Author's Note: Thank you again to NorthernStar for beta reading this chapter :)
Those blue eyes of his were just begging me to pour my heart out. 'Of course you promise you won't tell anyone!' I thought. 'You don't know what's been eating at me for the past few months. You think it's flash or something completely deviating from everything that's been happening.'
"Bek?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"I've gotta go," I said as I hopped up off his bed. I didn't have an excuse as to where I needed to go or why, but I didn't need one. I could run a lot faster than he could.
"Wait!" I heard him start following me and sprinted all the way to my quarters.
I couldn't take it anymore, or I wouldn't have left him there like that. Crying in front of people violates my basic principles. I wished he'd just open his eyes and see what was going on. Why does he have to be so damn blind sometimes?
On the subject of violating my principles, me almost telling him outright what was wrong also violated them. Some things are meant to be kept secret. They only ruin your life if they leave your mind. I was almost certain that was one of those things. I could handle it driving me insane the way it was, right? Most of me wasn't really sure about that.
The emotional tides turned, and I started pacing my quarters angrily. "You're the freaking genius! Why do you think I'd offer to carry your kid? It's sure as hell not to keep your stupid delusions about Lise alive! Look in front of your face for once and see what's there!"
Adrenalin was rushing through my body at top speed. There was no one around for me to fight or scream at to get rid of all the energy, so I went down to the gym. I headed straight for the pull-up bar. Ten or fifteen consecutive pull-ups usually killed my energy burst and calmed me down. I did twenty without even a hint of the usual burning in my biceps or any of the frustration and anger disappearing. If anything, it was feeding it.
"Beka, I would not recommend continuing. You aren't properly conditioned for it." Tyr's voice came from behind me.
"I'm fine, Tyr," I snapped and continued doing pull-ups.
"If you damage your tendons or muscles, you will not be capable of slipstream piloting," he added.
I lived for slipstream piloting and being in control. Hell would freeze over before I let something stop me. Especially something this pointless. "Fine." I dropped to the floor and turned around to face him, my hands on my hips.
"You should use your anger for more productive activities." He stood still, watching me like I was some sort of freak.
"I'll do what I damn well please!" I pushed past him, but he grabbed my shoulder.
"Talk to him, Beka," he said.
How did he know about this? Talk about something feeding my anger. "Were you spying on me?!?"
"No, I saw you storm out of his quarters from the end of the corridor and assumed I would find you here. For over a month, you have been tormenting yourself, and it has only escalated. That has been reflected on in your performance of your duties." I saw concern in his eyes.
"I'm shocked you actually care about someone's survival other than your own." It was a low hit, and I knew that.
"Your survival affects mine. You are a vital component of this crew and not just my own survival." He compliments me when I insult him. Definitely a first.
"I have other places I need to be." I tried to pull my shoulder from his grasp, but it was firm.
"You will first swear that you will speak with him." His eyes narrowed at me.
"I swear. Now let me go!"
The second his grip on me loosened, I was out of there. I wasn't in the mood to deal with a Nietzchean. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone for that matter. Being pissed off and full of energy is a bad combination for me. My only haven on Andromeda other than my quarters, where I was sure Tyr would be waiting, was the Maru.
I walked across the Hangar Deck and onto the Maru. I set all of the exterior locks and plopped down in the slipstream piloting seat. Finally, I would be left completely alone. It would take a couple of strategically placed bombs to break through the locks. Before ten seconds had passed, I felt the need to move and started fidgeting. Sitting wasn't working for me.
I hopped up and paced the command center. I felt like I was on flash again, but I hadn't even gone within a mile of the stuff since that incident several months ago. I needed to look in a mirror, just to be sure, though. I found one in my Maru quarters and stared into my eyes. Light blue as usual. Somehow, it surprised me. I wanted to blame something for all this, except for the only person I could honestly blame--myself.
"Blame Harper. It's his fault after all," I muttered. But I couldn't really blame him for anything, except for trying in his own misguided way to help me.
He'd been there for me, and the rest of the Maru's original crew, since day one when I rescued him off that forsaken planet in the middle of the Milky Way. We would have been toast if he hadn't fixed the slipstream drive. I didn't think that scrawny little mudfoot he was knew a sautering wand from a force lance, but he definitely proved me wrong. And he kept proving me wrong when I doubted him. I guess my problem started when I stopped doubting him.
Then, Lise Bennett appears out of thin air, almost literally. I don't usually like kids, but that girl had something special that made her different, other than the fact that she was three thousand years old. Something I had when I was her age. Harper falls head over heels in love, not just his usual girl in a bar thing. I get taken along for most of their wild ride. Lise dies. Don't get me wrong, it did hurt me to see her die so young without having the chance to do something with her life. But Harper wound up more messed up than he was when I found him on Earth. I couldn't just let him slowly deteriorate into nothing. After all, I am his captain and his friend.
Six months later, I've never let anyone this close to me in my life. Not even my dad or Rafe. I have told Harper things my own mind wouldn't even admit happened before. We spend almost every free second together. We even went on vacation together on Infinity Atoll when Harper went back for a second surfing competition. The beach isn't my general scene, but I did have more fun on those four days than I had in all of my time aboard Andromeda.
No one has ever been able to make me so happy without causing me to get suspicious over it and eventually wind up even unhappier than before. He had given me so much. And I knew he'd been going through hell over Lise. I'd never seen him as happy as he was with her, or as depressed as he was after he lost her. He needed that happiness again. I knew he wanted the kid. There was no one in the universe I'd rather help than him.
I heard footsteps behind me. 'Tyr,' I thought angrily. That Nietzchean really got on my nerves sometimes. I didn't even turn around. "Get the hell off of my ship!"
"I'm sorry, Bek." It was Harper. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
I controlled my anger, which wasn't as difficult considering all the guilt that was circulating through me for yelling at Harper and running off earlier. "No, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. How did you get in here?" I still didn't turn around.
"I have my ways," he said smugly. "Your password is really easy to figure out. It only took me two tries. Anyways, whenever you're ready to talk about whatever it is, I'm here." I heard him begin walking away.
"No, wait!" Maybe Tyr was right, even though I thought I'd never admit that to myself, especially after he insulted me and all of womankind during our dinner together. Maybe talking to Harper would be the best thing to do.
"Yeah?" He took a couple of steps towards me.
"Sit down." I left my back turned to him.
"Sure thing, Boss." I heard him plop down in the chair behind me.
I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself. Beka Valentine has to be cool and collected, or really mad, pretty much anything but scared half to death and really nervous, like I was feeling. "Something's really been bothering me lately." I turned around and saw him sitting there in the chair, looking confused and expectant. 'It's now or never, Beka. Always choose now,' I thought. I leaned down to his level, until we were face to face. My heart was pounding. I fought the urge to run from it again, as I had been for a long time. "And if I can tell anyone about this, it's you. You haven't opened your mouth before." 'But I sure hope you open it now,' I thought as I leaned forward and kissed him.
Some part of me, the part I listened to 99.9% of the time, realized I could be ruining our friendship completely in a matter of seconds, for something that might end in tragedy anyways. I just didn't listen to it and hoped I wouldn't regret that fact. And on some level, I knew that allowing our friendship to go on like it was, totally consumed in a lie, would ruin it in the long run. I pulled my mouth away from his after I thoroughly enjoyed the kiss, wondering if that feeling had been mutual...
Those blue eyes of his were just begging me to pour my heart out. 'Of course you promise you won't tell anyone!' I thought. 'You don't know what's been eating at me for the past few months. You think it's flash or something completely deviating from everything that's been happening.'
"Bek?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"I've gotta go," I said as I hopped up off his bed. I didn't have an excuse as to where I needed to go or why, but I didn't need one. I could run a lot faster than he could.
"Wait!" I heard him start following me and sprinted all the way to my quarters.
I couldn't take it anymore, or I wouldn't have left him there like that. Crying in front of people violates my basic principles. I wished he'd just open his eyes and see what was going on. Why does he have to be so damn blind sometimes?
On the subject of violating my principles, me almost telling him outright what was wrong also violated them. Some things are meant to be kept secret. They only ruin your life if they leave your mind. I was almost certain that was one of those things. I could handle it driving me insane the way it was, right? Most of me wasn't really sure about that.
The emotional tides turned, and I started pacing my quarters angrily. "You're the freaking genius! Why do you think I'd offer to carry your kid? It's sure as hell not to keep your stupid delusions about Lise alive! Look in front of your face for once and see what's there!"
Adrenalin was rushing through my body at top speed. There was no one around for me to fight or scream at to get rid of all the energy, so I went down to the gym. I headed straight for the pull-up bar. Ten or fifteen consecutive pull-ups usually killed my energy burst and calmed me down. I did twenty without even a hint of the usual burning in my biceps or any of the frustration and anger disappearing. If anything, it was feeding it.
"Beka, I would not recommend continuing. You aren't properly conditioned for it." Tyr's voice came from behind me.
"I'm fine, Tyr," I snapped and continued doing pull-ups.
"If you damage your tendons or muscles, you will not be capable of slipstream piloting," he added.
I lived for slipstream piloting and being in control. Hell would freeze over before I let something stop me. Especially something this pointless. "Fine." I dropped to the floor and turned around to face him, my hands on my hips.
"You should use your anger for more productive activities." He stood still, watching me like I was some sort of freak.
"I'll do what I damn well please!" I pushed past him, but he grabbed my shoulder.
"Talk to him, Beka," he said.
How did he know about this? Talk about something feeding my anger. "Were you spying on me?!?"
"No, I saw you storm out of his quarters from the end of the corridor and assumed I would find you here. For over a month, you have been tormenting yourself, and it has only escalated. That has been reflected on in your performance of your duties." I saw concern in his eyes.
"I'm shocked you actually care about someone's survival other than your own." It was a low hit, and I knew that.
"Your survival affects mine. You are a vital component of this crew and not just my own survival." He compliments me when I insult him. Definitely a first.
"I have other places I need to be." I tried to pull my shoulder from his grasp, but it was firm.
"You will first swear that you will speak with him." His eyes narrowed at me.
"I swear. Now let me go!"
The second his grip on me loosened, I was out of there. I wasn't in the mood to deal with a Nietzchean. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone for that matter. Being pissed off and full of energy is a bad combination for me. My only haven on Andromeda other than my quarters, where I was sure Tyr would be waiting, was the Maru.
I walked across the Hangar Deck and onto the Maru. I set all of the exterior locks and plopped down in the slipstream piloting seat. Finally, I would be left completely alone. It would take a couple of strategically placed bombs to break through the locks. Before ten seconds had passed, I felt the need to move and started fidgeting. Sitting wasn't working for me.
I hopped up and paced the command center. I felt like I was on flash again, but I hadn't even gone within a mile of the stuff since that incident several months ago. I needed to look in a mirror, just to be sure, though. I found one in my Maru quarters and stared into my eyes. Light blue as usual. Somehow, it surprised me. I wanted to blame something for all this, except for the only person I could honestly blame--myself.
"Blame Harper. It's his fault after all," I muttered. But I couldn't really blame him for anything, except for trying in his own misguided way to help me.
He'd been there for me, and the rest of the Maru's original crew, since day one when I rescued him off that forsaken planet in the middle of the Milky Way. We would have been toast if he hadn't fixed the slipstream drive. I didn't think that scrawny little mudfoot he was knew a sautering wand from a force lance, but he definitely proved me wrong. And he kept proving me wrong when I doubted him. I guess my problem started when I stopped doubting him.
Then, Lise Bennett appears out of thin air, almost literally. I don't usually like kids, but that girl had something special that made her different, other than the fact that she was three thousand years old. Something I had when I was her age. Harper falls head over heels in love, not just his usual girl in a bar thing. I get taken along for most of their wild ride. Lise dies. Don't get me wrong, it did hurt me to see her die so young without having the chance to do something with her life. But Harper wound up more messed up than he was when I found him on Earth. I couldn't just let him slowly deteriorate into nothing. After all, I am his captain and his friend.
Six months later, I've never let anyone this close to me in my life. Not even my dad or Rafe. I have told Harper things my own mind wouldn't even admit happened before. We spend almost every free second together. We even went on vacation together on Infinity Atoll when Harper went back for a second surfing competition. The beach isn't my general scene, but I did have more fun on those four days than I had in all of my time aboard Andromeda.
No one has ever been able to make me so happy without causing me to get suspicious over it and eventually wind up even unhappier than before. He had given me so much. And I knew he'd been going through hell over Lise. I'd never seen him as happy as he was with her, or as depressed as he was after he lost her. He needed that happiness again. I knew he wanted the kid. There was no one in the universe I'd rather help than him.
I heard footsteps behind me. 'Tyr,' I thought angrily. That Nietzchean really got on my nerves sometimes. I didn't even turn around. "Get the hell off of my ship!"
"I'm sorry, Bek." It was Harper. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
I controlled my anger, which wasn't as difficult considering all the guilt that was circulating through me for yelling at Harper and running off earlier. "No, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. How did you get in here?" I still didn't turn around.
"I have my ways," he said smugly. "Your password is really easy to figure out. It only took me two tries. Anyways, whenever you're ready to talk about whatever it is, I'm here." I heard him begin walking away.
"No, wait!" Maybe Tyr was right, even though I thought I'd never admit that to myself, especially after he insulted me and all of womankind during our dinner together. Maybe talking to Harper would be the best thing to do.
"Yeah?" He took a couple of steps towards me.
"Sit down." I left my back turned to him.
"Sure thing, Boss." I heard him plop down in the chair behind me.
I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself. Beka Valentine has to be cool and collected, or really mad, pretty much anything but scared half to death and really nervous, like I was feeling. "Something's really been bothering me lately." I turned around and saw him sitting there in the chair, looking confused and expectant. 'It's now or never, Beka. Always choose now,' I thought. I leaned down to his level, until we were face to face. My heart was pounding. I fought the urge to run from it again, as I had been for a long time. "And if I can tell anyone about this, it's you. You haven't opened your mouth before." 'But I sure hope you open it now,' I thought as I leaned forward and kissed him.
Some part of me, the part I listened to 99.9% of the time, realized I could be ruining our friendship completely in a matter of seconds, for something that might end in tragedy anyways. I just didn't listen to it and hoped I wouldn't regret that fact. And on some level, I knew that allowing our friendship to go on like it was, totally consumed in a lie, would ruin it in the long run. I pulled my mouth away from his after I thoroughly enjoyed the kiss, wondering if that feeling had been mutual...