Post season muses
Author: goalie_1
Email: julia_dann@hotmail.com
Disclaimers: Hmm yes of course I own these people but instead of writing scripts for the new series I decided instead to post a fan-fic I wrote years ago. Hmm yeah right and if you believe that you'll believe anything!
Feedback: Go on you know you want to, if just to tell me how bad it is!
Spoilers: End of season 2
Dawson lay on his bed wondering when his life would improve. He had now managed to lose the girl he loved twice, and this time he wasn't even sure what had happened. At least last time she had claimed she needed to find herself, but now? Now, he appeared to be blamed because her father had been unable to stay on the straight and narrow and had returned to his drug trafficking tricks.
"What do I do now?" he asked the ceiling, "I can't face losing Joey again – it isn't fair."
Time - he knew he had to give it to her but could his heart face another break. Last time it had nearly killed him and he had been worried that their friendship was still not quite back to how it had been before. He knew Joey was hurting even more than he was but that only made him feel worse. She had lost her father again when she had only just started to appreciate him being back. Yet it wasn't Dawson's fault so why was she blaming him?
"How can I trust you again…It's all your fault" her words played round and round like a broken record yet he couldn't press pause and make the words stop.
Mitch was out again with someone; he was probably working his way around the staff room Dawson thought wryly. Still at least it meant no probing questions for one night at least. He thought back to when it had been just him and his mum after Mitch moved out. At least then they had shared a common bond both trying to restart their lives whilst the other halves of their broken relationships appeared to be coping better. Now though he was left with a man who didn't seem to care that his marriage appeared to be over. Sure he had asked Gail to stay but when she said she couldn't he didn't exactly try too hard to change her mind.
Dawson turned over; maybe sleep would help him to think. Maybe an answer would come to him in his dreams that wouldn't surface during his waking hours. He could see Joey, even now she would be telling all her troubles to Jack. He'd try to comfort her to the best of his abilities but Dawson knew he could give her better advice, he'd known her over 9 years and you can't replace that kind of knowledge quickly. Yet he wasn't trusted, she'd prefer to turn to a man who told her whilst they were seeing each other that he was gay. He knew it was important to Joey to have other friends to have a life apart from him but sometimes it just made him feel as if he wasn't important to her. It was as if when she had gone to find herself she had found out that to be herself she had to be separate from him. He knew he was torturing himself, knew he was as important to Joey as she was vital to him but tonight the insecurities he felt seemed to ring true. Dawson felt his eyelids become heavier and although he tried to fight the feeling he soon fell asleep.
******* *******
Mitch crept in and looked into Dawson's room. He had just come back from the police station where he had spent the last few hours trying to find out what was happening with Mike Potter. He had heard Joey and Dawson arguing earlier and figured they needed time on their own. He thought if he could find out what was going to happen to Mike that he could maybe appease them. However, it hadn't been as easy as he had thought and when he had finally got someone to talk to him the news did not look good. Mike was only out on parole therefore he was likely to be hit by a double whammy of being a repeat offender, that and having to serve the remainder of his initial sentence. This time the courts would not be so lenient, it would be a long time before he returned home again. Mitch saw Dawson was asleep and decided his bad news could wait until morning.
******* *******
Dawson's alarm clock went off at 7am. He groaned, knocked it off the table, got up and then realised it was a Saturday. In all the anguish of last night he had forgotten to change the time it was set for. Still he was up now and he may as well attempt to make the best of the extra time he had carelessly given himself.
******* *******
Joey woke up and knew straight away it had all been a dream. She hadn't really managed to conspire in a plot to ensure her father was returned to prison. She wasn't that dumb. She got up and walked into the kitchen thinking of the laugh that she would have with her dad when she told him what she had dreamt. However, when she walked into the kitchen it was empty, which was unusual, as even on a Saturday the IceHouse had to open. At that moment Bessie came running down the stairs.
"Watch it Joey I'm running late," Bessie panted as she ran passed carrying Alex under one of her arms. "Can you start work early today as we're now a pair of hands down."
"What?" a confused Joey asked.
"Well I don't think they're going to let dad out for the lunch time rush, do you?"
"Oh my god!" Joey sank to the floor and started sobbing.
"Hey, hey Joey what's up?"
"I thought it was a dream, I didn't believe I'd really done anything that stupid. You must all hate me. What have I done?"
"Hey come on Joey it wasn't you who made the mistake it was dad. He has to realise you can't break the law, anyway you didn't realise what you were doing would damage him. You trusted him – we both did."
Bessie pulled Joey up from the floor and hugged her. "Well it looks like were alone again, but don't worry we survived before and we will again. Now can you face work today?" Joey nods in the affirmative. "Good, well I'll see you soon, can you feed Alex and take him to the minder's – thanks." Bessie ran out of the door leaving Joey feeling giddy.
****** ******
Dawson realised he had been walking around for well over an hour and had solved very little. He still couldn't work out what he could say to Joey, and he now realised Mitch would be worried so turned for home.
He saw Pacey walking towards him and wondered if he could get away without having to speak to him. He really couldn't face his friend's smart comments at the moment.
"Hey Dawson I just went to your house looking for you, I think it freaked Mitch a bit when he realised you weren't there."
"Thanks Pacey just what I need a roasting from Mitch."
"Sorry mate how was I to know you weren't home? Hey what's up, where's your normal cheerful morning expression?"
"Pacey I'm really not in the mood for your jokes at the moment."
"OK, OK but what's up you look terrible."
"Thanks. If you must know it's Joey. She blames me for her dad being back behind bars."
"C'mon Dawson you have to realise this is a hard time for her. Her dad just screwed up again. You of all people know how hard these past few years have been and now it's going to start all over again. This time though she knows she helped to put him back inside. Besides it was you who persuaded her to be wired…"
"I know, I know. Really this is not helping. But it wasn't me who was breaking the law. He was living a lie and neither Joey nor Bessie deserved being lied to again. I thought I was doing the right thing telling her but I don't know. If I'd never seen him then we'd still be together."
"You're right Dawson you had to tell her. You two have always been truthful to each other - eventually. Look in the long term she'll realise that you were trying to help her. You've got to give her time to get her thoughts around what has happened. You two will be fine she needs you now more than ever, it was you who got her through the pain last time and the same will be true this time. In her heart she knows that and it just means you will have to wait for her to listen to her heart again."
"Thanks Pacey. I'm sorry I snapped before. I know you're right but you didn't see her last night. I've never seen her so upset before and the look she gave me as she left was full of hurt and even worse it was directed straight at me. You know she wasn't hurt by her dad but what she saw as my betrayal. Look I'd better get going or Mitch will be having kittens."
"Take care mate, believe me she'll come back to you when she's ready."
Dawson walked off leaving Pacey wondering if he should listen to his own advice. Oh he was sure those two would get back together they had to, god if they weren't destined to be together forever nobody was. What about him and Andie though. Would she ever return as the girl he had fallen in love with. Maybe when she returned he would find that that wasn't the real her at all just a fake personae she had put on. He knew he would have to support her whatever, but to what extent – friend or lover.
******* ******
Dawson walked into his house waiting for the fireworks to explode.
"Dawson there you are, I was worried sick. Where have you been?"
"I'm sorry I just needed to get out to try and clear my head. I didn't realise I would be gone so long. Then I bumped into Pacey or I'd have been back sooner."
"It's OK but a note would be nice. I tried Joey's but there was no reply. Hey what's up." Mitch queried as he saw Dawson's face fall at the mention of Joey.
"She hates me. She blames me for what's happened to her dad claimed if I hadn't got involved that he would still be here. She said she could never trust me again. Have I really blown it this time? I mean I could have lost her for good."
"Dawson calm down it will all sort itself out don't worry. Joey's just upset her dad's betrayed her again and you were just the closest one to her so she lashed out and unfortunately you got hurt. Let her calm down and she'll come around. Although it's hard to do sometimes you have to let those you love sort their own head out. I know it hurts and you have to watch the other one suffer too but in the long run it will only make your relationship stronger."
"But she always comes to me for advice, and now this one time when she needs my help more that any other she can't."
"I know, but sometimes you have to work things out for yourself. I'm sure Joey realises she can't go on until she has sorted out her feelings for her dad. When she does that's when she'll need you the most. She will feel hurt and that's when she'll need you as a friend far more than as a boyfriend. Give her that help Dawson but let her come to you when she is ready, you can't push a person when they are hurting. However, much you want to reach out to them they have to want your help first."
"But can't I even be there for her now just as a friend. I know what she suffered last time I don't know if she can possibly be as strong again. I could act as an emotional crutch to help her through the next few days."
"Dawson you have to allow her to sort her mind out first. When she sees you she sees more than a friend and you know that. When she comes to you she will take you back completely you can't turn back time now and when she wants you she will want her friend and boyfriend. I know it's hard but it has to be done. Believe me Dawson I'm speaking from experience I've hurt your mum and now it is up to her to decide if she needs me. It's painful for me waiting around but I know she has to be sure in her heart and mind that we have a future. You must allow Joey to overcome her own problems then she can look to her rock – you."
******* *******
Pacey walked into the Icehouse. He noticed Joey at the counter and walked over. She seemed preoccupied and he could guess that today had not been easy for her. Still at least he could show her that her friends were still supporting her.
"Hey Jo stupid question, but how are you going?"
"Oh, hi Pacey well I have to admit that I have had better days but at least I've been here before so it isn't all new. I have to say the lack of imagination in Capeside shocks me, I mean I've heard the same snide comments all day!"
Pacey smiles at her poor attempt of a joke. "Well at least you can smile about it. Have you heard anything – you know from your dad?"
"Bessie phoned the prison earlier it doesn't sound good to be truthful. It looks like we're on our own again! I just can't believe I managed to help to send my own father to prison. It will not look good on my resume. Umm… how's Dawson?"
"I saw him earlier, to be truthful he was feeling guilty and wondering if you were OK."
"I just saw red you know. I mean if it hadn't been for him I wouldn't have known. Dad would still be here and I wouldn't have spent all day hearing hushed conversations about how my whole family is an embarrassment to the area."
"Come on Joey you know you're just the gossip for today, tomorrow they'll be picking over the bones on someone else's life who dares to be different from what they believe is the norm. Look I know Dawson was stupid but he was honestly looking out for the best for you. He just acted first and thought later. A first for him I have to admit but maybe his powers of analysis weren't working that day. Look I've got to go. I just thought you could do with seeing a friendly face. Try and ignore them they always talk about me behind my back I like to think it stops them from having to bother to get a life of their own."
"Thanks Pacey, and I'll think about what you've said."
****** ******
Dawson wasn't really paying any attention as he walked back to his house after work. His mind was full of all the things he would say to Joey when he finally got the chance. Well that was the only reason he could think that could explain how he failed to notice her for so long. Suddenly he spotted her curled up in a ball sitting by the ladder her head resting on her knees. She hadn't heard him coming and he stared at her for a few moments thinking how even now just the sight of her unexpectedly made his heart skip a beat.
"Joey?" he inquired even though he knew it couldn't possibly be anyone else. She looked up and Dawson noticed she had been crying. She started to get up and he reached forward and pulled her up. For a split second she was in his arms but he sensed she didn't want that – not yet, so he reluctantly let go.
"I didn't really know where to go I think my feet brought me here without my brain intervening. I'm still mad at you Dawson…"
"Hey it's OK I know I shouldn't have done what I did. Honestly though Jo I didn't mean to hurt you I thought you deserved to know the truth I just didn't think of the consequences."
"If you'd let me finish Dawson - I'm far more mad at myself and with dad. I'm sorry for reacting how I did last night it was unfair of me to blame you for everything. I was just mad because you had shown me that my dad had not learnt. That's why I was mad with you – because you had shown me that my life was never going to be perfect. But believe me I was far more upset with myself. I didn't believe you even though you always tell me the truth. I'd prefer to believe a man who had had an affair whilst his wife was dying from cancer. Mostly though dad hurt me, he told me I wouldn't have to fend for myself again and how long did that last – 2 weeks? I'm sorry that I blamed you last night I was angry with him but the only one I could blame was you. I didn't mean what I said – can you forgive me?"
She looked hopefully into Dawson's eyes and he couldn't stop the smile he could feel spreading over his face. He reached forward and hugged Joey. He could hear her start to cry again. He held her close until she stopped then looked at her.
"Joey, forgive you? What is there to forgive? You were right you know I shouldn't have forced you into being wired I overstepped the mark, and I'm sorry. Just let me now help you get through this stage of your life. Let me be your best friend as well as your boyfriend and we'll get through this together."
He looked at Joey who nodded in agreement, their faces moved closer together and they sealed the pact with a kiss.
Mitch looked out of the window as Dawson and Joey kissed and smiled to himself. He glanced down at the address book and found Gail's phone number. He thought about his advice earlier to Dawson that when a person is upset they must make the first move, maybe sometimes though he thought a rule could be bent. He reached for the phone.