First writing date: Thursday, 19 July 2001
Promise Me?
By Francis Hikaru
*****
Chapter One
Introspections
"It's been a month and three days after the knockout blow to the Grand Fleet and I've lost another three in combat actions today: 2nd Lt. Ritusko Alhara, 1st Lt. Robert Thompson, Mst. Sergeant Lily Sizemore.
"Some victory.
"Mop up operations, while fewer, are getting costlier and bloodier by the day, even with Minmay's song and the combined allied Meltrandi/Zentradi fleets. The loyalist factions have adapted well, fighting without the aid of communications so as to not become affected by the song. It's costly, but we're the only ones who care about living.
"The strain from the constant fighting is now showing up in degrading morale. We're damned close to the breaking point, after years of long, dragged out fighting. We tried to hide the pain of constant war and by living as normally as we could in Macross, we convinced ourselves that nothing was really wrong. I guess we were too busy with surviving to dwell on that pain, that loss. But now with victory (what a hollow word) in grasp, we're beginning to pay to price of bottling up all that anger, fear, loss… emotion.
"Doubtless, there will be stories of how we tried to live our lives normally despite all that uncertainty and fear and how noble and strong we were. And we were too. We have to be. I had to be. She had to be.
"But, damnit, that pain and loss keep coming back. An old card here, a familiar smell there, a mannerism that reminded you of a story of a good buddy; they keep coming back and cherishing them was something we love to do, but did little of. We hid it away from each other with each smile, knowing and feeling deep inside how painful it is to lose a friend, a parent, a lover. I had to pretend it wasn't there, even though I could feel it when I looked at the casualty rosters, when I looked at Minmay's pictures before she came back. It's empty, cold, and it gnaws at the one point in my heart where it hurts the most. It feels so private, so deep; when we try to comfort each other, it just hurt that much more and we just bury it that much more deeper.
"And alone. Lord, the loneliness is unbearable. During the exploration of our ruined Earth, when Misa was fast asleep, I walked away from her as far as I could and let myself fall to the ground and cry. I curled up to myself so tightly that I though I would fall into my own empty heart. I couldn't let her see me cry so hard. I miss Kakizaki. I miss Roy. I miss Dad.
"Misa once said that I was the strong one. There were times I wish that wasn't true because being the stronger hurts more. But damn her eyes, I have to be. She needs it.
"I just wish for once, I didn't have to be the strong one. I wish I didn't have to be alone."
- Excerpt from the journal of Ichijo Hikaru, First Lieutenant, United Nations Space Navy
*****
She walked down that small dirt path from her small house, marching with her moonlight shadow as a little practice before she joined the Academy. Her small stride was going to be an issue in drilling, but she was determined to make it and any other hurdles not a problem. The recent storm had left a fresh, humid smell to the air; the green blades of grass twinkled from the uncovered full moon.
She saw him sitting on their handmade tree swing, gripping the rope and brushing the soles of his shoes against the grass, the polished shoes as glassy as the wet grass below. His body was encased in a stark navy blue and white officer's uniform, as fresh and as crisp as the storm's rain. The breeze seemed to carry his gentle voice, as he mumbled softly, staring down to the ground.
She called out his name and his head snapped up in surprise. After a brief moment, he turned to face her, a smile in bloom. She smiled in kind and stepped up her pace. There was a bark of laughter and a disapproving shake from his head as he told her that wasn't the way to march. She laughed back and enfolded her arms around him tightly, nuzzling into his right side. She stayed in that hug for the longest of times, his embrace tight and close.
He pulled away slowly, planting kisses in her hair and along her neck, being heartbreakingly tender to her. She looked up into his brown eyes and he looked back at her, his left hand stroking her face, his teeth catching his lower lip slightly. The night seemed to amplify the worry in his eyes.
As she stepped away and heard him talk, her heart panged relentlessly, but was soothed by his gentle reassurances. Station Mars was a dangerous assignment, he said, and he was under no illusions about the risk, but they needed good people there. She would always be in contact and that she would catch up eventually. He agreed with her that they could both wait four years until she got her diploma and commission. Admiral Hayase would ship her to Station Mars with his blessing and finally they would join hands among the stars.
They exchanged military salutes; his was crisp and well trained, hers was uncertain and slow, but both had a warm smile to it. They promised never to say good bye to each other. He gave her one more long painstakingly gentle kiss in the soothing, romantic gale.
"We'll just be separated for now," he said, his lips brushing hers, "but I will see you again. When we meet again, it'll be for the last time, because I'll never leave you Misa. I promise."
She joined the United Nations military through the UN Spacy Academy in the United States in 2007. She shot up to the head of the class, and was in constant contact with him and her father. On May 24, 2007, after a class on leadership and the necessary separation of the officer from his or her subordinates, her father, Admiral Hayase met her outside class and took her for a walk outside near the coast. It had just rained again, and the smell and the air reminded her of that day she left him for a while. In fact, she was looking forward to the novel-long letter from him. The wind was picking up from the ocean when he told her the news.
He was being sent back up into space that day to command a task force bound for Mars.
Research Colony Station Mars had been attacked by anti-UN terrorists.
He wanted to be the one to tell her instead of having her read it in an e-mail.
First Lieutenant Karl Riber, Medic, United Nations Space Navy, based on Research Colony Station Mars, was among the fatalities.
There was more, but she didn't hear it; she bolted from her father, sucking in air in broken breaths. She tripped and sent her face sliding across the moist grass, thankful that the grass was wet. She buried her face into the grass, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering, the wind whipping around her, snapping the ends of her uniform.
Her eyes opened to see nothingness, intermittently broken by a dim pulsing red LED beside her. Misa curled herself tighter into the sheets, and heaved silently, her face moist with tears. She turned her head to read the red light before flinging her hand at the off button.
For a moment, she almost forgot she was in love.
*****
"Damnit, boy, I don't care if you're the 19-year-old sassy ass superstar pilot that waxed that talking head of a fleet commander! When EVER you pass by a superior officer, you will salute smartly at exactly 6 paces before walking past that officer, and you will not bring down that salute until that officer salutes you, do I make myself CLEAR? And wipe that smile off your face, god damn it! You never smile while saluting to a passing commanding officer! Now get out of my face! GODDAMN LIEUTENANT, are your muscles made of cheap spaghetti? You call that a salute? I call that an abortion! That was a disgrace to your uniform! That was NOT a salute. Bring that arm up sharply or I'll break it! That's better! DISMISSED!"
Hikaru walked exactly ten paces into an empty elevator, did a drill perfect about face as the doors closed, and brought up his arm for another salute to the colonel's back that would have earned him a court-martial. The colonel, former United States Marine Corps, was famous for his stand-by-for-a-fighter-pilot, Great Santini, Old Guard Marine antics, so it was easily forgiven. The smile formed back on his face and Hikaru fairly ran through the offices and out into - finally! - Macross City. The day was far too early and young to be spoiled by some officer that thought he was still a drill sergeant. He strode quickly through the light foot traffic and made his way through the thoroughfare of Macross City.
Even after living in the city for 2 years, it never ceased to amaze Hikaru to see such energy and life. It reminded him very much of the stories of frontier towns in North America; crowded, compact, changing, and everyone in the town was convinced they that the frontier was theirs for the taking. The history of the city, Hikaru knew, would be more famous and well documented than any other city in history.
It was understandable, since the city he was in right now was a self-sufficient modern industrial civilian city of 80,000 people in a biosphere inside a 1-kilometer long spaceship warship, which just happened to be alien in origin that had crash landed into a South Pacific island in 1999, had traveled the length of the solar system in three months time, was defended by a select group of pilots of which he was a part of who flew transforming fighter planes called Valkyries, had survived a running war against an insanely superior enemy, and in the end was the only intact city on the face of the planet after 'the Rain of Death' had turned the Earth into dust.
He took a mental breath and blinked, stopping at the other end of a crosswalk, still trying to digest all that history.
He questioned, in his infinite wide-eyed take on life, even after all that happening, if this was just the beginning. As he saw his destination come into view and a mental image of Misa came to mind, he had a feeling he hadn't even started.
Café Borrone bustled much more for its size. It wasn't even a café anymore, really. It originally started out as a one story little hole in the wall, but somehow it grew into a two level restaurant; a small quaint restaurant was upstairs and the hip and bustling street café stayed downstairs. Natural light from the rest of the ship warmly illuminated the glass walled café. The restaurant had the old style French ambience, replete with red carpet; copies of Monéts hung on the intrinsically carved wooden walls and soft violin music played in the background. People could come and sit down to enjoy a filling dinner or grab a morning commuter's cup of "swoffee", a house brew advertised to " jumpstart you faster than a tongue in the light socket." Misa and Hikaru didn't dispute it.
Hikaru's trained eyes shifted from left to right until they caught onto a slender feminine figure dressed in white and long brown locks. He called out Misa's name and felt his heart quiver when she smiled back, waving with a timid hand. Dodging both seated patrons and hurried busboys, he found his way to his waiting commanding officer and two plastic cups of swoffee.
"Just because I'm your lover doesn't mean you don't have to salute me anymore," she said while standing up to reinforce the point.
Hikaru humored her with a salute. "My apologies in being lax in my respect to superior officers, Major." With that, he took another step forward and grasped her shoulders, placing a kiss on her forehead, earning a gasp.
"Hello, Misa," he whispered before sitting down.
"Aren't you overdoing that respect, Lieutenant?" A light tinge of pink brightened her normally pale face.
Hikaru shook his head. "You didn't object."
Misa sipped her cup of the house brew and smirked. "Should I have?"
"No." Ichijo leaned back a little on his chair and stretched before taking a sip of his own. "How's the swoffee today?"
"Dull," she said. Her smile blossomed when she saw Hikaru cough and his eyes fling open from the surge of caffeine and espresso. "How's the squadron coming along?"
"Better than expected," he managed. "Cassidy's flying is improving a little, but she can damn near sign her name on the back of a moving 'Pod with the GU-11. Ijima's itching to face off Max at Red Flag. He's been watching every single move that Max makes and tries to figure out how to outthink him. Squadron thinks he actually stands a chance," Ichijo said with a hint of pride and a sip.
"Think it can be done?"
"Five credits gets you in, ma'am."
"There's a pool?" Misa asked incredulously. After Hikaru nodded, she shook her head and looked into Ichijo's eyes. "Max is going to fly rings around Ijima before he even realizes it."
That caused Hikaru's head to jerk a little. He remembered just why he had called to meet Misa at this early time in the first place. "Misa, and I mean Misa, can we push tonight's date to Friday?"
Misa's eyes unfocused slightly before she nodded. "I guess that would be okay, but why the change?
Hikaru smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't even done my face pages yet."
Misa tisked at Hikaru. "Lieutenant, such sloppy officework. That doesn't befit someone of your position."
Hikaru cocked his head slightly, smirking. "Didn't we postpone this dinner in the first place because you didn't…"
"Hikaru…."
"Yeesh." Hikaru put his hands up in surrender. "Those eyes should be legalized weapons."
Misa shot a nastier look before softening it with an equally understanding smile. "The never ending nightmare of bureaucracy, eh, Hikaru?"
"Three bags full, Major."
*****
Misa found it amazing what people think they can say behind your back without being heard. Being in command of a mostly female staff in a compact and open space with elaborate communication systems, Misa heard more than the crew intended, but she shrugged off most of the scuttlebutt. It would have been bad form to act on that knowledge she knew people thought was private, but from time to time, she listened a little more closely than she would admit.
One of those times was now. The dayshift was nearing evening, the day's activities being nothing more to do other than giving permission to the flyboys to soar into the blue sky and ordering others to land and rest. At times like these, she felt like a mother telling her children to come back home as night fell. After the defeat of Bodolza's Grand Fleet, the impending threat of annihilation lost itself over time and little by little and the crew began to relax at their stations. Even Misa, a seasoned, experienced officer, allowed her attention to wander a little amid the sound of chatter, gleepery, and the hushed whir of the ventilation system.
"Do you remember Asisa Katuragi? The maintenance techie from swingshift?" Lieutenant Kim Kabirov, the shift's primary electronic intelligence and warfare officer, asked another bridge bunny offhandedly.
Sammy Porter, the primary radar technician, replied after a moment's thought, "The one with the light pink hair?"
Misa smiled at the mental picture. That was the one quirk about UN uniform regulations. Despite the very specific guidelines from the uniform jacket down to the fingernails, hair color and style was 'suggested', even almost neglected in the manual. However, by unspoken consensus, the more senior one was, the more professional and proper their hair would be.
"That's the one. Hear about her boyfriend?"
"Nuh-uh! Weren't they, like, really close?
"Mhmm." Kim said coyly. "Well, she broke up with her boyfriend today. Got really nasty."
It figured, Misa thought. That non-com was known for being such a playboy. By her count, that was his third girl this month. She smirked sadly. Poor girl was just another notch on the stock.
"The maintenance section? What were they doing in there?"
"She was cleaning out the shafts." Misa could hear the smile in her voice.
"No! You mean she…?"
There was a moment of silence before the girls ewwed to each other before they had a fit of giggles. Misa weakened and let a smile come out as she settled into her seat.
"Lieutenant Kabirov?" She said casually.
The two junior officers read it as a disciplinarily action, nearly snapping to attention in their chairs. "Yes, Major?" They simultaneously asked with a start.
"Could you please forward me the latest reports from the ELINT over California?" Misa asked, referring to an Electronics Intelligence fighter.
"Uh, yes, Major!" Kim hastily tapped at her keyboard, sending the requested files to her commanding officer's console. Sammy began conducting follow-ups on where various units where and looking for any unusual blips.
"Lieutenant Kabirov?"
The short raven-haired girl looked back at her with a touch of fear in her eyes. "Yes, Major?"
"You didn't do anything wrong did you?"
"N… no, Major. Not at all."
Misa smiled lopsidedly at that. "Carry on then and please relax."
"Yes, Major!"
Misa turned back to her console and read the screen, allowing an even larger smile. Rank SO Hath Its Privileges. A couple of minutes passed as the girls went about their tasks before the gossip resumed, quietly this time around.
"She can be a real bitch at times," Kim muttered.
Misa continued working.
"Ya, I know, but she's got to be. Duty and all. She's not that bad off-duty."
"Eh? Superwoman not being the upright uptight bitch brigade?"
She looked over the recent reports of hostile Zentradi movement near what was the San Francisco Bay Area. A troop carrier loyal to the deceased Bodolza has supposedly crash-landed there, so it was worth sending a few flights over to check it out.
"Come on, you think anyone can be like that?" Sammy replied in the major's defense. "She took out me, Claudia, and Kathy out to dinner last night and she was really cool."
There was a sigh. "Well, that just goes to show you how getting filled does a girl good."
Misa hailed Apollo Squadron Flight 2 and Blue Squadron Flight 6, both of which were south of San Francisco, and informed them of the latest intelligence before directing them to the crash-site.
"Mmmm. That Hikaru," Sammy said dreamily, with a touch of a moan in her throat. "Wow, she's so lucky to have such a sweet guy!"
"Alone with that hunk for a month? At least she's got taste."
"You think they did it while we were gone?"
Kim laughed. "Of course! Wouldn't you boink him if you had the chance?"
Misa shifted her legs a little and sat up, gnawing on her lower lip a little. A moan more passionate than Sammy's came from her throat and she forced her gaze down, fighting the redness in her cheeks. She scolded herself, knowing that she saved that memory for when she was in bed.
"Well, I'm not a slut like you."
"Bitch." The two giggled a little.
"Have ya heard what's Hunky Hikaru's been planning?" Kim said in a much quieter voice.
"Nuh-uh! He's had that look on his face for so long." There was a pause, followed by a gasp and a likewise quieter voice. "He's got something planned doesn't he?"
Misa looked at the console studiously but paid no attention to it.
"Mhmm. Saw loverboy take the major around the malls yesterday. They so looked like a couple!"
"How do you think he's going to do it?"
"Well, for starters, he's gotta buy the…"
"Hello! Hold on a second, Kim," Sammy exclaimed quietly. After a moment, "I think we've got business."
Misa's mind reset itself, picking up the tone of voice in the lieutenant's voice. She glanced at the now blinking screen, and the new blip that had just joined the blue ones near the California peninsula.
"Major," Sammy called out, "new contact at Sector XP-Y17. Fairly large bandit, about 550 meters in length."
Kim's voice had changed to from a girlish, immature voice to a concise, professional one. "Bandit's a bogey. Transponder identifies it as Type 5 troop carrier Cintralo from 758th Bodolza Expeditionary Fleet. Confidence is high. I'm pulling up projected assets now."
Misa nodded, cueing up the Combat Information Center's Public Announcement system. At the same time, the normally warm sunlight yellow lights dimmed to a starker hazy orange.
"Attention. Warship takeoff detected at Sector XP-Y17. Warship identified as one Type 5 Zentradi troop carrier from 758th Bodolza Expeditionary Fleet. Confidence is high. I say again, one hostile Type 5 troop carrier detected at XP-Y17. Confidence is high. Apollo and Blue Squadrons moving to intercept."
Instantly, giddy, gossipy, conversations were replaced with terse exchanges of military jargon that were devoid of all emotion. She began trading information with other staffers and the pilots in the field, information that was the currency of survival in combat. A moment ago, the Bridge Bunnies were casually talking about life and laughter to their good friends. Now, they were talking intimately about carrier takeoffs and reinforcements to total strangers that they would never see or know. It still amazed Misa how much depended on such conversations.
Misa knew, they all knew, that it was schizophrenia imposed by necessity.
A small part of her was grateful that Hikaru was on rotation today. More information filled her screen and panicked voices of aviators filled her ears. She closed off all thoughts of a person whom she loved that wasn't in harms way and worked for the people that she never knew that were.
*****
The problem with using an excuse such as paperwork, Hikaru reflected, is that you have to do paperwork to make the excuse legitimate. He really could have had dinner tonight, but the layaway's time limit was closing time today. On top of that, he had to ensure that Misa had no idea of what was going on. He would have finished the papers and be out with time to spare, but that goddamned DI for a colonel just happened to drop by and asked for the training forms that could have been filled out later but he wanted them tonight. In order to make it to the shop, he forwent a real breakfast and his usual lunch, surviving on that one cup of swoffee.
With a growling stomach, he looked at his watch, reading 1845 hours.
With a flourish, Hikaru punched the Enter key and turned off the monitor. "Sergeant?"
An older man with a heavy muscular build and a whitewall head looked into the door of Hikaru's office. "Yes, sir?"
"Did you finish most of the ordinance forms?" A nod. "Then take off early, Jeff."
"Leaving early are we, sir?
Hikaru chuckled. "Yep."
The staff sergeant of 32 years offered a knowing smile. "Classified, sir?"
The first lieutenant of 18 years offered a lovestruck smile. "Classified."
Staff Sergeant Jeff Raemen saluted Hikaru before punching his arm lightly. "C'mon, Lieutenant, I'll drive you over to the city. You don't have much time left."
Indeed they didn't, since the store closed promptly at 7:00. Raemen loved driving fast; he looked for any excuse to drive as physically possible with a jeep in a confined space. Within a minute, they passed through the final checkpoint and joined the rest of the traffic in Macross City.
Hikaru flipped through his wallet and made sure the money and the order was with him for the fiftieth time, pausing each time to look at the small photo of Misa posing against a tree. During the blessedly short drive and shorter walk over to the mall, he ran through his mind the dozen or so scenarios that could happen.
Was dinner an appropriate time? What about after some club hopping? Maybe after dancing a slow song or one that she liked? Wasn't her favorite song Because You Loved Me? What about one of the viewports that overlooked the Pacific? Or in her quarters? How would he do the buildup? Or even ask it?
"You should relax, Lieutenant. Just let it come naturally to you."
Hikaru blinked from his reverie and looked to his right. "I am relaxed," he protested.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Granted." Hikaru said it more like a question rather than an affirmation.
"Horseshit, sir. You're nervous and giddy as all hell and you're just getting the ring." The sergeant opened the door into the store for him. "You've got the same exact look whenever I was thinking about my proposal to Sandy and I'd bet a month's salary that you were thinking just now about how to pop the question to Misa."
Hikaru opened his mouth before shutting it with a smile, resigned. "Yes, you're right."
"Savor the moment, Hikaru," Jeff said sagely. "Asking the question of questions will probably be the most pleasing nerve-racking experience you'll ever have."
With that, Ichijo walked past the glass cabinet displays of the various pieces of glittering jewelry and up to a saleswoman, hand pulling out his wallet and the receipt. "Hello, my name is Hikaru Ichijo. I'm here to pick up the gift I put on layaway."
The saleswoman nodded and walked to the back.
"You do have something planned right?"
"Bah!" Hikaru whirled on the sergeant and knocked him on the shoulder. "I thought you said for me not to worry about it!"
"I did!" Jeff rubbed his arm lightly, grinning broadly. "So?"
"So."
Silence.
"You REALLY don't have anything planned?"
Hikaru blushed shyly, his boyishness coming out as he motioned to the register. "I'm getting the engagement gift, aren't I?"
"I guess." Jeff stared blankly at Hikaru. "Wait. What do you mean 'engagement gift'?"
"Mr. Ichijo?" The saleswoman asked as she came up with a small velvet box. She opened it slowly, almost subtly dramatic as if she practiced this, and held the box in the light at just the right angle, making the contents glittering and shine in that perfect way. Hikaru blinked and felt his breath hitch a little. Guy or girl, this necklace sure took the breath away. A part of his mind wondered if this was all part of the sales pitch to take his money. Ah well, he was ripped off for worse.
"Oh wow," someone murmured. Hikaru wasn't sure if he said it or if Jeff did.
It was a necklace that its simplicity made it look elegant, much like Misa, Hikaru reflected. Well-polished, shining white cultured pearls formed the choker while in the middle was a small green emerald that matched Misa's eyes perfectly. The emerald was incased in intrinsically designed white gold blossom leaves.
"Jesus, Hikaru, don't tell me that's…" His voice tapered off after a moment's realization.
"I went window-shopping a few weeks ago with Misa," Hikaru explained. "She jokingly asked me to get that for her as an engagement gift rather than a ring. She fell in love with it."
Jeff turned to look into Hikaru's eyes, still locked onto the gift, and wondered if the glint was from the necklace or if it was natural.
"I really wanted to spoil her these last few days, Jeff. It's been so hard on her." He smiled again, tenderly, looking into the emerald to look for his reflection. "She'll love it."
Jeff looked at his boss and wondered if that youthful look was a façade and he was really a mature, old man. He had heard that tone of voice before, but not with someone so young.
"Will you be paying cash, check, or credit, sir?"
The polite feminine voice snapped the two out of their reverie as quickly as she shut the velvet box.
"Well," Hikaru said.
"'Well' indeed, El-Tee," Jeff said.
Hikaru nodded once, decisively. "Cash, ma'am."
Payment, gift-wrapped box, and pleasantries were exchanged. As the two soldiers walked out of the store in step, Jeff shook his head in mock disgust.
"So young, yet so… whipped, Lieutenant."
"You want a court-martial for insubordination, Staff Sergeant Raemen?"
"Not a man in the officer corps would convict me, sir."
"Oh shut up."
*****
Disclaimer: Macross, Robotech, and Macross: DYRL are registered trademarks of their respective owners. This fanfiction was written for creative purposes only and is not meant in any way to infringe on the rights of the owners.
Besides, whadda they gonna do to me? Sue?
Forget I said that.
Author's Note: The first of many chapters. Ouch. This was intended to be only a short story, but it sort of took on a life of its own.
I guess it came from the fact that I wanted people to FEEL something when they would read one of my works. I wanted people to relate to Misa and Hikaru and reflect on their own experiences. I am bound, literally, by my words, since I can't express exactly how I feel and translate it into words. I'm fond of saying that writers try to do with words that photographers try do with pictures: to capture the moment and communicate with it. Promise Me was a challenge to myself to break the norm of 'Hollywood' style plots, tied in closely to my own introspection into what I thought about growing up, love, and life.
This is a fanfiction, so it its worth your time, please review it and if you do like it a lot (or hate it too, I'm not picky), please recommend this fanfiction to others; Macross fans, anime otakus, and fiction readers alike. All comments can be sent to francishikaru@yahoo.com
Remember: writing, like art, is meant to be shared and to inspire!
Thank you for reading.
Francis Hikaru
Promise Me?
By Francis Hikaru
*****
Chapter One
Introspections
"It's been a month and three days after the knockout blow to the Grand Fleet and I've lost another three in combat actions today: 2nd Lt. Ritusko Alhara, 1st Lt. Robert Thompson, Mst. Sergeant Lily Sizemore.
"Some victory.
"Mop up operations, while fewer, are getting costlier and bloodier by the day, even with Minmay's song and the combined allied Meltrandi/Zentradi fleets. The loyalist factions have adapted well, fighting without the aid of communications so as to not become affected by the song. It's costly, but we're the only ones who care about living.
"The strain from the constant fighting is now showing up in degrading morale. We're damned close to the breaking point, after years of long, dragged out fighting. We tried to hide the pain of constant war and by living as normally as we could in Macross, we convinced ourselves that nothing was really wrong. I guess we were too busy with surviving to dwell on that pain, that loss. But now with victory (what a hollow word) in grasp, we're beginning to pay to price of bottling up all that anger, fear, loss… emotion.
"Doubtless, there will be stories of how we tried to live our lives normally despite all that uncertainty and fear and how noble and strong we were. And we were too. We have to be. I had to be. She had to be.
"But, damnit, that pain and loss keep coming back. An old card here, a familiar smell there, a mannerism that reminded you of a story of a good buddy; they keep coming back and cherishing them was something we love to do, but did little of. We hid it away from each other with each smile, knowing and feeling deep inside how painful it is to lose a friend, a parent, a lover. I had to pretend it wasn't there, even though I could feel it when I looked at the casualty rosters, when I looked at Minmay's pictures before she came back. It's empty, cold, and it gnaws at the one point in my heart where it hurts the most. It feels so private, so deep; when we try to comfort each other, it just hurt that much more and we just bury it that much more deeper.
"And alone. Lord, the loneliness is unbearable. During the exploration of our ruined Earth, when Misa was fast asleep, I walked away from her as far as I could and let myself fall to the ground and cry. I curled up to myself so tightly that I though I would fall into my own empty heart. I couldn't let her see me cry so hard. I miss Kakizaki. I miss Roy. I miss Dad.
"Misa once said that I was the strong one. There were times I wish that wasn't true because being the stronger hurts more. But damn her eyes, I have to be. She needs it.
"I just wish for once, I didn't have to be the strong one. I wish I didn't have to be alone."
- Excerpt from the journal of Ichijo Hikaru, First Lieutenant, United Nations Space Navy
*****
She walked down that small dirt path from her small house, marching with her moonlight shadow as a little practice before she joined the Academy. Her small stride was going to be an issue in drilling, but she was determined to make it and any other hurdles not a problem. The recent storm had left a fresh, humid smell to the air; the green blades of grass twinkled from the uncovered full moon.
She saw him sitting on their handmade tree swing, gripping the rope and brushing the soles of his shoes against the grass, the polished shoes as glassy as the wet grass below. His body was encased in a stark navy blue and white officer's uniform, as fresh and as crisp as the storm's rain. The breeze seemed to carry his gentle voice, as he mumbled softly, staring down to the ground.
She called out his name and his head snapped up in surprise. After a brief moment, he turned to face her, a smile in bloom. She smiled in kind and stepped up her pace. There was a bark of laughter and a disapproving shake from his head as he told her that wasn't the way to march. She laughed back and enfolded her arms around him tightly, nuzzling into his right side. She stayed in that hug for the longest of times, his embrace tight and close.
He pulled away slowly, planting kisses in her hair and along her neck, being heartbreakingly tender to her. She looked up into his brown eyes and he looked back at her, his left hand stroking her face, his teeth catching his lower lip slightly. The night seemed to amplify the worry in his eyes.
As she stepped away and heard him talk, her heart panged relentlessly, but was soothed by his gentle reassurances. Station Mars was a dangerous assignment, he said, and he was under no illusions about the risk, but they needed good people there. She would always be in contact and that she would catch up eventually. He agreed with her that they could both wait four years until she got her diploma and commission. Admiral Hayase would ship her to Station Mars with his blessing and finally they would join hands among the stars.
They exchanged military salutes; his was crisp and well trained, hers was uncertain and slow, but both had a warm smile to it. They promised never to say good bye to each other. He gave her one more long painstakingly gentle kiss in the soothing, romantic gale.
"We'll just be separated for now," he said, his lips brushing hers, "but I will see you again. When we meet again, it'll be for the last time, because I'll never leave you Misa. I promise."
She joined the United Nations military through the UN Spacy Academy in the United States in 2007. She shot up to the head of the class, and was in constant contact with him and her father. On May 24, 2007, after a class on leadership and the necessary separation of the officer from his or her subordinates, her father, Admiral Hayase met her outside class and took her for a walk outside near the coast. It had just rained again, and the smell and the air reminded her of that day she left him for a while. In fact, she was looking forward to the novel-long letter from him. The wind was picking up from the ocean when he told her the news.
He was being sent back up into space that day to command a task force bound for Mars.
Research Colony Station Mars had been attacked by anti-UN terrorists.
He wanted to be the one to tell her instead of having her read it in an e-mail.
First Lieutenant Karl Riber, Medic, United Nations Space Navy, based on Research Colony Station Mars, was among the fatalities.
There was more, but she didn't hear it; she bolted from her father, sucking in air in broken breaths. She tripped and sent her face sliding across the moist grass, thankful that the grass was wet. She buried her face into the grass, wrapping her arms around herself, shivering, the wind whipping around her, snapping the ends of her uniform.
Her eyes opened to see nothingness, intermittently broken by a dim pulsing red LED beside her. Misa curled herself tighter into the sheets, and heaved silently, her face moist with tears. She turned her head to read the red light before flinging her hand at the off button.
For a moment, she almost forgot she was in love.
*****
"Damnit, boy, I don't care if you're the 19-year-old sassy ass superstar pilot that waxed that talking head of a fleet commander! When EVER you pass by a superior officer, you will salute smartly at exactly 6 paces before walking past that officer, and you will not bring down that salute until that officer salutes you, do I make myself CLEAR? And wipe that smile off your face, god damn it! You never smile while saluting to a passing commanding officer! Now get out of my face! GODDAMN LIEUTENANT, are your muscles made of cheap spaghetti? You call that a salute? I call that an abortion! That was a disgrace to your uniform! That was NOT a salute. Bring that arm up sharply or I'll break it! That's better! DISMISSED!"
Hikaru walked exactly ten paces into an empty elevator, did a drill perfect about face as the doors closed, and brought up his arm for another salute to the colonel's back that would have earned him a court-martial. The colonel, former United States Marine Corps, was famous for his stand-by-for-a-fighter-pilot, Great Santini, Old Guard Marine antics, so it was easily forgiven. The smile formed back on his face and Hikaru fairly ran through the offices and out into - finally! - Macross City. The day was far too early and young to be spoiled by some officer that thought he was still a drill sergeant. He strode quickly through the light foot traffic and made his way through the thoroughfare of Macross City.
Even after living in the city for 2 years, it never ceased to amaze Hikaru to see such energy and life. It reminded him very much of the stories of frontier towns in North America; crowded, compact, changing, and everyone in the town was convinced they that the frontier was theirs for the taking. The history of the city, Hikaru knew, would be more famous and well documented than any other city in history.
It was understandable, since the city he was in right now was a self-sufficient modern industrial civilian city of 80,000 people in a biosphere inside a 1-kilometer long spaceship warship, which just happened to be alien in origin that had crash landed into a South Pacific island in 1999, had traveled the length of the solar system in three months time, was defended by a select group of pilots of which he was a part of who flew transforming fighter planes called Valkyries, had survived a running war against an insanely superior enemy, and in the end was the only intact city on the face of the planet after 'the Rain of Death' had turned the Earth into dust.
He took a mental breath and blinked, stopping at the other end of a crosswalk, still trying to digest all that history.
He questioned, in his infinite wide-eyed take on life, even after all that happening, if this was just the beginning. As he saw his destination come into view and a mental image of Misa came to mind, he had a feeling he hadn't even started.
Café Borrone bustled much more for its size. It wasn't even a café anymore, really. It originally started out as a one story little hole in the wall, but somehow it grew into a two level restaurant; a small quaint restaurant was upstairs and the hip and bustling street café stayed downstairs. Natural light from the rest of the ship warmly illuminated the glass walled café. The restaurant had the old style French ambience, replete with red carpet; copies of Monéts hung on the intrinsically carved wooden walls and soft violin music played in the background. People could come and sit down to enjoy a filling dinner or grab a morning commuter's cup of "swoffee", a house brew advertised to " jumpstart you faster than a tongue in the light socket." Misa and Hikaru didn't dispute it.
Hikaru's trained eyes shifted from left to right until they caught onto a slender feminine figure dressed in white and long brown locks. He called out Misa's name and felt his heart quiver when she smiled back, waving with a timid hand. Dodging both seated patrons and hurried busboys, he found his way to his waiting commanding officer and two plastic cups of swoffee.
"Just because I'm your lover doesn't mean you don't have to salute me anymore," she said while standing up to reinforce the point.
Hikaru humored her with a salute. "My apologies in being lax in my respect to superior officers, Major." With that, he took another step forward and grasped her shoulders, placing a kiss on her forehead, earning a gasp.
"Hello, Misa," he whispered before sitting down.
"Aren't you overdoing that respect, Lieutenant?" A light tinge of pink brightened her normally pale face.
Hikaru shook his head. "You didn't object."
Misa sipped her cup of the house brew and smirked. "Should I have?"
"No." Ichijo leaned back a little on his chair and stretched before taking a sip of his own. "How's the swoffee today?"
"Dull," she said. Her smile blossomed when she saw Hikaru cough and his eyes fling open from the surge of caffeine and espresso. "How's the squadron coming along?"
"Better than expected," he managed. "Cassidy's flying is improving a little, but she can damn near sign her name on the back of a moving 'Pod with the GU-11. Ijima's itching to face off Max at Red Flag. He's been watching every single move that Max makes and tries to figure out how to outthink him. Squadron thinks he actually stands a chance," Ichijo said with a hint of pride and a sip.
"Think it can be done?"
"Five credits gets you in, ma'am."
"There's a pool?" Misa asked incredulously. After Hikaru nodded, she shook her head and looked into Ichijo's eyes. "Max is going to fly rings around Ijima before he even realizes it."
That caused Hikaru's head to jerk a little. He remembered just why he had called to meet Misa at this early time in the first place. "Misa, and I mean Misa, can we push tonight's date to Friday?"
Misa's eyes unfocused slightly before she nodded. "I guess that would be okay, but why the change?
Hikaru smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Haven't even done my face pages yet."
Misa tisked at Hikaru. "Lieutenant, such sloppy officework. That doesn't befit someone of your position."
Hikaru cocked his head slightly, smirking. "Didn't we postpone this dinner in the first place because you didn't…"
"Hikaru…."
"Yeesh." Hikaru put his hands up in surrender. "Those eyes should be legalized weapons."
Misa shot a nastier look before softening it with an equally understanding smile. "The never ending nightmare of bureaucracy, eh, Hikaru?"
"Three bags full, Major."
*****
Misa found it amazing what people think they can say behind your back without being heard. Being in command of a mostly female staff in a compact and open space with elaborate communication systems, Misa heard more than the crew intended, but she shrugged off most of the scuttlebutt. It would have been bad form to act on that knowledge she knew people thought was private, but from time to time, she listened a little more closely than she would admit.
One of those times was now. The dayshift was nearing evening, the day's activities being nothing more to do other than giving permission to the flyboys to soar into the blue sky and ordering others to land and rest. At times like these, she felt like a mother telling her children to come back home as night fell. After the defeat of Bodolza's Grand Fleet, the impending threat of annihilation lost itself over time and little by little and the crew began to relax at their stations. Even Misa, a seasoned, experienced officer, allowed her attention to wander a little amid the sound of chatter, gleepery, and the hushed whir of the ventilation system.
"Do you remember Asisa Katuragi? The maintenance techie from swingshift?" Lieutenant Kim Kabirov, the shift's primary electronic intelligence and warfare officer, asked another bridge bunny offhandedly.
Sammy Porter, the primary radar technician, replied after a moment's thought, "The one with the light pink hair?"
Misa smiled at the mental picture. That was the one quirk about UN uniform regulations. Despite the very specific guidelines from the uniform jacket down to the fingernails, hair color and style was 'suggested', even almost neglected in the manual. However, by unspoken consensus, the more senior one was, the more professional and proper their hair would be.
"That's the one. Hear about her boyfriend?"
"Nuh-uh! Weren't they, like, really close?
"Mhmm." Kim said coyly. "Well, she broke up with her boyfriend today. Got really nasty."
It figured, Misa thought. That non-com was known for being such a playboy. By her count, that was his third girl this month. She smirked sadly. Poor girl was just another notch on the stock.
"The maintenance section? What were they doing in there?"
"She was cleaning out the shafts." Misa could hear the smile in her voice.
"No! You mean she…?"
There was a moment of silence before the girls ewwed to each other before they had a fit of giggles. Misa weakened and let a smile come out as she settled into her seat.
"Lieutenant Kabirov?" She said casually.
The two junior officers read it as a disciplinarily action, nearly snapping to attention in their chairs. "Yes, Major?" They simultaneously asked with a start.
"Could you please forward me the latest reports from the ELINT over California?" Misa asked, referring to an Electronics Intelligence fighter.
"Uh, yes, Major!" Kim hastily tapped at her keyboard, sending the requested files to her commanding officer's console. Sammy began conducting follow-ups on where various units where and looking for any unusual blips.
"Lieutenant Kabirov?"
The short raven-haired girl looked back at her with a touch of fear in her eyes. "Yes, Major?"
"You didn't do anything wrong did you?"
"N… no, Major. Not at all."
Misa smiled lopsidedly at that. "Carry on then and please relax."
"Yes, Major!"
Misa turned back to her console and read the screen, allowing an even larger smile. Rank SO Hath Its Privileges. A couple of minutes passed as the girls went about their tasks before the gossip resumed, quietly this time around.
"She can be a real bitch at times," Kim muttered.
Misa continued working.
"Ya, I know, but she's got to be. Duty and all. She's not that bad off-duty."
"Eh? Superwoman not being the upright uptight bitch brigade?"
She looked over the recent reports of hostile Zentradi movement near what was the San Francisco Bay Area. A troop carrier loyal to the deceased Bodolza has supposedly crash-landed there, so it was worth sending a few flights over to check it out.
"Come on, you think anyone can be like that?" Sammy replied in the major's defense. "She took out me, Claudia, and Kathy out to dinner last night and she was really cool."
There was a sigh. "Well, that just goes to show you how getting filled does a girl good."
Misa hailed Apollo Squadron Flight 2 and Blue Squadron Flight 6, both of which were south of San Francisco, and informed them of the latest intelligence before directing them to the crash-site.
"Mmmm. That Hikaru," Sammy said dreamily, with a touch of a moan in her throat. "Wow, she's so lucky to have such a sweet guy!"
"Alone with that hunk for a month? At least she's got taste."
"You think they did it while we were gone?"
Kim laughed. "Of course! Wouldn't you boink him if you had the chance?"
Misa shifted her legs a little and sat up, gnawing on her lower lip a little. A moan more passionate than Sammy's came from her throat and she forced her gaze down, fighting the redness in her cheeks. She scolded herself, knowing that she saved that memory for when she was in bed.
"Well, I'm not a slut like you."
"Bitch." The two giggled a little.
"Have ya heard what's Hunky Hikaru's been planning?" Kim said in a much quieter voice.
"Nuh-uh! He's had that look on his face for so long." There was a pause, followed by a gasp and a likewise quieter voice. "He's got something planned doesn't he?"
Misa looked at the console studiously but paid no attention to it.
"Mhmm. Saw loverboy take the major around the malls yesterday. They so looked like a couple!"
"How do you think he's going to do it?"
"Well, for starters, he's gotta buy the…"
"Hello! Hold on a second, Kim," Sammy exclaimed quietly. After a moment, "I think we've got business."
Misa's mind reset itself, picking up the tone of voice in the lieutenant's voice. She glanced at the now blinking screen, and the new blip that had just joined the blue ones near the California peninsula.
"Major," Sammy called out, "new contact at Sector XP-Y17. Fairly large bandit, about 550 meters in length."
Kim's voice had changed to from a girlish, immature voice to a concise, professional one. "Bandit's a bogey. Transponder identifies it as Type 5 troop carrier Cintralo from 758th Bodolza Expeditionary Fleet. Confidence is high. I'm pulling up projected assets now."
Misa nodded, cueing up the Combat Information Center's Public Announcement system. At the same time, the normally warm sunlight yellow lights dimmed to a starker hazy orange.
"Attention. Warship takeoff detected at Sector XP-Y17. Warship identified as one Type 5 Zentradi troop carrier from 758th Bodolza Expeditionary Fleet. Confidence is high. I say again, one hostile Type 5 troop carrier detected at XP-Y17. Confidence is high. Apollo and Blue Squadrons moving to intercept."
Instantly, giddy, gossipy, conversations were replaced with terse exchanges of military jargon that were devoid of all emotion. She began trading information with other staffers and the pilots in the field, information that was the currency of survival in combat. A moment ago, the Bridge Bunnies were casually talking about life and laughter to their good friends. Now, they were talking intimately about carrier takeoffs and reinforcements to total strangers that they would never see or know. It still amazed Misa how much depended on such conversations.
Misa knew, they all knew, that it was schizophrenia imposed by necessity.
A small part of her was grateful that Hikaru was on rotation today. More information filled her screen and panicked voices of aviators filled her ears. She closed off all thoughts of a person whom she loved that wasn't in harms way and worked for the people that she never knew that were.
*****
The problem with using an excuse such as paperwork, Hikaru reflected, is that you have to do paperwork to make the excuse legitimate. He really could have had dinner tonight, but the layaway's time limit was closing time today. On top of that, he had to ensure that Misa had no idea of what was going on. He would have finished the papers and be out with time to spare, but that goddamned DI for a colonel just happened to drop by and asked for the training forms that could have been filled out later but he wanted them tonight. In order to make it to the shop, he forwent a real breakfast and his usual lunch, surviving on that one cup of swoffee.
With a growling stomach, he looked at his watch, reading 1845 hours.
With a flourish, Hikaru punched the Enter key and turned off the monitor. "Sergeant?"
An older man with a heavy muscular build and a whitewall head looked into the door of Hikaru's office. "Yes, sir?"
"Did you finish most of the ordinance forms?" A nod. "Then take off early, Jeff."
"Leaving early are we, sir?
Hikaru chuckled. "Yep."
The staff sergeant of 32 years offered a knowing smile. "Classified, sir?"
The first lieutenant of 18 years offered a lovestruck smile. "Classified."
Staff Sergeant Jeff Raemen saluted Hikaru before punching his arm lightly. "C'mon, Lieutenant, I'll drive you over to the city. You don't have much time left."
Indeed they didn't, since the store closed promptly at 7:00. Raemen loved driving fast; he looked for any excuse to drive as physically possible with a jeep in a confined space. Within a minute, they passed through the final checkpoint and joined the rest of the traffic in Macross City.
Hikaru flipped through his wallet and made sure the money and the order was with him for the fiftieth time, pausing each time to look at the small photo of Misa posing against a tree. During the blessedly short drive and shorter walk over to the mall, he ran through his mind the dozen or so scenarios that could happen.
Was dinner an appropriate time? What about after some club hopping? Maybe after dancing a slow song or one that she liked? Wasn't her favorite song Because You Loved Me? What about one of the viewports that overlooked the Pacific? Or in her quarters? How would he do the buildup? Or even ask it?
"You should relax, Lieutenant. Just let it come naturally to you."
Hikaru blinked from his reverie and looked to his right. "I am relaxed," he protested.
"Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Granted." Hikaru said it more like a question rather than an affirmation.
"Horseshit, sir. You're nervous and giddy as all hell and you're just getting the ring." The sergeant opened the door into the store for him. "You've got the same exact look whenever I was thinking about my proposal to Sandy and I'd bet a month's salary that you were thinking just now about how to pop the question to Misa."
Hikaru opened his mouth before shutting it with a smile, resigned. "Yes, you're right."
"Savor the moment, Hikaru," Jeff said sagely. "Asking the question of questions will probably be the most pleasing nerve-racking experience you'll ever have."
With that, Ichijo walked past the glass cabinet displays of the various pieces of glittering jewelry and up to a saleswoman, hand pulling out his wallet and the receipt. "Hello, my name is Hikaru Ichijo. I'm here to pick up the gift I put on layaway."
The saleswoman nodded and walked to the back.
"You do have something planned right?"
"Bah!" Hikaru whirled on the sergeant and knocked him on the shoulder. "I thought you said for me not to worry about it!"
"I did!" Jeff rubbed his arm lightly, grinning broadly. "So?"
"So."
Silence.
"You REALLY don't have anything planned?"
Hikaru blushed shyly, his boyishness coming out as he motioned to the register. "I'm getting the engagement gift, aren't I?"
"I guess." Jeff stared blankly at Hikaru. "Wait. What do you mean 'engagement gift'?"
"Mr. Ichijo?" The saleswoman asked as she came up with a small velvet box. She opened it slowly, almost subtly dramatic as if she practiced this, and held the box in the light at just the right angle, making the contents glittering and shine in that perfect way. Hikaru blinked and felt his breath hitch a little. Guy or girl, this necklace sure took the breath away. A part of his mind wondered if this was all part of the sales pitch to take his money. Ah well, he was ripped off for worse.
"Oh wow," someone murmured. Hikaru wasn't sure if he said it or if Jeff did.
It was a necklace that its simplicity made it look elegant, much like Misa, Hikaru reflected. Well-polished, shining white cultured pearls formed the choker while in the middle was a small green emerald that matched Misa's eyes perfectly. The emerald was incased in intrinsically designed white gold blossom leaves.
"Jesus, Hikaru, don't tell me that's…" His voice tapered off after a moment's realization.
"I went window-shopping a few weeks ago with Misa," Hikaru explained. "She jokingly asked me to get that for her as an engagement gift rather than a ring. She fell in love with it."
Jeff turned to look into Hikaru's eyes, still locked onto the gift, and wondered if the glint was from the necklace or if it was natural.
"I really wanted to spoil her these last few days, Jeff. It's been so hard on her." He smiled again, tenderly, looking into the emerald to look for his reflection. "She'll love it."
Jeff looked at his boss and wondered if that youthful look was a façade and he was really a mature, old man. He had heard that tone of voice before, but not with someone so young.
"Will you be paying cash, check, or credit, sir?"
The polite feminine voice snapped the two out of their reverie as quickly as she shut the velvet box.
"Well," Hikaru said.
"'Well' indeed, El-Tee," Jeff said.
Hikaru nodded once, decisively. "Cash, ma'am."
Payment, gift-wrapped box, and pleasantries were exchanged. As the two soldiers walked out of the store in step, Jeff shook his head in mock disgust.
"So young, yet so… whipped, Lieutenant."
"You want a court-martial for insubordination, Staff Sergeant Raemen?"
"Not a man in the officer corps would convict me, sir."
"Oh shut up."
*****
Disclaimer: Macross, Robotech, and Macross: DYRL are registered trademarks of their respective owners. This fanfiction was written for creative purposes only and is not meant in any way to infringe on the rights of the owners.
Besides, whadda they gonna do to me? Sue?
Forget I said that.
Author's Note: The first of many chapters. Ouch. This was intended to be only a short story, but it sort of took on a life of its own.
I guess it came from the fact that I wanted people to FEEL something when they would read one of my works. I wanted people to relate to Misa and Hikaru and reflect on their own experiences. I am bound, literally, by my words, since I can't express exactly how I feel and translate it into words. I'm fond of saying that writers try to do with words that photographers try do with pictures: to capture the moment and communicate with it. Promise Me was a challenge to myself to break the norm of 'Hollywood' style plots, tied in closely to my own introspection into what I thought about growing up, love, and life.
This is a fanfiction, so it its worth your time, please review it and if you do like it a lot (or hate it too, I'm not picky), please recommend this fanfiction to others; Macross fans, anime otakus, and fiction readers alike. All comments can be sent to francishikaru@yahoo.com
Remember: writing, like art, is meant to be shared and to inspire!
Thank you for reading.
Francis Hikaru