The Other Susan (Pt 8)
By Capt. Ivanova


Disclaimers: B5 is not mine. This storyline was inspired by events on the show. No copyright infringement of any kind is intended. This is just for fun. This story is not to be republished, retransmitted, etc. without express consent of the author. Which is ME!

Warning: If you did not see the first 4 seasons of Babylon 5, then do NOT read this story. Please direct all feedback to Capt_Ivanova@yahoo.com



Susan shifted on the couch as she said, "Alright Marcus, I'll hear you out. Just promise me that you'll tell me the truth."

He grabbed her hand. "Absolutely." Damn, he knew this was going to be hard, and he had no idea where he should begin. So he just started talking about Ivanova. "The first time I saw Susan Ivanova, I instantly fell in love with her. But it was more than just her beauty that attracted me. I think part of it was that she could be quirky or pessimistic at times, but she had a dry sense of humor that showed itself only in the rare moments she was able to relax among her friends."

Marcus continued on. "She had already lost so much. Her mother, her brother and her father. I could relate to that; I could understand how she felt. All that pain, anguish and guilt. I tried to get close to her. I volunteered for every mission she was on. I wanted to make her life easier. I wanted to bring some joy into her life, even if it was for the briefest of moments." He paused before continuing on, "From the outside, most people thought she was an ice queen. She never let any of her feelings out and kept all her emotions inside. But I knew that there was still a flicker of hope that burned in her heart. She just needed the right person to come along and turn that flicker into a flame."

Susan interrupted. "Did you ever tell her how you felt?"

Marcus sighed and turned away from her. "Every time I expressed my feelings to Ivanova, I made sure that she didn't realize what I was talking about. I always hid it behind some convoluted story. I never came right out and told her. I was so afraid I'd lose her if she realized I was talking about her. And in the end what did it get me? I lost her anyway and she never knew."

"So what happened to her?" Susan asked softly. She was totally absorbed in his story and almost without realizing she reached over to take his hand in support.

Marcus briefly closed his eyes. He had placed all those memories surrounding Ivanova's death behind a wall; and now that wall was about to come crashing down. "This is so hard for me," he finally said.

Susan moved closer to him. "I know it is Marcus. But you won't heal if you won't accept her death. I'm here for you. Let me help you."

Marcus leaned back against the couch and held Susan's hand tighter as he began. "Sheridan had been captured by EarthGov and Susan was in command of the fleet. We were going to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet at sector 300 when we came across information that EarthGov was laying a trap for us. They were going to use their elite force - advanced model destroyers - who were loyal to Clark and wouldn't defect. Ivanova wouldn't let the forces get caught in an ambush, no matter what. So we decided the Whitestar fleet had a better chance than anyone else of winning."

"I remember," Marcus said as a smile lit up his face, "that we had 5 hours until the rendezvous point. She was so tired. I don't think she had slept for over 20 hours. I joked with her that she could take 4 hours and 59 minutes of rest or have 4 hours and 59 minutes of me bothering her about it. And just to show her I was serious, I told her that 'Rangers never bluff'." Marcus laughed, "She fell for it. I let her sleep the whole four hours. Boy, was she angry when I finally woke her." He smiled wishfully at the memory.

Susan smiled and let out a small chuckle also. She could absolutely see Marcus pulling a stunt like that.

"I once told her that she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen - in Minbari of course. I didn't have the courage to say it so that she would understand it. Who knew that Ivanova's Minbari would improve. She cornered me on it and told me she had figured out exactly what I had said. For a brief second I thought she was going to hit me. But then she said 'Thank You', and I think my heart skipped a beat. I realized that there might be hope for us." A slow tear fell softly down the side of his cheek.

Marcus cleared his throat and continued on. "When we arrived at sector 300 we found that the advanced destroyers had been fitted with shadow technology." As an aside Marcus told Susan, "Remind me to tell you about her death incarnate speech one day." Continuing, Marcus said, "It was a fierce battle and we were outnumbered. We couldn't let any ship get away, for fear they might bring back reinforcements. We thought we had beaten them. I glanced down at my computer for a moment and when I looked back up, there was one huge piece of debris heading directly for us. There was no time to maneuver and the debris hit us head on."

Susan could tell that this was taking it's toll on Marcus. His hand was shaking and his breathing had become erratic.

But Marcus knew that he needed to get all this out into the open. If he didn't continue, Susan would never know exactly what happened between Ivanova and him. And it was important to him now that she know the whole story. "The next thing I remember was waking up on the floor of the Whitestar. I quickly looked around for Ivanova but saw nothing except wires, insulation and fallen beams. I called out her name and made my way over to the last place where I saw her standing. There was debris everywhere and the ship was falling apart. I found her trapped under a beam near the command chair. I quickly pulled her out and headed for the escape pod. We made it just in time. Once we were inside, I sat on the floor and cradled her in my arms. I knew she was dying. I didn't want her to think that I had left her so I just held her close to me and told her that I was there."

"Once we got her back aboard a Whitestar, I tried to make her comfortable. I made her bed nice and flat - just the way she liked it. I felt so useless. Ivanova was dying and the only thing I could do was make her bed nice and flat. The doctors told us that she would have no more than one week to live. I cried as Sheridan told her that she wasn't going to make it. The woman I loved most in all the universe was dying and all I could do was hold her hand and cry," Marcus whispered as another silent tear slipped down his cheek.

Susan reached up and caressed his cheek, gently wiping the tear away with her thumb.

"Then the transport arrived to take her back to Babylon 5. I had to say goodbye to her. So I took her hand and willed her to hear what was in my heart. Then I put her hand down. I paused briefly before walking out of the room. I wanted so desperately to run back to her and shake her awake. To will her back to life. To beg her not to leave me...." Marcus' voiced trailed off. "The hardest thing I ever had to do was walk out of that room and leave her there knowing I'd have to live the rest of my life without her." His tears were flowing freely now. But Marcus continued on.

"I couldn't stop thinking about her and it showed. If Babylon 5 was the 'final refuge' for last hope, there must be something they could do for her. Lennier told me not to get my hopes up. But I refused to believe there was nothing we could do. There had to have been some advancements for near fatal conditions. So I placed a call to Dr. Hobbs. Lennier told me that there was nothing 'usable' on Babylon 5. That piqued my interest and I left Lennier in command while I went into the back. I established a link with MedLab and did a search of all medical records pertaining to 'terminal illness', 'death' and 'extreme measures'. I hacked my way through Stephen's files until I came across an entry for the alien healing device. I played all entries and realized that I had hit the jackpot. This was the one thing that would save Ivanova."

"So I sent Lennier out on a shuttle on the pretense that Delenn needed to speak to him. I didn't want him around to stop me. And I headed for Babylon 5. I knew what I was about to do and it felt right. I knew that the alien healing device was a form of capital punishment and would result in the death of whoever used it. I was willing to trade my life for hers. After all the heartache she had been through, she deserved a second chance. She deserved to know that someone cared about her so much that they were willing to die for her."

"I broke into MedLab's storage and found the device. While hooking us both into it, I remembered Stephen's last entry: that in the case of fatal injuries, for one to live, another must die. And I loved her enough to die for her."

"As the machine began to hum, I placed my hand on top of hers ... and that's when I knew. I knew she had died. Her skin was a pasty, death white and her hand had gone cold." He was openly crying now. "I was too late. I was too late," he repeated in between sobs. Susan tried to comfort him, but he rebuffed her and continued talking. "At first, I refused to believe it. I kept thinking that the machine would take all my lifeforce and give it to her and she would live and everything would be right in the universe again. I didn't care if I died, I just wanted her to live. I didn't want to go on without her."

"Marcus..." Susan said as tears quietly slipped down her cheeks.

"It was only 10 minutes later when Stephen found me in MedLab. I didn't want him to come anywhere near Ivanova and me. I was afraid that he would just confirm what I refused to see: I was too late, Susan was dead. I don't remember what Stephen was telling me; I'm not really sure that I even heard him - I was in denial. I remember him unhooking us from the device and me just begging him not to let her die."

"For weeks, I would wake up screaming her name. Every time hoping against hope that it was all just a nightmare and that Ivanova was alive. I loved her and I didn't want to live without her. I started to feel alive again because of her and I was afraid that I'd never find that feeling again," Marcus said as he collapsed crying into Susan's arms.

"Oh Marcus, I am so sorry," Susan said as she pulled him tighter to her. Gently she rocked him as her hand rubbed his back. "It's okay Marcus, let it all out."

After a few minutes, Marcus pulled away from her and tried to compose himself. "Unlike Ivanova, I still haven't lost the capacity to trust. And I want you to know that I trust you."

Susan put a finger to his lips and said, "Shhh...."

But Marcus relented. "I have to tell you this now, or I'll never get the courage again." He looked Susan in the eye and said, "I'm falling in love with you. I'll admit that it'll take me time to get used to being with someone but I want to get used to it if you'll let me." He softly caressed her cheek, "Please don't leave the station. Stay here with me."

END PT 8