Story Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
by Admiral Albia

Yeah, the TV show/Hogwarts idea is aeons old. Yeah, chaos has reigned supreme on camera before. Yeah, you guessed, I don't care. This is just the beginning...
And I regret to inform you all that I was NOT on a high when I dreamt this up.

Disclaimer; the author owns no part of this fantastically moronic live performance of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? I own only one thing; the plothole. The rest belongs, alternately, to J.K. Rowling, the BBC and Chris Tarrant (at least I assume he owns himself).

Let's play...
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

CHRIS; Good afternoon and welcome to Who Wants to be a Millionaire? I'm Chris Tarrant, and today our lucky contestants are; Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Bill Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Percy Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley and Tom Riddle!
*audience claps*
CHRIS; Now, we're going to play fastest finger first to find our first contestant... hey! Where'd that owl come from?
RON; Pig! *grabs at Pig but misses*
CHRIS; Oh well, he's not doing anything so we'll let him be. Now, your Fastest Finger first question; Put these in order of how evil they are, starting with the nicest.

A) Sirius Black
B) Albus Dumbledore
C)You-Know-Who
D)Cornelius Fudge
Your time starts... now.
*Pig is still flying around insanely. He lands on `Tom Riddle's` keypad and starts to tap-dance on it.*
CHRIS; Time's up! And the winner is... Tom Riddle!
MAD-EYE MOODY (FROM AUDIENCE); I'll get you yet, Voldemort!
EVERYONE EXCEPT MOODY AND VOLDIE; AHHH! IT'S HIM!
*Voldie grabs Harry from the audience*
VOLDIE; Can I have a paper napkin?
*Everyone laughs*
VOLDIE; What? Darn you, wormtail, you've got my cue cards mixed up! Ah, thank you. Stop right there or somebody dies!
CHRIS; For one hundred Galleons, who should Voldemort kill?
A)Harry
B)Moody
C)Himself
D)Chris
CHRIS; Hey!
VOLDIE; *face screwed up in concentration* I... er... um...
CHRIS; You can use your lifelines...
VOLDIE; Can I `phone a friend?
*Wormtail is on the line*
VOLDIE; Wormtail? Should I kill Harry, Moody, Myself or Chris?
WORMTAIL; Who's CHRIS?
VOLDIE; Thanks Wormtail! The answer's CHRIS!"
CHRIS; Correct!
VOLDIE; Avada Kedavra! *Chris drops dead*
*Plothole opens and Sirius bounds onstage*
SIRIUS; Whoops, Chris has copped it so I'll have to take over.
AUDIENCE; AHHH! Two murderers on stage! AHHH!
MOODY; I'll get you yet, Sirius Black!
SIRIUS; For two hundred Galleons... who will Sirius Black kill? Chris was right, you know, this isn't fair. Anyway...
A)Harry
B)Voldemort
C)Snape
D)Everyone
VOLDIE; Er... Harry?
SIRIUS; Why Harry?"
VOLDIE; I don't like him. *Harry bursts into tears*
SIRIUS; Is that your final answer?
VOLDIE; Yes.
SIRIUS; Oh, I'm sorry, you just lost two hundred Galleons! The answer was (B), Voldemort! Avada Kedavra!
*Voldie drops dead*
*Audience cheers*
*Plothole opens and cornelius Fudge steps through*
SIRIUS; What the f*ck are you doing here?
FUDGE; Gathering up the dead.
SIRIUS; What about me?
FUDGE; Hm? Oh. It's live TV, so we'll arrest you after the show.
*Sirius' mouth drops open. He turns away from the camera, but can still be heard muttering things about justice today. He turns back to Fudge.*
SIRIUS; What am I supposed to do?
FUDGE (irritably); Carry on with the show!
SIRIUS; I don't have a contestant!
*A mysterious person steps out of the wings*
MYSTERIOUS PERSON; We prepared for this. There's a back-up contestant.
SIRIUS; Bring `im on!
*Remus walks on stage*
*Remus looks at Sirius*
REMUS; Oh, shit.
SIRIUS; What?
REMUS; You're my `phone-a-friend`...
MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE; It's a conspiracy!
MOODY; I'll get you yet, Remus Lupin!

...

/\/\/
A/n; Yes, I am aware that this could easily carry on. However, I do not feel like continuing it. Maybe if people like it...
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