*She's only been dead about 6 months,* she said to herself.

Susan quickly turned off the computer and placed the picture back on the dresser. Sitting back on the couch, she tried to absorb everything that she had just read. But she was still confused. Why would Marcus have a picture of Commander Ivanova on his dresser? Commander Ivanova's information mentioned nothing about her being married, or divorced. Maybe Marcus and Ivanova were lovers? Marcus said that she was just a close friend. How close a friend was the question.

Susan sighed as she massaged her temples. She wanted to understand why Marcus had broken their kiss earlier today. But all she managed to find was more questions than answers. Maybe she would be better off if she just let Marcus explain everything to her tomorrow.

All she wanted was the truth. Maybe the truth was that he regretted kissing her in the first place. Maybe he didn't want to be around her at all and he was coerced into being her bodyguard. Susan didn't think that was true, but needed to consider all possible scenarios.

She wondered if somehow she reminded Marcus of Ivanova? She couldn't see how, though. Commander Ivanova was tall, blue eyes and long brown hair. Susan was considerably shorter with blonde hair and hazel eyes. And, if she was honest with herself, not nearly as pretty as the Commander was. The Commander had a military background and came from Russia. Susan was a scientist and was born in the USA. They had nothing in common. Nothing except for a first name.

*Could that be it?* Susan said to herself. She had only been on the station 3 days and couldn't remember one time when Marcus had used her name. He always called her 'Doctor'. Delenn used her name ...... once. And, as Susan recalled, it was used with hesitation. Stephen had called her Susan.... once. After locking eyes with Marcus for a brief moment.

*That has to be it* She berated herself for not realizing it sooner. *It's only been 6 months since their friend died; and then you come along joining their team and you have the same name. They can't say the name Susan without thinking of their friend.* But that was something she could live with. She was sure that given time, they would accept her as part of their team - and maybe even as their friend.

It couldn't be the reason why Marcus broke their kiss. Was it? She would have to make sure that first thing in the morning, she and Marcus would have a talk....
=
"The time is 07:00 Earth Standard Time," the computer chimed.

Susan rolled onto her back and lazily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Her stomach growled and she realized it was in nervous anticipation of her talk with Marcus.

Slowly rising from the bed she padded over to the bathroom and had a nice hot shower. After toweling off, she got dressed and headed for the kitchen.

"Good morning," he said to her. "Sit down and I'll get you some breakfast. I hope you like pancakes."

"Ohhh, I love pancakes," Susan replied.

Marcus gave her a stack and cautiously sat down across the table from her. Hesitantly he began, "About what happened yesterday in the gym .... I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you."

Susan put down her fork. "You're sorry you kissed me?" she repeated his statement.

Marcus nodded yes. "I'm supposed to be guarding you and showing you around the station. You've only been here 3 days. I shouldn't have put you in a compromising position."

Susan inhaled deeply. "Before we get into this any further, I want to know who is that picture of on your dresser."

"Her name is Susan Ivanova and she was my friend. Unfortunately she died 6 months ago. Keeping her picture around makes me feel close to her," Marcus said sadly.

"So she was nothing more than a friend?" Susan asked.

Marcus hesitated slightly before answering her question. He looked at her and said, "We were nothing more than friends."

Susan moved to the chair closer to Marcus. "I want to understand Marcus. Please help me understand," she said lightly touching his arm. "Why did you stop kissing me?" She paused, waiting for him to answer. When he didn't she added, "Was it really that bad?"

He covered her hand with his as he shook his head no.

"So if I did this," she said brushing up against him as she moved closer. "Or this," she gently cupped his face with her hand. She was only a breath away from him now. "Or this..." she lightly brushed her lips against his. That seemed to spark something in Marcus as he went after her with passion. He pulled Susan into his lap as one hand became entangled in her hair and the other one was firmly around her.

But after a moment of heated passion, Marcus stopped. He grabbed Susan firmly by the shoulders and pushed her away. Panting and trying to calm down he said, "I can't. I have to stop."

After she took a second to catch her breath Susan said, "What? Why?"

Shaking his head Marcus said, "I have to. I-I-I can't do this!"

"Marcus why?" She paused. "Don't you like me?" Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

He looked her in the eye and replied, "Of course I do....I like you a lot."

Susan stood up. "So what is it then?"

When no answer was forthcoming, Susan said, "I can't do this. I have to go, I'm due in MedLab." She turned and quickly walked out of Marcus' quarters.

He quickly jumped up and went after her. "Wait! I have to go with you!" he said, trying to catch up with her. But the doors to the lift had already closed before he had gotten to her.
=
Susan flew into MedLab and quickly began to work on some formulas at the computer station Dr. Franklin had generously set up for her.

One minute later, Marcus came in. He walked over to her and said, "You know you're not allowed to go anywhere on this station without me accompanying you. You shouldn't have left so quickly."

She didn't even bother to look up at him as she replied, "I had work to do."

Marcus sighed. "I have some business I need to attend to. Promise me you won't leave MedLab until I return." When he received no answer he shook her, forcing her to look up at him. "Promise me!"

"Yea, I promise. Now leave me alone," was her reply.

He turned and walked out of MedLab. *How can I explain things to her? How can I tell her how much I really like her? But it's never going to work. So why even bother? You see, I loved another, but she's dead, and I don't think I'll ever get over it,* he said to himself.

*Yeah great Cole! Go ahead! Everyone thinks you're so brave. I wonder what they'd say if they only realized that I'm such a coward that I appear to be making the same mistake yet again! Don't ever tell anyone that you care for them!*
=
After 3 hours of working through her formulas, theories and hypothesis, Susan needed a break. She got up, stretched and walked around MedLab; her mind drifting back to Commander Ivanova's picture. The computer said that she had died of battle-related injuries. Was it possible that she died here on the station?

Renewed with energy, she raced back to her computer and said, "Computer, bring up all medical files of Commander Susan Ivanova. Cross reference files of Marcus Cole." She didn't know why she had said that. It was just a feeling that she had.

After 10 minutes the computer came back with possible responses. "Download into my computer only," she said. Once again, she read every detail carefully. Commander Ivanova's back was broken and it looked like Delenn had ordered her sent back to Babylon 5 to 'be more comfortable'. Commander Ivanova was dying. Marcus had broke through all of Stephen's coded files and found out about the alien healing device. Susan continued to read all about how Marcus Cole had stolen a shuttle and raced back to the station in order to save her. Only to find out that she had died before he could hook them both into the machine.

*He loved her so much that he was willing to transfer all his lifeforce into her,* Susan said to herself. *He was willing to die for her. How can I compete with his memories of a dead woman? Now I understand. He's trying to bury himself along with her.*

Susan turned off her computer and was left alone with her thoughts. *No wonder he can't say my name. It only reminds him of her. I can't be stationed here on Babylon 5; I'd only be a constant reminder to him. That wouldn't be fair to Marcus. He deserves some time. Hopefully he'll discover what he really wants.*

"But I don't want to pass up a job with the Alliance; that would be plain stupid," she said talking to herself.

She had an idea. "Well, lets give it a shot. No time like the present," she said, walking over to the BabCom and contacted Delenn.

When Delenn appeared on the screen Susan said, "I hope I'm not interrupting you."

Delenn smiled. "No. Not at all. What can I do for you Doctor?"

Summoning all her courage Susan replied, "I've come to a decision."
=
Meanwhile, Marcus was on his way back to MedLab. He had just rounded the corner and wanted to enter MedLab when he heard Susan's voice. It was obvious she was talking to someone and he wanted to find out who it was, even though he knew that he shouldn't invade her privacy like this. After all everyone was entitled to have private conversations. As her bodyguard he should observe a professional distance, but he had grown too attached to her in this short while. He had started to care for her.

He decided to ignore his conscience, telling him not to eavesdrop and although he felt guilty for doing so, his need to know overwhelmed him. Delenn's voice answered Susan and he knew she had made her decision. Marcus hoped that, in spite of everything that had happened between them, she had decided to stay and to work with the Alliance. Marcus quietly backed away into a dark corner so she couldn't see him. Holding his breath, he hoped that she wouldn't discover him in the dark.
=
"You're 3 days early. I hope that means it is good news," Delenn said.

Susan couldn't smile. "I've decided to accept your offer to join the Alliance, but it comes with a condition."

"Please continue Doctor," Delenn said, her curiosity piqued.

"I will join the Alliance on the condition that I am not stationed on Babylon 5," Susan said.

From his hiding place the color drained from Marcus' face as he thought, *Dear Valen, she's leaving.* His heart sank as he listened to the conversation between Delenn and Susan.

"May I ask why you do not wish to be stationed on Babylon 5?" Delenn asked.

Susan couldn't tell her the whole truth. She couldn't just blurt out that she was in love with Marcus Cole and that he just couldn't stand the site of her. So she told Delenn, "All I can say is that it's due to personal reasons." Which it was.

Marcus leaned up against the wall and solemnly shook his head. This is all his fault. *She's leaving because of me. Because I can't tell her how I really feel.*

Delenn said, "It's not a problem Doctor. We can make arrangements for you to conduct your research on Minbar. Would that be acceptable?"

Susan smiled. "Yes. Very much so. Thank you."

"You are welcome," Delenn replied.

"When would I be able to leave for Minbar?" Susan asked.

"I can make arrangements for you to be on the first transport to Minbar tomorrow," Delenn said.

"Thank you," Susan replied.

"I would like to meet with you first before you leave. Would you be able to stop by my quarters around 13:00?" Delenn asked.

Susan nodded yes. "I'll be there."

"I will see you then. We have much to discuss," Delenn said, ending the connection.

Susan sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Casually she took a few steps towards the corner of the room and folded her hands across her chest. Angrily she said, "You can come out now Marcus. I know you're there. Show yourself!"

End Pt 6