Disclaimer: This fanfiction is roughly based on BOTH Lewis Carols Alice in wonderland and events in American Mcgee's game Alice. All unfamiliar characters have been created by me all others are a combination of Lewis Carol and American Mcgee.
The Cleric of Wonderland
Chapter 1: Your presence is requested...
Alice was recently tired after her ordeal with the Red Queen (after all, who can take on an evil monarch, win and not frill one's skirt) and her demise had brought joy to the peoples of all corners of wonderland. Celebrations of all kinds were being enjoyed by the trolls, the fire people and even the Mock turtles but she was missing the simplicity of human cakes and lemonade. Troll ingredients were not totally palatable to the human tongue (too much insect oil you see makes one sick).
The troll village was in uproar but the familiar sound of descending chimes could not be ignored by Alice as it heralded the approach of one of her closest friends in the world. (or at least this world)
He materialised in slowly but surely. His beaming smile and glowing yellow eyes were the first to be noticed, as their brightness was similar to the moons glow when it was on the fat. Then came his tattooed head and for a while it seemed to stop there. He closed his eyes slightly and turned his head in a full circle as if to see if anyone was watching his unusual method of approach. This was slightly shocking to Alice as she had never seen a manner of beast or man who's head was fully rotational. She calmed herself with the thought that since he had no neck yet he felt no discomfort. As the 2 were alone (or at least 1 person and one head) parts of him followed his head in to being. His tail swishing about for a moment as if suddenly realising it had been given the gift of life then slumped to the floor with the occasional sultry swish of disappointment. Finally his torso blended in and automatically connected with his head and tail of course being in the right positions as all cats are taller when they sit down and before Alice stood a seemingly complete, definitely smiling obviously mad Cheshire cat.
"Very well done, Cat" she smiled clapping her hands "I've always liked that about you, you never quite know which bit will appear first!"
"Highly amusing!" said cat sarcastically in his low but distinguished accent. The scary thing about this cat was that his tone of voice always suggested an air of suspicion and superiority. A scary combination in the small but menacing grimace of the never ending smile stretched from ear to ear.
"I bring a message from the caterpillar, a small favour on my part since I never lower my self to the petty needs of others" He was definitely a cat. And a mad one even so.
"He requires your presence in the great gardens next to his usual toadstool, he has knowledge about something you haven't encountered yet. I would advise you to attend, it IS important. It has something to do with the religion of wonderland and since your faith is doubtful you may wish to see him about it"
The chiming noise repeated and he was gone in half the time it took to appear.
"Oh bother!" Alice stubbornly said to herself. She did admit she did not have much faith in herself recently though. "I was looking forward to having some fun but Caterpillar is always to much in the clouds to bother about any of us here on the ground!"
The chimes sounded once again. A floating, smiling head appeared.
"Don't talk like that in front of him, you know he has a very short temper and little tolerance for rude young girls! You may need this." Without a sound, he faded away. And a head was replaced with a small bottle with the words "drink me" on it.
Alice sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She picked up the small bottle and put it in her dress pocket knowing what effect the small vial would have on her physicality. Her hands crossed and one stroked her chin. Her mind thought, "Changing size is much to tiresome for a young girl. I think I'll visit him tomorrow. I'm rather tired."
"He'll be expecting you!" the voice said from apparently no feline source.
Nearby was the home of the troll elder whom she had helped from time to time and in return he had let her stay in his house whenever she was in wonderland and needed lodgings. She stood before his door, no bigger than her, covered in strange symbols of an unfamiliar alphabet and rapped sprightly on the door. A circle smoke haze appeared in the door which she knew was the wonderland equivalent of a peephole and an old man with a short white beard and a pointed red had appeared in the centre. He instantly gave a short smile at the sight he befell. "Ah, Alice! Nice to see you again." His tone changed somewhat. "Well since you're here you might as well come in, I knew you were coming so I made some tea and cakes just the way you like it!" the mist dissipated and the door opened revealing a diamond walled corridor strewn with pictures of troll relatives, a green carpet and a small flight of stairs. The problem with old age according to Alice is the loss of imagination, tolerance for little girls and courtesy. All these she had observed in wonderland and her world too. She hoped her imagination would not dwindle over time as she proceeded down the corridor in to a small room where a little dwarf of an elder sat round a table with scrumptious looking cakes and a full pot of tea.
"I never knew why you humans like that strange liquid and those funny cake - things!" said the elder indignantly as he smoked his pipe comfortably. Alice had discovered smoking in this world was similar to her world in many ways except the smoke was always a variety of colours ranging from shining blue to fluorescent white.
She poured herself a cup of the readily prepared tea into the tiny cup rested on the tiny saucer. She was glad to see the teapot was quite larger than the cups because the cups would apparently hold half a mouthful of the brown liquid per serving. She sipped the liquid expectantly and paused in thought.
"Quite agreeable!" she said in a surprised tone.
"So it bloody well should be!, I spend long enough conjuring it up! Genus Camilla doesn't grow in Wonderland you know, I had to find a tea tree and they don't grow very often."
"There's no need for foul tempers, I thought it was quite nice!" explained Alice trying to ease the mood. Though chaos, confusion and nonsense was commonplace in Wonderland (and Alice sometimes) she found it gave her a headache and after recent times all she wanted right now was a restful atmosphere. She decided to change the subject to fulfil her curiosity about her recent invitation.
(Also she thought to herself, another cup would be nice followed by a cake)
"I recently heard of something called "the religion of wonderland", could you enlighten a young girl on the subject?" She said trying to seem innocent, and doing a good job of it.
"Ah!" replied the elder. "You mean the Cleric."
"The Cleric?"
"As you already know, The Queen brought order to wonderland in a fairly miserable way. After she was expelled by you. The card guards were divided without leadership and split into sects."
He paused for a moment to clean his pipe and add a fresh content. Alice took this opportunity to take another cup of tea and a few cakes. He showed a look of mild contempt at the sight of the cakes being took by Alice. Not for her greed, but the actual cakes themselves.
"The Clerics existed in wonderland while she was around but no-one knew who or where they were. That's all I know I'm afraid. Now if you quite finished, it's getting late and I've created a bed for you.
"You mean the floor?" Alice replied with suspicion. She knew there was no bed in the house big enough to fit her size and a few blankets on the soft floor was all he could manage.
"yes!"
"I'm not complaining, it's quite comfortable!"
"Good, now you'll need rest for your meeting tomorrow. I'll take you some of the way in by balloon but you'll have to get to the garden yourself."
"How did you know that ?" Alice seemed surprised that he knew so much when she knew so little.
"A little bird told me!" the Elder said, smiling
"A bird?"
"On the run from a cat! Goodnight Alice."
And then he cleared the table and proceed to bed leaving Alice to her comfortable floor.
The Cleric of Wonderland
Chapter 1: Your presence is requested...
Alice was recently tired after her ordeal with the Red Queen (after all, who can take on an evil monarch, win and not frill one's skirt) and her demise had brought joy to the peoples of all corners of wonderland. Celebrations of all kinds were being enjoyed by the trolls, the fire people and even the Mock turtles but she was missing the simplicity of human cakes and lemonade. Troll ingredients were not totally palatable to the human tongue (too much insect oil you see makes one sick).
The troll village was in uproar but the familiar sound of descending chimes could not be ignored by Alice as it heralded the approach of one of her closest friends in the world. (or at least this world)
He materialised in slowly but surely. His beaming smile and glowing yellow eyes were the first to be noticed, as their brightness was similar to the moons glow when it was on the fat. Then came his tattooed head and for a while it seemed to stop there. He closed his eyes slightly and turned his head in a full circle as if to see if anyone was watching his unusual method of approach. This was slightly shocking to Alice as she had never seen a manner of beast or man who's head was fully rotational. She calmed herself with the thought that since he had no neck yet he felt no discomfort. As the 2 were alone (or at least 1 person and one head) parts of him followed his head in to being. His tail swishing about for a moment as if suddenly realising it had been given the gift of life then slumped to the floor with the occasional sultry swish of disappointment. Finally his torso blended in and automatically connected with his head and tail of course being in the right positions as all cats are taller when they sit down and before Alice stood a seemingly complete, definitely smiling obviously mad Cheshire cat.
"Very well done, Cat" she smiled clapping her hands "I've always liked that about you, you never quite know which bit will appear first!"
"Highly amusing!" said cat sarcastically in his low but distinguished accent. The scary thing about this cat was that his tone of voice always suggested an air of suspicion and superiority. A scary combination in the small but menacing grimace of the never ending smile stretched from ear to ear.
"I bring a message from the caterpillar, a small favour on my part since I never lower my self to the petty needs of others" He was definitely a cat. And a mad one even so.
"He requires your presence in the great gardens next to his usual toadstool, he has knowledge about something you haven't encountered yet. I would advise you to attend, it IS important. It has something to do with the religion of wonderland and since your faith is doubtful you may wish to see him about it"
The chiming noise repeated and he was gone in half the time it took to appear.
"Oh bother!" Alice stubbornly said to herself. She did admit she did not have much faith in herself recently though. "I was looking forward to having some fun but Caterpillar is always to much in the clouds to bother about any of us here on the ground!"
The chimes sounded once again. A floating, smiling head appeared.
"Don't talk like that in front of him, you know he has a very short temper and little tolerance for rude young girls! You may need this." Without a sound, he faded away. And a head was replaced with a small bottle with the words "drink me" on it.
Alice sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She picked up the small bottle and put it in her dress pocket knowing what effect the small vial would have on her physicality. Her hands crossed and one stroked her chin. Her mind thought, "Changing size is much to tiresome for a young girl. I think I'll visit him tomorrow. I'm rather tired."
"He'll be expecting you!" the voice said from apparently no feline source.
Nearby was the home of the troll elder whom she had helped from time to time and in return he had let her stay in his house whenever she was in wonderland and needed lodgings. She stood before his door, no bigger than her, covered in strange symbols of an unfamiliar alphabet and rapped sprightly on the door. A circle smoke haze appeared in the door which she knew was the wonderland equivalent of a peephole and an old man with a short white beard and a pointed red had appeared in the centre. He instantly gave a short smile at the sight he befell. "Ah, Alice! Nice to see you again." His tone changed somewhat. "Well since you're here you might as well come in, I knew you were coming so I made some tea and cakes just the way you like it!" the mist dissipated and the door opened revealing a diamond walled corridor strewn with pictures of troll relatives, a green carpet and a small flight of stairs. The problem with old age according to Alice is the loss of imagination, tolerance for little girls and courtesy. All these she had observed in wonderland and her world too. She hoped her imagination would not dwindle over time as she proceeded down the corridor in to a small room where a little dwarf of an elder sat round a table with scrumptious looking cakes and a full pot of tea.
"I never knew why you humans like that strange liquid and those funny cake - things!" said the elder indignantly as he smoked his pipe comfortably. Alice had discovered smoking in this world was similar to her world in many ways except the smoke was always a variety of colours ranging from shining blue to fluorescent white.
She poured herself a cup of the readily prepared tea into the tiny cup rested on the tiny saucer. She was glad to see the teapot was quite larger than the cups because the cups would apparently hold half a mouthful of the brown liquid per serving. She sipped the liquid expectantly and paused in thought.
"Quite agreeable!" she said in a surprised tone.
"So it bloody well should be!, I spend long enough conjuring it up! Genus Camilla doesn't grow in Wonderland you know, I had to find a tea tree and they don't grow very often."
"There's no need for foul tempers, I thought it was quite nice!" explained Alice trying to ease the mood. Though chaos, confusion and nonsense was commonplace in Wonderland (and Alice sometimes) she found it gave her a headache and after recent times all she wanted right now was a restful atmosphere. She decided to change the subject to fulfil her curiosity about her recent invitation.
(Also she thought to herself, another cup would be nice followed by a cake)
"I recently heard of something called "the religion of wonderland", could you enlighten a young girl on the subject?" She said trying to seem innocent, and doing a good job of it.
"Ah!" replied the elder. "You mean the Cleric."
"The Cleric?"
"As you already know, The Queen brought order to wonderland in a fairly miserable way. After she was expelled by you. The card guards were divided without leadership and split into sects."
He paused for a moment to clean his pipe and add a fresh content. Alice took this opportunity to take another cup of tea and a few cakes. He showed a look of mild contempt at the sight of the cakes being took by Alice. Not for her greed, but the actual cakes themselves.
"The Clerics existed in wonderland while she was around but no-one knew who or where they were. That's all I know I'm afraid. Now if you quite finished, it's getting late and I've created a bed for you.
"You mean the floor?" Alice replied with suspicion. She knew there was no bed in the house big enough to fit her size and a few blankets on the soft floor was all he could manage.
"yes!"
"I'm not complaining, it's quite comfortable!"
"Good, now you'll need rest for your meeting tomorrow. I'll take you some of the way in by balloon but you'll have to get to the garden yourself."
"How did you know that ?" Alice seemed surprised that he knew so much when she knew so little.
"A little bird told me!" the Elder said, smiling
"A bird?"
"On the run from a cat! Goodnight Alice."
And then he cleared the table and proceed to bed leaving Alice to her comfortable floor.