BECAUSE LOVE ISN'T LOGICAL.
The Kamiya's house was always a hub of activity. It was something Izzy always enjoyed, especially compared to is own house. Not to say that he didn't need the quiet to work on his computer. But there was something about the noise and bustle of the Kamiya's house that appealed to him.
"Hello Izzy. We haven't seen you for a while."
"No, Mrs Kamiya. I've been working on something. Is Tai here?"
"He's at soccer, but he'll be here in a minute. Come in and wait. Help yourself to the popcorn muffins."
Kari and Yolei were already in the kitchen.
"Don't worry. The popcorn muffins seem to be edible," Yolei said, sitting with Koromon on her lap.
"Seem being the operative word," Kari said dryly.
"I like them," Gatomon said. "And I haven't died."
"Yet," Izzy took only one. He'd had past experiences with Mrs Kamiya's cooking.
"Why are you here? Have you got anything on BlackWarGreymon?"
"No. Actually I've been working on upgrading the original digi-vices, to see if we can adjust them to allow us older digi-destined to travel to the digitalworld at whim--"
"Tai will be pleased. He's been wanting to visit Agumon for ages," Kari smiled.
"Who's visiting Agumon?" There was thump as Tai dumped his soccer gear on the kitchen floor. "Look out, we have visitors," he said. "Hi Izzy. Is that edible?"
"Tai! Pick up your gear! And introduce me to your friends!"
Tai disappeared as Kari and Yolei picked up their digimon partners and ran to Kari's room.
Izzy shifted as Tai's friends came into the room. "Guys, this is Izzy, Izzy this is Will, Josh and Todd. From my soccer team."
"Nice to meet you," Izzy said politely.
"It's so nice to have visitors," Mrs Kamiya smiled. "I'll get the onion juice."
"Izzy," Tai pulled him into the kitchen. "How important is it?"
"Is what?"
"Whatever you've been working on."
"How did you know?" Izzy asked.
Tai smiled. "Izzy, no one has seen you in weeks. What else would you be doing?"
"Uh . . . right." Izzy found himself blushing. Whether it was his close to proximity to Tai or the fact the older boy had read him so easily--
"So," Tai said, sitting on the kitchen bench. "What is it?"
"I think I've figured out a way to increase the parameters of our digi-vices by manipulating the--" Izzy stopped. Tai was getting that glazed look. "I think I've worked out how to alter them so that we can go to the digital world without the others."
"All right!" Tai's grin was so expressive of his pleasure that Izzy wished he didn't have to continue.
"I haven't tested them yet. I was hoping we could work on them this afternoon. That is if you're not busy."
"Oh, don't worry," Tai said. "My friends will be out of here as soon as--"
"Onion Juice!" Mrs Kamiya announced bearing the tray into the living room.
"Bye Tai! I have to get my homework done!"
"See you later--have to tidy my room."
"Bye!"
--oOo--
"Are you done yet?"
"I told you Tai, altering your digivice will take time. Have you got anyone else on the phone?"
"Joe thinks we should leave them alone, Sora still isn't talking to me, and Mimi would like to but she's already promised to go shopping with some friends."
"And Matt?"
Izzy couldn't help but notice the slight pause before Tai answered. "I didn't phone Matt."
"Because?"
"I'm not speaking to him."
Izzy sighed. "Give me the phone. What's his number?"
Tai told him.
"Hello, This is Izzy. May I speak to Matt?"
"Speaking."
"Hi Matt," Izzy adjusted the phone so he could continue to work on the digivice. "I'm working on adjusting our digi-vices so that we can travel to the digital world at will. I think I have it sorted out, but we need to test them."
"Is Tai involved?"
"I'm calling from his house."
"Well tell him that if he's ready to apologize and stop acting like a jerk--"
"You're the one being a jerk!"
Izzy winced as the phone was snatched out of his hand.
"Yeah? Well you started it, Mr 'I-have-my-public-to-think-of.' Oh, and don't make that face at me--I know you're making that face, Matt! You spend more time with your stalker than you do me, I think I'm allowed to feel jealous."
Izzy kept his concentration focused firmly on the digivice. That made it easier not to smirk. Tai and Matt spent almost as much time fighting as they did making up. Izzy sighed, the urge to smirk vanishing. They always made up.
"Fine. I don't care if you come or not." Tai slammed the phone down.
"It's just us again, huh?"
Tai took a moment to calm down before answering.
"Unless any of the younger ones want to help and I doubt it. Kari and Yolei were just here getting snacks. They're taking their digimon to the theme park just out of the city, as a celebration of getting away from Arukerimon and Mummymon."
"Again?"
"Well, they didn't really defeat BlackWarGreymon so they can't celebrate that," Tai said. "How close to finished are you?"
"Just done. Tai, I'm not sure about this. To trial them we're going to need someone to go into the digital world, and someone to stay here to monitor them. You wouldn't know how to use my computer, so obviously you'll be going. But I don't think you should go without someone else in case--"
"In case what? I'll have Agumon, remember?"
"I suppose . . ." Izzy frowned. He didn't like this . . .
"Oh, come on Izzy, I'll be fine. I'll see if Kari's gone yet, I can borrow her D-terminal. Kari!"
Izzy sighed. It should be perfectly okay. After all, Arukerimon and Mummymon had been defeated . . . besides Tai and Agumon had been more than a match for anything they'd encountered so far. True, Agumon couldn't digivolve beyond champion--but then, neither could anyone else . . .
"Got the D-terminal?"
"Yes," Tai had returned with Kari and Yolei.
"You'd better not damage it," Kari told Tai as Yolei settled down beside Izzy.
"What have you done?"
Both Kamiya siblings' faces quickly became glazed as Izzy explained.
"Cool," Yolei said. "You know, I was wondering if it would be possible to alter our d-terminals, to send back pictures and stuff from the digital world."
"I have been working on a video transmitter--oh, I almost forgot. Ready to go when you are Tai."
"Then I'm ready. Do I have to do anything?"
"No, just point your digivice at the computer and--"
There was a flash of light.
"It worked! Izzy, that was so cool!" Yolei enthused.
"Making my brother disappear into thin air gets my approval any day," Kari said with a smile.
"We don't know if he's there yet," Izzy cautioned, opening his mailbox.
"Where would he be if he's not in the digital world?"
"I don't like to think," Izzy was regretting he'd even let Tai try this--
"You've got mail!" Kari proclaimed.
"Tai!" Izzy opened the e-mail immediately.
Well, it worked. Congratulations Izzy. I'm off to find Agumon. Tai.
"No, you're not!" Izzy typed out a reply.
Make sure that the digivice will bring you back first.
Tai's reply was quick.
I just got here. Oh, fine.
"Step back from the computer," Izzy warned Kari and Yolei.
"We have done this before you--"
The computer glowed and there was another flash of light--
"Sorry," Tai said. "Um, Yolei, do you want a hand up?"
"You brought him back," Kari said. "Now get rid of him."
"Hey, if we want to meet the others at the bus stop, we're going to have to hurry. Bye Izzy, Tai--"
"Say 'Hi' to Agumon for me!"
"That was great. Can I go back now?"
"Tai, we still have a lot of testing to do before we can be certain that the changes I've made are reliable."
"Izzy, what could go wrong?"
"I don't know, but I want to make sure we don't find out." Izzy returned to his notebook. "Let's see . . ." he said, opening his journal. "The alteration to the digivice seems to have worked, Tai went to and from the digital world without difficulty. There weren't any anomalies, were there, Tai--Tai?"
Izzy looked around. The room was empty.
"Tai?"
Izzy didn't normally swear. He did now, opening his mail again.
Tai, you better not have done what I think you've done.
Almost immediately he had a reply.
And what would that be, Izzy? I'm off to look for Agumon, see you soon.
By the way, there is some junk food under my bed, in case of emergencies.
"Tai!"
--oOo--
Through countless worlds, countless countries, he passed, shadowlike.
Looking for . . . what?
An answer to questions he had not yet asked.
To an existence he could not find a reason for but was loath to admit was meaningless.
To a need he couldn't define.
Sometimes his thoughts returned to the encounter in the desert.
The environment was parched, lifeless--yet in that seemingly inhospitable place he'd made the meeting that be might be for him, ultimately, the difference between life and death.
Agumon . . .
A lot could be said about Agumon.
His intelligence was nothing to BlackWarGreymon's, his strength frankly limited. And yet . . .
He'd spoke of friendship.
He had a heart.
And somewhere in that rather empty head of his, BlackWarGreymon suspected he held the key to his own existence.
Perhaps . . . he'd been looking in the wrong place all along.
- --oOo--
Matt picked out a few guitar chords and stopped. He adjusted the strings to his guitar and began over again.
"Matt--you've been tuning your guitar for the last half hour!"
"Go away TK. Aren't you supposed to be meeting your friends now?"
"They're coming here and Davis's father is going to pick us up."
"Wait--you gave Davis my address?"
"I've made him promise he won't tell June."
"He better not. Or I'll give Tai your head for a soccer ball."
"Ah, love is sweet."
"Shut up."
Matt went back to his guitar.
TK listened to him for awhile. Patamon joined him, climbing onto his shoulder as they watched him.
"What did Tai do this time?"
"What?"
"You're muffing all your fingering," TK pointed out.
"Something must have happened," Patamon agreed.
"Nothing happened. He's just being a pain."
"I thought you were in love," Patamon said.
"We are. That doesn't mean he can't be a pain."
"Maybe you should just apologize," TK said.
"What makes you think I should apologize? It's his fault."
"So was the last fight. And the one before that. And the one before that--"
"What are you getting at?" Matt glared at his younger brother.
TK shrugged. "It takes two people to have an argument. It can't all be his fault."
"TK--" Matt put down his guitar. Luckily that was the moment Davis's father turned up to collect TK.
"Bye Matt! Run, Patamon!"
"Just you wait till you get home, runt!"
Matt sat back down to his guitar. Ten minutes later, he realized he was still mucking his chords.
"Stupid TK." He couldn't concentrate now. Still, Matt was mature enough to realize there was only one thing to be done.
He went to Tai's house.
--oOo--
"So, how has your life been lately?"
"Pretty good. Without the black spires and the evil digimon, life has been pretty quiet. I'm thinking of taking up bowling."
"Bowling?" Tai rolled over so he could look at Agumon. "Why bowling?"
"Why not?" Agumon yawned. "Tentomon said he'd teach me."
Tai settled back onto his back. "Tentomon knows how to bowl?"
"I think Armadillomon taught him," Agumon flopped back onto the grass. "We should do this more often."
"Lie on our backs in a meadow and talk about nothing?"
"Exactly. How has your life been lately?"
Tai made a face. "Not that great. Between school and Matt being a jerk . . . let's say I'm happy to be here."
"Matt being a jerk? But, I thought you were--"
"I thought so too. It's confusing. He says we are but he acts like we're not and I just can't stand it any more. He won't even admit we have a problem."
"And you do?"
"He does." Tai folded his arms.
Agumon sat up. "Human problems are confusing."
"You're telling me." Tai sighed. "Let's talk about something different, okay? I don't want to think about him just now."
"Of course," Agumon grinned. "That's what friends are for!"
At that moment a shadow fell over the pair. "Is that so?"
--oOo--
"No use-by date . . ." Izzy looked at the chocolate bar wrapper and shrugged. "Might as well . . . After all, it couldn't be worse than Mrs Kamiya's cooking."
There were voices outside the door. Izzy shoved the junk food back under his bag.
"Tai and Izzy are in here," Mrs Kamiya pulled the door open. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No thank-you," Matt said. "I'll just wait for Tai." Izzy noticed with satisfaction that Matt's hair wasn't quite as perfectly styled as usual--perhaps this latest argument had managed to upset him? But his denamour didn't seem to suggest that he was here to break up with Tai. He could only hope.
"Okay then," Mrs Kamiya said. "I'll leave you to it. Bye!"
"So," Izzy started. He was never sure of the right way to approach Matt.
"Where is Tai?"
"He went to the Digital World, like I said. We were testing my changes--"
"Of course," Matt said. "So when will he be back? I need to talk to him."
"I don't know. He didn't tell me," Izzy shrugged.
"Well is there a way we can go after him?"
"I'd need to make some adjustments to your digivice," Izzy said. "And by the time I've finished that, Tai might be back."
"So what have you actually done?"
"It's quite simple really," Izzy said. "All I've done is enlarge the parameters of the original digivice's sphere of operations in order to--" he sighed. "Never mind."
"You're sure this is safe?" Matt said. "I mean, this won't alter the digimon's ability to digivolve, will it?"
"Of course not," Izzy said. "At least it shouldn't. The changes I made were in a totally different part of the digivice to--"
The computer beeped.
"Tai!" Izzy was over to the computer immediately. Matt leant back against the wall listening as Izzy read the contents of the e-mail out loud. "I need help--Agumon's--"
"Agumon's what?" Matt demanded.
"I don't know. He just . . . stopped." Izzy sat back helplessly. "The first part is clear enough. He needs our help."
"Then let's go help him!" Izzy was hoisted out of his chair roughly. "Do something, get us to the digital world, computer boy."
Izzy frowned.
"Don't call me that! As a matter of fact, I have made the changes to my digivice that would allow us to travel to the digital world, but it's not tested yet. Someone needs to stay behind to tell the others what happened, and as it's my digivice--"
"Forget it. You're not going without me. Tai is my boyfriend--"
"Pity you weren't thinking that before--"
"What?"
Izzy blinked. He'd never seen Matt this angry--then again, Matt had never slammed him into a wall before.
"Ow!"
"What did you say?"
"I said," Izzy said, spitting out the words as if they were poison. "It's a pity you weren't thinking like that before you let Tai go off into the digital world alone."
Matt glared at him and didn't let go of him. "You were the one who brought up this whole idea and let him go."
"But I didn't want to let him go alone. We rang everyone to find someone else but no one came. I wanted to call off the whole thing but Tai was too keen to see Agumon again and he didn't listen--"
Matt dumped him on the floor.
"If anything happens to him--"
Izzy glared back. "If you'll excuse me I have to actually go and help Tai."
"You're not going without me." Matt said. "Look, if something took out Agumon, then I doubt you and Tentomon will be able to do any better."
"Fine. Take my hand," Izzy hated to admit it but having Garrurumon around would be helpful. "Let's go."
--oOo--
"Agumon--"
Tai picked himself up, painfully, crawling to his fallen partner. "Agumon--say something--"
Agumon's eyes flickered weakly. "Some-thing?"
Tai choked. "Oh, Agumon--"
"I'm sorry Tai. I fought as hard as I could--"
"I know you did. Agumon, you did great--"
Agumon's eyes shut.
"Agumon? No--don't--"
"I'm sorry Tai . . ." Agumon began to glow under Tai's fingers.
"No--" Tai tried to hold his partner but found Agumon dissolving under his fingers. "No!"
"Tai." With that last whisper Agumon was gone.
Tai shut his eyes. Agumon was gone and there was nothing he could do about it . . . nothing . . .
The ground next to him shook.
Tai looked up to find BlackWarGreymon standing above him.
"You--how could you do this to him?" Tai demanded angrily. "He was your friend!"
BlackWarGreymon didn't reply. He reached out with a hand three quarters Tai's height. Tai didn't even bother trying to run away.
BlackWarGreymon looked at the human he held in front of his face. Tai's uniform was ripped, his skin bruised from the dive he'd taken to avoid one of BlackWarGreymon's blasts. The human was frail. He could just break him, just like that. It wouldn't even be hard.
"He said you were his friend," BlackWarGreymon said. "I wanted to see how far a friend would go."
Tai shut his eyes. It was too soon after loosing Agumon to even make sense of this.
"He said that you helped him find his purpose, that you understood him."
"Was that why you did this?" Tai demanded. "Why you hurt him--why you hurt me? Because he knew, and you didn't?" His voice was raw, stretched to breaking point.
BlackWarGreymon noted the emotion with curiosity. This would be interesting to study later.
"No, Tai," he said, slowly, trying out the new word. "You will be my friend now."
--oOo--
"Matt, you do know we're not getting anywhere, don't you?"
"Shut up," the older boy said, not even looking round.
Izzy glared at his back. Sighing he looked at the ground just in front of him. Okay, so maybe Tai was missing but that didn't excuse Matt's behavior--after all, he was just as keen to find Tai--
"You can't be as anxious to find Tai as I am." Izzy was startled to find himself taken by his collar again. So he must have spoken out loud without realizing it. "Do you have any idea how it feels to have your boyfriend--the person you care most about in the world--in danger? If you cared about anybody as much as you do your machines--"
Matt's perfunctory dismissal of Izzy's feelings was the last straw. The younger boy's fist caught Matt off guard and the two of them tumbled to the ground. Both of them were beyond caring about mere pain . . . if their digimon hadn't interfered and pulled them apart, serious injuries might have been inflicted.
"Izzy, are you hurt?" Tentomon asked worriedly.
"Nothing I can't handle," Izzy said, glaring at Matt.
"I'm surprised at you," Gabumon addressed Matt in tones of quiet reproach. "I know how much you care about Tai--So why are you acting this way, knowing he's in danger?"
"He started it," Matt said. "I was looking for Tai--"
"All I did was point out that given our current situation and strategy, we have as much chances of finding Matt as we do of finding a Leafmon in a forest!"
"You want to give up, fine!"
"You moron! Who said I was giving up?"
"Izzy," Tentomon said worriedly. "I know you love Tai but this is not like you at all--"
It was a slip. Matt pounced on it immediately.
"What do you mean, love?"
"I--uh," Izzy mumbled.
"Out with it," Matt was standing over him again, despite Gabumon's efforts to keep them apart.
"I love Tai, you jerk!" Izzy yelled.
"You do not love Tai!" Matt shook the younger boy roughly by the shoulders. "Tai is my boyfriend! He loves me!"
Izzy shut his eyes. "Don't you think I know that, Matt? Do you have any idea how it feels to love someone and see them in love with someone else? To know they'll never see you the same way you see them, that you can never be that close to them? And to see them, everyday, being made miserable by the one that they love and not being able to do anything about that? I used to cry myself to sleep every night--"
"You--" Matt whispered, and Izzy opened his eyes. Matt's face was pale but no longer angry. "You really mean that, don't you? And I never even knew . . ."
"You weren't supposed to," Izzy said.
"I'm sorry," Tentomon said. "I didn't mean to--"
"Don't be," Matt said surprisingly. "I think it needed to be said."
"Matt?"
"Let's find Tai."
"This searching by foot is getting us nowhere," Izzy said. "We need to plan this. Tai was going to see Agumon--"
"Who is not in the desert he was guarding. We already checked there."
"But what are Agumon's favorite places to go?"
"I don't know--I don't think he has any. When Tai visits him, they usually go exploring," Matt said.
"Still, he didn't know Tai was coming. They're probably somewhere near here--Tentomon, why don't you take a flight and see what you can see from above."
"Shall I get the other flying digimon to help?"
"Please," Matt said. "Izzy, I'm sorry for before. You were right."
"Let's just find Tai, okay?"
--oOo--
BlackWarGreymon was confused.
Tai had done nothing but stare at the wall of the cave since BlackWarGreymon had brought him there. According to the observations he'd made of living creatures, they required movement and sustenance.
Yet Tai had not touched the food BlackWarGreymon had put out for him. He just sat there . . .
"What do you think?"
Tai didn't answer.
"Tell me human. You are silent, and still. I must know what you feel."
"How do you think I feel? You killed Agumon?"
"He will reconfigure."
"That's no the point! You hurt someone I care about! How do you think that feels?"
BlackWarGreymon answered honestly. "I can not imagine."
Tai stared at him. Somehow he sensed his kidnapper was serious. "What?"
"I was created from dark control spires to perform the wishes of an evil digimon. I have the power to destroy this world. Yet I have . . . thoughts, fears, feelings. I am not alive--but I think I live."
"Agumon told me," Tai said carefully. "You wanted to know what a heart was."
"Did I? That was a long time ago--I have wandered many worlds, and Agumon was the first to talk to me, to want to help."
"And you just did that to him, just like that?" Tai was again outraged. BlackWarGreymon's next answer caught him off guard.
"You would not?"
"Of course not! I care about him!"
"What does care mean?"
--oOo--
"Izzy!" Tentomon called from the air.
"You have news?" his human partner requested hopefully.
"I don't think you're going to like it," the bug like digimon replied. "There's a meadow just ahead. We think we've found what happened to Tai and Agumon."
Izzy and Matt exchanged glances. Since their discussion earlier the two had not talked much. Everything else took second place to finding Tai--now--
"We'll get there faster if we ride Garurumon," Matt said.
Izzy nodded.
"Gabumon, digivolve to Garurumon!" The giant wolf flexed his muscles and snorted at the humans. "What are you two waiting for?"
Izzy accepted Matt's offer of a hand onto Garurumon. "Tentomon, go! We'll follow you."
"Got it."
They reached the meadow quickly.
"What happened?" Matt demanded. It looks like a battle site."
"It smells like a battle site," Garurumon added.
"We don't know for certain Tai was here," Izzy said.
"I beg to differ," Tentomon held up a green school jacket they all recognised.
"Now we know what happened . . ."
"We still don't know who did this, or why," Matt said. "Or more importantly, where Tai is now."
"I think I can answer those questions," Garurumon said. "I hate to say this, but I smell BlackWarGreymon."
"But," Matt looked stunned. "That can't be."
"Yes it can. Remember, Arukerimon made a BlackWarGreymon out of control spires," Izzy said. "The new digi-destined never managed to defeat it."
"I'm going to give TK a talking to about leaving evil digi-destined roaming about the place when we get home," Matt said. "Come on, let's go."
"Go?"
"Garurumon will be able to use his nose to track BlackWarGreymon, won't you?" Matt was already on his digimon.
"I'll try," Garurumon promised.
"Come on Izzy," Matt held out his hand again.
"Thank-you," Izzy found himself settled behind Matt again.
"Hold on tight--" Garurumon took off at a run.
Izzy hung onto Matt tightly. He had no choice--it was that or loose his seat.
"Izzy," Matt asked. "This may be a personal question, but when did you realize you were in love with Tai?"
"Why are you asking?"
"I've been trying to figure it out. I mean, you seem very different."
"Well so are the two of you," Izzy pointed out.
"I guess. I just wondered."
"It would help to pass the time . . . and it feels good to have this finally off my chest," Izzy decided. "I'd always admired him, and the strength of his convictions but I didn't actually realize I loved him until we fought Diaboromon. I don't know how it happened. Tai and I had been scratchy and we'd yelled at each other and when it was over, and he was back somehow--I just loved him."
"That was years ago--" Matt shook his head. Izzy couldn't see his face. He decided to ask his own question.
"What were you and Tai fighting about this time?"
Matt didn't answer. Izzy wondered if he'd made a mistake.
"Of course, you don't have to tell me."
"It seems so stupid now. Such a small little thing. I wish I'd listened to him." Matt sighed. "You know, we've been dating practically a year now."
"I didn't think it was as long as that."
"No, you wouldn't. See Tai wanted to tell people but I wouldn't let him. I was afraid. And even when we did tell people, I made sure it was only our close friends and family. At school, we weren't allowed to be anything more than friends, in band practices he was just someone from school, on stage, we hardly knew each other. It hurt Tai a lot."
"I can imagine," Izzy noted dryly.
"I promised him that it wouldn't be for long. And I told myself it was for the best, that I owed it to the band. You know, most of the people who buy our albums are girls--and they're most of the ones who come to our concerts. And I hate to say it but a lot of them are there for me."
Although Izzy couldn't see Matt's expression he could feel the struggle with his emotions in the tension of his back. He listened hard as Matt continued.
"It's not like I encourage them--well, maybe I do, but that's part of performing. Anyway, that really bothered Tai and I ignored it--I thought if I was okay living with the lie, he would be too, and I didn't actually stop and think that although I knew I loved him, that maybe he didn't--" Matt sighed again. "I love him, Izzy, I really do. It's just that, sometimes it's hard to show that . . . "
"I think he must know," Izzy said. "Otherwise, he'd have broken up with you ages ago. Tai's not the type to stick to something he doesn't believe in."
"You really think that?"
"Believe me," Izzy said. "I have spent longer than you want to know trying to work that out."
Garurumon continued to pound through the meadow at high speed, following BlackWarGreymon's scent, while overhead Tentomon followed, a blur of wings. They were getting closer.
--oOo--
"I think I understand now. When you care about someone you enjoy making them happy, and you want to protect them from hurt and pain. Even if you might get hurt yourself. And you care because you have a heart."
"That sounds right," Tai said.
"But I don't understand this. Why do you care about somethings and not others?"
Tai sighed. "There aren't any clear answers to that, I don't think, BlackWarGreymon."
"You say that to all my questions."
"That's because you ask all the hard questions. I never thought I'd say this but you make maths look easy."
"Maths?"
"Never mind." Tai considered the question thoughtfully. "I think it's different every time. I care for Kari, because she's my sister, and she's younger than me and I have to protect her, because I know her and I grew up with her. The same with Agumon. I've known him since I was ten, from when he was a little Koromon, to being MetalGreymon. We share stuff, feelings, adventures, secrets . . . and I know I can depend on him, and the rest of my friends."
"It is important to know someone for a long time to care about them?"
"It helps, but it is not essential. Mostly I think . . . you just have to see something in that person that touches you."
"How can I find someone to care about?"
"I don't know. You'll just find yourself caring about someone someday and then you'll know." Tai winced as BlackWarGreymon's fist slammed into the cave wall just above his head.
"I begin to loose patience, human! Give me clearer answers!"
"They're the only answers I've got!" Tai yelled. "I'm trying as hard as I can you know!"
BlackWarGreymon picked him up again. Tai struggled in the giant digimon's hold. "I could destroy you now, puny human."
"You do that," Tai shouted. "But if you do, I won't be reconfigured, you know. I'll be gone, forever, is that what you want?"
"I do not know." BlackWarGreymon's grip tightened around Tai and he gasped as pain flooded his ribs. "An hour ago I could have squashed you without thought. Now I am not sure. You may be more helpful . . . yet, I am not in a mood to wait." The Digimon threw Tai, hard against the wall.
"How does that feel?"
Pain.
Tai could not remember the last time he'd hurt so much. He couldn't even breathe--the impact was too strong. He curled in on himself, choking as he struggled with the pain.
"You're crying. I feel--do I feel anything? What is the feeling of wishing one had not done something? I don't understand."
Tai winced. He wishes he hadn't done something--how does he thing I feel?
But a long time went by before BlackWarGreymon said anything more.
Tai uncurled cautiously. He still felt a little sore around the ribs but the rest of his body seemed to be okay.
I'm going to have to tell Matt to go easy for a while, he thought as he stood up.
The cave entrance was open and temptingly close.
Tai looked for BlackWarGreymon. The digimon was standing over the far side of the cave, staring at the wall. It would be so easy--Tai sighed.
--oOo--
BlackWarGreymon started at a touch near his ankles--he was surprised to find the human there.
"It's called regret."
--oOo--
"Garurumon--why have we stopped? Have we lost the trail?"
"It goes into that cave," The digimon said, waiting for the humans to dismount. Tentomon fluttered down to join them.
"This is it?"
"You'd better digivolve," Izzy said, holding out his digivice.
"No need."
"Tai!"
He was there, bedraggled, exhausted and smiling, leaning on the rocks outside the cave for support.
"Tai--" Izzy watched, as Tai staggered forward to fold into Matt's arms. Perhaps later he would remember that with sadness, now, it was enough just to see Tai was safe.
"I was so worried--I'm just so glad to have you back," Matt pulled away from Tai to kiss his forehead, then pulled him into another hug.
Tai smiled. The contact hurt his ribs but it was nothing compared to how good it felt to be with Matt again . . .
"Are you all right? What happened?"
"BlackWarGreymon. He attacked us, then he took me. He wanted to know what having a heart meant," Tai sounded thoughtful. "He let me go."
"He what?" Matt demanded.
"He left. I don't know where he went."
"Where's Agumon?"
Tai sighed. "I've had enough of questions. Can we please find those hot springs that used to be around here?"
--oOo--
It was much later at the Digimon nursery.
Despite the feelings of trepidation Izzy felt, he had to smile at the excited baby digimon. They were so cute, dammit. And helpful too--"Tai?"
"Yes Izzy?"
"The baby digimon say that new digi-egg has just appeared. This could be it."
Tai joined him. He had to walk carefully, Izzy noticed, but other than that he appeared none the worse for his experience. It could have been different so easily . . .
The baby digimon jumped back to let Tai see the egg. He picked it up thoughtfully.
Izzy waited in almost breathless anticipation.
"It's Agumon, all right," Tai said a smile lighting his face.
"Prodigious,' Izzy said. "I mean, I'm very glad for you--"
Tai looked at him. "I know," he said simply.
And he knew.
Izzy swallowed, his throat dry. "Matt told you?"
"He did," Tai blushed. "What can I say, Izzy? I'm flattered. I know it must have hurt to not be able to tell me, just as much as not being able to be with Matt in public, so I'm sorry I didn't know."
"You don't feel the same way, do you?"
"Izzy, you're one of my closest friends. I've known I could depend on you forever it seems like. And I love Matt, and what I feel for him, isn't what I feel for you, but in it's own way? I think it's just as strong."
"Tai?" Izzy said nervously. "I don't mean to sound like an utter ingrate, but I don't think I understood any of what you just said."
Tai smiled, placing the hand not holding the digi-egg on Izzy's shoulder. "Perhaps this will make it clearer."
Izzy froze as Tai's lips brushed his cheek.
This couldn't be real--couldn't be happening. And yet, Tai's breath was warm, his touch was very real--
"But--this isn't logical. You love Matt--you can't love me as well!"
"Try explaining emotions to a collection of animated dark spires," Tai said, pulling away. "Then tell me there is anything logical about them." He smiled. "Come on, let's go home." He took Izzy's hand and pulled him after him.
They joined Matt at the entrance to the village.
"That's Agumon?"
"I know it is," Tai said.
Matt shrugged, sliding his arm round Tai's waist, as Tai kept a hold of Izzy's hand. "Will you do the honors, Izzy?"
"It would be my pleasure," Izzy replied.
END.
The Kamiya's house was always a hub of activity. It was something Izzy always enjoyed, especially compared to is own house. Not to say that he didn't need the quiet to work on his computer. But there was something about the noise and bustle of the Kamiya's house that appealed to him.
"Hello Izzy. We haven't seen you for a while."
"No, Mrs Kamiya. I've been working on something. Is Tai here?"
"He's at soccer, but he'll be here in a minute. Come in and wait. Help yourself to the popcorn muffins."
Kari and Yolei were already in the kitchen.
"Don't worry. The popcorn muffins seem to be edible," Yolei said, sitting with Koromon on her lap.
"Seem being the operative word," Kari said dryly.
"I like them," Gatomon said. "And I haven't died."
"Yet," Izzy took only one. He'd had past experiences with Mrs Kamiya's cooking.
"Why are you here? Have you got anything on BlackWarGreymon?"
"No. Actually I've been working on upgrading the original digi-vices, to see if we can adjust them to allow us older digi-destined to travel to the digitalworld at whim--"
"Tai will be pleased. He's been wanting to visit Agumon for ages," Kari smiled.
"Who's visiting Agumon?" There was thump as Tai dumped his soccer gear on the kitchen floor. "Look out, we have visitors," he said. "Hi Izzy. Is that edible?"
"Tai! Pick up your gear! And introduce me to your friends!"
Tai disappeared as Kari and Yolei picked up their digimon partners and ran to Kari's room.
Izzy shifted as Tai's friends came into the room. "Guys, this is Izzy, Izzy this is Will, Josh and Todd. From my soccer team."
"Nice to meet you," Izzy said politely.
"It's so nice to have visitors," Mrs Kamiya smiled. "I'll get the onion juice."
"Izzy," Tai pulled him into the kitchen. "How important is it?"
"Is what?"
"Whatever you've been working on."
"How did you know?" Izzy asked.
Tai smiled. "Izzy, no one has seen you in weeks. What else would you be doing?"
"Uh . . . right." Izzy found himself blushing. Whether it was his close to proximity to Tai or the fact the older boy had read him so easily--
"So," Tai said, sitting on the kitchen bench. "What is it?"
"I think I've figured out a way to increase the parameters of our digi-vices by manipulating the--" Izzy stopped. Tai was getting that glazed look. "I think I've worked out how to alter them so that we can go to the digital world without the others."
"All right!" Tai's grin was so expressive of his pleasure that Izzy wished he didn't have to continue.
"I haven't tested them yet. I was hoping we could work on them this afternoon. That is if you're not busy."
"Oh, don't worry," Tai said. "My friends will be out of here as soon as--"
"Onion Juice!" Mrs Kamiya announced bearing the tray into the living room.
"Bye Tai! I have to get my homework done!"
"See you later--have to tidy my room."
"Bye!"
--oOo--
"Are you done yet?"
"I told you Tai, altering your digivice will take time. Have you got anyone else on the phone?"
"Joe thinks we should leave them alone, Sora still isn't talking to me, and Mimi would like to but she's already promised to go shopping with some friends."
"And Matt?"
Izzy couldn't help but notice the slight pause before Tai answered. "I didn't phone Matt."
"Because?"
"I'm not speaking to him."
Izzy sighed. "Give me the phone. What's his number?"
Tai told him.
"Hello, This is Izzy. May I speak to Matt?"
"Speaking."
"Hi Matt," Izzy adjusted the phone so he could continue to work on the digivice. "I'm working on adjusting our digi-vices so that we can travel to the digital world at will. I think I have it sorted out, but we need to test them."
"Is Tai involved?"
"I'm calling from his house."
"Well tell him that if he's ready to apologize and stop acting like a jerk--"
"You're the one being a jerk!"
Izzy winced as the phone was snatched out of his hand.
"Yeah? Well you started it, Mr 'I-have-my-public-to-think-of.' Oh, and don't make that face at me--I know you're making that face, Matt! You spend more time with your stalker than you do me, I think I'm allowed to feel jealous."
Izzy kept his concentration focused firmly on the digivice. That made it easier not to smirk. Tai and Matt spent almost as much time fighting as they did making up. Izzy sighed, the urge to smirk vanishing. They always made up.
"Fine. I don't care if you come or not." Tai slammed the phone down.
"It's just us again, huh?"
Tai took a moment to calm down before answering.
"Unless any of the younger ones want to help and I doubt it. Kari and Yolei were just here getting snacks. They're taking their digimon to the theme park just out of the city, as a celebration of getting away from Arukerimon and Mummymon."
"Again?"
"Well, they didn't really defeat BlackWarGreymon so they can't celebrate that," Tai said. "How close to finished are you?"
"Just done. Tai, I'm not sure about this. To trial them we're going to need someone to go into the digital world, and someone to stay here to monitor them. You wouldn't know how to use my computer, so obviously you'll be going. But I don't think you should go without someone else in case--"
"In case what? I'll have Agumon, remember?"
"I suppose . . ." Izzy frowned. He didn't like this . . .
"Oh, come on Izzy, I'll be fine. I'll see if Kari's gone yet, I can borrow her D-terminal. Kari!"
Izzy sighed. It should be perfectly okay. After all, Arukerimon and Mummymon had been defeated . . . besides Tai and Agumon had been more than a match for anything they'd encountered so far. True, Agumon couldn't digivolve beyond champion--but then, neither could anyone else . . .
"Got the D-terminal?"
"Yes," Tai had returned with Kari and Yolei.
"You'd better not damage it," Kari told Tai as Yolei settled down beside Izzy.
"What have you done?"
Both Kamiya siblings' faces quickly became glazed as Izzy explained.
"Cool," Yolei said. "You know, I was wondering if it would be possible to alter our d-terminals, to send back pictures and stuff from the digital world."
"I have been working on a video transmitter--oh, I almost forgot. Ready to go when you are Tai."
"Then I'm ready. Do I have to do anything?"
"No, just point your digivice at the computer and--"
There was a flash of light.
"It worked! Izzy, that was so cool!" Yolei enthused.
"Making my brother disappear into thin air gets my approval any day," Kari said with a smile.
"We don't know if he's there yet," Izzy cautioned, opening his mailbox.
"Where would he be if he's not in the digital world?"
"I don't like to think," Izzy was regretting he'd even let Tai try this--
"You've got mail!" Kari proclaimed.
"Tai!" Izzy opened the e-mail immediately.
Well, it worked. Congratulations Izzy. I'm off to find Agumon. Tai.
"No, you're not!" Izzy typed out a reply.
Make sure that the digivice will bring you back first.
Tai's reply was quick.
I just got here. Oh, fine.
"Step back from the computer," Izzy warned Kari and Yolei.
"We have done this before you--"
The computer glowed and there was another flash of light--
"Sorry," Tai said. "Um, Yolei, do you want a hand up?"
"You brought him back," Kari said. "Now get rid of him."
"Hey, if we want to meet the others at the bus stop, we're going to have to hurry. Bye Izzy, Tai--"
"Say 'Hi' to Agumon for me!"
"That was great. Can I go back now?"
"Tai, we still have a lot of testing to do before we can be certain that the changes I've made are reliable."
"Izzy, what could go wrong?"
"I don't know, but I want to make sure we don't find out." Izzy returned to his notebook. "Let's see . . ." he said, opening his journal. "The alteration to the digivice seems to have worked, Tai went to and from the digital world without difficulty. There weren't any anomalies, were there, Tai--Tai?"
Izzy looked around. The room was empty.
"Tai?"
Izzy didn't normally swear. He did now, opening his mail again.
Tai, you better not have done what I think you've done.
Almost immediately he had a reply.
And what would that be, Izzy? I'm off to look for Agumon, see you soon.
By the way, there is some junk food under my bed, in case of emergencies.
"Tai!"
--oOo--
Through countless worlds, countless countries, he passed, shadowlike.
Looking for . . . what?
An answer to questions he had not yet asked.
To an existence he could not find a reason for but was loath to admit was meaningless.
To a need he couldn't define.
Sometimes his thoughts returned to the encounter in the desert.
The environment was parched, lifeless--yet in that seemingly inhospitable place he'd made the meeting that be might be for him, ultimately, the difference between life and death.
Agumon . . .
A lot could be said about Agumon.
His intelligence was nothing to BlackWarGreymon's, his strength frankly limited. And yet . . .
He'd spoke of friendship.
He had a heart.
And somewhere in that rather empty head of his, BlackWarGreymon suspected he held the key to his own existence.
Perhaps . . . he'd been looking in the wrong place all along.
- --oOo--
Matt picked out a few guitar chords and stopped. He adjusted the strings to his guitar and began over again.
"Matt--you've been tuning your guitar for the last half hour!"
"Go away TK. Aren't you supposed to be meeting your friends now?"
"They're coming here and Davis's father is going to pick us up."
"Wait--you gave Davis my address?"
"I've made him promise he won't tell June."
"He better not. Or I'll give Tai your head for a soccer ball."
"Ah, love is sweet."
"Shut up."
Matt went back to his guitar.
TK listened to him for awhile. Patamon joined him, climbing onto his shoulder as they watched him.
"What did Tai do this time?"
"What?"
"You're muffing all your fingering," TK pointed out.
"Something must have happened," Patamon agreed.
"Nothing happened. He's just being a pain."
"I thought you were in love," Patamon said.
"We are. That doesn't mean he can't be a pain."
"Maybe you should just apologize," TK said.
"What makes you think I should apologize? It's his fault."
"So was the last fight. And the one before that. And the one before that--"
"What are you getting at?" Matt glared at his younger brother.
TK shrugged. "It takes two people to have an argument. It can't all be his fault."
"TK--" Matt put down his guitar. Luckily that was the moment Davis's father turned up to collect TK.
"Bye Matt! Run, Patamon!"
"Just you wait till you get home, runt!"
Matt sat back down to his guitar. Ten minutes later, he realized he was still mucking his chords.
"Stupid TK." He couldn't concentrate now. Still, Matt was mature enough to realize there was only one thing to be done.
He went to Tai's house.
--oOo--
"So, how has your life been lately?"
"Pretty good. Without the black spires and the evil digimon, life has been pretty quiet. I'm thinking of taking up bowling."
"Bowling?" Tai rolled over so he could look at Agumon. "Why bowling?"
"Why not?" Agumon yawned. "Tentomon said he'd teach me."
Tai settled back onto his back. "Tentomon knows how to bowl?"
"I think Armadillomon taught him," Agumon flopped back onto the grass. "We should do this more often."
"Lie on our backs in a meadow and talk about nothing?"
"Exactly. How has your life been lately?"
Tai made a face. "Not that great. Between school and Matt being a jerk . . . let's say I'm happy to be here."
"Matt being a jerk? But, I thought you were--"
"I thought so too. It's confusing. He says we are but he acts like we're not and I just can't stand it any more. He won't even admit we have a problem."
"And you do?"
"He does." Tai folded his arms.
Agumon sat up. "Human problems are confusing."
"You're telling me." Tai sighed. "Let's talk about something different, okay? I don't want to think about him just now."
"Of course," Agumon grinned. "That's what friends are for!"
At that moment a shadow fell over the pair. "Is that so?"
--oOo--
"No use-by date . . ." Izzy looked at the chocolate bar wrapper and shrugged. "Might as well . . . After all, it couldn't be worse than Mrs Kamiya's cooking."
There were voices outside the door. Izzy shoved the junk food back under his bag.
"Tai and Izzy are in here," Mrs Kamiya pulled the door open. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No thank-you," Matt said. "I'll just wait for Tai." Izzy noticed with satisfaction that Matt's hair wasn't quite as perfectly styled as usual--perhaps this latest argument had managed to upset him? But his denamour didn't seem to suggest that he was here to break up with Tai. He could only hope.
"Okay then," Mrs Kamiya said. "I'll leave you to it. Bye!"
"So," Izzy started. He was never sure of the right way to approach Matt.
"Where is Tai?"
"He went to the Digital World, like I said. We were testing my changes--"
"Of course," Matt said. "So when will he be back? I need to talk to him."
"I don't know. He didn't tell me," Izzy shrugged.
"Well is there a way we can go after him?"
"I'd need to make some adjustments to your digivice," Izzy said. "And by the time I've finished that, Tai might be back."
"So what have you actually done?"
"It's quite simple really," Izzy said. "All I've done is enlarge the parameters of the original digivice's sphere of operations in order to--" he sighed. "Never mind."
"You're sure this is safe?" Matt said. "I mean, this won't alter the digimon's ability to digivolve, will it?"
"Of course not," Izzy said. "At least it shouldn't. The changes I made were in a totally different part of the digivice to--"
The computer beeped.
"Tai!" Izzy was over to the computer immediately. Matt leant back against the wall listening as Izzy read the contents of the e-mail out loud. "I need help--Agumon's--"
"Agumon's what?" Matt demanded.
"I don't know. He just . . . stopped." Izzy sat back helplessly. "The first part is clear enough. He needs our help."
"Then let's go help him!" Izzy was hoisted out of his chair roughly. "Do something, get us to the digital world, computer boy."
Izzy frowned.
"Don't call me that! As a matter of fact, I have made the changes to my digivice that would allow us to travel to the digital world, but it's not tested yet. Someone needs to stay behind to tell the others what happened, and as it's my digivice--"
"Forget it. You're not going without me. Tai is my boyfriend--"
"Pity you weren't thinking that before--"
"What?"
Izzy blinked. He'd never seen Matt this angry--then again, Matt had never slammed him into a wall before.
"Ow!"
"What did you say?"
"I said," Izzy said, spitting out the words as if they were poison. "It's a pity you weren't thinking like that before you let Tai go off into the digital world alone."
Matt glared at him and didn't let go of him. "You were the one who brought up this whole idea and let him go."
"But I didn't want to let him go alone. We rang everyone to find someone else but no one came. I wanted to call off the whole thing but Tai was too keen to see Agumon again and he didn't listen--"
Matt dumped him on the floor.
"If anything happens to him--"
Izzy glared back. "If you'll excuse me I have to actually go and help Tai."
"You're not going without me." Matt said. "Look, if something took out Agumon, then I doubt you and Tentomon will be able to do any better."
"Fine. Take my hand," Izzy hated to admit it but having Garrurumon around would be helpful. "Let's go."
--oOo--
"Agumon--"
Tai picked himself up, painfully, crawling to his fallen partner. "Agumon--say something--"
Agumon's eyes flickered weakly. "Some-thing?"
Tai choked. "Oh, Agumon--"
"I'm sorry Tai. I fought as hard as I could--"
"I know you did. Agumon, you did great--"
Agumon's eyes shut.
"Agumon? No--don't--"
"I'm sorry Tai . . ." Agumon began to glow under Tai's fingers.
"No--" Tai tried to hold his partner but found Agumon dissolving under his fingers. "No!"
"Tai." With that last whisper Agumon was gone.
Tai shut his eyes. Agumon was gone and there was nothing he could do about it . . . nothing . . .
The ground next to him shook.
Tai looked up to find BlackWarGreymon standing above him.
"You--how could you do this to him?" Tai demanded angrily. "He was your friend!"
BlackWarGreymon didn't reply. He reached out with a hand three quarters Tai's height. Tai didn't even bother trying to run away.
BlackWarGreymon looked at the human he held in front of his face. Tai's uniform was ripped, his skin bruised from the dive he'd taken to avoid one of BlackWarGreymon's blasts. The human was frail. He could just break him, just like that. It wouldn't even be hard.
"He said you were his friend," BlackWarGreymon said. "I wanted to see how far a friend would go."
Tai shut his eyes. It was too soon after loosing Agumon to even make sense of this.
"He said that you helped him find his purpose, that you understood him."
"Was that why you did this?" Tai demanded. "Why you hurt him--why you hurt me? Because he knew, and you didn't?" His voice was raw, stretched to breaking point.
BlackWarGreymon noted the emotion with curiosity. This would be interesting to study later.
"No, Tai," he said, slowly, trying out the new word. "You will be my friend now."
--oOo--
"Matt, you do know we're not getting anywhere, don't you?"
"Shut up," the older boy said, not even looking round.
Izzy glared at his back. Sighing he looked at the ground just in front of him. Okay, so maybe Tai was missing but that didn't excuse Matt's behavior--after all, he was just as keen to find Tai--
"You can't be as anxious to find Tai as I am." Izzy was startled to find himself taken by his collar again. So he must have spoken out loud without realizing it. "Do you have any idea how it feels to have your boyfriend--the person you care most about in the world--in danger? If you cared about anybody as much as you do your machines--"
Matt's perfunctory dismissal of Izzy's feelings was the last straw. The younger boy's fist caught Matt off guard and the two of them tumbled to the ground. Both of them were beyond caring about mere pain . . . if their digimon hadn't interfered and pulled them apart, serious injuries might have been inflicted.
"Izzy, are you hurt?" Tentomon asked worriedly.
"Nothing I can't handle," Izzy said, glaring at Matt.
"I'm surprised at you," Gabumon addressed Matt in tones of quiet reproach. "I know how much you care about Tai--So why are you acting this way, knowing he's in danger?"
"He started it," Matt said. "I was looking for Tai--"
"All I did was point out that given our current situation and strategy, we have as much chances of finding Matt as we do of finding a Leafmon in a forest!"
"You want to give up, fine!"
"You moron! Who said I was giving up?"
"Izzy," Tentomon said worriedly. "I know you love Tai but this is not like you at all--"
It was a slip. Matt pounced on it immediately.
"What do you mean, love?"
"I--uh," Izzy mumbled.
"Out with it," Matt was standing over him again, despite Gabumon's efforts to keep them apart.
"I love Tai, you jerk!" Izzy yelled.
"You do not love Tai!" Matt shook the younger boy roughly by the shoulders. "Tai is my boyfriend! He loves me!"
Izzy shut his eyes. "Don't you think I know that, Matt? Do you have any idea how it feels to love someone and see them in love with someone else? To know they'll never see you the same way you see them, that you can never be that close to them? And to see them, everyday, being made miserable by the one that they love and not being able to do anything about that? I used to cry myself to sleep every night--"
"You--" Matt whispered, and Izzy opened his eyes. Matt's face was pale but no longer angry. "You really mean that, don't you? And I never even knew . . ."
"You weren't supposed to," Izzy said.
"I'm sorry," Tentomon said. "I didn't mean to--"
"Don't be," Matt said surprisingly. "I think it needed to be said."
"Matt?"
"Let's find Tai."
"This searching by foot is getting us nowhere," Izzy said. "We need to plan this. Tai was going to see Agumon--"
"Who is not in the desert he was guarding. We already checked there."
"But what are Agumon's favorite places to go?"
"I don't know--I don't think he has any. When Tai visits him, they usually go exploring," Matt said.
"Still, he didn't know Tai was coming. They're probably somewhere near here--Tentomon, why don't you take a flight and see what you can see from above."
"Shall I get the other flying digimon to help?"
"Please," Matt said. "Izzy, I'm sorry for before. You were right."
"Let's just find Tai, okay?"
--oOo--
BlackWarGreymon was confused.
Tai had done nothing but stare at the wall of the cave since BlackWarGreymon had brought him there. According to the observations he'd made of living creatures, they required movement and sustenance.
Yet Tai had not touched the food BlackWarGreymon had put out for him. He just sat there . . .
"What do you think?"
Tai didn't answer.
"Tell me human. You are silent, and still. I must know what you feel."
"How do you think I feel? You killed Agumon?"
"He will reconfigure."
"That's no the point! You hurt someone I care about! How do you think that feels?"
BlackWarGreymon answered honestly. "I can not imagine."
Tai stared at him. Somehow he sensed his kidnapper was serious. "What?"
"I was created from dark control spires to perform the wishes of an evil digimon. I have the power to destroy this world. Yet I have . . . thoughts, fears, feelings. I am not alive--but I think I live."
"Agumon told me," Tai said carefully. "You wanted to know what a heart was."
"Did I? That was a long time ago--I have wandered many worlds, and Agumon was the first to talk to me, to want to help."
"And you just did that to him, just like that?" Tai was again outraged. BlackWarGreymon's next answer caught him off guard.
"You would not?"
"Of course not! I care about him!"
"What does care mean?"
--oOo--
"Izzy!" Tentomon called from the air.
"You have news?" his human partner requested hopefully.
"I don't think you're going to like it," the bug like digimon replied. "There's a meadow just ahead. We think we've found what happened to Tai and Agumon."
Izzy and Matt exchanged glances. Since their discussion earlier the two had not talked much. Everything else took second place to finding Tai--now--
"We'll get there faster if we ride Garurumon," Matt said.
Izzy nodded.
"Gabumon, digivolve to Garurumon!" The giant wolf flexed his muscles and snorted at the humans. "What are you two waiting for?"
Izzy accepted Matt's offer of a hand onto Garurumon. "Tentomon, go! We'll follow you."
"Got it."
They reached the meadow quickly.
"What happened?" Matt demanded. It looks like a battle site."
"It smells like a battle site," Garurumon added.
"We don't know for certain Tai was here," Izzy said.
"I beg to differ," Tentomon held up a green school jacket they all recognised.
"Now we know what happened . . ."
"We still don't know who did this, or why," Matt said. "Or more importantly, where Tai is now."
"I think I can answer those questions," Garurumon said. "I hate to say this, but I smell BlackWarGreymon."
"But," Matt looked stunned. "That can't be."
"Yes it can. Remember, Arukerimon made a BlackWarGreymon out of control spires," Izzy said. "The new digi-destined never managed to defeat it."
"I'm going to give TK a talking to about leaving evil digi-destined roaming about the place when we get home," Matt said. "Come on, let's go."
"Go?"
"Garurumon will be able to use his nose to track BlackWarGreymon, won't you?" Matt was already on his digimon.
"I'll try," Garurumon promised.
"Come on Izzy," Matt held out his hand again.
"Thank-you," Izzy found himself settled behind Matt again.
"Hold on tight--" Garurumon took off at a run.
Izzy hung onto Matt tightly. He had no choice--it was that or loose his seat.
"Izzy," Matt asked. "This may be a personal question, but when did you realize you were in love with Tai?"
"Why are you asking?"
"I've been trying to figure it out. I mean, you seem very different."
"Well so are the two of you," Izzy pointed out.
"I guess. I just wondered."
"It would help to pass the time . . . and it feels good to have this finally off my chest," Izzy decided. "I'd always admired him, and the strength of his convictions but I didn't actually realize I loved him until we fought Diaboromon. I don't know how it happened. Tai and I had been scratchy and we'd yelled at each other and when it was over, and he was back somehow--I just loved him."
"That was years ago--" Matt shook his head. Izzy couldn't see his face. He decided to ask his own question.
"What were you and Tai fighting about this time?"
Matt didn't answer. Izzy wondered if he'd made a mistake.
"Of course, you don't have to tell me."
"It seems so stupid now. Such a small little thing. I wish I'd listened to him." Matt sighed. "You know, we've been dating practically a year now."
"I didn't think it was as long as that."
"No, you wouldn't. See Tai wanted to tell people but I wouldn't let him. I was afraid. And even when we did tell people, I made sure it was only our close friends and family. At school, we weren't allowed to be anything more than friends, in band practices he was just someone from school, on stage, we hardly knew each other. It hurt Tai a lot."
"I can imagine," Izzy noted dryly.
"I promised him that it wouldn't be for long. And I told myself it was for the best, that I owed it to the band. You know, most of the people who buy our albums are girls--and they're most of the ones who come to our concerts. And I hate to say it but a lot of them are there for me."
Although Izzy couldn't see Matt's expression he could feel the struggle with his emotions in the tension of his back. He listened hard as Matt continued.
"It's not like I encourage them--well, maybe I do, but that's part of performing. Anyway, that really bothered Tai and I ignored it--I thought if I was okay living with the lie, he would be too, and I didn't actually stop and think that although I knew I loved him, that maybe he didn't--" Matt sighed again. "I love him, Izzy, I really do. It's just that, sometimes it's hard to show that . . . "
"I think he must know," Izzy said. "Otherwise, he'd have broken up with you ages ago. Tai's not the type to stick to something he doesn't believe in."
"You really think that?"
"Believe me," Izzy said. "I have spent longer than you want to know trying to work that out."
Garurumon continued to pound through the meadow at high speed, following BlackWarGreymon's scent, while overhead Tentomon followed, a blur of wings. They were getting closer.
--oOo--
"I think I understand now. When you care about someone you enjoy making them happy, and you want to protect them from hurt and pain. Even if you might get hurt yourself. And you care because you have a heart."
"That sounds right," Tai said.
"But I don't understand this. Why do you care about somethings and not others?"
Tai sighed. "There aren't any clear answers to that, I don't think, BlackWarGreymon."
"You say that to all my questions."
"That's because you ask all the hard questions. I never thought I'd say this but you make maths look easy."
"Maths?"
"Never mind." Tai considered the question thoughtfully. "I think it's different every time. I care for Kari, because she's my sister, and she's younger than me and I have to protect her, because I know her and I grew up with her. The same with Agumon. I've known him since I was ten, from when he was a little Koromon, to being MetalGreymon. We share stuff, feelings, adventures, secrets . . . and I know I can depend on him, and the rest of my friends."
"It is important to know someone for a long time to care about them?"
"It helps, but it is not essential. Mostly I think . . . you just have to see something in that person that touches you."
"How can I find someone to care about?"
"I don't know. You'll just find yourself caring about someone someday and then you'll know." Tai winced as BlackWarGreymon's fist slammed into the cave wall just above his head.
"I begin to loose patience, human! Give me clearer answers!"
"They're the only answers I've got!" Tai yelled. "I'm trying as hard as I can you know!"
BlackWarGreymon picked him up again. Tai struggled in the giant digimon's hold. "I could destroy you now, puny human."
"You do that," Tai shouted. "But if you do, I won't be reconfigured, you know. I'll be gone, forever, is that what you want?"
"I do not know." BlackWarGreymon's grip tightened around Tai and he gasped as pain flooded his ribs. "An hour ago I could have squashed you without thought. Now I am not sure. You may be more helpful . . . yet, I am not in a mood to wait." The Digimon threw Tai, hard against the wall.
"How does that feel?"
Pain.
Tai could not remember the last time he'd hurt so much. He couldn't even breathe--the impact was too strong. He curled in on himself, choking as he struggled with the pain.
"You're crying. I feel--do I feel anything? What is the feeling of wishing one had not done something? I don't understand."
Tai winced. He wishes he hadn't done something--how does he thing I feel?
But a long time went by before BlackWarGreymon said anything more.
Tai uncurled cautiously. He still felt a little sore around the ribs but the rest of his body seemed to be okay.
I'm going to have to tell Matt to go easy for a while, he thought as he stood up.
The cave entrance was open and temptingly close.
Tai looked for BlackWarGreymon. The digimon was standing over the far side of the cave, staring at the wall. It would be so easy--Tai sighed.
--oOo--
BlackWarGreymon started at a touch near his ankles--he was surprised to find the human there.
"It's called regret."
--oOo--
"Garurumon--why have we stopped? Have we lost the trail?"
"It goes into that cave," The digimon said, waiting for the humans to dismount. Tentomon fluttered down to join them.
"This is it?"
"You'd better digivolve," Izzy said, holding out his digivice.
"No need."
"Tai!"
He was there, bedraggled, exhausted and smiling, leaning on the rocks outside the cave for support.
"Tai--" Izzy watched, as Tai staggered forward to fold into Matt's arms. Perhaps later he would remember that with sadness, now, it was enough just to see Tai was safe.
"I was so worried--I'm just so glad to have you back," Matt pulled away from Tai to kiss his forehead, then pulled him into another hug.
Tai smiled. The contact hurt his ribs but it was nothing compared to how good it felt to be with Matt again . . .
"Are you all right? What happened?"
"BlackWarGreymon. He attacked us, then he took me. He wanted to know what having a heart meant," Tai sounded thoughtful. "He let me go."
"He what?" Matt demanded.
"He left. I don't know where he went."
"Where's Agumon?"
Tai sighed. "I've had enough of questions. Can we please find those hot springs that used to be around here?"
--oOo--
It was much later at the Digimon nursery.
Despite the feelings of trepidation Izzy felt, he had to smile at the excited baby digimon. They were so cute, dammit. And helpful too--"Tai?"
"Yes Izzy?"
"The baby digimon say that new digi-egg has just appeared. This could be it."
Tai joined him. He had to walk carefully, Izzy noticed, but other than that he appeared none the worse for his experience. It could have been different so easily . . .
The baby digimon jumped back to let Tai see the egg. He picked it up thoughtfully.
Izzy waited in almost breathless anticipation.
"It's Agumon, all right," Tai said a smile lighting his face.
"Prodigious,' Izzy said. "I mean, I'm very glad for you--"
Tai looked at him. "I know," he said simply.
And he knew.
Izzy swallowed, his throat dry. "Matt told you?"
"He did," Tai blushed. "What can I say, Izzy? I'm flattered. I know it must have hurt to not be able to tell me, just as much as not being able to be with Matt in public, so I'm sorry I didn't know."
"You don't feel the same way, do you?"
"Izzy, you're one of my closest friends. I've known I could depend on you forever it seems like. And I love Matt, and what I feel for him, isn't what I feel for you, but in it's own way? I think it's just as strong."
"Tai?" Izzy said nervously. "I don't mean to sound like an utter ingrate, but I don't think I understood any of what you just said."
Tai smiled, placing the hand not holding the digi-egg on Izzy's shoulder. "Perhaps this will make it clearer."
Izzy froze as Tai's lips brushed his cheek.
This couldn't be real--couldn't be happening. And yet, Tai's breath was warm, his touch was very real--
"But--this isn't logical. You love Matt--you can't love me as well!"
"Try explaining emotions to a collection of animated dark spires," Tai said, pulling away. "Then tell me there is anything logical about them." He smiled. "Come on, let's go home." He took Izzy's hand and pulled him after him.
They joined Matt at the entrance to the village.
"That's Agumon?"
"I know it is," Tai said.
Matt shrugged, sliding his arm round Tai's waist, as Tai kept a hold of Izzy's hand. "Will you do the honors, Izzy?"
"It would be my pleasure," Izzy replied.
END.