Chapter Sixteen: "She's kickin' his ass!"
Grace walks onto the stage and I pray I will get away with only a fews cuts and bruises, maybe no broken bones. "Good evening. I know the program says I'm suppose to play the water glasses for you but, uh, some of the girls got dehydrated. The world is a dangerous place, like it or not. And I believe no woman should be without at least a basic knowledge of self-defense. So, uh, in order to show you this I'm gonna need a little help and I would like to bring out my assistant, Eric Bob."
Here goes nothing. I just hope she'll be gentle. The audience applause and I slowly, warily walk on stage.
"I'm going to show you how to attack sensitive areas to produce maximum damage with the least amount of force. Okay, in some cases your attacker may come at you in a, uh, frontal assault." Grace continued. As she finished she turned and motioned that I should come at her. I do and she slams her hand into my nose. Immediately my hands fly up to my face. Pain shoots through my body. I look up at her with her hint of a smile on her face. Grace mouths one word, McGuire. Damnit, I am such an idiot and now I'm going to pay for it.
"Use the heel of your hand and thrust it upward. This will cause the nose to break and you assailant's eyes to tear. Giving you a chance to get away." Grace does a Vannah White and shows my pain to the whole world.
"Alright, let's say your assailant comes at you from behind." Grace poses and I leave her hanging. I'm no machosist, I don't like pain. Grace turns angry and I whisper "What?"
She whispers back, "Attack me!" I make a confused face and Grace turns with a mischevious smirk on her face. "Oh, wittle Erwic is a wittle bit scwared. Maybe he needs a wittle bit of appwause. Yeah, Erwic." Public embarrassment, the pain was better.
She flips be forward after I attack her. After showing a few more very painful demonstrations, Grace says "Now if all else fails go for the four sensitive parts of the body. Just remember to sing. S-I-N-G." I wrap my arms around her from behind and she hits my stomach as she says, "Solar plexus." Then she steps on my foot and says, "Instep." She proceeds to smash my nose and says, "Nose." Finally, Grace hits me where no guy likes to be hit and says, "Groin. Sing."
We scamper offstage and I'm glad she got that out of her system because as far as I know, now I'm forgiven.
Grace walks onto the stage and I pray I will get away with only a fews cuts and bruises, maybe no broken bones. "Good evening. I know the program says I'm suppose to play the water glasses for you but, uh, some of the girls got dehydrated. The world is a dangerous place, like it or not. And I believe no woman should be without at least a basic knowledge of self-defense. So, uh, in order to show you this I'm gonna need a little help and I would like to bring out my assistant, Eric Bob."
Here goes nothing. I just hope she'll be gentle. The audience applause and I slowly, warily walk on stage.
"I'm going to show you how to attack sensitive areas to produce maximum damage with the least amount of force. Okay, in some cases your attacker may come at you in a, uh, frontal assault." Grace continued. As she finished she turned and motioned that I should come at her. I do and she slams her hand into my nose. Immediately my hands fly up to my face. Pain shoots through my body. I look up at her with her hint of a smile on her face. Grace mouths one word, McGuire. Damnit, I am such an idiot and now I'm going to pay for it.
"Use the heel of your hand and thrust it upward. This will cause the nose to break and you assailant's eyes to tear. Giving you a chance to get away." Grace does a Vannah White and shows my pain to the whole world.
"Alright, let's say your assailant comes at you from behind." Grace poses and I leave her hanging. I'm no machosist, I don't like pain. Grace turns angry and I whisper "What?"
She whispers back, "Attack me!" I make a confused face and Grace turns with a mischevious smirk on her face. "Oh, wittle Erwic is a wittle bit scwared. Maybe he needs a wittle bit of appwause. Yeah, Erwic." Public embarrassment, the pain was better.
She flips be forward after I attack her. After showing a few more very painful demonstrations, Grace says "Now if all else fails go for the four sensitive parts of the body. Just remember to sing. S-I-N-G." I wrap my arms around her from behind and she hits my stomach as she says, "Solar plexus." Then she steps on my foot and says, "Instep." She proceeds to smash my nose and says, "Nose." Finally, Grace hits me where no guy likes to be hit and says, "Groin. Sing."
We scamper offstage and I'm glad she got that out of her system because as far as I know, now I'm forgiven.