Touya-locks And The Three Bears. [CCS/Famous Fairy Tale crossover] [humour] [parody] [shounen-ai]
A Very Short Fanfic by Janaki Jitchotvisut
DISCLAIMER: Kinomoto Touya and Tsukishiro Yukito are property of CLAMP,
Kodansha, TV Tokyo, and probably a host of other entities. Not
sure about Goldilocks, but that's not mine either, and I'd be
surprised if most people who'd be reading this haven't heard/read
the original by now. The story itself (and twisting thereof) was
written by Janaki Jitchotvisut, however, and she'd very much
appreciate any comments and/or criticism you'd care to give her.
Her contact info is at the end of this story; if you wish to
archive it elsewhere, please ask first.
SPOILERS: None.
TIMELINE: Post Eriol/Nakuru/Spinel showing up. This isn't strictly canon,
however. ^.-
******
Once upon a time, there was a grumpy looking but very kind-hearted high school
student named Touya. He had a little sister named Sakura whom he loved a great
deal, but who he teased mercilessly. (However, since she has her own comic
series and TV show and two movies besides, we'll leave her out of this story as
much as possible. Okay?) He also had a father who cared for him, a best friend
who he loved and who loved him back...and a Very Crazed Magical Creature who
liked to stalk and glomp him at every turn.
One day, Touya got sick of being glomped unexpectedly. He decided he needed some
fresh air, and went for a walk in the woods. He walked and walked and soon, it
began to grow dark. Realising that he probably wouldn't be able to get home before
someone would worry about him, and also realising that he was quite tired and
hungry, Touya looked anxiously for a place to stop, make a phone call, and
hopefully to eat and rest.
Soon enough, he came upon a small cottage in the forest. Thanking his lucky
stars, he knocked on the door.
KNOCKNOCK!..."Hello, is anyone home?" Touya asked.
No answer.
"Hello?" he knocked again.
Still no answer.
Finally, he pushed slightly on the door. To his surprise, it opened. Worried
initially that something might be wrong, Touya entered the house to see if
anyone was home, and perhaps in need of assistance.
Upon entering, he saw a lovely soft bed all made up, with a roaring fire
blazing in a fireplace at the foot of the bed and an old-fashioned brass
bedwarmer standing next the fireplace, all of which were very nearly beckoning
Touya towards the bed.
Touya rubbed his eyes and yawned involuntarily. Overcoming the voice in his
head telling him not to, he decided that the call of the bed was irresistible.
However, upon actually sitting on it, he found that it was composed primarily of
nails!
"I can't sleep there," he thought. "I'm not that kind of boy."
But being determined that he was *obviously* going to have to spend the night
here, he wandered around the house.
In the next room, he found a second bed...this one was slightly smaller than the
previous one, but looked just as nice (if not nicer) to sleep in. Wasting no time,
he yanked back the covers...and found that there were no nails in this bed, to his
relief.
But when he sat on it, he discovered that it was made of marshmallow fluff, and MUCH
too soft to sleep in without smothering! Upon realising this, he was sad.
But still, he had hope that there was a bed for him somewhere in this house. So off
he went, valiantly searching for the right bed.
In a small room towards the back of the house, he found a very small room which
was almost completely taken up by the bed inside. Promising himself that this was
the *very* last one he would try, Touya crawled exhaustedly over to the bed and
yanked off the covers. Underneath the covers, the bed seemed to be composed
primarily of a green, soft substance...one which smelled slightly medicinal. At
this point though, Touya was too tired to care. He poked it experimentally and found
it to be quite soft...but not TOO soft. Sitting down on it, he discovered that it
was quite comfortable...and almost immediately, he fell asleep---without even
bothering to pull the covers back over himself.
Some time later, the owners of the house came back. They were three gray-furred,
large-eared, black-nosed mammals---one of which was smoking a pipe, one of which
was carrying the third in a pouch in its belly, and the third of which was riding in
the aforementioned pouch.
Upon finding their front door standing wide open, they were understandably concerned.
As with many concerned people, they did the next few things in great haste.
"Shh, baby...it'll be okay!" The mother (the one with the pouch) tried to soothe the
baby, who was crying in her pouch.
Meanwhile, the first mammal (who seemed to be the father) went roaring into the first
bedroom. "Rar! Who's been sleeping in my bed?!??!" he said, upon finding the covers
all dishevelled and one of his precious nails bent out of place. "Come out now and I
won't hurt you!" he yelled. Then he ran back into the front hall, where the mother
and baby were waiting.
"Honey, I think someone's been in our house. I'd check my room if I were you,"
he counselled. "Here, let me hold the baby."
The mother took the sticky baby out of her pouch, handed it to the father, and ran
off hastily to check on her bed.
As suspected, someone had indeed been in her room. "In the name of the Outback, I'll
punish you!" she screeched, quite angry that her sanctity had been violated in such
a manner. Now it was her turn to run back into the hallway.
"You were right, poopsie. Someone HAS been in our house. And I bet I know where
they're hiding, if they're still here." She grinned evilly. "Follow me."
With that, the father and the baby (who really had no choice in the matter) followed
the female all the way to the back of the house, where the baby's room was.
Throwing open the door so hard that it banged on the wall, the female shouted,
"Aha! Now we have you!"
The father stood in shock, while the baby bear suddenly stopped crying and started
drooling.
"Mmmmph...wha...?" Touya mumbled, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Boy, did he look
surprised when he saw those three hovering angrily over him.
"I'm really sorry, I can explain...Mr...Bear? You *are* a bear, aren't you?" Touya
addressed the father, who the baby was eagerly trying to escape from at that moment.
"We are KOALAS, thank you very much! You humans, you're so specie-ist! You think we
ALL look alike, don't you? Hrrmph!" The father koala was indignant.
Meanwhile, the baby had gotten away from the father, who had stopped fighting back
when he was chiding Touya. The baby crawled over to his bed, climbed up, and grabbed
Touya's leg.
"Why, hello there little AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! LET GO! LET GO OF MY LEG!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!" Touya screamed. The baby, meanwhile, was happily
chomping on Touya's leg. He stopped just long enough to say "Mmmm...tastes
eucalyptussy..."
******
"To-ya? TO-YA! Wake up! Were you having a nightmare?" Yukito, with concern in his
eyes, was shaking the heck out of the still-sleeping Touya.
"Yeah, it was the one with the koalas again...you know, we *really* have to stop this
habit we've developed recently of rolling around in eucalyptus leaves...I know you
like it and all, but I don't think I'm getting any sleep this way..." Touya's
protests died down as Yukito gave him the sad, puppy-dog-eyed look.
"But To-ya! You know how I adore the scent of eucalyptus...it's so yummy, especially
on you!" Yukito laughed.
"Yes, but do I have to *wear* it? I have nightmares about being in bed and having
a koala bear eat me!" Touya said, exasperatedly. "And Yuki, cut it out...you're not
helping my cause any when you dress up in that koala suit..."
******
AUTHOR'S NOTE (or, where the HELL did you get *that* from?!?!?):
Ahh, yes. Where *does* she get her bunnies, you ask? Most of the time, it
seems that they're inspired by conversations...sometimes on MLs, sometimes
in private mail...and lately, usually by conversations with Beeru-chan.
This story is no exception in that regard; we were discussing CCS and food
fetishes (particularly Sakura's) on one ML, and Beeru-chan had offered to
archive "One Fine Day" for me in exchange for a koala. All of that coalesced
into the crack you've just read...which actually was written in about a
fifteen-minute shot whilst blogging one day, and thusly, first appeared in its
present form in my blog. And for the record: yes, I keep my bunnies well-fed...
just remember that if ever you talk to me! ^.-
sore ja, owari! hope you've enjoyed storytime, folks! contact me and/or give
me C&C at: toriniku@hotmail.com
oh yes, and there's *fanart* for this story now, created by the loverly Beeru-chan
and an evil Photoshop bunny. should you wish to view it, contact me at the
address listed above. ^.^
A Very Short Fanfic by Janaki Jitchotvisut
DISCLAIMER: Kinomoto Touya and Tsukishiro Yukito are property of CLAMP,
Kodansha, TV Tokyo, and probably a host of other entities. Not
sure about Goldilocks, but that's not mine either, and I'd be
surprised if most people who'd be reading this haven't heard/read
the original by now. The story itself (and twisting thereof) was
written by Janaki Jitchotvisut, however, and she'd very much
appreciate any comments and/or criticism you'd care to give her.
Her contact info is at the end of this story; if you wish to
archive it elsewhere, please ask first.
SPOILERS: None.
TIMELINE: Post Eriol/Nakuru/Spinel showing up. This isn't strictly canon,
however. ^.-
******
Once upon a time, there was a grumpy looking but very kind-hearted high school
student named Touya. He had a little sister named Sakura whom he loved a great
deal, but who he teased mercilessly. (However, since she has her own comic
series and TV show and two movies besides, we'll leave her out of this story as
much as possible. Okay?) He also had a father who cared for him, a best friend
who he loved and who loved him back...and a Very Crazed Magical Creature who
liked to stalk and glomp him at every turn.
One day, Touya got sick of being glomped unexpectedly. He decided he needed some
fresh air, and went for a walk in the woods. He walked and walked and soon, it
began to grow dark. Realising that he probably wouldn't be able to get home before
someone would worry about him, and also realising that he was quite tired and
hungry, Touya looked anxiously for a place to stop, make a phone call, and
hopefully to eat and rest.
Soon enough, he came upon a small cottage in the forest. Thanking his lucky
stars, he knocked on the door.
KNOCKNOCK!..."Hello, is anyone home?" Touya asked.
No answer.
"Hello?" he knocked again.
Still no answer.
Finally, he pushed slightly on the door. To his surprise, it opened. Worried
initially that something might be wrong, Touya entered the house to see if
anyone was home, and perhaps in need of assistance.
Upon entering, he saw a lovely soft bed all made up, with a roaring fire
blazing in a fireplace at the foot of the bed and an old-fashioned brass
bedwarmer standing next the fireplace, all of which were very nearly beckoning
Touya towards the bed.
Touya rubbed his eyes and yawned involuntarily. Overcoming the voice in his
head telling him not to, he decided that the call of the bed was irresistible.
However, upon actually sitting on it, he found that it was composed primarily of
nails!
"I can't sleep there," he thought. "I'm not that kind of boy."
But being determined that he was *obviously* going to have to spend the night
here, he wandered around the house.
In the next room, he found a second bed...this one was slightly smaller than the
previous one, but looked just as nice (if not nicer) to sleep in. Wasting no time,
he yanked back the covers...and found that there were no nails in this bed, to his
relief.
But when he sat on it, he discovered that it was made of marshmallow fluff, and MUCH
too soft to sleep in without smothering! Upon realising this, he was sad.
But still, he had hope that there was a bed for him somewhere in this house. So off
he went, valiantly searching for the right bed.
In a small room towards the back of the house, he found a very small room which
was almost completely taken up by the bed inside. Promising himself that this was
the *very* last one he would try, Touya crawled exhaustedly over to the bed and
yanked off the covers. Underneath the covers, the bed seemed to be composed
primarily of a green, soft substance...one which smelled slightly medicinal. At
this point though, Touya was too tired to care. He poked it experimentally and found
it to be quite soft...but not TOO soft. Sitting down on it, he discovered that it
was quite comfortable...and almost immediately, he fell asleep---without even
bothering to pull the covers back over himself.
Some time later, the owners of the house came back. They were three gray-furred,
large-eared, black-nosed mammals---one of which was smoking a pipe, one of which
was carrying the third in a pouch in its belly, and the third of which was riding in
the aforementioned pouch.
Upon finding their front door standing wide open, they were understandably concerned.
As with many concerned people, they did the next few things in great haste.
"Shh, baby...it'll be okay!" The mother (the one with the pouch) tried to soothe the
baby, who was crying in her pouch.
Meanwhile, the first mammal (who seemed to be the father) went roaring into the first
bedroom. "Rar! Who's been sleeping in my bed?!??!" he said, upon finding the covers
all dishevelled and one of his precious nails bent out of place. "Come out now and I
won't hurt you!" he yelled. Then he ran back into the front hall, where the mother
and baby were waiting.
"Honey, I think someone's been in our house. I'd check my room if I were you,"
he counselled. "Here, let me hold the baby."
The mother took the sticky baby out of her pouch, handed it to the father, and ran
off hastily to check on her bed.
As suspected, someone had indeed been in her room. "In the name of the Outback, I'll
punish you!" she screeched, quite angry that her sanctity had been violated in such
a manner. Now it was her turn to run back into the hallway.
"You were right, poopsie. Someone HAS been in our house. And I bet I know where
they're hiding, if they're still here." She grinned evilly. "Follow me."
With that, the father and the baby (who really had no choice in the matter) followed
the female all the way to the back of the house, where the baby's room was.
Throwing open the door so hard that it banged on the wall, the female shouted,
"Aha! Now we have you!"
The father stood in shock, while the baby bear suddenly stopped crying and started
drooling.
"Mmmmph...wha...?" Touya mumbled, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Boy, did he look
surprised when he saw those three hovering angrily over him.
"I'm really sorry, I can explain...Mr...Bear? You *are* a bear, aren't you?" Touya
addressed the father, who the baby was eagerly trying to escape from at that moment.
"We are KOALAS, thank you very much! You humans, you're so specie-ist! You think we
ALL look alike, don't you? Hrrmph!" The father koala was indignant.
Meanwhile, the baby had gotten away from the father, who had stopped fighting back
when he was chiding Touya. The baby crawled over to his bed, climbed up, and grabbed
Touya's leg.
"Why, hello there little AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! LET GO! LET GO OF MY LEG!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!??!?!" Touya screamed. The baby, meanwhile, was happily
chomping on Touya's leg. He stopped just long enough to say "Mmmm...tastes
eucalyptussy..."
******
"To-ya? TO-YA! Wake up! Were you having a nightmare?" Yukito, with concern in his
eyes, was shaking the heck out of the still-sleeping Touya.
"Yeah, it was the one with the koalas again...you know, we *really* have to stop this
habit we've developed recently of rolling around in eucalyptus leaves...I know you
like it and all, but I don't think I'm getting any sleep this way..." Touya's
protests died down as Yukito gave him the sad, puppy-dog-eyed look.
"But To-ya! You know how I adore the scent of eucalyptus...it's so yummy, especially
on you!" Yukito laughed.
"Yes, but do I have to *wear* it? I have nightmares about being in bed and having
a koala bear eat me!" Touya said, exasperatedly. "And Yuki, cut it out...you're not
helping my cause any when you dress up in that koala suit..."
******
AUTHOR'S NOTE (or, where the HELL did you get *that* from?!?!?):
Ahh, yes. Where *does* she get her bunnies, you ask? Most of the time, it
seems that they're inspired by conversations...sometimes on MLs, sometimes
in private mail...and lately, usually by conversations with Beeru-chan.
This story is no exception in that regard; we were discussing CCS and food
fetishes (particularly Sakura's) on one ML, and Beeru-chan had offered to
archive "One Fine Day" for me in exchange for a koala. All of that coalesced
into the crack you've just read...which actually was written in about a
fifteen-minute shot whilst blogging one day, and thusly, first appeared in its
present form in my blog. And for the record: yes, I keep my bunnies well-fed...
just remember that if ever you talk to me! ^.-
sore ja, owari! hope you've enjoyed storytime, folks! contact me and/or give
me C&C at: toriniku@hotmail.com
oh yes, and there's *fanart* for this story now, created by the loverly Beeru-chan
and an evil Photoshop bunny. should you wish to view it, contact me at the
address listed above. ^.^