o-----o
August 3rd
o-----o
"Hello?" Carol asked, picking up the phone in the lounge.
"Carol," She heard Doug's voice on the other end. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"Did you get my fax?" She asked.
"Mm, yeah," He replied softly.
"So," She sighed a little, "What are you thinking?" She asked quietly.
"I wish you would have told me sooner," He said.
"I wanted to make sure I didn't miscarry," Carol said.
"And if you had?" He wondered aloud. Carol didn't answer. "I want to come back. Come home."
"No, Doug," Carol said firmly.
"Carol. Why not?" He asked.
"Because I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing you came back for the baby."
"I'd be coming back for both of you," He said.
"You can't come back," Carol's breath hitched a little and she bit her bottom lip.
"Please, Carol," He whispered fiercely.
"No. I won't let you back in my life," Carol said. She heard him let out a shaky breath.
"If that's what you want," Doug trailed off, leaving the sentence open for Carol to tell him that wasn't what she wanted.
"Yes," She whispered and felt the first tear fall from her eye.
"Alright," Doug murmured gruffly. "Tell the baby I love it."
"I will."
"I love you, Carol." She didn't reply.
"Good bye, Doug," She said before placing the phone back on the receiver. Carol sat in a chair and bent her head, letting the tears fall freely now, her hands clasped tightly together in her lap.
o-----o
Carol, Elizabeth and Mark sat in a booth in Mary's Diner, a small restaurant not far from the hospital. Carol sat drinking her milkshake quietly as Mark and Elizabeth chatted about anything and everything besides Elizabeth's job and Doug.
"So, Carol, have you thought of any names for the baby yet?" Elizabeth asked finally. Carol glanced up.
"Hm?" She asked.
"Have you thought of any names for the baby yet?" Elizabeth asked once again. Carol shook her head.
"No," She replied and looked as if she was going to continue but instead took another sip of her milkshake.
"Want to talk about it?" Elizabeth murmured. Carol smiled weakly.
"I'm going to be a single mother," She said with a slight shrug and looked out the window. Elizabeth glanced at Mark and he sighed silently as he met Elizabeth's gaze.
o-----o
Doug settled into the airplane, gazing out the window. He knew Carol would be upset with him when he showed up at her house, but there was no way in hell he was going to leave her back in Chicago, alone and pregnant. He had almost decided to come back to Chicago anyway and her being pregnant was the last straw.
Doug shifted in the blue seat and closed his eyes, replaying images of Carol and him through his mind like miniature movies. His thoughts were interrupted as a baby a few seats behind him began to cry. Doug listened to the mother shush the child and Doug immediately thought of Carol again.
No, she definitely was not going to do it alone.
o-----o
The next morning, Carol awoke to a knock on the door. She glanced at her clock and saw it was 9:13. She didn't have to go to work that day, so she got to sleep in later than usual. She was surprised she had slept that late, considering she hadn't been sleeping well lately because of Doug and her pregnancy.
At the next knock, Carol made her way out of the bed, shivering slightly before bundling into her dark green robe. She tied it around her waist and tucked her hands into the pockets before heading out of the bedroom. At the third knock, she reached the door and twisted the knob and pulled the first door open. Then she unlocked the second one and quickly opened it, only to find herself face to face with Doug.
They simply stared at each other for a few moments before Carol gathered her bearings. She began to close the door but Doug's arm shot out and held it open.
"Carol, please."
"I have nothing to say to you," She whispered. His eyes pleaded.
"Just let me come in for awhile, please, Carol, please," She stared at him for a few moments before turning and stepping into the warm living room. He sighed silently in relief and followed her into the house, closing the doors behind him to ward off some of the early morning chill. Carol made her way into the kitchen and glanced briefly at Doug.
"Do you want anything to drink?" She asked.
"No," He replied. She nodded and reached up, getting a glass out of the cupboard before she opened the refrigerator and got out a carton of milk. She wanted coffee to help her be more alert for the conversation she was about to have, but she hadn't drank caffeine since she had found out she was pregnant because it was not good for the baby. She poured herself a glass and put the milk away. Carol picked up her glass and went into the living room before taking a seat on the couch and placing her milk on the coffee table in front of her without even taking a drink. Doug watched her the entire time and sat after she did, but kept a good two feet away from her, giving her the distance he felt she needed and wanted. Finally he spoke.
"I know you told me not to come back, but I had to, Carol."
"Why?" She asked, looking at him. His faced expressed all the pain and frustration he was feeling.
"Because I love you and I'm not going to let you do this alone," He said.
"Doug, you left me. Me. But now you're coming back for me because you don't want me to have a child alone. Why shouldn't I feel that you're coming back for the baby?" She asked.
"No. I left because I didn't have work. I didn't leave you. You chose not to come," He said.
"This is my home!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands out. "Everything I know is here. Everything I love is here. You asked me to give that all up," She said.
"I thought I was more important than all of that," He paused, "but I was wrong."
"I thought I was important enough for you to stay," She told him, "but I was wrong." He looked down.
"I couldn't stay here, Carol."
"I believe we've gone over that many times," She said angrily. He lifted his head and reached for her hand but she pulled away, denting his heart some more. He let his hand fall to his lap.
"I quit my job in Seattle so I could come back to you."
"For the baby."
"No, for you and the baby," He corrected. She stood, looking down at him.
"You only came back for me because of the baby," She said and walked back to the kitchen. He got up from the couch and followed her, touching a hand to her shoulder and turning her towards him.
"You're wrong," He sighed, "I love you, Carol. More than anything or anyone I've ever loved before."
"If that's the truth, why did you leave for a job? If I'm more important to you than a job, why did you go?" Carol asked.
"Because I'm an asshole. Because I hadn't changed as much as I thought I had. I ran away from Chicago because I was ashamed. No one would hire me because they all knew about what I had done. And I ran because I only thought of myself. My old habit to run when things got rough kicked in. So I left the most important thing in my life because I was ashamed and selfish. Narcissism elevated to a high art, in your words. I left because I knew you were right. And then I left because I knew you wouldn't come with me and it hurt to know that," He finally stopped and looked into Carol's hazel eyes. He took a deep breath before continuing on.
"I don't really expect you to forgive me or, or to take me back," He paused, "but I want to be a father more than anything. If you won't have me, please let me stay for our child," He had tears in his eyes which surprised Carol. She had never seen him cry before, for any reason. Not even when she had went to California after his father had died. "I came back for you, because of you, but maybe I did come back for the baby, also. Because I, we, both know what it's like to grow up without a father. I can't do that to my child. I did it to the other one but this is entirely different because I love you. Therefore I love your children, my children. Please don't make me go," He finished in a hoarse whisper.
Carol simply stared at him, watching the tears swim in his eyes. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. There was an internal war raging inside of her. Take him back or not? Part of her felt guilty for pushing him away when he had been in such a position but the other part of her was still hurt by him leaving. She glanced away from him and walked back to the living room. He simply stood, watching her, knowing the battle she was fighting with herself. He bowed his head and wished he had never had to put her into that position.
"Carol," He murmured. She turned to look at him. "Whatever else, I'm sorry," He said it wish such sadness and guilt that she couldn't help but open her heart to him.
"Oh Doug," She murmured and her eyes filled with tears. She walked to him and placed a hand on his cheek. He turned his head and kissed the palm of her hand as he reached out with his hand to take her other hand into his own. Carol stepped closer and buried her face into the hollow of his neck as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. His breath shuddered out in relief and he gathered her as closely as he could, burying his nose in her hair.
Finally he turned her face to his and pressed his lips to hers in a kiss so sweet and tender that it brought more tears to her eyes. One of his hands drifted down and spread across her stomach, which caused her tears to spill over.
"I love you." He whispered as they pulled away. She smiled then, her eyes swimming and her cheeks wet.
"I love you, too." She replied and pressed her lips to his again.
o-----o