Chapter 2
So much pain. That's all there is? IS that how my life is going to be, I mean, like forever?
Why did I leave? That question has been hunting me for the last 3 years. If only I knew the answer...
My time with him was so precious and ill-used that I can feel my heart breaking just by thinking about it.
Van.
Thinking about him makes me wonder, what has become of him? Of Gaea? Of our friends?
How can I go on with my life, feeling as hollow and empty as I do? Does he feel the same? Did he ever care enough?
At some point I thought he loved me. I though and I believed in so many things. But now... I just don't know anymore.
And I'm still alone.
When I came back, I just felt that I could tell everyone and they would believe me. After all, if you've been gone for over 6 months you would expect people to believe you, right?
Boy, was I ever more wrong? That was the first time I ever regretted leaving my powers behind. They would have made it so easy... Let's keep the story short, shall we? Let's just say that I ended in the shrinks office, the psychiatric wing, bla, bla, bla...
Who would have though that they'd believe I was nuts? Well, since no one was able to prove that I was crazy, they let me come back home. But things went downhill from there. My friends turned their backs on me, all but Yukari. Sweet, loyal and faithful Yukari. My best friend since childhood. I know she doesn't believe me, but at least she supports me. That's more than what even my family has done. I guess it's all I can expect.
But I'm tired, oh soo tired. I just feel like I have to stop fooling myself, start living in the present. Forget the past, with all it beholds. Or perhaps...
Stupid, stupid, stupid. How can I even think of that? If I do this, I might end up hurting them all again, right? But it's just that...
I need this. I just have to do this. And again, I don't know whether to follow my heart or my brain.
Yukari was here a few hours ago. I've told her my decision. I'm going back.
I have waited too long for this, but I just have to know. I can't live my life fooling myself and being miserable, pinning after him. I'll just go up there and get the truth out of him. For my sake, and for all the people I am hurting, I must do this.
Even my family turned their backs on me, all for him, for God's sake! I just need to see him, one more time, and listen to whatever he has to say. And if he doesn't love me... Well, then I can just stop living, I mean, I've been death for 3 years. No biggie.
That's it. That's all I wanted to tell you. I know, mom. Right now you must be thinking: 'Great! Now my psychotic daughter has turned suicidal.' Well, let me tell you: I DON'T CARE!!!!!!! I will never care for what ever you think or believe I am. I know I'm not crazy, I know what I went through and if you want any proves, well then read grandmother's diary. She gave it to me a week before she died. She knew I would need it to give me strength. She would have believed me, not like all of you.
Well, no point for this now. I'm tired, I just want to rest. And I'll do whatever it takes to do so. Goodbye mother. Goodbye to you all. I guess this is it, we'll never see each other again, and I'm grateful for that. I'm going to meet my destiny, whichever it is.
Goodbye.
Hitomi