CHAPTER FIVE: Ebony- Starting Over
I read plenty of prison novels taking place inside the criminal's mind, and there's always a scene that goes through his or hers- usually his- thoughts as they're facing the electric chair, hearing the verdict, going to meet the head prison committee, and the old feelings of dread and wonder passing through their minds.
Now I knew how they felt.
Dr. Engle had been working with me since my second day in the hospital, helping sort through my anxiety over the shooting and the issues I still had with my family. The latter issue had first been brought up when we wondered why no one ever came to visit me, besides Rose. He'd heard the news of the nasty court settlements over my earnings, but he still didn't understand why I resented my parents so much.
The dam broke in my relationship with my family after visiting day, when no one came to see me. The only form of communication from my parents was a cold letter in my mother's writing, simply stating, "You have only yourself to blame." No signature, no special design in the stationery, just those six words that would seal the hell's gate. Except for my few friends, I had no one else in the world.
At least I was lucky to have Dr. Engle to talk to when times were low, and to gently reprimand me every time I snapped at another patient. And at least he was better than Rose's therapist, who I heard made Freud look like an even bigger genius by comparison. Count my lucky stars.
Soon I was at his office door; "Dr. Jacob Engle," it read. I didn't even have to knock, my silhouette must've been seen from the other side. I heard Engle say, "Come in, Tericka."
This was it. These would be the moments that would determine my future as a human being. I pushed open the door and let myself in.
Dr. Engle was sitting behind a desk with two other doctors, a man and a woman I vaguely recognized. They all looked so stern, so official.
Gulp.
Oh, well, I couldn't run off now, or that would certainly ruin my chances of release. I simply closed the door and sat down in the small chair in front of them. I crossed my legs at the ankles, sat up straight, and smiled. I felt like I was at an audition.
But this was the most important audition of my life.
"Good morning, Miss Lalique," said the unfamiliar male doctor. "I trust you're feeling well today?" I nodded like the idiot I am. What did they think I was going to say? Hell no, I feel like I'm going to puke on your shoes any minute, now get me outta here? "Do you know why you've been called in here?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow and shook my head in fake stupidity. That's it, Tericka, you're an actress, dive into the role! "I don't think so…" I said. Ooh, I deserved an Oscar for this one.
"Well, I'm sure it's something you'll be glad to hear." The female shuffled a few papers on the desk. "You've been in Lakeview for about eight months now since your…incident," she hesitated, "has it been any help, you feel?"
Dag, the big interrogation. I shrugged before answering, "I guess so, I mean, Dr. Engle's really good to talk to, and I have very close friends here."
"Yes, that's something we've noticed," Dr. Engle said. "Since you first had contact with Anastasia Rosenauer, you've been progressing better than we expected. Very calm."
Gee, with the exception of the stress over my family and the stalker, I always thought of myself as a calm person. But not wanting to disagree and risk blowing my chances, I merely nodded.
He continued, "And another thing taken into consideration has to do with Haley Felder." He put down the paper he had and gave me an honest-to-God smile. "You have been the most caring and human patient I've had contact with."
I could feel my caramel skin turning maroon with blush and my inner temperature rising to a million degrees. Nobody had ever called me caring and humane in my whole life. Did he really mean it?
The woman said, "We trust that you're in a good position to work with people. That's why we've put in a good word for you at the children's hospital as part of the work-release program."
Isn't it amazing how two sentences can give a person whole new levels of joy and hope? No more confining walls, no more contact with fearsome strangers, no more resentment at the world.
She continued, "It's mostly work in the activity center, reading to children and such. You'll be given a minimum wage salary and housing in a one-room apartment."
"Thank you." Thank you? Christ, that was a tenth- a millionth of what I really wanted to say. But that was all that would come out.
Engle smiled again. "We knew you'd be happy with the outcome. You may go back to your room, Miss Lalique."
I nodded one more time, then simply got up and left. I had to go pack my things, and tell the others the good news.
(To be continued...)
I read plenty of prison novels taking place inside the criminal's mind, and there's always a scene that goes through his or hers- usually his- thoughts as they're facing the electric chair, hearing the verdict, going to meet the head prison committee, and the old feelings of dread and wonder passing through their minds.
Now I knew how they felt.
Dr. Engle had been working with me since my second day in the hospital, helping sort through my anxiety over the shooting and the issues I still had with my family. The latter issue had first been brought up when we wondered why no one ever came to visit me, besides Rose. He'd heard the news of the nasty court settlements over my earnings, but he still didn't understand why I resented my parents so much.
The dam broke in my relationship with my family after visiting day, when no one came to see me. The only form of communication from my parents was a cold letter in my mother's writing, simply stating, "You have only yourself to blame." No signature, no special design in the stationery, just those six words that would seal the hell's gate. Except for my few friends, I had no one else in the world.
At least I was lucky to have Dr. Engle to talk to when times were low, and to gently reprimand me every time I snapped at another patient. And at least he was better than Rose's therapist, who I heard made Freud look like an even bigger genius by comparison. Count my lucky stars.
Soon I was at his office door; "Dr. Jacob Engle," it read. I didn't even have to knock, my silhouette must've been seen from the other side. I heard Engle say, "Come in, Tericka."
This was it. These would be the moments that would determine my future as a human being. I pushed open the door and let myself in.
Dr. Engle was sitting behind a desk with two other doctors, a man and a woman I vaguely recognized. They all looked so stern, so official.
Gulp.
Oh, well, I couldn't run off now, or that would certainly ruin my chances of release. I simply closed the door and sat down in the small chair in front of them. I crossed my legs at the ankles, sat up straight, and smiled. I felt like I was at an audition.
But this was the most important audition of my life.
"Good morning, Miss Lalique," said the unfamiliar male doctor. "I trust you're feeling well today?" I nodded like the idiot I am. What did they think I was going to say? Hell no, I feel like I'm going to puke on your shoes any minute, now get me outta here? "Do you know why you've been called in here?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow and shook my head in fake stupidity. That's it, Tericka, you're an actress, dive into the role! "I don't think so…" I said. Ooh, I deserved an Oscar for this one.
"Well, I'm sure it's something you'll be glad to hear." The female shuffled a few papers on the desk. "You've been in Lakeview for about eight months now since your…incident," she hesitated, "has it been any help, you feel?"
Dag, the big interrogation. I shrugged before answering, "I guess so, I mean, Dr. Engle's really good to talk to, and I have very close friends here."
"Yes, that's something we've noticed," Dr. Engle said. "Since you first had contact with Anastasia Rosenauer, you've been progressing better than we expected. Very calm."
Gee, with the exception of the stress over my family and the stalker, I always thought of myself as a calm person. But not wanting to disagree and risk blowing my chances, I merely nodded.
He continued, "And another thing taken into consideration has to do with Haley Felder." He put down the paper he had and gave me an honest-to-God smile. "You have been the most caring and human patient I've had contact with."
I could feel my caramel skin turning maroon with blush and my inner temperature rising to a million degrees. Nobody had ever called me caring and humane in my whole life. Did he really mean it?
The woman said, "We trust that you're in a good position to work with people. That's why we've put in a good word for you at the children's hospital as part of the work-release program."
Isn't it amazing how two sentences can give a person whole new levels of joy and hope? No more confining walls, no more contact with fearsome strangers, no more resentment at the world.
She continued, "It's mostly work in the activity center, reading to children and such. You'll be given a minimum wage salary and housing in a one-room apartment."
"Thank you." Thank you? Christ, that was a tenth- a millionth of what I really wanted to say. But that was all that would come out.
Engle smiled again. "We knew you'd be happy with the outcome. You may go back to your room, Miss Lalique."
I nodded one more time, then simply got up and left. I had to go pack my things, and tell the others the good news.
(To be continued...)