And I strike again! You shall all bow down before me and worship the greatness that is me and my lack of a logical and rational mind. Sailormoon doesn't belong to me. Neither does the dub (thankfully). Evil Mastermind Guy does, as do his minions, and any youma belonging to said minions. My friends belong to me also, they just don't know it. Please R/R!
***
Somewhere in Japan:
"What do you want to do, Alex?" Michelle asked.
"Beats me," Alex answered. "How did we get here? Wasn't I kicking some censor's butt? Weren't you getting confused by Heather and this Japanese girl who looked exactly like Heather and this really hot chick with a number in her name?"
"What do you want to do, Alex?" Michelle asked. Unbeknownst to Alex, Mistress 9 had implanted a microchip in Michelle's brain, causing her to repeat the same sentence over and over. Or was it Heather?
***
Oops, sorry for that little detour. Back to the battle...
"Jupiter Thunderclap ZAP!" Sailor Jupiter yelled.
"Venus Love Chain ENCIRCLE!" exclaimed Sailor Venus.
"If twice 'x' is equal to three 'z', blahdy blah..." muttered Sailor Mercury.
"I have a little piece of paper I'm going to plaster to you to make you freeze in place! No one has any idea why I do this, as this is a DiC series now and there is no such thing as the Shinto religion! I call upon the power of Mars...Fireballs, CHARGE!"
He froze in place. (Duh.) "Sailor Moon, now's your chance!" Sailor Mercury said, out of habit. She never once looked up from her thick textbook.
"Oh, yeah," Sailor Moon said, forgetting once again that she was supposed to be paying attention. Of course, she had been paying attention, but that was irrelevant.
"Moon...Scepter...ACTIVATION!" she yelled, blasting him to moondust. All rejoiced. ("Yay.")
Just then, Sailor Earth, along with Tuxedo Mask, came running up. They would have joined the battle, but were too busy smooching in the woods. Luna, Artemis, and Molly weren't too far behind. And then came Heather, followed closely by Hotaru, still holding the Glaive. Alex and Michelle were last, also too busy smooching in the woods.
"Did we miss the battle?" Sailor Earth, Tuxedo Mask, Molly, Luna, Artemis, Heather, Hotaru, Alex, and Michelle chorused.
"Yep." The Scouts powered down, Sailor Earth and Tuxedo Mask included. They did not know why they did this. Just for fun, I guess.
"But more importantly, who sent the creature?" Luna said. "I have a feeling there's an evil mastermind behind this."
"Yes, and I am that mastermind!" a voice said. They looked up. A guy was standing on a tree branch, looking down on them. He had really spiky black hair and was wearing a lot of black with silver chains. A spiked dog collar was around his neck.
"Hmm...I should get you one of those collars, Michelle," Alex said.
"Don't even think it," both Michelle and the author warned.
Alex just stood there with a thoughtful look on her face. A giant pen came from the sky and poked her in the back. "I told you not to think that!" the author snapped.
Alex hung her head meekly. "Sorry."
"Well, I am the evil mastermind," Spiky Guy continued. "I am the galactically feared, globally reviled, universally despised...they call me...Scott."
"Scott?" Serena asked.
"Isn't that stupid," Raye said.
"He looks like my old boyfriend..." Lita cooed.
Scott sweatdropped. "You will bow down before me, pesky humans!"
"Never!" Raye shouted. "The only reason we're lower than you now is 'cuz you're standing on a tree branch like a loser!"
"Hey! It's dramatic!" both Scott and Darien yelled.
"Whatever. Just wait until we transform, and we'll kick your booty! Mars Star power!"
"Mercury Star Power!"
"Jupiter Star Power!"
"Venus Star Power!"
"Moon Crystal Power!"
"Neptune Planet Power!"
"Your-anus Planet Power!"
Scott laughed at that.
"Saturn Planet Power!" exclaimed Heather.
"Saturn Planet Power!" exclaimed Hotaru.
Heather gave her a dirty look. "Hey, that's my line!"
"Who's got the big knife?" Hotaru said calmly.
Heather backed down.
"Earth Big Clumps of Soil and Rock Power!"
"Luna Cat Power!"
"Artemis Cat Power!"
"Tuxedo This-Is-A-Rental-I-Got-It-Cheap-At-Billy's-Tux-Emporium-On-Forty-Fifth-Street-Because-The-Last-Guy-Who-Rented-It-Died-In-It Power!" exclaimed Darien.
The Scouts looked at him, wide-eyed (as if their eyes weren't wide enough already).
"Now we know why we never see you transform," Sailor Mars remarked.
"You mean I've been smooching a guy who's wearing a tuxedo that some guy died in?" Sailor Moon and Sailor Earth shrieked at the same time, both wiping their Sailor suits frantically.
"Molly Power!" exclaimed Molly in her annoying voice.
Scott covered his ears.
"I am Sailor Moon! I couldn't start my own law firm, and I'm steamed! I punish people for fun! But you're cute and my boyfriend wears clothing that people died in, so I might change my mind!"
"I'm Sailor Mars! I'm not a pyro!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I don't fight a lot because my powers suck! I have bubbles for cryin' out loud! I'm like that pink poofy guy!"
"Jigglypuff?" Venus asked.
Mercury shook her head. "No."
"Clefairy?"
"Uh-uh."
"Mr. Whipple?" Jupiter guessed.
"Isn't he the Charmin guy?"
"Mr. Bubble?" Sailor Moon finally said.
"Oh yeah...that's it."
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! I'm big and strong and wear a short skirt! I like to beat people up! I wear a short skirt! Or did I already mention that?"
"You did," Scott said. "I like you."
"Thanks."
"I'm Sailor Venus! You're cute!"
"Venus!" Mercury said. "You're supposed to say not-nice things about him!"
"Oh, yeah. Um...In the name of punishment, I will moon you!" Venus yelled.
"That's not right, either," Mercury whispered.
"Oh, isn't it?" Venus replied. Promptly she turned, aimed her rear at Scott, and bent over. Scott liked. Hentai fanboys liked.
"I'm Sailor Uranus!"
"I'm Sailor Neptune!"
Uranus pointed at her partner. "You can't have her! She's my lover!"
"Ooh, kinky."
"I'm Sailor Saturn!" Heather and Hotaru said at the same time. "I will punish you for leering at my parents!" Heather glared daggers at Hotaru. Hotaru waved her Glaive at Heather. "Point taken," Heather said. (Hee hee. Glaive puns. God, I love this job.)
Somewhere in the shadows, Mistress 9 lurked.
"I am Tuxedo Mask! I may look like a doof in a tux, but, well, I am! This rose will prick you to death!"
Scott laughed. (Come on, who doesn't think that rose is silly?)
"I am Luna! I don't get many lines in fanfics!"
"I am Artemis! Neither do I!"
"I am Sailor Annoying! You will hate my voice!"
Scott hated it.
"I am Sailor Earth! Since I am the last one to make a speech, I will totally rewrite the Bylaws and be the first to attack! Earth Fall On Your Face In The Mud!" A splotch of mud came up and whacked Scott in the face, totally blurring his vision. He fell out of the tree and cried.
"Oh, poor baby," Mistress 9 cooed, stepping out of the shadows and cradling the fallen Scott. "Come with me. We will be evil together."
Laughing like madmen, Scott and Mistress 9 ran away, never to be seen again. Author liked. Sailors liked. Some readers liked. The ones who didn't were killed by Sailor 'I'm Not A Pyro' Mars and her fire igniting thing.
"No fair!" the Scouts whined. "We didn't get to punish!"
"It doesn't matter!" Sailor Pluto exclaimed, appearing before them. "I've been consulting the timeline, and you guys are wildly out of place! It's time for a power-up!"
"Another one?" Sailor Moon whined, but it went unheard.
"Now look inside yourselves and let your true colors shine through," Pluto instructed. The Scouts did so.
"Ooh...purdy cullers..."
After some 'oohing' and 'ahhing', they had transformed into senshi, speaking perfect Japanese. Sailor Moon was upgraded to Eternal Sailor Moon, the others to Super Sailors. Molly (Sailor Annoying) turned into Osaka Naru and disappeared for the rest of the series, save for a few brief cameos in S and SuperS. Sailor Earth didn't exist anymore. But she never did, so the others felt no loss. Not even Tuxedo Mask, who transformed into Tuxedo Kamen and came to the frightening conclusion that the entire time he had been making out with a tree. (Hmm...puts a whole new spin on the term 'tree hugger', doesn't it?) Heather was obliterated, much to the disappointment of Hotaru, who always was who she was supposed to be, and never got to slice, dice, and make Julienne fries with the Glaive. Haruka and Michiru got to be lovers openly, and were happy with that. (Not that kind of openly, ya hentai.)
"Of course, with this new power-up comes an unfortunate stipulation," Pluto said, and as she spoke, a vortex thingy opened in the sky and out fell Chibi-Usa, promptly hitting Sailormoon on the head, as everyone expected her to do.
***FIN***
***
Somewhere in Japan:
"What do you want to do, Alex?" Michelle asked.
"Beats me," Alex answered. "How did we get here? Wasn't I kicking some censor's butt? Weren't you getting confused by Heather and this Japanese girl who looked exactly like Heather and this really hot chick with a number in her name?"
"What do you want to do, Alex?" Michelle asked. Unbeknownst to Alex, Mistress 9 had implanted a microchip in Michelle's brain, causing her to repeat the same sentence over and over. Or was it Heather?
***
Oops, sorry for that little detour. Back to the battle...
"Jupiter Thunderclap ZAP!" Sailor Jupiter yelled.
"Venus Love Chain ENCIRCLE!" exclaimed Sailor Venus.
"If twice 'x' is equal to three 'z', blahdy blah..." muttered Sailor Mercury.
"I have a little piece of paper I'm going to plaster to you to make you freeze in place! No one has any idea why I do this, as this is a DiC series now and there is no such thing as the Shinto religion! I call upon the power of Mars...Fireballs, CHARGE!"
He froze in place. (Duh.) "Sailor Moon, now's your chance!" Sailor Mercury said, out of habit. She never once looked up from her thick textbook.
"Oh, yeah," Sailor Moon said, forgetting once again that she was supposed to be paying attention. Of course, she had been paying attention, but that was irrelevant.
"Moon...Scepter...ACTIVATION!" she yelled, blasting him to moondust. All rejoiced. ("Yay.")
Just then, Sailor Earth, along with Tuxedo Mask, came running up. They would have joined the battle, but were too busy smooching in the woods. Luna, Artemis, and Molly weren't too far behind. And then came Heather, followed closely by Hotaru, still holding the Glaive. Alex and Michelle were last, also too busy smooching in the woods.
"Did we miss the battle?" Sailor Earth, Tuxedo Mask, Molly, Luna, Artemis, Heather, Hotaru, Alex, and Michelle chorused.
"Yep." The Scouts powered down, Sailor Earth and Tuxedo Mask included. They did not know why they did this. Just for fun, I guess.
"But more importantly, who sent the creature?" Luna said. "I have a feeling there's an evil mastermind behind this."
"Yes, and I am that mastermind!" a voice said. They looked up. A guy was standing on a tree branch, looking down on them. He had really spiky black hair and was wearing a lot of black with silver chains. A spiked dog collar was around his neck.
"Hmm...I should get you one of those collars, Michelle," Alex said.
"Don't even think it," both Michelle and the author warned.
Alex just stood there with a thoughtful look on her face. A giant pen came from the sky and poked her in the back. "I told you not to think that!" the author snapped.
Alex hung her head meekly. "Sorry."
"Well, I am the evil mastermind," Spiky Guy continued. "I am the galactically feared, globally reviled, universally despised...they call me...Scott."
"Scott?" Serena asked.
"Isn't that stupid," Raye said.
"He looks like my old boyfriend..." Lita cooed.
Scott sweatdropped. "You will bow down before me, pesky humans!"
"Never!" Raye shouted. "The only reason we're lower than you now is 'cuz you're standing on a tree branch like a loser!"
"Hey! It's dramatic!" both Scott and Darien yelled.
"Whatever. Just wait until we transform, and we'll kick your booty! Mars Star power!"
"Mercury Star Power!"
"Jupiter Star Power!"
"Venus Star Power!"
"Moon Crystal Power!"
"Neptune Planet Power!"
"Your-anus Planet Power!"
Scott laughed at that.
"Saturn Planet Power!" exclaimed Heather.
"Saturn Planet Power!" exclaimed Hotaru.
Heather gave her a dirty look. "Hey, that's my line!"
"Who's got the big knife?" Hotaru said calmly.
Heather backed down.
"Earth Big Clumps of Soil and Rock Power!"
"Luna Cat Power!"
"Artemis Cat Power!"
"Tuxedo This-Is-A-Rental-I-Got-It-Cheap-At-Billy's-Tux-Emporium-On-Forty-Fifth-Street-Because-The-Last-Guy-Who-Rented-It-Died-In-It Power!" exclaimed Darien.
The Scouts looked at him, wide-eyed (as if their eyes weren't wide enough already).
"Now we know why we never see you transform," Sailor Mars remarked.
"You mean I've been smooching a guy who's wearing a tuxedo that some guy died in?" Sailor Moon and Sailor Earth shrieked at the same time, both wiping their Sailor suits frantically.
"Molly Power!" exclaimed Molly in her annoying voice.
Scott covered his ears.
"I am Sailor Moon! I couldn't start my own law firm, and I'm steamed! I punish people for fun! But you're cute and my boyfriend wears clothing that people died in, so I might change my mind!"
"I'm Sailor Mars! I'm not a pyro!"
"I am Sailor Mercury! I don't fight a lot because my powers suck! I have bubbles for cryin' out loud! I'm like that pink poofy guy!"
"Jigglypuff?" Venus asked.
Mercury shook her head. "No."
"Clefairy?"
"Uh-uh."
"Mr. Whipple?" Jupiter guessed.
"Isn't he the Charmin guy?"
"Mr. Bubble?" Sailor Moon finally said.
"Oh yeah...that's it."
"I'm Sailor Jupiter! I'm big and strong and wear a short skirt! I like to beat people up! I wear a short skirt! Or did I already mention that?"
"You did," Scott said. "I like you."
"Thanks."
"I'm Sailor Venus! You're cute!"
"Venus!" Mercury said. "You're supposed to say not-nice things about him!"
"Oh, yeah. Um...In the name of punishment, I will moon you!" Venus yelled.
"That's not right, either," Mercury whispered.
"Oh, isn't it?" Venus replied. Promptly she turned, aimed her rear at Scott, and bent over. Scott liked. Hentai fanboys liked.
"I'm Sailor Uranus!"
"I'm Sailor Neptune!"
Uranus pointed at her partner. "You can't have her! She's my lover!"
"Ooh, kinky."
"I'm Sailor Saturn!" Heather and Hotaru said at the same time. "I will punish you for leering at my parents!" Heather glared daggers at Hotaru. Hotaru waved her Glaive at Heather. "Point taken," Heather said. (Hee hee. Glaive puns. God, I love this job.)
Somewhere in the shadows, Mistress 9 lurked.
"I am Tuxedo Mask! I may look like a doof in a tux, but, well, I am! This rose will prick you to death!"
Scott laughed. (Come on, who doesn't think that rose is silly?)
"I am Luna! I don't get many lines in fanfics!"
"I am Artemis! Neither do I!"
"I am Sailor Annoying! You will hate my voice!"
Scott hated it.
"I am Sailor Earth! Since I am the last one to make a speech, I will totally rewrite the Bylaws and be the first to attack! Earth Fall On Your Face In The Mud!" A splotch of mud came up and whacked Scott in the face, totally blurring his vision. He fell out of the tree and cried.
"Oh, poor baby," Mistress 9 cooed, stepping out of the shadows and cradling the fallen Scott. "Come with me. We will be evil together."
Laughing like madmen, Scott and Mistress 9 ran away, never to be seen again. Author liked. Sailors liked. Some readers liked. The ones who didn't were killed by Sailor 'I'm Not A Pyro' Mars and her fire igniting thing.
"No fair!" the Scouts whined. "We didn't get to punish!"
"It doesn't matter!" Sailor Pluto exclaimed, appearing before them. "I've been consulting the timeline, and you guys are wildly out of place! It's time for a power-up!"
"Another one?" Sailor Moon whined, but it went unheard.
"Now look inside yourselves and let your true colors shine through," Pluto instructed. The Scouts did so.
"Ooh...purdy cullers..."
After some 'oohing' and 'ahhing', they had transformed into senshi, speaking perfect Japanese. Sailor Moon was upgraded to Eternal Sailor Moon, the others to Super Sailors. Molly (Sailor Annoying) turned into Osaka Naru and disappeared for the rest of the series, save for a few brief cameos in S and SuperS. Sailor Earth didn't exist anymore. But she never did, so the others felt no loss. Not even Tuxedo Mask, who transformed into Tuxedo Kamen and came to the frightening conclusion that the entire time he had been making out with a tree. (Hmm...puts a whole new spin on the term 'tree hugger', doesn't it?) Heather was obliterated, much to the disappointment of Hotaru, who always was who she was supposed to be, and never got to slice, dice, and make Julienne fries with the Glaive. Haruka and Michiru got to be lovers openly, and were happy with that. (Not that kind of openly, ya hentai.)
"Of course, with this new power-up comes an unfortunate stipulation," Pluto said, and as she spoke, a vortex thingy opened in the sky and out fell Chibi-Usa, promptly hitting Sailormoon on the head, as everyone expected her to do.
***FIN***