someone

Graveside

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel".

"Come on Slayer, you need to deal with this," Spike said when Buffy balked at the cemetery gates.

Since Buffy's return from the dead she and Spike had an unspoken arrangement where he patrolled the cemetery where she'd been buried and Buffy never went near the place.

Buffy paused a moment to gather herself then resolutely followed the peroxide blond into the cemetery. "So what's up?" she asked.

"Just look," Spike replied drawing her after him.

Buffy froze at the sight of her former boyfriend sitting huddled on the ground, splattered with blood shirt and shoes both missing. She didn't notice as Spike quietly slipped into the shadows, leaving her alone with Angel.

Slowly Buffy approached, she couldn't imagined what was wrong or how she was going to break the not-dead-anymore news to him, or how she could help, she just knew she had to be there for him.

Hesitantly she rested her hand on his bare shoulder.

"Buffy," he greeted her, his soft voice sounding unsurprised, not even alive.

"Hi," Buffy said sitting down beside him. "You want to talk about it?"

"Whistler warned me," Angel said. "When I first decided to help you, he told me the more I lived in the world the more I'd see how apart from it I was. He was right. I can look through the windows, see what it is that I gave up when I chose to follow Darla into that alley; love, friendship, life, warmth, family. I understand what those things are now; I never did before, not even while I was still human. But I can't have them. Wesley was right, perfect happiness isn't a precise thing. It doesn't actually have anything to do with sex. Just because I felt that way when we made love doesn't mean that I'll necessarily feel that way again the next time I sleep with someone..." Angel paused for a moment. "And even if I never have sex again it doesn't guarantee that the curse won't break again. I just can't tell how happy is too happy.

"Please don't be suicidal again," Buffy pled.

"No," Angel said. "It didn't work so well last time. The PTB want me as their warrior, I guess I've got a duty. Honestly, I want to help, no one deserves to feel like this. Besides it won't be forever, there's a prophecy; someday, when the powers are done with me, I'll be human. I can't really picture it right now, but it's nice to know it'll be over someday."

Buffy shuttered at the tired, emptiness in his voice. The way he said that; she knew that he wasn't looking forward to being human; he was looking forward to being dead. It hadn't been so long since she'd felt that way herself.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Angel and pulled him close.

"Even now you're still warm," Angel comment wonderingly, then his body went stiff. "I can't be around you," he muttered. "You still make me feel better, even when you're dead."

Buffy almost fell because of the speed with which Angel pulled away from her, disappearing into the darkness like a ghost.

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