Maria woke up finding herself curled in a warm
and comfortable bed hearing the soft chirping of a bird greeting the new
day. The young woman sat up slowly with an alert gaze as she studied the
unfamiliar surroundings of the bedroom. She was in a small but cozy room
with little decorations with the exception of a chest of drawers on one
side of the room littered with pictures while above the drawers was a mounted
gun. On the opposite side of the room from the drawers there was a rocking
chair with various stuffed animals adjacent to a small bookshelf filled
with various books.
She stood up slowly to see she was wearing a long
white tee shirt that swam on her small frame and her clothes she wore the
night before were next to her suitcase. For a moment the young Shevatian
looked blankly at the suitcase but started to change from the shirt she
used as a nightgown to the brown overalls and jumpsuit she wore on the
Queens. As she tugged on her books her she remembered she was at the Black
house now yet it was only a faint blur of memory. Maria was surprised she
remembered that much, she could barely remember what had happened to the
time she found the handgun on the bar table to when the blessed darkness
took her conscious to slumber.
The young woman was vaguely aware of leaving the
Queens the night before but the cold rain had washed away any lasting deals
leaving only the damp chill in her bones. Maria wasn't sure how she left
the Queens but she could manage to remember entering into someplace warm
and dry that sheltered her from the frozen rain and perhaps the even colder
pain inside her stomach. A warm if rough voice comforted her and directed
her to a bed where she willingly fell into arms of sleep. Dreaming... she
wasn't aware of what she was dreaming anymore, she had stopped paying attention
long ago. Living, walking, breathing, and dreaming felt too similar lately,
it was just too hard to do, let alone spending time to think about it.
She remembered the gun... she remembered Billy…
she remembered crying… she… Her mind snapped into a blank state and pulled
up her clearest memory that she was willing to reflect on. It was a memory
of heat and fire; she was working in the metalwork's department of the
Queens; it might have been few hours before yesterday's situation, it might
have been from a year ago. Time just seemed so muddled to young woman now.
Maria remembed herself working. She was bowed
and she wore a ironworker's mask and matching suit to protect her delicate
face and body from liquid iron, steel, and copper that she poured into
molds that were pressed together to make long metal sheets. Maria guessed
that the sheets would be used for repairing the ship and replacing the
half dozen deep-sea diving gears that had been lost recently. She could
have been in one of the half dozen gears if she hadn't of being six inches
shorter than the required five feet and four inches to pilot the dive gears.
In Maria's opinion, life was truly unfair
for the suffering. If she had gone in the place of just one man it would
have meant a family didn't have to suffer thanks of her unselfish act.
She supposed people would think of it that that way or find it a huge stroke
of luck and no one would of thought of it selfish. Yet the young Shevatian
was certain she would have gotten the better end of the deal. But no, life
just wasn't fair.
The proto-type for a suitable replacement engine
for the gears had been constructed about two years ago based on the ideas
of her grandfather Isaac Balthasar and her late father Nikolai. If she
remembered correctly, Maria was quite sure that Shitan Uzuki had a hand
in the creation of the new engine but had dropped out from the project
to spend more time with his family. About a year after that, Balthasar
gave the plans to another nation. Aveh, Kislev, Aquvy, and the Queens had
applied for the plans of the new engine while the survivors of Solaris
and Shevat ignored the matter all together.
The surviving Solarians (mostly soldiers with
their families with a fair mix of all civilian classes) knew that no matter
how noble the intentions were they wouldn't be granted the engine plans
for obvious reasons while the Shevatians were content to build a new township
near Nisan. Of the nations remaining her grandfather had ruled out Aveh
and Kislev due to the risk of nationalists getting their hands on the plans
and causing trouble to the broken nations. Aquvy had no money to put the
engine into use and the plans then would be in risked of being sold or
lost to the remaining Etones. The plans were granted to the Queens due
to the fact the ship-city depended on fishing and scavenging the seas to
make it's living. Maria was sent with the plans to the city-ship and there
she remained to work on the engine and the gears.
When the 'new' technology reached the Queens the
joy the citizen's felt was replaced by shock to find out that the engine's
stalled after 3 hours of use causing many divers to be lost to the sea.
Maria felt only jealousy. That had lead her to the bar to join the crew
in the mourning of the lost gears and men… she had found a gun….
Maria sighed and shook her head as she walked
down the hallway attempting to dismiss the cold thoughts from her head
as her hand rested against a wooden wall with grain paneling that was rough
against her fingers. Her left hand that ran against the wall seemed alien
to the rest of her delicate appearance, she had burned her left hand numerous
times out of her own carelessness in the engine room and metalworking room
of the Queens. Her 'accidents' resulted in a large black gash of scar tissue
that streaked down from her thumb to her bony wrist while her right hand
had been sprinkled with cuts that healed in less notable white scars that
accented frailty of her fingers. Slowly the young woman moved down the
hall hearing the noise of dishes clicking as she saw a little boy rush
out of doorway only to pause to give her a curious look.
For a moment they stared at one another before
the child returned to his previous thoughts and ran down the hallway to
the front door of the cabin. As the young girl moved down the hallway she
realized that the house she was in had been the small cabin that Billy's
orphans lived in only a few years ago. Maria wearily stood at the
doorway to the kitchen and took another step into the room and was greeted
with the beckoning smell of warm oatmeal and cinnamon. As the Shevatian
entered the room she curiously glanced around at her new surroundings.
The kitchen-dining room had once been the living
room, a term used for lack of a better word for the main hall that she
remembered, was large and a feeling of cozy comfort settled in her stomach.
The room still had the cast iron stove with a larger stone and mortar oven
that the Blacks had added during the four years after Deus. Opposite of
the ovens and stove was a large ice box which the surface was littered
with the children's drawings while in the very back of the room there was
a wooden sink with an open cup broad where the dishes were stacked neatly
in it.
"You sleep okay?"
Maria jolted at the crisp words and whirled around
with a little gasp to face their speaker.
"I guess I won't offer you coffee." The rough
yet warm voice of Jessiah chuckled.
The young woman frowned at this as she took a
moment to steady her nerves and found herself clasping her hands behind
her back.
She vaguely recognized the voice as the one that
helped her last night and stern looking battle scared man who searched
for Solaris and Seibzehn years ago. At this Maria nodded and slowly began
to back out of the room. "Don't you want any breakfast?"
Again she paused and glanced at the older man
who gave her a friendly smile. "I saved you a bowl and some corn cakes
but you're going to have to wash your dishes and put it away after you're
done."
Maria sat down carefully and nodded solemnly.
In silence she ate the hot cereal quickly barely noting the taste before
she started to cut her cakes.
"I know this is a stupid question to ask. I'm
sure you've been over it with Billy." Jessiah's voice became softer, "Why
did you almost kill yourself?"
She paused in mid-cutting to give Jessiah a blank
stare, putting her hand down and laid the fork and knife onto the table.
The man smiled back to the blank face. "I'm out
of the loop, Maria. From Billy's reaction I take it he didn't ask to tactfully.
He's never been good with people, gets it from his dad as much as he hates
to admit it."
"I suppose." Her voice was strained as she spoke
softly.
"Are you angry darlin'?" He asked in a fatherly
tone. To his brief surprise her look became incredulous as her brows furrowed
together and became tight-lipped giving the delicate face a look of edginess.
For a brief moment Jessiah re-ran what he said to her in his head then
nodded. "I'm not being fresh Maria, I'm used to calling Prim that and you
remind me of her."
"Why do I remind you." It wasn't a question; it
was challenge to gain her trust on answering the question he had asked
her.
Jessiah closed his eyes for a moment as he gathered
his thoughts and opened them to see her cold green eyes. "You're in trouble
and need someone to help you get back on your feet and encourage you to
try again. That's what a father does. To protect his kids until they have
the strength to stand on their own and to guide them on when they're scared
to see their own strength and new-self. That's what I'll do for Prim and
that's what I'll do for you."
She seemed satisfied with that answer as she took
her knife and fork to cut the rest of the corn cakes not saying a word.
Jessiah took a sip of his coffee and waited while she put her knife down
to switch her fork to her now vacant left hand and started to eat gingerly.
After a few bites she spoke up. "I'm angry at myself, maybe with the world."
The elder Black nodded and set down his coffee
mug. "I think I can understand, Maria."
Maria looked up at him in mid-chew, swallowed
then frowned. "No, you don't."
He seemed to be content with nodding. "You're
right. I can't understand. I badly worded the statement. May I try again?"
She said nothing. "I can't blame you for feeling like that. I've lost my
parents but that was because of sickness and that's not what happened to
Nikolai. You're mad that your father's dead?"
"I'm mad I can't avenge him." She said emotionlessly
before taking another bite of her breakfast.
"Can't avenge him? It's..." He let out a sigh,
running a hand down his face. "Judging by what people told me he was never
a vengeful man. He would never want his death to burned you-"
"Then what am I supposed to do?" Her voice began
to rise in anger.
Jessiah began reach across to put a hand on her
shoulder as she glared at him. "Live."
She scooted away from his hand giving the older
man a frustrated and irritated look. "And what if my only usefulness as
a human being is gaining revenge? That's what's all I've been taught."
The ashen hair girl's voice grew cold.
The marksmen frowned as he took his hand away
and crossed his arms on his chest pulling out old memories on the young
girl and going through them in his mind. He then reached out for his coffee
asking, "Who taught you that?"
"Circumstances."
His face darkened as he narrowed closer on his
gut instinct. "Did Balthasar-"
"No, I had seen Grandpa only once when I was in
Shevat and that's was a month after Seibzehn and I escaped."
An unmistakable scowl crossed his ragged features
as his grip on his coffee mug strengthened. "Did the Queen force you to
fight when you got to Shevat?"
Her expression grew confused. "Force? No, she
suggested me doing it when I was nine. Seibzehn wouldn't listen to anyone
else."
He shook his head to clear his anger then glanced
up at Maria. "I'd imagine you're not on good terms with Zephyr?" Her face
grew more puzzled. "I was the one who told Billy to go to the Queens and
unless if Shevat's township failed and taking refuge on the ship you wouldn't
on there- much less working."
"She's not mad at me if that's what you mean."
Her tone was partly sulky and wryly at the same time. "She... She's given
up and takes the blame of the loss of so many people of Shevat, the whole
Angelos War, as her fault. I just felt that I wasn't wanted so I moved
with Grandpa for a little while... It's not his fault but my fault for
being so picky but it was hard for me to live in the Fossil Cavern and
he had so much to do but I left anyway. Again."
"I see your reasoning. A teenaged girl shouldn't
have to live under the ground for many reasons. Did you get enough food?"
She nodded.
"Did you get in the sun much?"
She shook her head.
"How was your education?"
"I know the three 'R's, I can repair gears, I've
designed them but under the Zophar style engine, I know the history of
Shevat, Solaris, and the Surface Dwellers, I can do calculus, I know the
myths of the world, and I know about basic physics."
Jessiah glanced about quickly and lowered
his voice. "Was it sanitary for you?"
"Pardon?"
"What did you do about your menstrual cycle?"
He asked again in a serious tone.
A blush rushed across her checks. "I came prepared
for a few months. However I left before I could run out of..."
Jessie sipped some more of his coffee. "How did
you get out?"
"Grandpa sent me to deliver the plans to Captain
Thames and I asked if I could stay. Both the Captain and Grandpa didn't
mind it."
"So why did you leave?" He leaned back in the
chair, looking at her with a firm if grim look on his face.
"... I felt trapped." Her voice was pitiful and
she lowered her head in shame. "I needed to see other people, but the most
silly thing of all is that when I returned to the surface I couldn't people
with out fear..."
"Fear?"
Maria nodded, brushing a hand cross her check.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I couldn't look at them with out feeling like
they were targets..."
"Maria," Jessiah asked, leaning back to look at
the girl. "Tell me what happened on the Queens before yesderday, as much
as you can remember."
|~*~|
Angela woke up to see faint sunlight peeking through
the blinds of the bedroom. The blonde woman yawned sitting up cross-legged
pushing the crumpled bed covers wearing a ragged undershirt and shorts.
While she was reluctant to leave the warmth of the bed Angela was pleased
to find out the pounding headache had faded away to a comfortable buzz.
Rubbing her eyes she glanced over to the sleeping figure next to her and
a smile crept over her lovely but waning features.
Billy was curled up on his side, facing away from
her and stripped down to his waist. His silver-white hair gleamed in the
faint sunlight with his arm crossed over his eyes unintentionally shielding
them from the light. Angela smiled down at him and smoothed away some of
the silver locks from his forehead. She wasn't used to seeing or feeling
another warm body by her side and yesterday she was sure she made that
apparent by being so rude to him.
She curled to his side and sighed, resting her
head on his bare stomach listening to him breathe in out in a soft rhythmic
motion. Angela Heirens was not foolish, she wasn't in love with him and
he wasn't in love with her, she knew that when he invited her home but
he had been the first warm companionship she had in 4 years. She gave the
sleeping young man a crooked grin and kisses his check briefly. His fine
lips opened softly and muttered sweet sounding words in an unfamiliar tongue
and fell silent.
The former Solarian looked up to his face and
sighed, feeling his hands stroke her hair, a rare affectionate gesture
that wasn't truly meant for her. She knew whom his feelings belonged to.
Bartholomew Fatima. She had only heard of that young man's first name only
a few times before from Jessiah who muttered his name darkly while glaring
at her and in Billy's fevered whispers during the night.
Who he was burned her curiosity but it never sparked
a flame of jealously, she knew where her place was. ngela finally turned
to Primera who explained to the older woman in her soft tone that Bart
had been Billy's lover and it had been quite serious until it was broken
off.
Upon hearing Bart's description and last name
after more prodding Angela gave a bitter and ironic smile as she looked
up from the gentle little girl and chuckled softly. She thanked Primera
with a warm smile, Prim was the only Black besides Billy who treated her
as a respectable human, and said nothing more about the matter again.
Angela had been once a former second class citizen
whose knowledge of Lamb History and culture had been par to none and she
had been the perfect candidate to instruct Gebler soldiers on the surface.
The then-twenty year old woman jumped at the chance to serve in Gebler
as a teacher on the surface for ten years for the exchange of becoming
first classes upon her return to Solaris. Of course that didn't happen…
She was sure the cause of Billy's break up was
the betrothal of the Great Mother to the King of Aveh, a process that happened
every other generation or so, but she never did attempt to confirm it with
Billy. She already treaded on eggshells in the first place and she decided
to look up the information herself later. That had been four months ago,
long before she had seriously developed a taste for a modified version
of Drive called Renzor.
Angela sighed and ran her hand through her long
pale ash blonde hair and sat up. She padded slowly to her dresser drawer
pulling out two dime bags, a match book, and a pipe and set it on the surface
of the drawer before getting dressed into a long sleeved coal colored shirt
and blue jeans and sandals. Jessie had promised her that if he ever caught
her smoking around Billy or inside the house he wouldn't hesitate to kill
her, Angela had long decided not to test his request.
She slipped out the room to wander downstairs
to the kitchen to grab any remaining food hearing the soft voices of Jessiah
and a new young girl's voice long before she came to the door. The former
professor slipped in quietly to receive a glare from Jessiah and a sheepish
smile crossed her face while she picked up an apple. "Didn't mean to bug
anyone, sorry about that." The girl turned around to look at her and Angela
gave her a friendly smile. "Hey, who's the new girl?"
"Maria..." Her voice was very soft, very tried.
(Gods, she looks and sounds like she's been trying
heavier stuff than I have.) Angela nodded. "Welcome to the orphanage,
Jessie hasn't scared you yet, has he?"
The girl shook her head, delicate curls swaying
to and fro. "On the contrary, he's been a kind host to me."
Angela nodded and glanced at Jessie, his once
friendly expression contorted into a dark scowl with fierce hawk like eyes.
Again the woman grinned at him, daring to him to say something to before
flipping her hair and dismissing the challenge. "Lemme guess Jess, she's
not a crack whore like me?"
The former Solarian general narrowed his aqua
eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest and began softly in his
native tongue, "((I know you take Renzor, Heirens.))"
His voice became tight, neatly clipped,
yet low and dangerous. Maria turned abruptly to look wide-eyed at Jessiah.
Apparently she never heard the older man speak in such a refined way after
hearing his rough common. Jessie continued. "((But whatever fancy name
you and your 'friends' slap on it, it's still shit.))" His gaze flickered
to Angela's right hand that held her pipe gingerly. "((Don't you dare to
light up close to the house, I -))"
"You'll be watching me. I know. You've told me
a million times." The former professor turned druggie smirked and spun
around on her heel heading to the exit of the kitchen. "I'll remember!"
Jessiah growled, uncrossing his arms to take out
a small pocketknife from his worn belt rubbing the side of the blade on
his shirt. "Not if you burn a hole in your brain first…"
Maria swallowed softly then glanced at the grim
face that glared at the doorway behind her.
She had no belief he was glaring at her but she
was too nervous to ask one final question before that woman popped into
the room. "Mr. Black?"
Jessiah exhaled and sharpened the edge of his
thumbnail, took another deep breath before adverting his gaze to look at
her.
A frown was still on the former general's face
but it softened when he addressed Maria.
"'Mr. Black'? Jeez, that's worst than calling
me Jessiah! Not even the little brats call me that." He smiled faintly
at the fond and affectionate reference to the children of the orphanage.
"It's Jessie, even to you."
"I've been taught to be polite," Maria gave him
a tiny smile.
He gave her a stern look.
"Mr. Jessie?"
He scowled but sighed, rolling his eyes to the
heavens then grinned back at her. "That'll do."
"Whose bed was I sleeping in?"
"Prim's, she didn't mind sleeping with the rest
of the girls."
"Oh..." The young Shevatian looked down at her
boots. "When do I have to leave?"
"Maria," Jessie reached out to touch her shoulder
causing her to look up at him with some fear etched in her eyes, "Did I
ever make a reference that you have to leave today or in a year? You can
stay, I encourage you to stay, as long as you want."
"Should I move into the girl's room then, so Prim
can have her bed back?"
"Prim asked to move a bunk bed so you two can
share, she'll still pretty fond of you and she was worried when you came
in a daze." Jessie confided. "She's more than happy to share her room with
you for a little while." The former Solarian paused then looked at the
girl critically. "And Maria?"
"Yes, sir... Err... Mr. Jessie?"
"Get changed into some of our clothes, there's
some in the bin down the hall, third door to your right. I checked your
bags, got nothing but those work outfits. That's just not right for a young
lady."
Maria offered another tiny smile. "Thank you."
She rose from her seat and Jessie watched her leave the kitchen. The former
general took a sip on his coffee and glanced up to hear the voice of his
son exchange greetings with Maria. Billy entered the kitchen and made way
to the iron stove poured a cup of hot black coffee from the stove and took
the last remaining corn cake and sat down sullenly in the chair Maria occupied.
Jessiah coughed catching his son's attention.
"According to Thames she's been showing sings of depression for quite a
while now, however from what she told me yesterday was the first time she
done any harm to herself in public-"
"So you're going to bitch at me for her almost
pulling the trigger?" Billy asked quietly, raising his lips to the mug
and took a sip. "I was having a fucking migraine and hung over, that's
not exactly the situation you want when dealing someone like that."
"Billy, I was just going over her conditions with
you. Under the conditions you had, you made sure she didn't do anything
that could harm someone and bringing her back here was sound judgement."
Jessie gave his son a stern glare then sighed. "Back to the kid."
The younger Black shrugged biting into his breakfast.
"So, figured out what's wrong with her?"
"Tons of things."
"That tells me a lot," Billy muttered bitterly.
"Some paranoia, she's not handling the adjustment
to normalcy very well. Of course all her environments she's been living
in aren't exactly normal to start with." Jessie began, ". Hell, she's got
an old man who refuses to leave his cave much less take proper care of
his granddaughter and Zephyr gotten it in her mind that she's some loopy
martyr who is the cause of all of this. Because of not having a normal
family Maria believes her role in life is to be a weapon. There's anger
to Solaris, of course. And not having her father around is pretty tough
on her."
"Why the hell didn't you tell me it was her?"
The young man suddenly asked, raising his gaze to his father. "I could
have been in a better position to talk to her in-"
"I didn't want it to be personal to you Son until
the last minute, it might effect your judgement."
"Bullshit, you were scared I wouldn't do it."
Billy scowled icily to Jessie.
"Well, what the hell was I supposed to think?"
Jessie snapped. "You've been bailing out on your issues and been ignoring
the rest of your friends ever since you got back here-"
Billy stood up. "I don't want to hear it Dad.
Where's Angie?"
The older man snorted, looking away. "The beach,
getting stoned, or high, whatever that Renzor shit does to you," Jessie
suddenly turned his head to look at his son, "And tell her to keep away
from Maria too."
"Fine…" With out a word Billy left the kitchen
to go after his lover.
Jessie took a deep sigh that ended with a choke
and wiped his fist under his nose. He picked up his mug and plate to take
them to the sink. "((Makes me want to drink again…))" The former
general whispered.
