You know the drill. The characters that you've heard of before reading this aren't mine. The ones you haven't are. That's terribly obvious, but I don't want any corporate big-wigs suing my high school butt, as I have a bottle of Snapple Elements (Earth) filled with pennies to my name. Please R/R, it's not too much to ask.
***
The inner and outer senshi, with the exception of Sailor Pluto, who was suffering a severe hangover, were assembled at Hikawa Jinja when they heard the screams.
"I sense trouble!" Rei cried.
"Minna, henshin yo!" Usagi commanded.
"That's my line!" Luna whined. Usagi smacked the cat with her purse, as she was prone to doing. Funny thing was, she didn't even have a purse with her at the time. Go figure.
"Mars Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Mercury Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Jupiter Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Venus Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Uranus Planet Power, make UP!"
"Neptune Planet Power, make UP!"
"Saturn Planet Power, make UP!" Saturn cried, then realized that no one was ever supposed to see her transform, so she ran to the bathroom and hid.
The Sailor Senshi ran to the scream, and found a big-breasted, olive-skinned youma with shiny white teeth and curly hair singing wildly off-key while dancing badly. The humans around the youma were fainting and screaming in agony.
"Do you think those are real?" Sailor Jupiter whispered to Venus, who giggled.
"Shut up!" the youma yelled. "I am so sick of these rumors! If people see me as a sexual object, then that's flattering, but that's not the kind of person I am!"
The senshi sweatdropped. "You're kidding, right?"
"Who are you?" Sailor Moon demanded.
"I am Britney Martin! The evil crossover of Ricky Martin and Britney Spears, two people that the author hates, so you should too!"
Instantly the senshi began screaming and covering their ears. "Make it stop!" Sailor Moon wailed.
"Burningu Mandala!" exclaimed Sailor Mars.
"Sparklingu Waido Preshaa!" exclaimed Sailor Jupiter.
"Shine Aqua Illusion!" exclaimed Sailor Mercury.
"Venus Love-Me Chain!" exclaimed Sailor Venus.
"Waldo Shaking!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.
"Deep Submergi!" exclaimed Sailor Neptune.
"Silence Glaive Sapuraizu!" exclaimed Sailor Saturn.
"There's a lot of exclaiming going on!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
The author could think of nothing more to write, so the segment ended.
***
Evil Mastermind Guy and Duhite were chilling at Evil Mastermind Guy's hip, four-dimensional pad. "What do you think we should do about the extermination of the Sailor Senshi?" Evil Mastermind Guy asked.
"I'm already on it, your great four-dimensional one," Duhite said proudly. "I used my technological genius, the chemistry set I got for my tenth birthday, celebrity DNA, and several common household objects to create horrible mutants, which I am using to pummel the senshi into oblivion."
"Nice!" Evil Mastermind Guy said approvingly. He loved evil plots.
***
Somewhere in Minato-ku, the Three Lights entered a building. Their agent refused to share any more information.
***
The inner senshi had gathered at Usagi's house after defeating the youma, and were watching the DiCed-up version of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon.
"Do I really act like that all the time?" Usagi asked, watching in disgusted shock as Serena-the-Hyena wailed and whined some.
"No, Usagi-chan," Makoto said faithfully.
"Just most of the time," Rei volunteered.
"Ra-ye, you're so...meeean to meee!" Serena wailed on the screen. "Yeah!" Usagi agreed. "What she said!"
"Stupid Sailor Simps," 'Jedite' laughed on screen. "I'll get you yet."
"That's Jadeite?" Minako asked. "He's kawaii."
"Minako-chan!" the senshi said, sweatdropping.
"It's Jedite, not Jadeite," Ami said authoritatively. "And he's evil, Minako-chan. No one that you should be hanging around with."
"Not that it matters," Usagi threw in. "Queen Beryl got angry with him and cryogenically froze him."
A group sweatdrop. "'Cryogenically'?" Rei asked. "Did I just hear you say that, Usagi-chan?"
Usagi made a face. "Just 'cause I don't act smart doesn't mean that I'm not smart, ya know. Cut me some slack."
The author partnered up with Evil Mastermind Guy, and they decided that Usagi's burst of wordiness was totally uncharacter-istic, and they decided that it never should have happened. So it never did.
***
The inner senshi had gathered at Usagi's house after defeating the youma, and were watching the DiCed-up version of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon.
"Do I really act like that all the time?" Usagi asked, watching in disgusted shock as Serena-the-Hyena wailed and whined some.
"No, Usagi-chan," Makoto said faithfully.
"Just most of the time," Rei volunteered.
"Ra-ye, you're so...meeean to meee!" Serena wailed on the screen. "Yeah!" Usagi agreed. "What she said!"
"Stupid Sailor Simps," 'Jedite' laughed on screen. "I'll get you yet."
"That's Jadeite?" Minako asked. "He's kawaii."
"Minako-chan!" the senshi said, sweatdropping.
"It's Jedite, not Jadeite," Ami said authoritatively. "And he's evil, Minako-chan. No one that you should be hanging around with."
"Not that it matters," Usagi threw in. "Queen Beryl got irked at him and froze him and junk."
"Better," Evil Mastermind Guy commented, scrolling down the page. "But this is dull and not funny. I demand a scene change!"
And so it was done.
***
The front door of Usagi's house opened. In came Tsukino Ikuko, with a small, pink-haired girl.
"Usagi, meet your new sister," said Ikuko.
"Chibi," said Chibi Chibi.
"Damn," said Usagi.
***
Back to the future. Chibi-Usa and Diana stood dully in the ruins of the town. "Maybe we should get moving or something," Diana suggested. "So the hounds don't get us or whatever."
"Hounds?"
"Figure of speech."
"In what universe?"
"Maybe in one of Hotaru's little simulated ones?"
***FIN***
***
The inner and outer senshi, with the exception of Sailor Pluto, who was suffering a severe hangover, were assembled at Hikawa Jinja when they heard the screams.
"I sense trouble!" Rei cried.
"Minna, henshin yo!" Usagi commanded.
"That's my line!" Luna whined. Usagi smacked the cat with her purse, as she was prone to doing. Funny thing was, she didn't even have a purse with her at the time. Go figure.
"Mars Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Mercury Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Jupiter Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Venus Crystal Power, make UP!"
"Uranus Planet Power, make UP!"
"Neptune Planet Power, make UP!"
"Saturn Planet Power, make UP!" Saturn cried, then realized that no one was ever supposed to see her transform, so she ran to the bathroom and hid.
The Sailor Senshi ran to the scream, and found a big-breasted, olive-skinned youma with shiny white teeth and curly hair singing wildly off-key while dancing badly. The humans around the youma were fainting and screaming in agony.
"Do you think those are real?" Sailor Jupiter whispered to Venus, who giggled.
"Shut up!" the youma yelled. "I am so sick of these rumors! If people see me as a sexual object, then that's flattering, but that's not the kind of person I am!"
The senshi sweatdropped. "You're kidding, right?"
"Who are you?" Sailor Moon demanded.
"I am Britney Martin! The evil crossover of Ricky Martin and Britney Spears, two people that the author hates, so you should too!"
Instantly the senshi began screaming and covering their ears. "Make it stop!" Sailor Moon wailed.
"Burningu Mandala!" exclaimed Sailor Mars.
"Sparklingu Waido Preshaa!" exclaimed Sailor Jupiter.
"Shine Aqua Illusion!" exclaimed Sailor Mercury.
"Venus Love-Me Chain!" exclaimed Sailor Venus.
"Waldo Shaking!" exclaimed Sailor Uranus.
"Deep Submergi!" exclaimed Sailor Neptune.
"Silence Glaive Sapuraizu!" exclaimed Sailor Saturn.
"There's a lot of exclaiming going on!" exclaimed Sailor Moon.
The author could think of nothing more to write, so the segment ended.
***
Evil Mastermind Guy and Duhite were chilling at Evil Mastermind Guy's hip, four-dimensional pad. "What do you think we should do about the extermination of the Sailor Senshi?" Evil Mastermind Guy asked.
"I'm already on it, your great four-dimensional one," Duhite said proudly. "I used my technological genius, the chemistry set I got for my tenth birthday, celebrity DNA, and several common household objects to create horrible mutants, which I am using to pummel the senshi into oblivion."
"Nice!" Evil Mastermind Guy said approvingly. He loved evil plots.
***
Somewhere in Minato-ku, the Three Lights entered a building. Their agent refused to share any more information.
***
The inner senshi had gathered at Usagi's house after defeating the youma, and were watching the DiCed-up version of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon.
"Do I really act like that all the time?" Usagi asked, watching in disgusted shock as Serena-the-Hyena wailed and whined some.
"No, Usagi-chan," Makoto said faithfully.
"Just most of the time," Rei volunteered.
"Ra-ye, you're so...meeean to meee!" Serena wailed on the screen. "Yeah!" Usagi agreed. "What she said!"
"Stupid Sailor Simps," 'Jedite' laughed on screen. "I'll get you yet."
"That's Jadeite?" Minako asked. "He's kawaii."
"Minako-chan!" the senshi said, sweatdropping.
"It's Jedite, not Jadeite," Ami said authoritatively. "And he's evil, Minako-chan. No one that you should be hanging around with."
"Not that it matters," Usagi threw in. "Queen Beryl got angry with him and cryogenically froze him."
A group sweatdrop. "'Cryogenically'?" Rei asked. "Did I just hear you say that, Usagi-chan?"
Usagi made a face. "Just 'cause I don't act smart doesn't mean that I'm not smart, ya know. Cut me some slack."
The author partnered up with Evil Mastermind Guy, and they decided that Usagi's burst of wordiness was totally uncharacter-istic, and they decided that it never should have happened. So it never did.
***
The inner senshi had gathered at Usagi's house after defeating the youma, and were watching the DiCed-up version of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon.
"Do I really act like that all the time?" Usagi asked, watching in disgusted shock as Serena-the-Hyena wailed and whined some.
"No, Usagi-chan," Makoto said faithfully.
"Just most of the time," Rei volunteered.
"Ra-ye, you're so...meeean to meee!" Serena wailed on the screen. "Yeah!" Usagi agreed. "What she said!"
"Stupid Sailor Simps," 'Jedite' laughed on screen. "I'll get you yet."
"That's Jadeite?" Minako asked. "He's kawaii."
"Minako-chan!" the senshi said, sweatdropping.
"It's Jedite, not Jadeite," Ami said authoritatively. "And he's evil, Minako-chan. No one that you should be hanging around with."
"Not that it matters," Usagi threw in. "Queen Beryl got irked at him and froze him and junk."
"Better," Evil Mastermind Guy commented, scrolling down the page. "But this is dull and not funny. I demand a scene change!"
And so it was done.
***
The front door of Usagi's house opened. In came Tsukino Ikuko, with a small, pink-haired girl.
"Usagi, meet your new sister," said Ikuko.
"Chibi," said Chibi Chibi.
"Damn," said Usagi.
***
Back to the future. Chibi-Usa and Diana stood dully in the ruins of the town. "Maybe we should get moving or something," Diana suggested. "So the hounds don't get us or whatever."
"Hounds?"
"Figure of speech."
"In what universe?"
"Maybe in one of Hotaru's little simulated ones?"
***FIN***