Disclaimer: I own neither Aerosmith or Gundam Wing. Hey T-t-trowa . . . (grin)
3xMU songfic/lemon But
just cuz it's a lemon doesn't mean it's fluffy, actually this transformed
itself into a very dark little fic somehow. Includes reference to and inspired
by events in the Ground Zero manga (which is not to be confused with Episode
Zero). Despite the title you will find lyrics from both Aerosmith's Jaded
and I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing in this fic.
Also, The Price of
Redemption: Chapter 20 coming soon!!! I
had writer's block and wrote this in the interim . . .
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part Two
By Midii Une
Hey j-j-jaded
There ain't no baby please
When I'm shootin the breeze with her
And ectasy's what you prefer
"Nanashi?"
"Hmmm," Trowa responded, glancing down at her as he
completed the repairs to HeavyArms power systems. She still called him Nanashi. He didn't correct her. He really
wasn't Trowa Barton, he didn't know who he was. It simply didn't bother him
that she made no effort to call him anything else. It was like a warm secret that bound the two of them
together. She knew exactly who he was
and she had stayed . . .
"Why are you fixing that thing if you're going to
send it to the sun," she asked, leaning back against the wall and keeping him
in her vision. She wanted to look at him forever. She couldn't believe this was happening, that she was here beside
him, that she never had to leave. It
was just like it had been, except this time she only had to please herself and
she would never betray him again.
He shrugged at her question. It was a strange thing to do he supposed,
rather like Heero adding those fantastic wings to Wing Zero even though he
never planned to use it again. He and
the others had all confessed to making the occasional upgrade to their Gundams
in the year since the war had ended. It
was like a hobby, he just liked working with his hands, fixing things.
"I'm all done up here," he said, looking out of the
cockpit and down at the tiny figure of Midii so far below. He still wondered why she had been so
frightened the day before, wondered what had made her tough façade crack under
the smallest pressure.
"Why don't you come up," he said.
She shook her head and started edging along the
wall of the storage building. He
grabbed onto the cable and lowered himself lightly to the ground, reaching over
and pulling her close.
"I don't want to," she whispered leaning her head
on his shoulder and reveling in the feel of his arm around her as he held her
close.
"You need to," he said. "I never want you to be afraid of anything again."
"No!" she yelled in protest, but his arm tightened
around her waist and the cable rose carrying them up to the open hatch.
"The door works perfectly and I'll be with you," he
promised. "Please? Trust me?"
He felt relieved as a ghost of her usual confidence
returned and she nodded, stepping in after him.
"Hn," she muttered crankily, looking around the
cramped space. "I'm glad you're getting
rid of this heap tomorrow."
"I wouldn't do it if I wasn't sure about
peace. It's here Midii it really is,"
he said, cupping her face in his hands.
The war had taken so much from her. It had given people power over her and she
had lost herself. But now the war was
over, Nanashi said so and he never exaggerated.
"Is that why you're so different," she asked, her
eyes seeking an answer in his, wanting so much to believe in him.
There was still a tremor in her voice and he knew
she wasn't yet convinced. If only he
could turn out the lights and show her there was nothing to be afraid of
anymore, he wanted that so much, it would heal her, he could feel it and she
would be that girl again, she'd drop her mask like he'd dropped his and finally
he could look into her face and tell her.
"I love you."
"Ready for lights out," he asked.
"Not really," she said shakily, the impatient and
unhappy quality returning as fear shadowed her ocean-colored eyes like an
approaching storm over the water.
"Trust me," he repeated, tightening his embrace and
switching off the power.
he fixed the door . . . .he fixed the door . . . .
he fixed the door
She repeated the words like a mantra over and over
trying to keep herself calm in the face of her baffling fear. There was nothing to be afraid of—then why,
why she wondered.
"You're doing fine," he said, she felt his hands
tracing her features in the darkness.
"Breathe," he reminded her. She tried to obey but the walls closed
in. It was so dark and she couldn't
feel him near her, couldn't find the door and she couldn't breathe.
Oh please, oh please, somebody please, her small
voice begged, whisper-soft in the thick and smothering darkness.
They hadn't come for her this time as he had
promised they would. Something had gone
wrong. A shell burst mere yards from
the young girl reducing her terrified screams to dumb terror.
It's safer outside.
She knew that and yet she couldn't stay there anymore. They were falling everywhere. A bomb was going to fall right on her.
You deserve to die. She believed it but the bombs frightened her, she saw a man
running towards her and he was hit, his body exploded in bloody scarlet
fragments. No she didn't want to die
like this. She was a coward. She ran to the small building with the
shattered roof and ducked inside. Midii
stumbled over an iron ring in the floor and looked down.
A cellar.
Another explosion rocked the ground and lit the
small room with bright light. She fell to the floor her eyes on the cold dark
ring. Without another thought she lifted the trapdoor and slid into the quiet
darkness as another volley hit the abandoned mercenary camp. The little outbuilding exploded and
collapsed on itself, the shock throwing Midii down the rickety wooden stairs
and onto the cold dirt floor below. The
heavy debris settled down on the floor above her covering the little door to
the cellar as if it had never been there.
At first the cellar was a haven, cool and dark and
quiet after the nightmare of fire, light and sound and the girl, who'd barely
passed her 13th birthday huddled on the ground crying out her
exhaustion and fear.
She awoke, surprised by the total blackness around
her, the complete silence was like death, a limbo from which she couldn't
escape. She crept to the stairs and
climbed up carefully.
It must be over, she thought. The attacks were deadly but they didn't last
long, and now, surely now, someone would come for her. Midii pushed against the door but it was as
solid and unyielding as the floor had been. She screamed for help again and again but her own voice mocked her,
echoing in the utter darkness. She
remembered a story she had heard once about outer space, if you got lost and used
up your air you would suffocate, you couldn't breathe . . . .
"HELP ME!!" she screamed, her struggles even more
intense than the night before.
Trowa cursed, his anger directed mostly at himself,
what was he thinking playing amateur psychologist? He flipped on the power, the lights filling the cockpit with
softly diffused white light. She had
pulled from his embrace and was crouched tightly against the door, crying, her
eyes squeezed shut. He knelt beside her
and he felt her body sag against his as he pulled her close in the cramped
space. The light seemed to revive her
and she blinked at him.
"I remember," she whispered, turning and hiding her
face in the soft old fabric of his shirt, the well-worn material as comforting
as a blanket.
"What did you remember," he asked, almost dreading
to hear the secret he had been so curious about.
"The cellar," she whispered. "Bombs everywhere and I was trapped, I
couldn't breathe."
Her mind let the horror go as she spoke the
words. It was only a memory, it wasn't
now. She wasn't alone in the dark, not
anymore. She lifted her face to look at
him, finding the reassurance she so desperately needed in his eyes.
"The war is over," she repeated tremulously. "It really is? You promise me Nanashi?"
"I promise Midii," he whispered, pulling her back
against him. She closed her eyes and
rested her head on his shoulder as he rocked her and she felt him humming
tunelessly in his throat as he held her.
"It won't happen again," she told herself,
banishing the dark memories, pushing them down deeper than before where they
could never see daylight. She tightened
her arms around Trowa's waist, remembering the sound of another voice answering
her.
"You're alright now my precious," he whispered,
holding her close, his hands lingering on her as he stared at her as if he
couldn't have stood to lose her. The
touch of warm, wet lips on her cheek and her neck making her squirm and jerk
away. The voice grew colder, the gentle
hands tightening painfully around her.
"No, don't," she whispered, fear cracking her
voice.
"Don't say no ma petite Jeannette," he whispered,
kissing her mouth and stifling her shocked protest. The tip of his tongue pushed against her lips and she twisted her
head but he held her immobile his hands tangled in her silky hair. Desperately she bit down, hard. Henri pulled back, wiping his mouth and
tasting blood.
"You bit me," he said, his voice deceptively
soft. "I saved you from the dark little
one and remember I can put you back there."
The child flung herself back into the man's
comforting arms her fear of the dark overriding her disgust and he stroked her
hair gently, soothing her tears before kissing her tentatively again, this time
she didn't fight back . . .
This was why, why she'd given in all these
years. She felt so dirty and used. Far away she could still hear Trowa
whispering to her as he held her.
"It's over Midii and I'll always be with you," he repeated.
"Kiss me," she begged and he touched his lips gently to hers. This was different, so different from the memory. She wanted Nanashi to erase it all; every touch, every kiss he had forced from her. She kissed him back, her soft lips parting beneath his. She felt his surprise at her initiative as she leaned forward deepening the kiss. She knew how it was done, he had taught her so well . . . but this made her feel things she never had. All the tiny nerves beneath her skin tingled with aching need and her heart beat rapidly from the mere touch of his fingers on her arms.
Midii pressed closer and she could feel his heart
beating as fast as hers was. Carefully
she took his hand and pressed it against her own heart, moving it with her own
hand until he cupped her breast. She felt his quick intake of breath and peeked
beneath her lashes to see the red flush creep up his cheeks. He watched her as she moved away a little,
her slim fingers unbuttoning the tight pink sweater in a slow, tantalizing
fashion that made part of him want to beg her to hurry and part of him wish to
watch her do it forever.
Her fingers moved so slowly, his mouth felt dry as
she caressed each little round pearl with her fingertips and the material
parted ever so slightly to reveal the flushed rosy skin beneath. His hand reached out to help her and his
fingers felt clumsy and nervous as he chased after that last little button,
finally reaching it and pushing it through the hole. The sweater slid off her shoulders, her hair waving down and
resting in long loose curls over her small breasts pushed up by the white lace
bra she wore.
"Midii," he whispered, looking in her eyes for
permission as he reached to test the softness of her skin. She moaned softly when his fingers stroked
the skin above the white lace and she smiled encouragingly when he figured out
the clasp that held the front together.
He looked but didn't touch yet, so sweet, so
shy. He loved her, this was what love
was supposed to be like, she thought as he leaned forward and kissed her, more
purposefully than before. She slid her
hands beneath his shirt, feeling the smooth warm skin beneath it. She broke the kiss, cherishing the little
disappointed sound he made before lifting the shirt over his head.
Things were happening so fast, Trowa thought, she
had been upset, they should slow down. He looked at her, a bewitching little frown on her face as she tried to
finish tugging his shirt over his head. He loved her and his body was sending signals, urgent signals he
couldn't ignore. He reached up and fished the shirt out of his hair and tossed
it aside.
She looked at him and reached out a hand, placing
it softly on his chest. She sighed and
smiled, the smile started an ache in the pit of his stomach that drifted lower
until reason and common sense seemed very far away.
"I think we should get out of here," he whispered half-heartedly.
She shook her head, the silky strands brushing
against his chest as she leaned against him. He felt a shockwave as their bare skin made contact and he wrapped her
tight in his arms, squeezing her tight to feel her closer against him. The idea of leaving drifted to the back of
his mind. She was straddling his lap
now, her arms twined around his neck. She was doing things with her tongue and
teeth and blowing in his ear all at once, driving him mad, replacing every
thought he'd ever had with thoughts of her. Her hips moved slowly as she rubbed against him in a pleasantly
agonizing friction until he was whispering her name incoherently.
"Nanashi, I need you, I need you so much," she
groaned in his ear. New emotions swept
over him and he crushed her mouth beneath his, sliding his tongue between her
parted pink lips and kissing her, holding her close as if he could meld them
into one person.
She wriggled from his grasp again, breathing hard,
but her cheeks were flushed and her eyes shining. This was something she had never experienced, the desperate need,
an overwhelming desire to feel him inside of her.
Midii giggled as she touched the button closing the
top of his jeans, Trowa's hand covered hers and the button loosened. She moved behind him, he could feel the warm
softness of her breasts crushed against his back and he hurried to remove his
pants in the cramped space. His
movements grew clumsier the quicker he tried to be and she smiled against his
skin, kissing the smooth flesh and running her hands over his chest and down
below his navel.
"Need help," she whispered, stopping to slide a leg
out of her own jeans in a move a contortionist would have envied.
"No, yes, oh shit," Trowa groaned. "I forgot to take off my boots."
He glared at her as she burst out laughing, his
jeans stuck on the heavy combat boots he wore. Of course it would be nearly impossible for him to remove his pants now.
"Poor Nanashi,'' she said, mock sympathy dripping
from her voice.
"Are you going to help me or not," he growled,
lunging at her and knocking his head against an overhanging instrument panel.
"Are you okay," she asked, eyes wide with concern
as she moved closer to examine him.
"Gotcha," he smirked victoriously, grasping her
around the waist and pinning her beneath him in a jumble of arms and legs.
His eyes grew dark and serious and Midii let
herself get lost in them as he covered her with his body. He was paying her back, his lips were
everywhere at once, tasting her and she felt the gentle motion of his hand
between her legs, his fingers teasing the velvety skin of her inner thighs.
Oh yes, she told herself this was love. Love was
laughter and aching desire and desperate need. But most of all love was the trust between them. He promised her that it
was all over. There would be no more
wars and she believed him. She arched
against him as she felt him poised above her.
"I love you. I love you so much," she whispered
over and over as he pushed inside her and she clung to him as time stopped and
her life began again in a sparkling explosion of bliss that shuddered through
her body for endless moments.
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment...forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
Her gentle breathing as she slept reassured him
that he hadn't done the wrong thing by surrendering to her sudden onslaught of
passion. He had been powerless to
resist her desperate need for release anyway. But it was all right now, the foolish experiment in the dark cockpit had
worked in spite of himself.
She smiled in his arms and although his body
cramped from the awkward position they lay in in the confined space he never
wanted to move. He finally knew what
peace was really about. It set people
free to find their happiness without being afraid of losing it all. Everything seemed worthwhile and personal at
last as if he had fought for himself and Midii instead of for the nameless,
faceless population of the universe that was busy enjoying their new freedom.
He didn't have to be afraid this would end or that
she would betray him. There was nothing
left to make that happen, this was a world where the two of them could be
together without hurting each other.
The cool air kissed Midii's face and she blinked in
surprise, then smiled up at Trowa.
"Ready to get out of here," he whispered.
She nodded and they both laughed, trying to figure
out how to disentangle themselves in the small space. Midii was on top and freed herself first, quickly finding her
sweater and jeans and putting them on again while Trowa resumed the continuing
struggle between man, combat boots and jeans, made more difficult by the fact
that his left arm had fallen asleep and was tingling painfully.
Midii looked around for a reflective surface so she
could do something with her hair. She looked at herself in the blank
communications screen and stared. She
looked so different, young and happy, like the people in the circus crowd
today. She shrugged and ran a hand through
her hair, not caring suddenly who saw her like this or what they thought. A black marking pen sat in the top tray of
Trowa's tool box and she picked it up, looking at it thoughtfully before
popping off the lid.
"Hey! What are you doing," Trowa asked, coming
behind her with his jeans finally firmly re-established around his slender
waist.
"It's called graffiti," Midii said.
He peered at her artwork on the wall beside his
pilot's chair. Make Love not War, she'd
written, surrounding the words with little hearts and old-fashioned peace
signs.
"Cute Midii," he groaned.
"What? You're getting rid of it tomorrow before we
take the shuttle to X-18999 remember! Besides," she murmured, tipping back her
head for a kiss. "It's how I feel."
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
The narrow little bed didn't offer much more space
than the Gundam's cockpit and Midii smiled to herself remembering how they had
abandoned the mattress for the floor. She savored the pleasant soreness that lingered inside her, too tired to
sleep and a little lonely to be awake without Nanashi. She was jealous of his dreams until he
muttered her name sleepily.
So he was dreaming of her.
She relaxed and snuggled her face against the
smooth, warm skin of his chest, her fingers caressing his muscled arms
lightly. He was so strong, she knew
he'd never let anything or anyone hurt her again. And there were countless days and nights ahead of them. Days she could spend looking at his face and
nights she could lie in his bed, wrapped in his arms like this, where the only
sound would be their breathing and the synchronized beating of their
hearts. Forever.
She raised her head and looked at him again. So amazing the transformation from boy to
man. He still had the face and eyes she
remembered, but all the baby softness had gone away leaving only the handsome,
chiseled essence of the boy she had loved and hated. They boy who was her salvation and always seemed to be there to
save her when she needed him most.
Except for once, a fearful voice whispered deep
inside.
She needed him again. Needed to hear his promise that from now on he would always be
with her. She slid her body over his, moving smoothly as her skin seemed to
glide against his. Midii looked down on
his sleeping face and touched his cheeks and lips gently with her fingertips,
watching him stir. She bent to touch
her lips carefully to the delicately-veined lids that hid his green eyes from
her, his silky black lashes tickling her mouth.
My my baby blue
Yeah I've been thinkin' about you
My my baby blue
Yeah you're so jaded
Baby
Jaded
Baby
You're so jaded
'Cause I'm the one that jaded you
A spattering of applause echoed through the
half-empty circus tent. It had been
this way every night since they'd come to X-18999. Maybe she could take over some of the manager's duties and
schedule the bookings from now on, Midii thought idly as she leaned back lazily against the empty bench
behind her. She needed something to do
and it wouldn't be difficult to track down better venues than this dreary
place. This colony was too new and
unfinished, she supposed it was only at this point that the godforsaken place
was even starting to attract any touring companies at all.
She saw Trowa talking to Cathrine behind the
curtain and waved at him, he waved back before the other girl dragged him
farther backstage so they could finish getting ready to perform.
It was almost Christmas, not that it was apparent
from the atmosphere here. Still her
heart swelled with giddy excitement. Christmas would correspond with their one-week anniversary of being
together. It was a silly thing to
celebrate probably but of course there was that old saying that only fools fell
in love. It felt so good to be in love, to be foolish, to be free of all her
responsibilities like any normal young girl.
She slipped out of the tent before the show was
over, even with the small crowd it was always a hassle getting out in the mad
rush to beat the traffic at the end of the evening.
Trowa saw Midii leave, anxious for the evening to
end so he could follow her. He tensed
as a man detached himself from a little knot of people and approached her but
he relaxed as he saw her point her finger toward one of the lesser-used
exits. It was only someone asking
directions. He felt so on edge since
they had come here. Maybe it was the
newness of the place, it seemed so unwelcoming and cold somehow with all the
partially-constructed buildings and so few people. Or maybe it was just getting used to the fact that his Gundam was
gone, more than halfway to the sun by now. That and the strange coincidence that this colony was where HeavyArms
had been constructed in the first place. Second thoughts were normal he supposed, but the anxiousness wouldn't go
away. He scanned the audience again,
just to prove to himself that he was overreacting to the situation.
Cathrine was commenting on the depressingly low
turnout again that night. It took away
a lot of the excitement to work in front of such a small crowd. Their little troupe had a rather excellent
reputation and there weren't many other entertainment opportunities on the
barren colony after all. He tried to
think of something to say to reassure her. She seemed to take it so personally that the crowd was so small.
A pair of men in dark suits glowered down at the
sparse crowd, as if begrudging the people the enjoyment they took from such a
simple pleasure. Trowa's eyes lingered
on them, he was trained to notice anything out of place and suit coats at a
circus certainly clashed with the norm. The anxiousness bloomed into sick certainty that everything about this
place was only a cover for something else.
He remembered Dekim Barton. Surely after the Eve
Wars even he had given up, he wouldn't dream of pursuing his insane quest for
world domination in the face of the widely-popular peace movement that had
taken hold since the monumental battle in space between Heero and Zechs. A battle that had illustrated so well the
futility of war.
Trowa's hands tightened into fists. It wasn't over and suddenly he had to be sure
of what he suspected, if it were true then he had lied to Midii and all of them
had made a possibly fatal error in sending their Gundams to the sun.
If Dekim Barton's hand were in this then he dreaded
to think of the possibilities. The man
commanded enough money and resources to construct his own personal army and
there remained nothing in the EarthSphere to fight him with but a few
surveillance suits owned by the Preventer Agency.
Smoldering rage overrode his usual calm and deadly
demeanor and in an instant the two men were down and he went through the
pockets of the first man. His ID
confirmed Trowa's suspicions. Barton
was up to something. He forgot
everything else, Cathy and Midii, everything but making up for that fatal
mistake, their idealistic belief that a world without the Gundams would be
safer for everyone.
He averted his eyes from the ruffian brawling like
a common thug in the deserted space behind the main tent. They boy had no finesse, nothing but brute
strength and a handsome face. Henri
wandered toward the trailers that housed the performers. Why was he continually choosing the wrong
woman to love, the older man wondered disconsolately. He had done everything to keep her his, been father and lover and
protector for almost half of her life. He had loved her and been so proud of her skill and beauty and given her
anything she could want. But in the end
she ran from him. Just like her mother
had, just like Jeannette.
The door to the ramshackle little trailer opened
and he saw her standing there backlit by the warm yellow light inside. The desolate breezes that seemed so
pervasive on this colony teased back the simple cotton robe she wore and she
made a desperate grab for the edges but not before he glimpsed the gentle
curves he knew so well.
Such a stupid girl, to give up everything he
offered her for a tawdry little fling with a circus clown. Even her mother had had better taste than
that. She would have to be punished of
course, that went without saying, but he would not be too harsh with his petite
Jeannette. She was so young and so very
stupid and perhaps this would be a lesson well learned.
Midii tightened her arm around herself to keep the
robe closed, her eyes scanning the quiet darkness for Nanashi. It didn't usually take him this long to come
back after a performance. She shrugged,
he had probably taken an extra minute to spend with the lions, he spoiled them
but she had to admit they made the perfect pets for him. He was just like the wild things with his
incredible eyes and hidden potential for danger.
She stepped into the bedroom, the only change since
her intrusion into Nanashi's life the appearance of a much larger bed. It dominated the little room leaving very
little space to walk or even to open the dresser drawers. She crawled over the bed, across the pale
blue sheets and fumbled in the drawer for a match to light the creamy little
votives she kept on the nightstand. She
stared into the flickering yellow flames as she waited for him to come . . .
It was completely dark when she opened her eyes and
moved her seeking fingers across the smooth, cool sheets. The candles had burned out so she must have
been sleeping for several hours. The
unmistakable sound of the trailer door opening alerted her and she silently
slid her hand between the mattress and box spring to feel for the silver
OZ-issue pistol Trowa kept there. Why
hadn't she thought to ask him why he did that if he believed in peace so
firmly, she wondered, her confidence in him wavering momentarily. He was gone and she was alone here in the
dark.
She could feel someone approach silently, it was
almost as if she sensed the displaced air than actually hearing someone. Fear prickled the back of her neck as the
door opened a crack, pushed carefully so it wouldn't make a sound.
"You're awake."
"Nanashi!" she cried, dropping the gun on the
mattress and encircling his neck with her arms and kneeling on the bed to hold
him close. She felt her heart beat slow
to normal.
Almost reluctantly Trowa's arms lifted to close
around her and her easy relief at his return started eroding as he remained
silent and made no move to come to bed.
"What is it," she asked.
He didn't answer. Couldn't answer. How could he
tell her that he had been wrong, wrong about everything? How could he ask her to stay here and wait
for him when he had to break every promise he had made her? How could he tell her that he had had a
choice to make and he hadn't chosen her?
"I don't have much time," he said, letting go of
her and pulling drawers open.
"Why," Midii asked, his cold tone making her
uneasy.
His silence spoke volumes.
"Something's wrong here isn't there," she
whispered.
"I don't know," he said finally, "but I have to
check it out."
"Tell me," she begged.
He told her about Dekim Barton, his history, his
money, his factories and their capabilities for mobile suit construction. She had seen the atmosphere on this colony
for herself, the solemn, work-worn populace.
"You think there'll be another war," she said
accusingly.
The hurt apparent in her voice forced him to look
at her, it was almost as if he could see her change before his eyes. She stared at him with betrayal etched on
her face before turning away, scrambling over the bed in search of her own
clothes.
Trowa's throat tightened as she dropped the robe,
exposing her graceful back to him, the waves of her platinum hair swinging as
she snapped on her bra and pulled a shirt over her head. He wanted to stop her, to make her stay but
he had no right. He couldn't keep his
promises. He had been wrong.
The man inside the soldier, the man who loved her,
protested. She could wait, maybe she
could forgive him. He had to try, his
voice burst out of the soldier's mouth.
"Midii, please understand," he asked. "I do love you, but I have to do this."
She turned, something in his voice compelling her
attention. But as she looked she saw that the man who spoke had perhaps never
even existed.
"Understand?" she repeated, bitterness and
disappointment crashing over her, replacing the hurt with stubborn pride. "I understand Nanashi. I understand you've been a soldier ever
since you were born. I understand you're
a hero on a universal scale and that my little concerns mean nothing to
you. I understand that the war will
never be over. You can save the world
but you can't save me."
He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but there was
nothing he could say. His actions
proved her right.
He picked up the gun she'd dropped and pressed it
into her hand. "Keep this with you," he
said.
Midii closed her fingers over the cold metal and
accepted it but she couldn't speak. She
wanted to scream that she hated him, but the words wouldn't come. She sat on the edge of the bed tracing the
elaborate engraving in the metal with her eyes. When she looked up Nanashi was gone.
She laced her boots with sure, steady fingers. She
knew she had to leave, the war was coming and she wanted to be far away when it
happened.
As the artificial daylight lightened the sky a
troop of Dekim Barton's soldiers formed outside the circus grounds. It was time
for the revolution to begin and everyone on X-18999 would be involved as
participant or hostage to fate.
Midii crouched in the shadow of the trailer,
watching them approach. She knew then
that she would never understand Nanashi, he had abandoned all of them, not only
her. He had a gift for seeing the big
picture, a talent for discovering the most direct route to the best final
outcome for the majority. And he would
sacrifice everything, himself, his friends, the girl who was like his sister
and even her if it meant a victory in the fight for peace.
"But what about us," Midii wondered, knowing
suddenly that she could never have changed her life to be like him. Never have
let her father and brothers do without simply to do the right thing. She and Nanashi were fundamentally
different, cursed to love in a world where they would always be at odds.
A rough hand grabbed her from the shadows and
suddenly she was pinned to the ground. She struggled to get up but Henri straddled her and grabbed her slender
wrists in one hand, clamping his other over her mouth to keep her from
screaming. Trowa's pistol dug painfully
into her back, far out of her reach, as he pressed her into the ground with his
superior strength.
"Listen! And be quiet ma petite imbecile," he
ordered in a fierce whisper. "You
betrayed me, but this is not the time for our personal quarrels. I will deal with you after we get out of
this. Do you understand me Midii?"
She nodded. She had to get away. Already the
soldiers were dragging the circus manager sleepily from his trailer, ordering
him to round everyone up as hostages to the new regime. She would not be one of them.
He nodded his approval. All would be well, she would see reason and things would be as
they were. But first he must save her
from these madmen, the world was turning upside down, the hard-won peace
shattered in an instant.
Midii took the offered hand he held out to her and
they ran, keeping to the shadows until they were out of sight.
They paused for breath, the girl recovering more
quickly than the man, an advantage of age. He reached a hand to push away the disheveled locks of hair that had
fallen into her face and felt her recoil.
This was a change, for so long she had submitted
with cold silence.
"I saved you my precious," he growled, fisting his
hand in her hair. "Are you not
grateful?"
She shook her head. "It ends here. Let go of
me now Henri," she said, surprising herself, surprising him.
"Is this insolent behavior because of that boy," he
sneered derisively, pulling her face close to his. "Do you believe he cares for you after all?"
"No," Midii admitted. "He doesn't care. Not
enough. This is because of me, because it is time for this to end. I am not my mother. And I am not yours."
She had never dared to say such things before. Anger suffused his face, turning his pale
skin deep outraged scarlet and he dropped his hand from her hair to slap her
but she dodged the blow and pulled out the pistol.
"You can't hurt me anymore," she said, pulling the
trigger, killing him and finding her freedom, her own brand of peace.
For a moment she knew that Nanashi had loved her
after all. He had taught her not to be
afraid and he had protected her. She
held the warm barrel of the gun between her breasts but it was no substitute
for him, for the security of those arms around her.
From now on she would have to find her own
way. She disappeared, her determination
would get her out of this and she would build her walls again so that no one
would ever touch her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It was over, as quickly as it began, and now
everyone said peace was finally here to stay. They would have to wait and see.
Trowa stood with Duo and Quatre on the hillside and
pressed the self-destruct button. He
still believed the universe was a safer place without the Gundams in it.
"I'm back to being nameless," he heard himself
say. The others looked at him, he was
the last one they would have expected to break the awkward silence in the
aftermath of the explosions.
Duo mumbled some words obviously meant to cheer
him. But he wasn't mourning the loss of
the name Trowa Barton, he'd probably just keep it. He knew now that peace would never stay won and there would
always be a battle to fight. He had
always been a soldier. He would always
be a soldier. And he would never be
Midii's.
"Trowa sounds fine to me," Quatre said softly, not
understanding but wanting to help.
"You're right," Trowa said. She was out there somewhere and maybe she
would find some happiness after all while peace lasted. He hoped at least he could give her that
much.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
the end
[1] "No reason. You see, I just had this great idea for an upgrade of the Wing and I
wanted to see it through."—Heero Yuy, Ground Zero manga, Issue 3
[2] "We could just send them into the sun."—Trowa Barton, Ground Zero manga, Issue 3