So I haven't scared you totally! Yay! Here comes part two, complete with something I'd forgotten in part one: a disclaimer! You should know these by heart, but here goes...
Sailormoon, its American dubbed counterpart, and all that good stuff don't belong to me. Evil Mastermind Guy and any of his minions do. Most of my friends belong to me also, although they are not in here. Hi, Lena!
On with the insanity.
***
In another dimension, not the third but the fourth dimension, the new evil mastermind sat on an elaborately decorated throne.
"Where is my evil henchman?" he demanded, tapping his foot against the ground angrily.
From the shadows stepped a tall man with long hair that fell sexily to his shoulders. "Master, I am here to serve," he said, and bowed.
Evil Mastermind Guy frowned. "You're a sexy guy."
"Beg your pardon, master? I didn't think I was being recruited to be a love slave. Especially not to a male." He frowned, then shrugged. "But hey, if that's what you want..."
"Shut up, you fool," Evil Mastermind Guy said, fond of using the phrase 'you fool'. It seemed so...evil mastermindly. "You're not here as my love slave. But it is no good to use a sexy young guy as a villain. Look what happened to Nephlyte. He had legions of female fans. Your death would be quite untimely to the readers."
"Readers?" Sexy Guy asked. "What readers? When did this happen?" He paused, and the Evil Mastermind Guy's words sunk in. "What do you mean, death?"
"Duh," Evil Mastermind Guy said, rolling his eyes. "You're a minion. As a minion, your role is to send out incompetent monsters to battle the Sailor Scouts and fail horribly. Then comes your big battle scene with the Sailor Simps, where you will appear to win, but your short-lived victory will be overshadowed by the Sailors' inner strength and/or beauty, they will find their true power, and kick the living crap out of you. Clear?"
"Crystal," Sexy Guy muttered.
"Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me," Evil Mastermind Guy said. "Those Sailor people have this special crystal thingy that holds their powers. You should either try to destroy it or steal it for the greater evil. It's all in the Villain Bylaws," he explained, handing Sexy Guy a pamphlet.
Sexy Guy flipped through for a few minutes, then frowned. "This is too hard," he whined. "I don't wanna be a villain if I have to follow all these rules."
"Fine," Evil Mastermind Guy said. "You're out of the story then." And Sexy Guy was never to be seen again. The author was happy; she didn't have to think up a name for the guy. Evil names are so hard to concoct.
***
Wait a minute, got one. Bob. That's evil, isn't it?
***
Another monster attacked the fair city of...well, it looked, smelled, and sounded like Tokyo, but they were no longer sure. People were determined to pretend that despite the Japanese characters on everything, the city was American, gosh darn it!
Anyway, another monster struck. The Inner Scouts were assembled at the Hikawa Jinja...er, that is, Raye's temple. They hurriedly transformed.
"Mercury Star power!"
"Mars Star power!"
"Jupiter Star power!"
"Venus Star power!"
"Moon Star power!"
Serena was mighty surprised when she couldn't transform. "What the heckaroo?"
"'Heckaroo'?" Sailor Mars echoed, dumbfounded.
"Those darn DiC-heads are always watching," Serena said. "Gotta watch the language. Anyways, why can't I transform?"
"Duh," Sailor Mars said. "You can't have the same word as we do. 'Moon Star'? What is that?"
"Hey, they wrote it, not me."
"Try 'Moon Crystal'."
"Gotcha. Moon Crystal POWER!"
She transformed and all rejoiced. ("Yay.") The five of them raced to the scene of the crime: naturally, the park. (Well, it couldn't have been the temple. They were already there.)
"Stop right there!" Sailor Moon yelled. "I was reading comic books and laughing like a hyena! You took that away from me! I demand justice! What a coincidence, I fight for it, too! Hey, I'm kind of like a lawyer," she realized, more to herself then the yo-- uh, monster. "Except that I'm way cooler. I get to wear these little skirts that show off my rock-hard thighs, and I get to wave around this neato little stick thingy, and..."
Sweatdrops from the remaining Sailors. "Well," Sailor Mars continued, "I was sweeping when you disturbed the peace! And I don't really enjoy sweeping, so I'm grateful for the break! To thank you, I'll be sure to drag out your torture!"
"I'm Sailor Jupiter!" Jupiter said. "I'm really big--"
"Oh, that's right!" Sailor Mars remembered. "I'm Sailor Mars!"
"The pyro," the monster supplied.
"I'M NOT A PYRO!" Sailor Mars shrieked. "Mars Fire IGNITE!"
Sweatdrops from the Sailors still paying attention. "Do you mind?" Sailor Jupiter asked, mildly annoyed. "In any event...Me Sailor Jupiter! Me big! Me strong! And if you look up my skirt, I'll kick you in the crotch!"
The monster looked fearful and covered his area.
"Way to get his attention," Venus grumbled. "I'm Sailor Venus! I look blond! I am blond! No duh!"
"I'm Sailor Mercury! I have a computer, and I study a lot! And I do mean a lot! That reminds me...I'm only thirty-five chapters ahead of the class! I'd better study!"
She whipped out a book and buried her face in it. Sailor Moon, after making a frantic call to an agency in an attempt to start up her own law firm (in which she did not succeed), returned to the group. "Is it time to moondust him yet?" she asked breathlessly.
"Not yet," Venus answered. "Go back to your nap."
Promptly Sailor Moon lay down and fell asleep.
"We're going to punish you!" Sailor Jupiter yelled. "Mainly because this scene is going on too long!"
***
In an unusual act of kindness, the author cut to Evil Mastermind Guy, who was in the middle of a monologue. Unfortunately, she was a bit late and missed about half the speech:
"And there will be cheese for all! CHEESE!" Evil Master-mind Guy yelled.
As you can see, it made no sense. So the author cut back to the battle.
***FIN***
Sailormoon, its American dubbed counterpart, and all that good stuff don't belong to me. Evil Mastermind Guy and any of his minions do. Most of my friends belong to me also, although they are not in here. Hi, Lena!
On with the insanity.
***
In another dimension, not the third but the fourth dimension, the new evil mastermind sat on an elaborately decorated throne.
"Where is my evil henchman?" he demanded, tapping his foot against the ground angrily.
From the shadows stepped a tall man with long hair that fell sexily to his shoulders. "Master, I am here to serve," he said, and bowed.
Evil Mastermind Guy frowned. "You're a sexy guy."
"Beg your pardon, master? I didn't think I was being recruited to be a love slave. Especially not to a male." He frowned, then shrugged. "But hey, if that's what you want..."
"Shut up, you fool," Evil Mastermind Guy said, fond of using the phrase 'you fool'. It seemed so...evil mastermindly. "You're not here as my love slave. But it is no good to use a sexy young guy as a villain. Look what happened to Nephlyte. He had legions of female fans. Your death would be quite untimely to the readers."
"Readers?" Sexy Guy asked. "What readers? When did this happen?" He paused, and the Evil Mastermind Guy's words sunk in. "What do you mean, death?"
"Duh," Evil Mastermind Guy said, rolling his eyes. "You're a minion. As a minion, your role is to send out incompetent monsters to battle the Sailor Scouts and fail horribly. Then comes your big battle scene with the Sailor Simps, where you will appear to win, but your short-lived victory will be overshadowed by the Sailors' inner strength and/or beauty, they will find their true power, and kick the living crap out of you. Clear?"
"Crystal," Sexy Guy muttered.
"Oh, yeah, thanks for reminding me," Evil Mastermind Guy said. "Those Sailor people have this special crystal thingy that holds their powers. You should either try to destroy it or steal it for the greater evil. It's all in the Villain Bylaws," he explained, handing Sexy Guy a pamphlet.
Sexy Guy flipped through for a few minutes, then frowned. "This is too hard," he whined. "I don't wanna be a villain if I have to follow all these rules."
"Fine," Evil Mastermind Guy said. "You're out of the story then." And Sexy Guy was never to be seen again. The author was happy; she didn't have to think up a name for the guy. Evil names are so hard to concoct.
***
Wait a minute, got one. Bob. That's evil, isn't it?
***
Another monster attacked the fair city of...well, it looked, smelled, and sounded like Tokyo, but they were no longer sure. People were determined to pretend that despite the Japanese characters on everything, the city was American, gosh darn it!
Anyway, another monster struck. The Inner Scouts were assembled at the Hikawa Jinja...er, that is, Raye's temple. They hurriedly transformed.
"Mercury Star power!"
"Mars Star power!"
"Jupiter Star power!"
"Venus Star power!"
"Moon Star power!"
Serena was mighty surprised when she couldn't transform. "What the heckaroo?"
"'Heckaroo'?" Sailor Mars echoed, dumbfounded.
"Those darn DiC-heads are always watching," Serena said. "Gotta watch the language. Anyways, why can't I transform?"
"Duh," Sailor Mars said. "You can't have the same word as we do. 'Moon Star'? What is that?"
"Hey, they wrote it, not me."
"Try 'Moon Crystal'."
"Gotcha. Moon Crystal POWER!"
She transformed and all rejoiced. ("Yay.") The five of them raced to the scene of the crime: naturally, the park. (Well, it couldn't have been the temple. They were already there.)
"Stop right there!" Sailor Moon yelled. "I was reading comic books and laughing like a hyena! You took that away from me! I demand justice! What a coincidence, I fight for it, too! Hey, I'm kind of like a lawyer," she realized, more to herself then the yo-- uh, monster. "Except that I'm way cooler. I get to wear these little skirts that show off my rock-hard thighs, and I get to wave around this neato little stick thingy, and..."
Sweatdrops from the remaining Sailors. "Well," Sailor Mars continued, "I was sweeping when you disturbed the peace! And I don't really enjoy sweeping, so I'm grateful for the break! To thank you, I'll be sure to drag out your torture!"
"I'm Sailor Jupiter!" Jupiter said. "I'm really big--"
"Oh, that's right!" Sailor Mars remembered. "I'm Sailor Mars!"
"The pyro," the monster supplied.
"I'M NOT A PYRO!" Sailor Mars shrieked. "Mars Fire IGNITE!"
Sweatdrops from the Sailors still paying attention. "Do you mind?" Sailor Jupiter asked, mildly annoyed. "In any event...Me Sailor Jupiter! Me big! Me strong! And if you look up my skirt, I'll kick you in the crotch!"
The monster looked fearful and covered his area.
"Way to get his attention," Venus grumbled. "I'm Sailor Venus! I look blond! I am blond! No duh!"
"I'm Sailor Mercury! I have a computer, and I study a lot! And I do mean a lot! That reminds me...I'm only thirty-five chapters ahead of the class! I'd better study!"
She whipped out a book and buried her face in it. Sailor Moon, after making a frantic call to an agency in an attempt to start up her own law firm (in which she did not succeed), returned to the group. "Is it time to moondust him yet?" she asked breathlessly.
"Not yet," Venus answered. "Go back to your nap."
Promptly Sailor Moon lay down and fell asleep.
"We're going to punish you!" Sailor Jupiter yelled. "Mainly because this scene is going on too long!"
***
In an unusual act of kindness, the author cut to Evil Mastermind Guy, who was in the middle of a monologue. Unfortunately, she was a bit late and missed about half the speech:
"And there will be cheese for all! CHEESE!" Evil Master-mind Guy yelled.
As you can see, it made no sense. So the author cut back to the battle.
***FIN***