Notes: Well, this chapter is considerably longer than the rest. No real reason though. Anyway, thanks sooo much to all you people that reviewed this story. It made me feel special. So keep it up!
The two songs in this part ('So Why So Sad' and 'This is Yesterday') are both songs by the Manic Street Preachers. That means that I don't own them and that I'm just putting them because I feel like it. Also, I might add that all of the chapters so far are named after songs by them, as will probably most of the rest.
Anyway, enough of my talking. Enjoy!
* * * * *
I'm dreaming. I know I'm dreaming. It's strange how that happens. You're perfectly well aware that it's not real, and yet you can't make it stop. People are hitting me, kicking me. No, not just people. My friends are hurting me; Koushiro, Jyou, Mimi, Sora, even Takeru. And it's so real, it feels so real.
I'm close to unconsciousness now. Maybe then I can wake up. But instead I feel a hand touch my shoulder.
"Taichi," I rasp, tasting blood on my tongue as I speak. "Help me."
And then I realize that it isn't Tai. It looks like him, but it's not. His eyes are black. Not like Tai's, not like my Tai's. My Tai has brown eyes, beautiful brown eyes.
But still, he pulls me up until my face is right next to his. Our lips are inches away from each other, and we're moving closer. I can feel his breath. Hell, I can taste it. But then it happens. What always happens when I have a dream about him. I'm not even sure why I bother to be shocked when it happens anymore.
"Faggot." And with that, I feel myself being thrown back down onto the cold floor. Just as Taichi's foot comes in contact with my chest I jerk awake. There is a pounding between my eyes and I close them, sighing as violent images dance behind my eyelids.
I shuffle into the kitchen. My father is sitting in a chair at the table, and I immediately freeze upon seeing him. Wasn't he supposed to be gone now? The two of us stare at each other for a long moment.
He wants to speak. I can see it in his face that he has something to say. So I wait patiently. But instead he gets out of his seat and starts to walk toward me. My breath catches in my throat. He's going to hit me. I know it. Untouched and alive, untouched and alive, untouched and alive.
But he merely strides on past me, stopping only once to turn back and glare at me, disgust showing plainly on his face. Then he turns back on his heel.
And only when I hear the front door shut do I finally let out the breath I've been holding.
* * * * *
"Yamato, can I talk to you about something?"
"Hmm?" I have a concert in less that two hours, my guitar has somehow gotten so far out of tune it's not funny, and my little brother wants to talk. Does he not realize that this is a major crisis?
"Well, it's about Hikari." Oh, and not only does he want to talk. He wants to talk about a girl.
I momentarily stop messing with my 'baby'. "What about Hikari?"
Takeru looks flustered. "Well...uh…I was sorta wondering…how do you tell a girl that you…uh…like her?" Now, normally I would've found this situation to be incredibly cute. But we are in the midst of Armageddon, mind you, and my brother is asking advice on girls.
"You say, 'Hey, I like you. Wanna go out sometime?' I don't know. Say what you want to say." I run a hand through my hair as Takeru gives me an exasperated look.
"Maaatt, come on. You have girls falling all over you. What do you do?"
Well I don't wear a demented little hat every friggin' day, if that's what you mean. Wait a second. Why on earth do I feel this need to smack his head off? He's just asking me for advice, not trying to start WWIII. "Look, Takeru, do you really like Hikari? And I mean really like her."
"Yeah, I do." He suddenly gets a far away look in his eye. Oh yeah, he's got it bad.
"Be yourself. And if that's not what she wants, then she's an idiot."
He seems satisfied with my answer, which is good because my 'baby' still needs to be properly tuned. Takeru thankfully realizes that I need complete silence when I'm doing this, and I'm grateful for it.
Finally, my guitar is in perfect tune. All right, boys, you can call off the air force now. Armageddon's over. The world is safe.
"Okay," I say, picking up my 'baby'. "Let's roll. I gotta concert to do."
* * * * *
My shoulder's acting up again, not that I'm surprised. Lifting amps and such can't be good for a man who's just destroyed all his tendons. And of course playing tonight is going to kill me. But I can't back out now. We've only got about ten minutes 'til we're on. Maybe if I just…
"Yaaammmaaa!!!" Oh dear Lord, please don't let that be who I think it is. Not her, please not her.
I turn around slowly. Oh no… "Jun, hi…"
"Oooh, Yama-chan! I missed you so much!" Suddenly she pounces, throwing her arms around my neck. My shoulder is going to fall off before the night is over, I swear.
"Jun, please get off of me." Upon hearing snickering, I glance behind my obsessed attacker to find Ken, Daisuke, and Takeru with identical looks of amusement on their faces. After glaring at all three of them, I manage to detach myself from Jun. "Listen, I've gotta go. You know, performing and all. Later."
And with that, I sprinted away from them. Why did I have the feeling that this was going to be a hell of a night?
* * * * *
The crowd is absolutely wild. And I love every second of it. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to do this for the rest of my life.
"As much as I hate to admit it, this next song is our last song," I say, feeling a sharp pang of disappointment shoot through my body. "It's a song that I wrote a few weeks ago. And it's called 'So Why So Sad'." And taking a deep breath, I start to sing.
Things get clear when I feel free
When whatever's next comes easily
When gentle hands give life to me
When your eyes fill with tiny tears
When I'm this still you are my life
When I'm this still you are my life
So at ease in the midnight sky
So at ease in the midnight sky
But my insides will look like war
My insides will look like war
Paralyzed except through my thought
So why so sad
You live and you love
So why so sad
Dependent on above
Searching for the dead sea scrolls
So why, so why so sad
My smile as real as a hyena's
My smile as real as a hyena's
Burns an expressway to my skull
Burns an expressway to my skull
But I'll stick myself together again
Spirit so low that I no longer pretend
So why so sad
You live and you love
So why so sad
Dependent on above
Searching for the dead sea scrolls
So why, so why so sad
So why so sad
You live and you love
So why so sad
Dependent on above
Searching for the dead sea scrolls
So why, so why so sad
So why, so why so sad
So why, so why so sad
So why, so why so sad
I'm about to cry. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes. But I won't let myself. Instead I blink away the unshed tears as the audience bursts into applause. "Thank you."
* * * * *
"You're really good."
I glance at Ken, but decide not to say anything. The two of us were seeking refuge from Jun in the men's restroom. Ken's staring at me, trying to analyze me again. He's been doing that a lot lately. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him open his mouth.
The opening of the bathroom door interrupts whatever he was about to say. "Hey," Daisuke says, leaning against the wall next to me. "Jun is throwing a fit, wanting to know what's taking her god so long. So she sent me to get you."
I smirk a little bit, glancing into the mirror. "I don't know what she finds so attractive about me," I admit, suddenly feeling a wave of self-consciousness flood over me.
"Oh, it's just that you have 'THE most beautiful blue eyes in the universe'," Daisuke says in a voice that frighteningly resembles his sister.
"No, I think it's the hair." I give Ken a wide grin at that comment.
"Yeah, my hair is pretty sexy, isn't it?" Two pairs of eyes roll. "Well, let's go."
"What?" Ken says, grinning. "And face the spawn of Myotismon alone?"
I shrug, giving my hair the once over in the mirror. "If I'm not mistaken," I glance at my invisible watch, "I have a curfew in a couple minutes."
"Well, now that you mention it…."
And with that, we walk out the door. I'll admit I'm half expecting Jun to jump out of nowhere and scream "Nightmare Claw" and take us out.
Where on earth is my sudden sarcasm coming from?
* * * * *
"If your mother calls tonight, then I want to know."
"All right," I reply, not bothering to glance up at my father.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you."
"I don't feel like looking at you," I snap. Of course when he steps closer, encloses his hand around my neck, and pushes me against the wall, I regret that statement.
"What did you say?" His hands aren't really doing anything, just silently informing me that if I say the wrong thing it'll hurt.
"I said that I'm sorry." I will not cry, I will not cry.
My father removes his hand, and I slump forward just a little bit. "That's what I thought." The front door slams shut as he storms out, and I can hear him stomp down the stairs. Don't cry, Yamato, don't let him break you.
My heart is beating in my ears, so much that I hardly hear the knock at the front door. After taking a minute to collect myself, I manage to make my way over to the door and open it.
"Daisuke, hi," I say, thoroughly surprised.
But he merely gives me his famous smile. "Hey, Blue Eyes. I just saw your dad, and he looked really angry. Is everything all right?"
"Yeah, everything's just peachy. We got in a bit of a fight. That's all." I make a motion with my hand, signifying that he should forget it.
There must be something in my eyes that tells him differently though because he just stares at me for a long moment, concern showing plainly. "You sure?"
"Yeah." My voice is suddenly soft. I'm not even sure if he really heard what I said. Thankfully he drops the subject.
"Mind if I come in?"
I shake my head and step aside, allowing him to enter the apartment. "So what can I do for you, Daisuke?"
"Call me Dai."
"All right, Dai, what can I do for you?"
He looks at me for a second and then places himself on the sofa. "Well…you see, one of our assignments at school was to write lyrics for song…or something like that. And seeing as how you are a famous rock star, I thought that you could read over what I wrote before I turn it in tomorrow." Daisuke reaches in his pocket and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper.
He wants me to read a song he wrote. Oh goody. What could he have written? Something to the tune of 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' maybe? No, that's not fair of me. I shouldn't judge his songwriting abilities before I've seen them.
I sigh inwardly, push my hair behind my ears, and take the paper from his hands.
Do not listen to a word I say
Just listen to what I can keep silent
The only way to gain approval
Is by exploiting the very thing that cheapens me
I stare at the sky
And it leaves me blind
I close my eyes
And this is yesterday
Someone somewhere soon will take care of you
I repent, I'm sorry, everything is falling apart
Houses as ruins and gardens as weeds
Why do anything when you forget everything
I stare at the sky
And it leaves me blind
I close my eyes
And this is yesterday
I stare at the sky
And it leaves me blind
I close my eyes
And this is yesterday
"This is...really good. You sure you didn't copy it?" I want to say that I'm astonished, but that seems like an understatement. I'm beyond astonished.
"Not what you expected, huh?"
I glance down at Daisuke. He has a peculiar expression on his face, somewhere between amusement and hurt. "No," I admit, "it's nothing like I expected. No offense, you just always seemed a bit literarily challenged."
"You mean that I'm dumb. It's okay. You can say it. You won't be the first person to think that of me." The way he says it frightens me, just like he was telling me about the weather. No anger, no hurt. Well, except for the slight hurt showing in his eyes.
I sigh, exasperated. I've been doing that a lot lately. "I do not mean that. Obviously I've made a mistake and you've proven me wrong." I pause, looking over the song once more. "If your teacher doesn't give you an A, I want to know about it. I might just find reason to march on over there and kick someone's butt." And with that, I hand the paper over to him.
Daisuke glimpses up at me. "You really think it's good?"
I merely grin at him. "If you write anything else, I want to read it. Even if it's two sentences, I want to read it."
"Okay." The two of us are silent for a long while. Finally, he stands up. "I guess I'd better be going. Thank you."
I shake my head. "Anytime." I open the door for him. "Bye, Dai."
He glints back at me. "See ya 'round, Blue Eyes."
As I shut the door, I find myself feeling strangely proud of that kid. Maybe our dear Daisuke isn't as dense as Takeru says he is.
I think I just made myself a new friend. So why do I still feel so empty inside?