Confessions of a Lost Soul

by Vardy

Sequel to "Sins of the Mother." Someone from the future goes back in time to set things right.

Confessions of a Lost Soul

Disclaimer:  Roswell's not mine.  It belongs to Jason Katims, Melinda Metz, and a bunch of other people.  So please don't sue me.

Summary: Sequel to "Sins of the Mother."  You should probably read that first, or this will make no sense whatsoever.

Author's Note: I wasn't intending to write this sequel.  I planned on letting "Sins of the Mother" end this universe, but I got such nice feedback that I just didn't have the heart not to continue. 

Part One

Isabel POV

March 1, 2001

I've had the strangest feeling all day.  The kind of feeling you have when you just know something is going to happen.  The only problem is, I don't know if this…something…is going to be good or bad.  I just know it's going to happen.

Call me delusional, call me paranoid, call me nuts…I don't really care.  I don't know whether it's instinct or female intuition or just some weird alien sixth sense.  But I know something's coming, and I know I can't do anything to stop it.  I think that's what scares me the most.

God, I hate feeling so helpless.

When I woke up this morning, I could feel this…knowledge…tickling at the back of my mind.  Like I'd missed someone's birthday or forgotten to study for a big test.  I jumped out of bed and flipped through my day planner, but I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.  So I just pushed the feeling aside and got ready for school like usual.

Then, after meeting everyone in the quad before class, the feeling grew stronger.  By the end of the day, the tickle became a splitting headache.  I couldn't ignore it anymore.  And the worse thing is, I recognize the feeling.

I've had these feelings before.  The days before we found Michael, this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn't leave me alone.  By the time he walked back into our lives, it had grown to the size of a boulder. 

I got it again the night before Max healed Liz and changed our lives forever.  I felt it in the days before the FBI captured Max.  And again in the days before my birthday – in the days before I found out who I really was. 

In the days before I killed my first victim.

Victims.  I wonder how many people Vilandra killed sometimes, late at night, when there's nothing to distract me from thinking about her sins – my sins.  I wonder if she got this horrible feeling of impending doom, too.  I don't think she did.  Because if she had, I'm sure she would've felt it before she betrayed her family.  Before she spilt the blood of a world on her hands. 

On my hands.

I've already killed two people.  Whitaker and Grant.  Sometimes, I wonder who will be next. 

I wish I could talk to someone about it.  About the people I've killed.  I can't.  My relationship with Max – he loves me, I know, but it's been really strained between us lately.  Ever since he healed Liz, really.  Everything changed that day.  I'm glad he did it, but I can't help but miss him.  And Michael…he would understand, sure – hell, he lived through the guilt and the pain and the regrets and the long, sleepless nights when their faces dance across your eyes and their voices whisper in your ears– but I just can't put him through those memories again.  He had nightmares for months after he killed Pierce.  I won't remind him of that.  I won't hurt him like that.

Michael killing Pierce…it was self-defence.  He was protecting us. 

It wasn't like that when I killed Whitaker.  Sure, I was protecting Tess, but I wanted her dead.  I hated her for because she told me the truth.  Because she burst the fantasy world I was living in.  The world where I was Isabel Evans, daughter of Philip and Diane, sister of Max, friend to Michael, perfect student, perfect date, perfect damned goddess of West Roswell High.  I wanted Whitaker dead for taking away my reality. 

I did it.  That makes me Vilandra.  The person I hate most in the world.

I hate myself.

And Grant…I poisoned him, just by being around him.  I'm responsible for his death.  And even worse, I nearly did it all again.  I nearly destroyed another world.

Michael's sins are more forgivable than mine.  I can't help but wonder, some sleepless nights, if I'm cursed.  Cursed for the sins I committed in my other life, the sins Vilandra committed.  History repeats itself, right?  Everyone I love will die again.  And all because of me.

That's why I'm so worried about this feeling.  What if my subconscious is trying to warn me, to stop me, from doing something terrible?  What if it's the part of me that's Isabel, my human side, trying to tell me I can prevent the death of someone I love?

I ignored this feeling the other times I got it, and the world didn't end.  Obviously, finding Michael and having Liz, Maria, Alex and Kyle find out the truth about us were good things, in the long run at least.  But I can't just assume everything's going to be okay, not this time.  I won't.  Not anymore.  I didn't know then all that I know now.  I've been through hell in the last year, and I'll be damned if I'm going to put anyone I care about at risk, especially not if I can prevent it.

I won't be her.

"Isabel?  Are you ready?"  Max.  He's driving me to Michael's.

"Coming!"

For some reason, I just have this…need to have everyone together for a while.  Maybe I really am crazy, and maybe I'm just being overly cautious, but I need to make sure everyone's safe before I can relax.  I need to count heads, I guess.  Make sure all my ducks are in a row.  There's safety in numbers, right?  Or at least that's what I'll tell everyone when we meet at Michael's in a few minutes.  I won't tell them the real reason. 

I can't lose anyone else that I love.  Not now.  Not ever again.

But they don't need to know that.

***

March 1, 2006

Maria Guerin POV

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" Kyle asked her again as I clung to Robbie.  Isabel nodded, and I felt the tears start to trickle down my face.  I don't know what will happen in a few hours time, but I pray that this won't be the last time I hold this little boy in my arms.  It seems like a lifetime since I delivered this little baby.  It's only been five years.  Five years of hell.

That's not entirely true, though.  It hasn't all been hell for me.  I was the lucky one.  I've been mostly happy.  It's just been the last year, really, and even that has had its good points to balance out all the pain.  I married Michael, and I became a widow.  I discovered I was pregnant, and my mother was murdered.

That's why I'm helping Izzy do this.  I won't let my baby grow up in a world where she's hunted like an animal.  I held Isabel in my arms as they lowered her daughter's casket into the ground two weeks ago.  She cried like her heart was breaking.  It was, and there isn't enough cedar oil in the world to ease her pain.  Or mine.  I'm not strong enough to do what she's done.  I buried Michael and my mom, and it nearly killed me.  If it weren't for my baby, I would've died.  I know that.  But I'm not strong enough to bury my baby, too.

So I'm giving her up, instead.  I'm helping Isabel and Kyle change the future. 

I know Isabel thinks she's doing penance for Vilandra's sins by changing the future, by giving up her children, but she's not.  Max and Michael and even Alex's blood isn't on her hands, like she believes.  Kyle and I can't convince her of that, no matter how hard we try.  But we all know this timeline isn't the right one.  And neither was the one Lizzie and future Max changed.  In that reality, the world ended not just because Tess left, but also because Robbie was never born.  In this future, Robbie was born, but Alex died and Tess left.  We have to make it better.  We have to make a future that includes all eight of us and Robbie.

And, I hope, my baby.

"I have to," she whispered as she tied up the backpack of supplies we had so carefully gathered.

It's the truth.  She does have to do it, even if it means Carly and Christian never exist.  Even if it means I never marry Michael and my baby is never born.

It's killing me, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.  Because I believe that Michael and I will be together in whatever future we create.  I love him and our baby enough to put my faith in us.

Michael…please forgive me for what I'm about to do.  But I have no other choice.  I'm lost without you. I want a future that we can make together.

I can only pray we're doing the right thing.  I can only wish that the future we're creating is a better one.  And I can only hope that somehow, the younger me will believe Isabel when she gives her the message I've sent to her.

***

March 1, 2006

Kyle Valenti POV

"Give me a hug, buddy," I told Robbie when Maria finally released him.  She's crying as she hugs Isabel, and I can tell Robbie's confused.

"Uncle Kyle?"

"Yeah, Rob?"

"Why is Auntie Ria so sad?  Mommy told me what we're gonna do is a good thing."  He regarded me with those serious brown eyes, Isabel's eyes – the only thing about him that he inherited from his mother.  The rest is all Alex.

I smiled, hoping I wouldn't cry myself at his absolute trust in Isabel.  I loved this little boy like he was my own, and now I had to give him up.  Maybe even send him to his death.  I knelt next to him and look him in the eye.  I wasn't going to lie to him - especially if it was the last time I ever saw him.  But I didn't want to scare him, either.  Oh, what tangled webs we weave… "Aunt Maria is sad because what you and your Mommy are going to do is dangerous.  Remember how we talked about making a better future?  One where we don't have to run and hide, one where you can live in a house like you did in San Francisco?  Remember, buddy?"

San Francisco.  That seems so long ago and far away, now.  I was happy there – I had my dream job.  I had good friends nearby.  And I was dating a nice girl.  Tracy.  A girl everyone said was perfect for me.  A girl who was smart and sassy and funny.  A girl who might've been able to make me forget I ever wanted a girl with blonde ringlets and big blue eyes.  A girl I couldn't love, not the way I loved her.

Maybe in this new world we're creating, I can have the girl I really love.  The girl I'm lost without.  The one with those beautiful eyes I could stare into for an eternity and with that silky hair I long to touch again.

"Yeah.  You said Uncle Michael and Grandma and Grandpa and Carly and Christian would be there.  And Uncle Max and Auntie Lizzie, too, right?"

"That's right, buddy."  I hugged him, hoping that what I've told him is true.  Hoping that Isabel is right – that by sacrificing her son, she can save a world.  Because all that's standing in Kivar's way right now are the three of us, and Robbie.  A little boy who has seen things no one his age should ever have to see.  Hell, I've seen things no one should ever have to see, period. Once we're gone, there'll be nothing to prevent Kivar from taking over Earth.  And I will die before I let that happen. "That's what you're going to do.  Can you be a big boy and take care of your Mommy for me?"

Robbie grinned then, and his smile was all Alex.  The smile of the friend, the almost-brother, the boyfriend, the father, the boy who never got to grow up.  Maybe he will this time around.  I brushed the hair out of Robbie's eyes and stood up.  I wanted to ask him if, while he's at it, he can give the younger me a swift kick in the ass, but I knew I couldn't.  I know there are some things the younger me will just have to learn on his own, the hard way, just like I did.  Some loves that the younger me must recognize before it's too late.  Before he makes the mistakes I made.

"It's time," Isabel whispered, hugging me tightly.  Then, she slung her backpack over her shoulder and picked up her son.  "You both know what to do, right?" she asked, her voice breaking.

"Yeah."  I said, taking my sister's hand.  Maria rubbed her growing belly absently as she clung to me, her nails biting into my hand.  "Are you sure we'll be able to do it?"

Isabel shrugged.  "I think so.  You were both healed, and you both have some powers.  You were able to open the cave door and initiate the Granolith, so I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to."

"We can do this," Maria said firmly, her face becoming animated in a way that I haven't seen since she lost Michael.  She's only living now from sheer determination.  Hell, we all are, but I guess we're a testament to how strong you can be if necessary.  We're not the same people we were five years ago.  Back then, we were so young and carefree and innocent…it seems so long ago.  Back when saving the world wasn't a full-time job, in a time before our lives went to hell.  We're all thinner, now, from fear and stress.  Dark circles rim our eyes, from lack of sleep and worry.  And we've all forgotten what it was like to be those carefree, innocent teenagers who thought they were invincible.

We're not invincible.  The last five years have proved that, with heartbreaking clarity.

 

"I love you both," Izzy said, her voice breaking, and then she turned and slid the crystal into the base of the Granolith.  It looked different than the last time I saw it, but the basic structure was still the same.  I can only pray this will work.  For all of our sakes, really, but especially for Izzy's.  When Alex died, a little part of her died, too.  And then with Jake…I was with her when they told her that her husband was never coming home again.  She blames herself for Jake's death, I know, but she blames herself for all the deaths.  After the fire that killed her son and her parents…well, something broke inside her.  She looked haunted.  We all do, really.  Haunted by our lost friends and family.  Haunted by the ghosts of our past. 

That's why I'm helping her do this.  Because if we can create a world where I don't dread looking in the mirror every morning and seeing that dead look reflecting in my own eyes, a world where her face doesn't haunt my dreams, then this will have all been worth it.

And then there was a ripple of energy, and Maria and I were thrown clear.  When I opened my eyes, Izzy and Robbie were gone.

"What now?" Maria whispered.

"We wait," I told her, pulling her into my arms as we cried together for all we've lost and all we're giving up.

***

March 1, 2001

Max POV

"Okay, Iz, what's all this about?" I asked as I watched her pace the length of Michael's apartment.  She hadn't stopped moving since we arrived.  I was starting to get dizzy.

"I've had this feeling, all day.  Remember, Max, how I told you, just before we found Michael, that I just knew something was going to happen?"  I nodded.  I do remember – by the time we actually found him, she was wound up so tight I thought she'd lose it if someone so much as looked at her funny.  "It's back.  And I've had it a couple other times, like right before Liz was shot and before you were captured by Pierce."  Her voice lowered to a whisper.  "And again right before I killed Whitaker."

"Why didn't you tell us about this before?" Michael demanded.  I was wondering that myself, so I waited for her to answer.  She's been so secretive lately.  She used to tell me everything – it's like I'm losing the sister I've known all my life, and I don't know how to stop her from leaving.  I don't know who she is anymore.  The gap between us is so wide…and I don't know how to cross it.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly.  I know she hasn't been sleeping lately – I've heard her up, late at night, roaming around the house, but I don't know what to do to make things better.  I always use to be able to solve her problems.  I can't anymore.  I hate being so damn helpless.  "Because it's nothing concrete.  When I got the visions of Tess on my birthday, I knew where she was.  Or at least had a clue where to start looking.  This is nothing like that.  I just know something's coming, and I just know we have to be together right now."

"Well, I'd love to stay, but I have football practice," Kyle said.  "I've gotta say, it's been real."

"Yeah, and Alex and I have band practice," Maria added.

"Cancel it," Isabel stated bluntly, and then looked pleadingly at me.  "Max, please.  Listen to me.  I know I'm right about this."

"Isabel…" I began.  She did sound a little crazy, and I had things I needed to do, too.

"No, Max.  Listen to me.  If you're ever going to trust me again, do it now.  If I'm wrong, then so be it.  You never have to listen to another word I ever say.  But I'm telling you now - there is something seriously wrong.  And we – all eight of us – need to stay together right now."

I sighed wearily, but I couldn't say no to her.  Especially when she looked at me like that, pleading me with her eyes.  I've never been able to resist Isabel's puppy dog eyes, and she knows it.  "All right, fine.  We'll stay together for a while."

Her face lit up with a brilliant smile.  "Thank-you."  It's the first time I've seen her look like the old Isabel – my sister, my best friend – in a long time.  I exchanged a glance with Michael, and I know he noticed it too.  The Izzy that's been here since October – she's different.  I miss my sister.  I want her back.

"Listen, this brother-sister bonding moment is real nice and all, but I really do need to leave," Kyle said, disturbing my reverie, as he headed for the door.  Isabel looked at me, and I shrugged.  I couldn't exactly order him to stop.  "I'll see you at home, Tess," he added as he opened the door.

Then there was a crack of thunder, and the world turned upside down.

***

March 1, 2001

Liz POV

I was facing the window when I heard the thunder.  The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in sight.

That's when I knew what had happened.  Instinctively.  It wasn't a storm.  The last time I heard a sound like that, Future Max paid me a visit and screwed up my life.

"Oh, god…" I whispered.  I felt my knees go weak and I grabbed Maria's hand for support.  What did this mean?  Didn't I change the future the first time I broke my heart?  Did I have to break it again?  

And then I saw her.  It wasn't Future Max.  Isabel and a little boy just appeared in the open doorway out of nowhere.  Only it wasn't our Isabel.  The woman standing there looked older, weary, even.  Little worry lines were etched in her forehead.  And that Isabel's hair was as dark as my own.

"Who are you?" Max demanded, already throwing an energy shield around the group.  Michael pushed Maria and me behind him and stood beside Max, his own hands raised to ward off an attack.  Tess grabbed Kyle's arm and dragged him away from the door.

I looked at our Isabel.   Her face had lost all of its colour, and she was gripping Alex's arm so tightly that I could already see tiny bruises forming on the surface of his skin.

"Who are you?"  This time Max shouted the words.  My head whipped around to face that other Isabel.

She smiled.  It was the most frightening smile I've ever seen in my life.  It was a smile I'm so familiar with, and yet it was so unfamiliar at the same time.  Does that even make sense?  This smile was cold, brittle, humourless.  And it didn't reach her eyes.

Even when Isabel half hated me, her smile always reached her eyes.

I think that's what scared me the most.

***

March 1, 2001

Maria POV

I clutched Lizzie's hand and began searching frantically for my Cyprus oil.  "What's going on?" I whispered as I uncapped the tiny bottle and waved in under my nose, but I don't think anyone heard me.  "Liz, is she from the future?" I hissed.

Mutely, Liz nodded.  I began to shiver with fear.  The last time a future Czech appeared, Liz had to give up the love of her life.  What if it's me this time?  I can't give up Michael.  I won't.  I've just barely found him.

"You're all together.  Good."  The voice was Isabel's, but it was different, somehow.  I couldn't quite figure out what had changed.  It sounded sadder, older, if that was possible, but this other Isabel couldn't have been more than six or seven years older than the real Isabel.  "In my time, when I gathered you all together, nothing happened.  Max never really trusted my instincts after that," she added, seemingly to herself.

"Who are you?" Michael demanded, pushing me back again.  I stumbled a little, pulling Liz with me.  I know he's trying to protect me, and I love him for it, but I'm scared he'll be hurt protecting me, and I would never forgive myself if that happened.  If I put him at risk like that.  By this time, Tess was flanking Max on the left, and Michael was on his right.  Isabel had turned a ghostly white, and I really think she would've keeled over if Alex hadn't grabbed her waist.  Kyle was just staring at the two Isabel's in shock.  I don't blame him.  I'm sure I looked the same way.

"I think it's fairly obvious who I am, Michael, Max, but if you really want me to spell it out, fine," she said with a little half-smile.  "I'm Isabel Evans Bennington, and this is my son, Robbie Evans.  We're from the year 2006.  And I think we need to have a little chat, don't you?"

"What do you want?" Max asked, his voice steady.

The woman sighed impatiently.  "I'm going to close the door, now, Max, because unless I really didn't know you, you won't want Michael's neighbours to hear this discussion.  And I suggest you lower the shield.  I don't mean you any harm, and it won't work, anyway," she said as she shut the door and lowered the little boy to the floor.

I grew even more terrified when I heard the emphasis she placed on the word you, but I think I was the only one who noticed.  I gripped Liz's clammy hand tighter in my own and moved a little closer to Michael.

"What do you mean it won't work?" Tess asked nervously.

"Tess," she spit out, like it was a dirty word.  Future Isabel's voice sounded harsh, hateful even.  "Do you really think your powers are anything compared to mine?  I've had five years of being hunted by my enemies to hone them.  I can collapse that shield in a second if I want to."

"Prove it."  That was from Michael.  His voice sounded a little deeper than usual, in that way it does whenever he gets frightened, but I know I'm the only one who notices that. 

"Fine," she bit out.  Then she waved her hand, and the green barrier surrounding us disappeared.  "Satisfied, Michael?"

"It wasn't me," Max confirmed in a low voice, so quiet I had to strain to hear.  Somehow, that didn't make me feel any better.

"Now, why don't we all sit down and have a little chat?" Future Isabel suggested.

That's when our Isabel found her voice.  "Who is his father?" she asked shakily.

I turned to face her, my eyes going wide.  How did I manage to forget about that little detail?  Then I looked closely at the little boy, who was clinging to his mother's leg.

I gasped.  "He – he looks exactly like Alex!"

The future Isabel smiled, and I mean really smiled, for the first time.  "That's what you said the first time you saw him, Ria.  Right after you delivered him," she added, kissing the top of his head. 

"I delivered him?" I squeaked.  How the hell could I deliver a baby?  Better yet, why would I deliver an alien baby?

"Uh-huh.  You and Michael, in Tucson, next Christmas.  Although, mini-me, you might want to change the game plan and head somewhere else next time.  Maybe you should try Texas?"

Then our Isabel fainted.

***

March 1, 2001

Alex POV

I barely had time to catch Izzy before she hit the floor.  If I hadn't been standing so close to her, I wouldn't have caught her in time.  One minute she was standing, the next she was falling.

I picked her up and carried her over to Michael's couch.  That's when the words of the other Isabel hit me.  I don't know if she's another dupe or a shape-shifter or an enemy alien or what, but I couldn't deny that this woman, who looks exactly like the girl I've been in love with ever since I knew that girls didn't have cooties, was standing in front of me, telling me that in ten months time, I was going to be a father.

I was going to be a father?

Liz and Maria were staring at me, open-mouthed.  Tess had collapsed in the nearest chair, and Kyle was grinning.  I didn't even want to look at Michael or Max.  I'm not sure if they'd be happy or kick my ass.  I don't think I want to know, either.

"Wait a sec.  Isabel," I gestured to the girl lying on the sofa, "and I have a baby?  We're just friends."

She laughed.  And not just a giggle.  Loud and long, great big laughs that started in her belly and grew in size as they left her mouth.  I began to wonder nervously if she was a raving lunatic.  "Were you really that blind, Alex?" she finally asked when she calmed down as she wiped tears of mirth from her eyes, but I could tell she was saying it more to herself than to me.  By this time, Isabel had woken up, and was leaning against me for support.  Everyone else was simply staring at her. 

"We are just friends!" the girl in my arms exclaimed.

"Was I ever that stupid?" the other Isabel asked rhetorically, glaring at Izzy.  I stepped in front of her to block her from the other Isabel's line of site.  I couldn't protect her, not really, but shielding her from that scathing look was something, at least. "Why don't we all sit down and talk about it?  It's kind of a long story.  Honey, here's your colouring book.  Can you make Mommy a picture?" she asked the little boy beside her as she pulled a book and crayons out of her bag.  My son.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Is that my Daddy?" he asked, pointing at me.

I could hear Isabel suck in her breath beside me. 

"Yeah, that's Daddy," the other Isabel answered shakily.  For the first time, she seemed a little upset.  Maybe I'm a little sick and twisted, but I felt relieved that she was upset.  Anything to shake that cold, dead expression from her eyes - the look that was still there even during her laughing fit.  It made me think that maybe she's human after all.

I glanced at my Isabel and back at the other Isabel.  What happens to her in the next five years to turn her into this angry, bitter woman?

The little boy walked over to me.  "My name's Robert Michael Evans.  But Mommy and Auntie Ria and Uncle Kyle call me Robbie.  It's nice to meet you.  I missed you," he added, sticking his tiny hand out for me to shake.

I shook his hand and glared at future Isabel.  "Why doesn't my son know me?"  What the hell happens to me in the next five years that Isabel keeps our son from me?

She looked a little pale.  "Robbie, baby, can you go into Uncle Michael's room and colour that picture?"  I realized she wanted to protect our son from what she was about to say, so I kept my mouth shut.  For the time being.

"Can I give it to Daddy?"

"If you want to."

"Okay, Mommy."

"It's right through there," she told him, and gently closed the door behind him.

"Why don't I know my son, Isabel?" I asked again, my voice angry.

"Because you died before he was even born."

***

March 1, 2001

Michael POV

"What the hell are you talking about?" I finally exploded.  Not even Max's gestures to keep my mouth shut could stop me this time.  Behind me, I could hear Maria cry out faintly and Liz's gasp of shock.  I didn't know what was happening before my eyes.  The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to protect my family and the girl I love the only way I knew how.

"No."  It was a whispered denial, but no one could have missed it.  Our Isabel pushed herself up from her seat on my sofa and began to walk unsteadily towards the future Isabel.  "You're lying."  It was a statement, not a question.  She brushed by Liz and Maria, but I grabbed her before she could get by me, though, and held on to her shoulders.  I don't know what she was planning to do, and I didn't want to find out.

"Izzy-" Max began.

"Shut up Max!" The two Isabel's said at the same time.  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Tess' eyes widen and her mouth drop open.  The inflections and tones of their voices were identical.  Max took a step back, as if they'd slapped him.

"Stop lying.  Alex is fine.  He's right over there.  I don't know who you and that kid are, but you certainly aren't me.  And I don't believe in time travel."

The other Isabel laughed humourlessly.  "Well get with the program, little girl, or else it's going to happen again," she hissed.  "And this time, you really won't have anyone to blame but yourself." 

Izzy tried to lunge towards her, her arms flailing wildly, and I pulled her into a combination bear-hug/full-body tackle to keep her from moving.  I handed her over to Max, and then positioned myself between the future Isabel and the rest of the group, making sure Maria was still behind me, where I hoped she would be safe.  Protecting them like the good little soldier I was.  What a joke.  Like this Isabel couldn't squash us like bugs if she were so inclined.

"I think it's time you started answering some questions," I told her, my voice firm, commanding, like the general I once was.  But I think we all knew she didn't have to answer any damn question I asked.

"You don't believe me?"

"Can you blame us?"

Her laugh was hollow.  "I guess not."  She smirked.  "Maybe you should ask Liz over there if time travel's possible."

Everyone's heads snapped around to stare at Liz, but I kept my eyes trained on Future Isabel and my hands raised.  I had to protect Maria, no matter what, and I couldn't let myself get distracted.

"How do you know about that?" she asked, her voice shaky. 

"Because you told me, Liz.  You told me how to use the Granolith to come back.  You gave me the crystal to activate it.  You told me all about the future you changed.  And now I'm here to pick up the pieces."  Future Isabel plunked herself into my favourite chair.  "Are you sure you want to know the truth about what you did, princess?"

"Don't call her that!" Max said defensively.

"She'll call you a lot worse in two months time, little brother, when we're lowering Alex's coffin in the ground.  You and Michael and Kyle were pallbearers, did you know that?  And Maria sang Amazing Grace.  She'll sing that at all the funerals."

"All the funerals?" Isabel gasped.  She stumbled away from Max, and Alex pulled her into his arms and back to the relative safety of the couch.

"Yes, all of them.  At your soulmate's funeral, at your husband's, your son's, your parent's, Valenti's, the Parker's, Max and Liz's, Michael and Amy's, and at the last one, two weeks ago, when you buried your baby girl.  Shall I go on?" she asked, her lips tilting upwards slightly at our horrified faces.

"So where's your proof?" I demanded.  The Isabel I've known for most of my life would never smirk at our shock and pain.  I didn't know who the hell this woman was, but I refused to believe she was the girl I love like a sister.  "Just because you've got her face doesn't mean I buy that you're from the future!"

"You really want to play hardball, Michael?  Fine.  We'll do it your way," she said as she stood up.  "But don't blame me if you don't like what you hear."

***

March 1, 2001

Isabel Bennington POV

They wanted to doubt my story?  Fine.  If that's the way Michael wanted to play it, then he could live with the damned consequences.  Although I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  He's just being Michael, after all.  I can't believe I forgot how suspicious he was.

"You want me to prove who I am?" I asked, smirking again.  It's an expression I learned from Michael, and I've discovered it keeps people off-balance about me.  'Keep 'em confused' has become my motto.  It's a good one – it's kept me alive more times than I can count.  "How about I tell you all a few things that mini-me couldn't possibly know?  Hmm?" 

"Fine.  Talk away," Max replied, still in a position to defend them if I proved hostile.  What a joke.  I had to bite back another fit of laughter – as if he could.  He'd spent too many years with his head up his ass instead of practicing his powers.  Even the future Max and Michael's powers hadn't been as advanced as mine.  They never needed them as much as I did.  I had too much to protect to let myself relax even for a minute.

And the worse thing is, no matter how strong my powers are, I still couldn't save them.

"How about you, Liz?  Why don't we tell them about Future Max?  Only Ria knows the full story right now.  Maybe we should tell my brother about how you faked sleeping with Kyle in order to break both your hearts?  And all because Max came back in time, like I'm doing right now, and told you to change the future, or else the world would end because you married him."  My voice softened.  "Because you loved him."

Liz gasped and collapsed onto the couch.  Max glared at me and went over to kneel next to her.  "Is that true, Liz?" he asked, his voice full of hope.  Maybe my little trip down memory lane really will make a better future.

She nodded weakly.  "And Isabel – our Isabel – couldn't possibly know that."  She paused.  "But Future Max told me that both he and our Max would be destroyed if they came into contact with each other.  So how come you aren't exploding?" she asked accusingly.

"Liz…the reason your Future Max couldn't see his younger self didn't have anything to do with quantum mechanics, like he said.  It was because he couldn't bear to see his younger self.  He couldn't go through with it if he saw everything he felt reflected in his younger self's eyes.  I wouldn't recommend touching my younger self, but I had to see her.  That's how I would know I could go through with it."   And I had to see him, too, I added silently.

"Oh," Liz answered in a small voice.  My brother looked positively befuddled.

I smirked again.  "How about you, mini-me?  Ready to tell them all about what really happened in Vegas?"

"No," she whimpered, burying her head in Alex's chest. 

"It my timeline, they never find out," I mused.  "I was too afraid of what would happen if I told them the truth.  So should I tell them, or do you want to do the honours?"

"No…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Alex spat at me.  "We know what happened in Vegas."

"No, Alex, you don't.  In Vegas, when I went to Dave's hotel room, I told you that he went to get ice, and I went to get a cab.  But I didn't tell you why we needed the ice.  You see, I wasn't very receptive to his advances.  And he got kind of pushy, didn't he, Isabel?  And then he slapped me," I told him coolly.  "He was so apologetic, too…"

The love of my life stared at the younger version of me.  "Is that true?" His voice was shaking with repressed anger.  I'm not sure who he was angriest at – me, her, or Dave.  Or maybe himself.

She nodded mutely. 

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because…because I handled it.  It was my fault, really.  I let him take me there and I led him on."

"God, Izzy, it wasn't your fault," he told her, wrapping her in his arms.  I felt a momentary pang of anger, watching the younger version of me waste her time denying what she felt, wasting the precious moments she has with the man we both love.  Then I shook it off.  I didn't have time to envy or pity either of them.  Besides, if my mission is successful, they'll have all the time in the world.  All the time I didn't have with him.

"Satisfied yet?" I asked.  "Or maybe we should talk a little about you, Max.  Want me to tell them about the summit in New York?  About all the familiar faces you and Tessie saw there?  And I'm not talking about Brody, either."

"How do you know about that?" Tess bit out.

"Patience, Tess, I'll get to you next.  Anyone want to take a wild guess?  Anyone?  No?  Okay, then I'll tell you.  It's the same guy who, over the next five years, will hunt us down and kill us.  Our old buddy Nicholas.  Seems Tess over there didn't really kill him.  But then, you really shouldn't be surprised."

"Is that true, Maxwell?" Michael demanded.

Max's cheeks and the tips of his ears were turning red – a sure sign that I'd crossed the line and made him angry.  Good.  That's what I had to do – no matter how much I just wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him and beg him for forgiveness, no matter how lost I've felt since he sacrificed himself for us - that wasn't what he needed right now.  He needed a swift kick in the ass, to shake him up and make him take action.  To make him help me save the world.  And I was going to make damn well sure he lived long enough to make things right again with my younger self.

Even if it meant my son and I had to die to do it.

Hell, they all needed a wake-up call, really.  They'd grown too complacent.  They knew they could be attacked at any time, but they didn't do anything about it.  They needed to train, to prepare, to strategize.  And although it very well may be the last thing I do, I really will kick their asses from here to Jupiter and back if they don't get them in gear.

"So you're saying this is all my fault?" he shouted.

"No, Max, I'm not," I answered softly.  "It's not your fault.  It's hers.  It's mine.  You all die because of me."

*

March 1, 2001

Kyle POV

I couldn't help it.  This was just too insane for words – even for a bunch of aliens.  Time travel.  Yeah, sure.  Right.  Next thing this Isabel look-a-like was going to tell me is that where she comes from, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy play poker together on Tuesdays.  I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.  I think I was starting to get a little hysterical. 

Then I looked at our Isabel, and it didn't seem so funny anymore.

She was white.  Literally.

She had drawn her knees up to her chest and she was rocking back and forth on the couch.  "No…no…no…no…" she whimpered, over and over again.

"Yes, yes, yes, little girl.  Why do you think your husband was killed?  His name was Jake, and he didn't even know you were an alien.  You didn't love him – you were still too in love with Alex to ever love another man – but you married him anyway.  He loved you, you see, and he didn't care if you didn't love him right away. He was just so damn sure he could make you – us - happy.  We had two beautiful little babies.  Christian and Charlotte.  Jake didn't know it, but I named our little girl for the real love of our life.  The man we fell in love with the night we danced with him in Vegas.  The father of your oldest child.  The man you still dreamed about every single night.  But our husband didn't need to know that.  We didn't owe him any explanations.  He only died because he made the stupid mistake of loving us.  And then, when our babies were only a few weeks old, Jake was late getting home one night.  Kyle was there," she said, gesturing to me, "When the officers came to the door.  They said they were very sorry, but my husband was dead.  Killed in a robbery.  Only he wasn't.  The bullets that shot him were alien.  Nicholas and the Skins killed him.  All because we still belong to Kivar.  Because we are Vilandra.  You killed him.  You might as well have shot him yourself."

Dear Buddha – what if this chick is for real?

By this time, Isabel was crying freely.  I've never seen her cry before.  She was always so in control, so confident and self-assured, that seeing her lose it was enough to freak me out even more.  And it pissed me off.  Who the hell was she to yell at Isabel?

"Leave her alone!" Michael demanded.

"She didn't kill him," I told her, ignoring the combination of shock and fear on Tess' face.  "She hasn't even met this guy yet!"

The other Isabel's face went blank.  It was like a curtain dropped.  One minute, she looked supremely pissed, and then…nothing.  It was positively eerie.  "She killed him, Kyle.  We killed him.  Just like we helped kill Alex."  Her voice wasn't angry anymore.  It sounded almost sad.  Defeated.

"What?" Isabel croaked.  Alex looked horrified.

"Oh, don't worry, mini-me.  You didn't drive the car into the semi.  But you did lead him to his death, like a lamb to the slaughter."  She paused, giving us that damn annoying smirk she must've picked up from Guerin.  "And Kyle even carried the body."

My legs gave out and I collapsed into the chair I had been sharing with Tess, who dove out of the way.  "What the hell are you talking about?"  I screamed. 

Tess was kneeling beside me, clutching my hand and shooting death glares at the other Isabel.  "She's lying.  That's all there is to it.  She's insane."

Everyone else just stared at Future Isabel, searching for some kind of reaction.  She just quirked a single eyebrow in amusement.  "I'm lying?  I'm insane?" she questioned, her voice even.  "Why don't we talk about what you've been doing, Tessie dear?"

Her voice sent cold shivers down my spine and I grabbed Tess' other hand.  I didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but Tess was trembling.  And I wasn't about to let this woman hurt the girl I was rapidly falling in love with the way she'd already hurt Isabel.

"Why don't we all calm down and talk about this rationally?" suggested Senor Presidente.  It's always about talk with that guy.  If the apocalypse were coming, he'd probably want to sit down and discuss rationally exactly how we were going to die.  Then I shook my head to clear it, realizing that Max was as helpless as us lowly humans this time around.  He couldn't do anything more than I can to stop this woman.  She's more of a force of nature than a PMSing, pissed-off Maria.

Future Isabel simply ignored him – probably something our Isabel should learn to do more often.  Hell, probably something I should learn to do more often.  Maybe then I wouldn't get drawn into these messes.  "I really think Tess ought to tell us all about her little deal with Nasedo.  How about it, Tess? Or should I tell them about it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Tess denied.  She pulled away from me and stalked towards Future Isabel.  "Who the hell are you?  A dupe?  A Skin?"  She stood face-to-face with Isabel, trying her best to be intimidating, but it was kind of hard considering the height difference.  The other Isabel merely looked amused, which only infuriated Tess even more.  Tess threw up her hand, as if she was going to try to use her powers.

"Uh, uh, uh," Future Isabel said, wagging her finger at Tess.  Then Tess went flying across the room and landed in a chair.  "I guess you want me to tell them, huh?"

Max and I rushed over to Tess' side as Michael pushed Maria and Liz behind him.  "Are you okay?" I whispered frantically, as I checked her over for any sign of injury.  I couldn't lose her now.  I just couldn't.

Tess nodded, her beautiful blonde curls bouncing.  "I can't move."  Her voice was tiny, scared, and in that moment, I hated this Future Isabel, or whoever the hell she was.

"What did you do to her?" Max demanded.  "Let her go!"

"I think you should remember who is in charge here, little brother, and it's not you.  She's fine.  She's just stuck to the chair, where I can keep an eye on her.  Trust me, she's better off there."

"Why?" I finally exploded, releasing all the pent-up rage I've felt towards the Czechoslovakians for all these months.  "What the hell did she ever do to you?  What did any of us ever do to you?"

Now Future Isabel looked pissed at me.  "Don't you mean 'what did she do to us,' Kyle?"

"Whatever," I snapped.  What the hell did semantics have to do with anything?

"I'll tell you exactly what she did to us," she stated, enunciating each word carefully, precisely.  "In two months time, she'll kill Alex."

*

March 1, 2001

Tess POV

I struggled helplessly against the chair.  "I would never kill Alex!" I exclaimed desperately.  Liz and Maria were glaring at me, and even Isabel and Alex looked betrayed.  Max and Michael just looked confused.  Only Kyle's confidence in me never wavered as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Yes you will," Future Isabel hissed, stalking towards me until she could rest a hand on either side of the chair.  Then she leaned in close to me, so close that we were almost touching, and I flinched away.  I could see each and every line that marred her skin and the anger flashing in her eyes.  "You'll say you didn't mean to do it, but he'll get in the way of your plan.  He outlived his use after he decoded the damn book for you.  You mindwarped him to death!  He begged you to save him, you bitch!"  Her voice raised in anger with every word she uttered, until she shrieked the last few words.

I froze.  How did she know about the book?  I've blocked my mind, so I know our Isabel couldn't possibly know about that.  No one could.  For the first time, I began to wonder if this Isabel really was from the future.  "I wouldn't," I denied weakly.

"You will," she said with certainty.  And the scary thing is, I began to believe it.  "Admit it.  You're planning on killing him and betraying all of us!"

I gripped Kyle's hand tighter.  "I wouldn't do that."

"You did do it, Tess.  You did it, and you left Earth and went back home.  And you were hated and despised and tortured.  You failed in your mission.  You didn't bring all of us with you, and Kivar killed you for it," she hissed.

"I won't do it!  I swear!"

"No, you won't Tess.  Not this time.  You've got one chance to change the future, to make it better.  This is it.  Take it, or I swear I will make you regret it.  I'll make you feel just as much pain as we felt when we buried him, and by the time I'm through with you, you'll wish you'd never even heard of Roswell.  Confess.  Tell the truth now, and maybe you'll get to be happy in the future.  And maybe we'll all get to live."

"How?" I whispered.  She was right.  I did get Alex to decode the book, but he was willing to do it.  At least, at first he was, when he was convinced it would help Isabel.  Then, when he finally decoded it, and realized what it all meant, he started having second thoughts.  He started wondering if maybe it was better that no one ever knew what it said. 

I couldn't let him destroy the book.  Nasedo made me promise to take the deal with the Skins.  He said it was the only hope for our planet, that the survival of a world was up to me.  Me and my son, the Child of Prophecy – the child Max and I would have.  I didn't want to take the deal, especially not after they killed him, but what choice did I have?  I at least needed to know what the book said before I made my decision.  Alex was the only one who knew enough about computers to help me.  But when he was finished, and he began to doubt my intentions, I erased his memories of his time at Las Cruces.  And I've been mindwarping him ever since.

What kind of monster have I become?  What kind of person does this?  What if she's right?  What if I kill him?  Oh, god…

"Tell them what you did to Alex," she repeated, her voice still cold, but much gentler this time.  "Confess."  I could feel the tears starting.  I never cry.  Nasedo said it was weak.  It was human.  But I'm human, too…

What if she's right?  The plan obviously doesn't work…  What happened to me in her world?  Do I really die alone, a lost and lonely soul?  A traitor, hated by all?

"I did it," I choked out.  "I mindwarped him and made him to forget he decoded the book.  But I swear I didn't know it would hurt him.  And I swear I wasn't planning on betraying anyone.  I wasn't!"  The other Isabel waved her hand and the invisible bonds holding me disappeared.  "I'm sorry!  I'm so sorry…" I collapsed into Kyle's arms and started to sob in earnest.

*

March 1, 2001

Max POV

"Max…you've got to heal Alex now," Future Isabel told me, breaking the stunned silence.  I sprang from Tess' side and walked towards the couch.  Quickly, I connected with Alex, and then I was in.  I saw everything – him as a child playing with Maria and Liz, his feelings towards my sister, decoding the book…

Finally, I was able to repair the damage, and I stumbled back.  Liz caught me in her arms before I collapsed and pulled me onto one of the chairs we'd brought in from Michael's kitchen.  Gently, she kissed my cheek, and then my lips, letting me see everything she's been through these last few months.  Letting me feel everything she's felt – all the love, the anger, the disappointment, the hurt.  Hurt I caused.  "I swear, Liz," I whispered, running my fingers through her silky hair as I pulled her onto my lap, "it will be different this time."

She smiled softly at me, her big doe eyes shining.  "I know."  I felt a sense of peace, a sense of belonging return to me – something I haven't felt since I saw the love of my life in bed with Kyle last October – and I couldn't help but smile from the pure bliss of it all.

Then I looked over at my sister.  She was holding on to Alex tightly, as if she thought he would disappear into thin air.  "He's okay now, right Max?" she asked desperately, her voice cracking.  I nodded, and she let out a sigh of relief that turned into a sob.  "I can't lose you," she said to Alex, gripping his arms and shaking him a little in her terror.  "I love you!"

Alex's eyes went wide, and I exchanged a glance with Michael.  I smiled again.  This was the Isabel we remembered.  She's finally come home.  My sister is finally back.

"Do you really mean it?  Because, I swear, Izzy, I can't take it if you break my heart again…" Alex whispered, gazing into her eyes.  I began to feel a little like a peeping tom – I knew this was a private moment, but I couldn't look away.  None of us could.

"I mean it," my sister whispered, and I could see it written all over her face.  She was practically glowing.  How did I miss how much she loved him when it was so blatantly obvious? 

"Thank god," Alex muttered as he crushed him to her.  Then I really did look away.  There are just some things a brother doesn't need to see his sister and one of his best friends doing.

I glanced at Future Isabel, who was smiling at her younger self and Alex wistfully.  And then I decided to ask the one question everyone always asks me, the one question I hate more than any other question on earth.  "What now?" I asked, glad that, for once, I wasn't the one that would have to answer it.

"We make the world a better place," Future Isabel whispered.