CHAPTER SIX: Violet- Don't Believe A Word
I had barely just woken up from a dream when I heard the running in the hallway. It was as vaguely real as dreams could get. I was eleven years old again, and jumping rope in front of my house with June and Olive, who would move away soon after. Daddy came to the door to call me in for dinner, and I ran into the house, kicking up rust-colored leaves around me…
But that was innocence, and innocence was six years ago. Six years ago was history, and history was long gone.
I sighed, trying to hold on to the memory, but it slipped away like dreams usually do. A pair of high heels came clicking down the hallway. Who did I know that wore high heels all the time?
Rose poked her head in the doorway, long dark hair frilling about. "Hey, Vi, you okay?" she asked.
I sat up as carefully as my stomach permitted me. "I guess. What're you so happy about?
She stepped into the room with her trademark clicks and sat down beside my bed. What a smile on those rose-colored lips. "Turns out Skylar-"
I shuddered. "If I never hear that name again, it'll be too soon for me."
"No, listen to me." Rose put a hand on my shoulder. "It turns out Skylar wasn't kidding about the doctors. Engle asked to talk to Ebony a few minutes ago. I've got a good feeling about this one."
As much as I wanted to trust Rose- she was one of my few friends in the world now- I was never one to trust hunches or premonitions or whatever you call them.
For a long time, I could never trust anybody at all.
The first time I realized this was at my mother's grave at the tender age of nine. After battling melanoma for eight months, she had lost and was now taking the "long dirt nap," as my yucky cousin Victor insisted on calling it the whole week before.
After all the dirt was placed on top of the grave, I began sobbing loudly. The only thing Father did to comfort me was put a hand on my shoulder and say, "It's all right, Haley honey. Mom's not hurting anymore. She's happy."
That I couldn't believe. Who would be happy dying, unless they were morbid suicidals? And I knew Mom was still hurting- watching her go through chemotherapy had made her thin, tired, and frail. I'd be running back and forth to get her water when she was throwing up for the last five weeks.
We never had one of those mother-daughter good-byes you see in the movies. She just went in her sleep, and when I woke up the next morning to see Father beside my bed, I knew it was all over.
I just didn't believe she was happy.
The second major time of living through lies was the worst of my life, when Marcus and I were first going out. "This'll be the happiest you'll ever be, Haley," he'd say. "When you're out of school, we can get married and you'll move in with me. I'll have lots of money by then, absolutely lots! You'll never have to want for anything again. Everything'll be just perfect. Trust me."
When I did get out of school, that's when the trouble started. First, I had to find out I was pregnant. Right event, wrong time. I hate hearing the phrase "unwanted pregnancy," because I did want a baby, I really did. It just came unexpectedly, in which case I call David my "surprise baby."
The look on Marcus' face when I told him I was pregnant was one not to forget. It was one of intense dread, like the realization that someone found out your deepest secret.
Which, in a sense, was very true.
"Girl," he'd said, sitting down, "run that by me again."
"I told you, Marcus, I'm pregnant." I looked down at my stomach and out my hands on it. "Our baby's in here." Our baby. Boy, would that be the last time I said that.
He stood up straight quickly when he realized what I was saying. He half-shouted at me, "You gotta be crazy, girl!" He never called me Haley during those last months, it was always 'girl.' "We can't have a baby! What would we -do? Have you thought about that?"
The silence between us for a few seconds was so intense, it was like he was daring me to answer him. It was then I said, "Well…we could get married."
Again that look of dread. "We can't get married! How many brain cells have you lost already, girl?"
He was getting ridiculous. I said in a hard-yet-sensible tone of voice, "You promised as soon as I was out school and you had enough money we could get married. You've been making more than almost everybody else at the station…so I don't see why should be so angry."
All Marcus did was shake his head and point directly at my face. "There's no way you're having that baby now. Get an abortion, and I'll pay for it myself. There'll be plenty of time to talk about kids later."
Suddenly it was like Marcus wasn't himself at all, like he had turned into this heinous ice creature. I couldn't believe what he had become. I had already grown so attached to this young life inside of me, getting rid of it now would be the end of my world. I shook my head back at him, "No."
"Well then…" He opened his living room door and pointed out- "get the hell outta here. I never wanna see you again."
I didn't have to think twice about my options. If he didn't want to be a real father to his child, then I didn't need him. I shoved him aside on my way out…and I'm pretty sure I called him a nasty name too, though I wouldn't want to remember.
After I left the house, though, the first thing I did was sit down on the sidewalk and cry. They were tears of so many emotions; relief of escape from the past, and a fear of the future.
Getting back into present-day reality, I shook my head. The fewer times I remembered those incidents, the better. But they made such good points…optimist though I tried to be, I really had a hard time trusting anybody. I wondered if I ever would again.
"How did Dr. Engle look when he came to see her?" I asked Rose.
She shrugged. "Pretty much the same, serious as usual."
"Well…" I sighed, "if she's getting out, then, fine, good luck." I rolled back onto my side and wanted to go back to sleep, but she shook me on the shoulder.
"C'mon, Vi, aren't you happy for her?"
"I am, Rose, really I am. I just…" I was getting ready to cry again when I heard more footsteps coming to the door. Rose and I looked up and saw her therapist- the man she affectionately referred to as "Mr. BS"- Alma, the redheaded nurse who would usually do my checkups, and Dr. Szilagyi, the head doctor at Lakeview.
"Good morning, girls," Alma said, cheery as usual- she was one of the few workers at Lakeview I could stand. "How are we?"
Rose stumbled like she usually would in the presence of her therapist. "Oh…we're fine. Really we are. Why?"
Szilagyi said, "We'd like to talk to you young ladies for a few minutes, if that's possible. I'm sure you'll like what we have to hear…that and there's a few matters of importance to clear up."
Oh my God. My brain was racing like a tornado. Did he mean what I thought he meant? I shuffled out of bed much as I could, and Alma came over to finish help getting me on my feet.
"Sure, we can go right now," I said. "Stace?"
She blushed like the roses that gave her fame. "Yes, I'm free." She must've been having another one of her premonitions.
What was left of my dying optimism roused up inside me with a yes, Yes, YES! I gripped onto Rose's hand to give her comfort, and we followed the doctors down the hall to face our destiny.
(To be continued...)
I had barely just woken up from a dream when I heard the running in the hallway. It was as vaguely real as dreams could get. I was eleven years old again, and jumping rope in front of my house with June and Olive, who would move away soon after. Daddy came to the door to call me in for dinner, and I ran into the house, kicking up rust-colored leaves around me…
But that was innocence, and innocence was six years ago. Six years ago was history, and history was long gone.
I sighed, trying to hold on to the memory, but it slipped away like dreams usually do. A pair of high heels came clicking down the hallway. Who did I know that wore high heels all the time?
Rose poked her head in the doorway, long dark hair frilling about. "Hey, Vi, you okay?" she asked.
I sat up as carefully as my stomach permitted me. "I guess. What're you so happy about?
She stepped into the room with her trademark clicks and sat down beside my bed. What a smile on those rose-colored lips. "Turns out Skylar-"
I shuddered. "If I never hear that name again, it'll be too soon for me."
"No, listen to me." Rose put a hand on my shoulder. "It turns out Skylar wasn't kidding about the doctors. Engle asked to talk to Ebony a few minutes ago. I've got a good feeling about this one."
As much as I wanted to trust Rose- she was one of my few friends in the world now- I was never one to trust hunches or premonitions or whatever you call them.
For a long time, I could never trust anybody at all.
The first time I realized this was at my mother's grave at the tender age of nine. After battling melanoma for eight months, she had lost and was now taking the "long dirt nap," as my yucky cousin Victor insisted on calling it the whole week before.
After all the dirt was placed on top of the grave, I began sobbing loudly. The only thing Father did to comfort me was put a hand on my shoulder and say, "It's all right, Haley honey. Mom's not hurting anymore. She's happy."
That I couldn't believe. Who would be happy dying, unless they were morbid suicidals? And I knew Mom was still hurting- watching her go through chemotherapy had made her thin, tired, and frail. I'd be running back and forth to get her water when she was throwing up for the last five weeks.
We never had one of those mother-daughter good-byes you see in the movies. She just went in her sleep, and when I woke up the next morning to see Father beside my bed, I knew it was all over.
I just didn't believe she was happy.
The second major time of living through lies was the worst of my life, when Marcus and I were first going out. "This'll be the happiest you'll ever be, Haley," he'd say. "When you're out of school, we can get married and you'll move in with me. I'll have lots of money by then, absolutely lots! You'll never have to want for anything again. Everything'll be just perfect. Trust me."
When I did get out of school, that's when the trouble started. First, I had to find out I was pregnant. Right event, wrong time. I hate hearing the phrase "unwanted pregnancy," because I did want a baby, I really did. It just came unexpectedly, in which case I call David my "surprise baby."
The look on Marcus' face when I told him I was pregnant was one not to forget. It was one of intense dread, like the realization that someone found out your deepest secret.
Which, in a sense, was very true.
"Girl," he'd said, sitting down, "run that by me again."
"I told you, Marcus, I'm pregnant." I looked down at my stomach and out my hands on it. "Our baby's in here." Our baby. Boy, would that be the last time I said that.
He stood up straight quickly when he realized what I was saying. He half-shouted at me, "You gotta be crazy, girl!" He never called me Haley during those last months, it was always 'girl.' "We can't have a baby! What would we -do? Have you thought about that?"
The silence between us for a few seconds was so intense, it was like he was daring me to answer him. It was then I said, "Well…we could get married."
Again that look of dread. "We can't get married! How many brain cells have you lost already, girl?"
He was getting ridiculous. I said in a hard-yet-sensible tone of voice, "You promised as soon as I was out school and you had enough money we could get married. You've been making more than almost everybody else at the station…so I don't see why should be so angry."
All Marcus did was shake his head and point directly at my face. "There's no way you're having that baby now. Get an abortion, and I'll pay for it myself. There'll be plenty of time to talk about kids later."
Suddenly it was like Marcus wasn't himself at all, like he had turned into this heinous ice creature. I couldn't believe what he had become. I had already grown so attached to this young life inside of me, getting rid of it now would be the end of my world. I shook my head back at him, "No."
"Well then…" He opened his living room door and pointed out- "get the hell outta here. I never wanna see you again."
I didn't have to think twice about my options. If he didn't want to be a real father to his child, then I didn't need him. I shoved him aside on my way out…and I'm pretty sure I called him a nasty name too, though I wouldn't want to remember.
After I left the house, though, the first thing I did was sit down on the sidewalk and cry. They were tears of so many emotions; relief of escape from the past, and a fear of the future.
Getting back into present-day reality, I shook my head. The fewer times I remembered those incidents, the better. But they made such good points…optimist though I tried to be, I really had a hard time trusting anybody. I wondered if I ever would again.
"How did Dr. Engle look when he came to see her?" I asked Rose.
She shrugged. "Pretty much the same, serious as usual."
"Well…" I sighed, "if she's getting out, then, fine, good luck." I rolled back onto my side and wanted to go back to sleep, but she shook me on the shoulder.
"C'mon, Vi, aren't you happy for her?"
"I am, Rose, really I am. I just…" I was getting ready to cry again when I heard more footsteps coming to the door. Rose and I looked up and saw her therapist- the man she affectionately referred to as "Mr. BS"- Alma, the redheaded nurse who would usually do my checkups, and Dr. Szilagyi, the head doctor at Lakeview.
"Good morning, girls," Alma said, cheery as usual- she was one of the few workers at Lakeview I could stand. "How are we?"
Rose stumbled like she usually would in the presence of her therapist. "Oh…we're fine. Really we are. Why?"
Szilagyi said, "We'd like to talk to you young ladies for a few minutes, if that's possible. I'm sure you'll like what we have to hear…that and there's a few matters of importance to clear up."
Oh my God. My brain was racing like a tornado. Did he mean what I thought he meant? I shuffled out of bed much as I could, and Alma came over to finish help getting me on my feet.
"Sure, we can go right now," I said. "Stace?"
She blushed like the roses that gave her fame. "Yes, I'm free." She must've been having another one of her premonitions.
What was left of my dying optimism roused up inside me with a yes, Yes, YES! I gripped onto Rose's hand to give her comfort, and we followed the doctors down the hall to face our destiny.
(To be continued...)