be complete again; I will understand what I feel."
"No you won't. Even we don't really understand what we feel and why. We're learning every day and there's no way to simply assimilate the information it's different for everyone for every different situation. You can here her thoughts and mine can't you?" Vorden nodded. "Then you know that what I say is true and that this action won't solve your problem."
Vorden looked straight into the commander and then into the captain who was barely holding onto consciousness fighting with every ounce of strength she had left. He saw in her and him that it was true but what else could he do? He wanted the pain the longing to stop.
He looked deeply into Kathryn's mind pulling at her most private thoughts and feelings still trying to find an answer. As he pushed his mind into hers, some of his thoughts filtered into her own mind the barriers between them falling. Then he felt it, all her experiences her losses and victories rolled together to create what she was now. He knew this was wrong. And he knew what he needed to do, he had to move beyond this existence, perhaps seek out others like himself. He would heal on his own with time if he let himself heal. He gleamed that last bit from the commander's mind. He reluctantly withdrew from Janeway's mind and released her.
Janeway sank to her knees. Chakotay was clutching her to his chest before she had the chance to fall fully to the floor. Chakotay held her close rocking her back and forth with tears streaming down his face. Janeway moved her hand up his chest and around his neck pulling him closer shedding her own tears of relief.
Vorden felt the emotions between them and felt something deep inside him, something he had felt long ago. He was happy. He felt happy at seeing the happiness of these two other beings. It was wonderful, he had to repay these creatures for the damage he caused. He knew a way; he'd relieve the longing that had attracted him to her in the first place. He allowed his mind to act as a bridge between the two and dissolved his solid form.
Janeway felt a wave of relief wash over her. At first she thought it was her own emotions, her relief at being released from the clutches of Vorden, but then she sensed another presence lightly touching her mind. She pulled away from Chakotay to look into his eyes, which held the same relief and then confusion she was experiencing her self. She felt a second brief touch that reassured her and told her this was a temporary gift. After her ordeal her mind was in no shape to hold back any emotions she didn't want the commander feeling. But perhaps this was best.
The pair of them sat in the middle of the floor sharing all they were and all that they had wished to express to each other for so long. Chakotay was startled at first to discover her feelings were equally strong for him as his were for her. He felt her fears and doubts and gently washed them away with waves of reassurance. The experience seemed to last for only a brief moment and when the effect began to fade they both tried to hold on to it wanting to keep this moment always. The silent third of the merge expressed his regret at having to leave but enforced that he must. And then with a parting touch of gratitude he was gone. Chakotay could still vaguely sense the captain but it was fading quickly.
The Captain slowly opened her eyes to stare into the face of the EMH who was running a tricorder over her body. She turned her head to find Chakotay lying on a biobed next to hers. She immediately tried to sit up but the doctor held her down.
"Just a moment Captain I haven't finished my scans yet. Stay." The EMH commanded with a smug grin on his face as he moved over to scan the commander.
"What happened?" Janeway asked still a little fuzzy from the experience.
"As far as I know, you and the commander have been trapped in the holodeck for the past eight hours." The doctor stated as he concluded his scans. "The controls just released a few moments ago and we were able to beam you to sickbay."
Just then Tuvok entered sickbay with a concerned look on his face. "Are you all right?"
"She's fine." The Doctor answered for her. "Both her and the commander's neural peptide levels were highly elevated when they arrived but they're quickly returning to normal."
"Captain can you explain what occurred on the holodeck?" Tuvok proceeded with his usual logical manner.
By now the commander had also regained consciousness and was sitting on the edge of the biobed. "We had a…" Chakotay paused looking at Janeway for the appropriate word.
"An unexpected visitor." The Captain finished as she slid off the biobed.
"And what did this 'visitor' want?" Tuvok questioned in his emotionless voice.
"What we all want." The Captain replied cryptically looking at Chakotay who had moved to her side.
"Captain?" Tuvok raised a brow perplexed by yet another human flaw to fully explain the situation.
"Not tonight Tuvok." The Captain waved her hand at him.
"Actually it is 0900 hours."
"Well then, join me for breakfast Chakotay?" she asked turning to her first officer and newly discovered companion.
"Be glad to." He held out his arm for Janeway who took it gladly with a wide smile and proceeded to walk out the door.
"Doctor?" Janeway raised an eyebrow to the hologram asking for leave from sickbay.
"Your free to go but I recommend you and the commander both take the day off. Of course it's probably a waste of my proverbial breath." The last phrase was muttered but still loud enough for all to hear.
"Good idea doctor. Tuvok you have the bridge." The captain told the Vulcan who gazed at the pair with a perplexed expression on his face. Chakotay then extended his arm to Janeway who graciously took it and walked out of sickbay. Just as they were leaving Janeway commented over her shoulder. "See you at the party gentlemen." And with that they exited both beaming and suppressing the urge to burst out laughing.
What is the crew going to say when they discover their newly developed relationship? Janeway wondered. She felt Chakotay smiling at her and a gentle wave of reassurance washed over her. She chuckled to herself. This link could have a certain potential, maybe she should put it to good use. She again felt Chakotay, a stronger feeling of approval coming over her. Well they might as well take advantage of this fading opportunity. She could feel her excitement and joy as they approached her quarters and began a journey to be travelled together.
THE END